The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The End Of One Chapter Is The Beginning Of Another …
December 5, 2014, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So it dawned on me, this is the most significant Friday since the day I was born.


Because on Monday, it’s the due date of my son.

My son!

2 little words … yet attached to them are massive implications, consequences and wonder.

But he’s probably not going to be born on Monday … they don’t think he’s quite ready.

Now, as much as I want to meet him – I’m ashamed to admit – that is kind-of good news.

You see if he can hang on for 4 additional days, our health insurance clicks over to another year which means our ‘maternity budget’ goes back to zero and we’re not going to be held liable for a massive bill.

Which means I will have some money to buy the last few gadgets I’ll probably ever get to own.

Which also means he will probably now be born on Thursday at 11:45pm just to show me who is really in control.

But all that aside, it’s a weird day because I’ve just realised, in all likelihood, this will be the last weekend I’ll ever have that is like all the other weekends I’ve ever had.

That sounds like I’m being uber-selfish but it’s not what I mean.

It’s just mind-blowing to think that this time next week, my life will be – depending if he decides to turn up – entirely different.

From how I live … to what I think … to the priorities I have.

It’s amazing and in some ways, almost impossible to comprehend.

Maybe part of the reason for that is because – as I mentioned a few weeks ago – I’ve only just sort-of come to terms with being a Dad.

Despite seeing my wife look like she has a constantly inflating balloon under her jumper.

Despite seeing the office at home transform into a wonderful babies bedroom.

Despite seeing the word ‘nappy’ appear on shopping receipts.

Despite my house suddenly looking like a toyshop for cuddly animals.

Despite reading books I have never had any desire to read in my life.

Despite hearing conversations about things that both amaze – and horrify – me.

Yes, I am that stupid.

[By the way, NEVER tell your wife she looks like she has a constantly inflating balloon under her jumper. You are on a high-thing to nothing. Trust me]

Now before I go on, I feel I should deal with the elephant in the room.

Look, I know I said this blog was on sabbatical – and it is – but the fact is I’ve not written this post to satisfy my desire to start spouting planning clap–trap again, it’s because I wanted to capture how I am feeling for future reference.

And yet despite all that, I am sort-of looking forward to the mountain of abuse I know I’m going to get for it.

Not because I’m a masochist, but because one of the things I have always worried about is that becoming a parent means becoming an adult.

God that sounds terrible doesn’t it.

Of course I know being a parent is a massive responsibility and it is a challenge I am looking forward to.

And of course I know a bunch of things will change – many in ways that will be better than I ever could have imagined – but the fact is, I have seen too many people suddenly turn into either crushing bores or selfish dicks the moment they have a child.

Where they lose all sense of perspective.

Where they lose all sense of reality.

Where they lose all sense of fun.

Where they become closed off to the people and the things that surround them.

Whether they are from the past or opportunities for the future.

I don’t want that for me and I don’t want that for my son.

As my parents once said to me, one of the best things you can do for your child is to be happy.

Of course you have to – and want to – do the right thing for your child, but that also includes doing the right thing for you.

And for the record, that is not an excuse to justify buying a new iPhone every year.

[I don’t need an excuse to justify buying a new iPhone every year]

But all that aside, I want to say this:

To my future son …

I can’t wait to meet you.

I can’t wait to see your face and look into your eyes.

To kiss your head and hold you in my arms.

To see you as you wake and as you go to sleep.

To watch your little chest move up and down as you let life fill your lungs with life.

I’m so curious to see all the expressions that will appear upon your face.

To hear the questions and observations that you will one day make.

And learn the lessons that you will teach to me.

I’m excited I get to re-experience life through your life.

As you discover everything for the very first time.

The very first time.

[Which, as a concept, still blows my mind]

And I promise you this …

I will always do my best for you.

To take care of you.

To support you.

To guide you.

To encourage you.

I will do everything I can to make you proud of who you are and where you come from.

Starting by making you proud of who I am and where I come from.

There will be mistakes … dramas … moments where we all end up frustrated and upset.

I will never enjoy watching a kids movie as much as I enjoy watching a documentary.

And the thought of spending my weekends at children’s parties will always fill me with dread.

But I want you to know this.

It will all work out, it will all be OK … because there’s one thing that conquers all.

You are wanted.

Desperately, desperately wanted.

And I will do all I can to prove that to you every single day.

I am excited. Sure, a little scared … but mostly excited.

And I cannot wait for the journey we’re going to have together to start.

But please. Pretty, pretty please. Don’t come until the 12th.

See you soon son.

64 Comments so far
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I knew it. One off or not, I claim my prize.

Comment by DH

But it was nice to see this appear at the end of my day. But it’s been a really crappy day.

Comment by DH

It must have been a very, very bad day.

And it is a one-off. Till the next one-off … which will be when the little one decides to present himself.

Which will hopefully be a week today. Hopefully. Ha.

Comment by Rob

fucking crawler.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s a nice letter to your son but you forgot to add the clause “as long as you listen to queen, wear birkenshocks and support nottingham”. There’s always a clause with you.

Comment by DH

Bikenshocks was not a spelling error but was creative excellence.

Comment by DH

Amusing and entirely appropriate.

Comment by George

The birkenshocks and hidden clause.

Comment by George

Yes, but I thought I’d leave that till he can understand the implications. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Cancel Christmas, he’s back.

Comment by Billy Whizz

You’re OK Billy … it was just a drop-in, not a sit-in.

That said, this is still the best present you’ll receive.

Comment by Rob

Welcome back Robert, even if it is for one day. This is a open and honest post with a warm and caring note at the end. Brought a tear to my eye, especially when you explained why everything will always work out. You are going to be a spectacular father and parenthood is all good. Except the lack of sleep.

Comment by George

Thanks matey. Though as you know, I’ve had practice with the lack of sleep both with our old 3am calls and my bloody cat. At least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself into thinking.

Comment by Rob

lovely and sincere and spoken like someone who is already a Dad. Its in there somewhere, and I doubt if you’ll have to ‘become” one, Rob. Judging from that post up there, you already are , you just dont have the actual Dad Hat yet.
But the heart knows, doesnt it even if the brain is just now catching up.

I wish you and your wife and your new son all the joy in the world —

Comment by judyt54

Thanks Judy … let’s see what he says in 18 years.

Comment by Rob

How can your kid look that cute before he is born. Oh I know, Jill’s genes. You’re a lucky, lucky man Rob.

Comment by DH

Yes … I thought that too. There seems to be a god.

Comment by Rob

he also has his fists up as if he knows he will need to smash his dad in the face to stop him talking planning shit. smart kid. takes after his mother.

he doesnt know how lucky he is.

Comment by andy@cynic

There’s absolutely no chance of you “turning into either a crushing bore or a selfish dick” the moment you have a child.

Comment by John

I know what you did there John.

Comment by Rob

But I do want to know if a high-thing is something they have in Nottingham.

Comment by John

Maybe he is referring to the number of prison convictions John?

Comment by Lee Hill

I knew it couldn’t be academic achievement or sporting success.

Comment by John

A wonderful message to your son Robert. And do not fear, you will never become an adult.

Comment by Lee Hill

Thanks. I think.

Comment by Rob

my former boss used to explain the basic difference between men and women: “little girls grow up to be women–little boys grow up to be little boys.”

Comment by judyt54

You’re wanted. But you’ll be wanted more if you save us the money on the insurance excess. Starting as you mean to go on Rob. That apart, this is a good post and you should come back. It’s too quiet without you and your openness to air your insecurities. Good luck.

Comment by Wayne Green

I’m not being selfish, I have a Red Telephone box to pay for. And a speaker that floats on air.

[Can you tell I’ve gone on a ‘last hurrah’ spending binge?]

Comment by Rob

tell me you fucking havent done that campbell. you know the fucking tardis doesnt really exist dont you. more money than sense. and even when youre broke on nappies, youll still have more money than fucking sense.

Comment by andy@cynic

jesus campbell you dont know how to play hard to fucking get do you? youve only been gone two fucking minutes and now youre back. like a bad fucking smell. but not as bad as the fucking smells youre going to be having in a fucking week.

and my beautiful daughter never made me into a selfish dick. that was done years earlier just like george cant blame his 3 princesses for becoming the answer to insomnia.

now how do i get in touch with your quack to make sure the baby is induced before next friday?

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m happier you’re back than Rob.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I think you might be a great Dad. Who knew.
It’s dangerous to admit, but I also hope you write more posts. My day definitely feels it is missing something without reading your ramblings. Come back soon Rob and enjoy the weekend.

Comment by Bazza

I am also pleased to read you will continue to buy our products. Does that mean you have decided to stop harassing me for freebies?

Comment by Bazza

This is beautiful Robert. I am so excited for you and Jill.

Comment by Mary Bryant

Thanks Mary. Expect midnight calls for help and advice within the next few days.

Comment by Rob

Brilliant post Rob. You need to start this blog again so we can follow the experience. If it makes you feel better, you can pretend it’s an ethnographic study.

Comment by Pete

That letter is adorable. You’re going to be such a good dad. He’s a very lucky boy. Hugs and kisses to all of you.

Jemma x

Comment by Jemma King

Thanks lovely. You’re still not going to be godmother though. Ha.

Comment by Rob

This made me cry. Probably because I look like I have an inflating balloon under my jumper. I’m 9 weeks behind you and this was a refreshing read to What To Expect. Thank you

Comment by Jamie

Hello Jamie, it’s so nice to have you pop by. And you’re right … as rubbish as my writing is, it’s still better than ‘What To Expect’ and that annoying woman spouting out patronising language over an annoying soundtrack. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Man, if I was half as aware and realistic as you going into having your first kid, I think it might have been an easier ride. You’ve got this, Rob.

p.s. I love how you’ve done what all sensible blokes do through their good ladies pregnancy and exploited the ‘baby brain’ plus ability to and purchased ridiculous/expensive things while you can. I did it too and still love my home theatre system, studio monitors etc etc.

Comment by ozdean

Yes … it’s what we have to do isn’t it, except you seem to have bought far more sensible things than I have which means baby brain affected me as well as the wife.

Comment by Rob

Ozdean. What he’s trying to say is he bought a red telephone box. A real one. With genuine piss scent and prostitute cards. I don’t understand what he was thinking, it’s not even a gadget.

Comment by DH


Comment by Pete

Huge apologies, DH & Pete. I have to support Rob here and say, if a red telephone box had been available or within my field of purchase vision, I would have bought one too. In fact I’d buy one now if I could.

Comment by ozdean

Hi Rob, This is a beautiful post. Very touching. Your son is very lucky to have you as his daddy. All the best x

Comment by Naoko

Nothing beats it Rob – you learn the true meaning of “I’ll walk over broken glass for you” (and you would in an instant). And when they fall asleep on you it’s the best – not because they’re asleep (although that can’t be denied!), but because of the trust and comfort they have in you.

Comment by Mark Eedle

Thanks mate … so basically it’s just like having another cat, just with more words. That makes me feel much more comfortable. Ha.

PS: It’s lovely – and weird – to have you on here.

Comment by Rob

Excellent caving in there.
Get used to changing best laid plans for when the bundle of aceness arrives. In fact don’t make plans.

Comment by Northern

Given you all said I would cave in, I suppose all this has done is show I was tragic even before I became a dad and was subject to pester/cuteness power.

Comment by Rob

But also lovely and heartfelt

Comment by Northern

” it’s because I wanted to capture how I am feeling for future reference.”

the very best reasons to write really. all the very best and looking forward to your one-offs!

Comment by grace

Thanks Grace … that’s very kind of you and I hope you comment again too.

Comment by Rob

Dear Rob’s future son. If you come before friday I will give $50 (that’s US dollars, the real stuff) and my eternal gratitude for getting one over your dad. I’ve been trying for years and it seems I’m going to have to do it vicariously through you. Remember, before the 12th. Before the 12th.

Comment by DH

Damn you Dave.

On the [semi-positive] … he is supposed to be here today. Doesn’t look he will be. It’s kind of weird as in my head, this was the day that was supposed to be his birthday and it won’t be. Strange feelings … then I remember the money I could save and I get over it really, really quick. Ha.

On the [semi-negative] … it’s only 10:40am here, so in theory, it could still happen. Eek.

Comment by Rob

its only recently (as these things are counted) that doctors have begun insisting that a baby that may or may not have been conceived x weeks ago (and it sometimes takes a day or two for the sperms to sort themselves out as to who will actually score the goal) will be born precisely this many days later, and if it doesnt happen on that day then its the mother’s fault, or the baby’s fault or something, and a miscalculation on the doctor’s part can cause the most amazing amount of anxiety in parents, grandparents, and doctors–whle the baby sails serenely on, unaware that they are late to the dance–at least by certain standards

try this: its a pretty wide range, actually

Comment by judyt54

There’s only a 4% chance a baby is born on the due date and that is the highest percentage of accuracy of actual births, so I’m still hopeful the 12th could happen. Which means it won’t, ha!

Comment by Rob

He may not be writing nonsense on this blog but he she as hell is over on Facebook. Jesus.

Comment by Marcus

I don’t know what you mean.

By the way, have you done this? You can find out which supermodel you are:

Comment by Rob

you sad fucking bastard. its not 2007 anymore campbell, youre supposed to have got past all this. who the fuck are we kidding.

Comment by andy@cynic

just remember future son of campbell senior (how i fucking like writing that) on the day you were due to be born, your daddy was fucking about wasting time creating an even shitter bullshit blog than this one. which is quite a fucking achievement now i think about it.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ve never exactly been ‘up with the times’ have I.

Comment by Rob

Please tell me that is a eh etorical question. Any update? It all goes down 11:45pm on thursday. Like your insurance hopes.

Comment by DH

*he sure as hell is.

Mind you – “he she” is quite good.

Comment by Marcus

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