The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


I Am A Nightmare …

To people who have worked with me in the past … what I am about to say may sound strange. But the older I get, the more I realise what a total bloody nightmare I must have been as an employee and colleague.

I know … I know … you’ve known this for years, but I genuinely didn’t.

Sure, I got I was opinionated, persistent and refused to accept someone’s opinion I disagreed with – even if they were senior or important – but my intentions were always for good.

Good for the work.
Good for the audience.
Good for the clients ambition.

That didn’t mean I always pulled it off – after all, I have a spectacular track record for disaster and stupidity in the quest for doing something brilliant – but it did mean I always gave my all, learnt from [most] of my mistakes and pushed myself to keep finding ways to be original.

And yet, despite that, I still couldn’t help being a cheeky bastard.

Or – in the words of Andy and countless other colleagues and clients – an annoying bastard.

Talks.
Articles.
Client presentations.

You name it, I would find a way to mess with it.

Never maliciously … but because I hate the industries pomposity.

I should point out that doesn’t mean I don’t take what I do seriously.

Nor does it mean I don’t respect the industry that I have worked in my entire career.

It’s simply that I don’t think I have to take myself so seriously in doing it.

Now at 52 you’d think I’d have got my shit together.

But I don’t. In fact, I was recently called by the management of Metallica, ‘resistant to maturity’.

I think they meant it as a compliment … I mean, they renewed my contract again. But while I do believe that there is some benefit to not taking everything so seriously – both attitudinally, creatively and enabling a team to feel free from judgement – I also now appreciate it can be fucking annoying as well.

Which is all my way of highlighting the 2 articles that helped me see what a pain in the ass I may be.

Yes … yes … I appreciate this should have been obvious ages ago.

After all, I once was quoted as saying ‘wank’ on the front page of Campaign … closely followed by me saying I was an ‘annoying’ prick’. And then Campaign got in the act by accusing me of having an affair with a reindeer. But despite that and – let’s be honest – a fuckton of other episodes, including getting drunk on cough sweets and then inadvertently insulting a client [Sorry Lee], I was still none the wiser.

First is this in Little Black Book … where they asked a few planners to comment on some research about people’s habits/trends in Australia.

When it came out, I read it and saw all the other planners being thoughtful and considerate, whereas I go in with 2 guns blazing, blatantly taking the piss out of the whole premise and approach of the research.

Nice one Rob.

In my defence, I did think the research was questionable … both in terms of approach and in findings … but I could definitely of handled my response with a greater level of professionalism, let alone maturity.

And yet it gets worse …

You see every year, BBDO global do some sort of questionnaire to strategists about the trends they think they’ll see coming in the upcoming year.

While Colenso is part of BBDO, we never think – or act – as if we are and, to be fair to BBDO, they never ask us to be and generally leave us alone.

This is all my way of trying to explain why I used a tone in my answers that sounds so piss-takey you’d imagine they’d want to have me buried in a dark whole, let alone my answers.

And yet they then went and ran it all over social channels.

All. Over.

Which means I admire their lack of judgement but question their standards.

Unless, of course, it was an attempt to get me sacked … which would totally make sense.

I So to anyone I’ve ever worked with – or for – I am sorry.

I know it’s too late.

I know I should have known.

I know I’m not going to change.

But – finally – I appreciate I am a fucking nightmare.

[I’ve never been so glad to have comments off. And I will be ignoring the impending emails, ha]

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Trouble Is Back …
February 1, 2023, 8:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Colenso, New Zealand, R/GA

Come on, you didn’t think I was not going to come back, did you?

I’m the cockroach of blogs. And advertising. And music. And good taste.

Besides, I really would love this blog to hit 21 before I blow it up.

Whether it will make it that long is anyone’s guess.

Whether I will make it that long is anyone’s guess.

But I’m going to give it a go because I’m annoying and pathetic like that … which means you still have 4 years to go.

I bet that feels so long away doesn’t it?

Probably as long as its feels you were enjoying the festive holiday season … but I do hope you had a good one.

I know I did.

Not just because in NZ we get a long time off.
Nor that in NZ people genuinely leave you alone.
But because I got to spend quality time with the family and that makes me enormously happy.

[I also got plenty of time to play video games, but that might ruin the ‘good husband/father/cat slave’ image I’ve tried to build up in this post]

That said, I’m back, feel fully rested and am raring to go.

I’ve also come back to 2 new/old brilliant planners in my team.

I say new/old, because they’re new to Colenso but old to me.

Martin and Meg were with me at R/GA in London and they’ve now come to be with me in NZ.

I say ‘with me’, but we all know the real reason they came was because they wanted to escape the madness of the UK. But that aside, I’m absolutely thrilled and – slightly overwhelmed/shocked – that they trusted me enough to come and deal with my bullshit all over again. What wonderful fools. So with them – and Shelly, who joined from the UK in December – the team is even more of a gang of talented misfits and that makes me happy and very, very excited for the mayhem we can cause.

I appreciate this is a massively indulgent post, but it is my blog and as I’ve still kept the comments off, I’ll assume you’re OK with it. Even though I’m pretty sure this will ignite the daily abuse of emails to start again from Andy, John, Dave and Baz [but sadly not you Lee or George], all telling me I’m only fooling myself.

Unfortunately for them, as far as I’m concerned that’s the only way to live.

See you tomorrow, with a killer of a post. And by killer, I mean you’ll want to kill yourself. Or me. OK, definitely me.

Ta-ra.

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The Exclusivity Of Commercial Seriousness …

I have always found it rather amusing that occasionally the industry press has shown an interest in what I’m doing – or done.

Even now, my first reaction is, “don’t you mean the other Rob Campbell, who started RKCR Y&R?”

And while occasionally the answer is, “yes, we do mean him” … I have approached any interaction with my tongue, generally in my cheek.

Hence I’ve said if I was a Star Wars character, I’d be Darth Vader.

I’ve felt fine writing sarcastic responses to discipline assassination.

And I showed no shame saying the word ‘wank’ in response to a new business win.

To be fair, Campaign Magazine – where a lot of this madness took part – played their part in the relationship by running pieces questioning if my wife was real and if I was having an affair with a reindeer.

I say all this because a friend sent me something he had just found in an old edition of Campaign in Asia …

Apart from the fact that I was at Y&R Asia 16 years ago, so I’m wondering why on earth anyone would keep a copy of Campaign that long … it did make me smile.

Yes, I used to use the word ‘toptastic’ a lot.

A. LOT.

And yes, I can absolutely see myself saying that, even though I LOVED Mediaworks and would do it again in a heartbeat.

But more than that – and I appreciate how egotistical this makes me sound – it was nice to see a bit of humour in an industry that is quickly going up its own arse.

Yes, what we do is important.

Yes, we need companies to recognise we care about their longterm wellbeing.

But for an industry that is supposed to understand how to connect commerce to culture … this overly serious, overly complex, overly monotone approach to all we do isn’t helping.

I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t take what we do seriously, but maybe if we stopped taking ourselves so seriously – so we can resonate with culture rather than patronise them – we may end up with better work and better results.

And by god, could we do with that.

Though I appreciate this may simply be my attempt to reframe my industry ridiculousness as professional, so should Otis ever see it, he won’t think his Dad was a total lunatic.

Maybe.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

National holiday on Monday, so see you Tuesday. That is if anyone reads this blog anymore – I have no idea. [Which is probably a very good thing, ha]

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Time Machines Suck …

I’ve written this blog consistently for 15 years.

FIFTEEN!!!

My god …

But it gets worse.

Because bar a few weeks of holiday, it is something that has been written every single Monday to Friday.

That means there has been over 3,900 posts of utter gibberish for over 780 weeks.

And as tragic as that all sounds, there’s an awful lot of people who comment on here who have been here pretty much all that time.

LOSERS!!!

Now, I have to say there are some lovely benefits to long term blog writing.

In some ways it’s like a diary … capturing what I was thinking or doing at any given time.

It also is a lovely way to see how my opinions and thoughts have evolved over time.

Plus there’s the hope that when I’m gone, Otis will still feel his Dad is close.

OK … OK … there are some posts I definitely DON’T want him to read, but there’s others I’d be glad for him to keep going back to.

Putting aside I basically write the same 3 or 4 posts over and over again … there is a lot of my life contained in these pages.

From getting married to losing my Mum to having my son.

Proper life-changing stuff … and that doesn’t even cover the moves to different countries, jobs and homes.

The best and worst of my life is detailed here which is why – despite all these big life events being sandwiched between endless amounts of shit – I still like it.

Occasionally I randomly click on a date and just see what I wrote.

Recently I did this and was reminded what a little shit I was.

OK, can be.

It’s this.

Yep, it’s the time I tried to auction off Martin Sorrell’s business card so people could send him stupid messages or texts.

On the plus side, I was offering to give any money to charity.

On the negative, I was working for WPP at the time.

If you think that’s stupid, there was the time I wrote a post featuring a photo of Sir Martin with a picture of Toad of Toad Hall under the caption ‘Spot The Difference’.

And the weird thing is that while I don’t agree with his approach to creativity, I do respect him. I have met him on a number of occasions and he was very, very impressive.

Though it’s fair to say that respect was only one way, Especially when there was an agency Q&A and I asked him ‘what do you spend all your money on?’

So Sir Martin … even though I know you would never read this blog [more proof you’re clever] I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for my stupidity. It was ridiculous … but if it’s any consolation, at least it wasn’t as bad as this.

I know … I know … this was a terrible post even by my standards.

So celebrate in the fact that tomorrow is Good Friday so I’m off till next Tuesday and you’re not going have to deal with any more of this shit till then.

I don’t know about you … but it’s the sort of news that makes you almost believe in God, doesn’t it.

Happy Easter, enjoy the sugar rush.



A Badge Of Honour. Kinda …

For some reason, I like having badges made for my colleagues.

Or anything a bit daft.

Of course, it started with the stickers I had made when I left Wieden.

600 of the buggers, hidden throughout the office – and buildings of interest – which they’re still finding to this day.

Then there was the packing tape of Jorge and the guy who is in Love Actually – which is a massive compliment even though he thought it was a huge pisstake.

Then there were the Zaid badges, made and bought on a snowy night in Boston.

Then my leaving Deutsch badges.

Followed by the pencils for Mike and Sam.

And the ‘don’t mess with me’ badge for Meg … after watching how disgusted she was at a presentation she had to attend.

Thanks to COVID, apart from the ‘you’re a twat’ sexual harassment badges we had made and sent to men who had made inappropriate comments to women in the workplace, I’ve been nothing but mature.

Until now.

Lizzie is in my team.

She has many qualities.

She’s fiercely smart. An incredibly talented, multi-instrument playing, musician. Community soup maker.

Basically, she is everything I’m not … but there’s one quality that she has that shines above even those bright lights.

She can see a dark side in everything.

I don’t mean in a depressing, mean, nasty way …

Nor do I mean in a hurtful, inconsiderate, selfish way …

I mean that in certain circumstances, she sees the worst case scenario in things.

Of course, she will claim she is simply being a realist – and there is a lot of evidence to suggest she’s right.

For example, when lockdown happened, we were having a bet on when we’d go back to work.

Most said early October, a few early November … but Lizzie swooped in and said,

“We won’t be going back till the new year”.

We laughed at her, until we didn’t and realized she was right.

Again.

Damnit.

Which is why I decided to commemorate her insightfulness with this ….

And while some may say this is not the nicest thing a boss could do for a colleague, I see it a bit differently. To me, I see it as an investment in my team – an investment at the price of my sons inheritance – which means I’m basically boss of the year.

Sadly, that year in 1953.

Happy weekend.