The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Nothing Shows Love That Supporting Something You Don’t Agree With …

So on Sunday, my beloved Dad would have been 85.

Given he died at 60 – and I’m 53 – that means he has been gone for almost half of my life.

And in some ways it feels it.

Memories made up of different moments from the distant past.

But when anniversaries approach … the context changes.

Backgrounds become foregrounds … and despite all the years I’ve had to come to terms with things, they still have the power to take me on an incredibly emotional rollercoaster.

Part of that is because of our history … the other part is because of what I wish I could share and discuss.

He always had questions.

Not for judgement but connection.

OK, mainly for connection – hahaha.

And with so many things having happened in my life since he passed, I can only imagine all the things he’d want to know about.

God I’d love that.

I’d love to watch his eyes as he met my wife, my son …

Saw the life we live, have lived and plan to live.

Feel I’d made him proud.

Because so many of the decisions in my life have been driven by my desire to do just that. To feel my actions and behaviours would be things that made him feel a sense of pride.

Of course I’ve done stuff that would not come anywhere close to gaining that reaction, but in the main I think he would believe I’ve made him proud more times than I’ve disappointed him … but then my Dad, like my Mum, saw their role as encouraging me to always chase fullfilment rather than choose conformity or contentment.

And they did.

Sure, there were some gulps when I told them I didn’t want to go to university …
And when I was going to spend 10 years of savings all in one go on guitar amps …
But once they knew why I was making those decisions, they supported me.
Proper support. Encouragement. Interest. Help.

It was only when I was older that I realised how lucky I was, how this was not ‘normal’ parent behaviour.

So on what would be my Dad’s 85th birthday, I’d like to talk about a story of this encouragement.

I’ve written it before, but – to me – it’s a moment where his [and Mum’s] reaction changed the course of my life in a good way.

I was alright at school.

I was one of the cleverest in the thick bunch and one of the thickest in the clever bunch.

So basically bang in the middle.

But I worked hard. I put in effort. And the teachers knew I really tried.

However when it came to exams, I was a disaster.

Didn’t matter how hard I revised, the moment I was in a situation where I felt ‘everything came down to that moment’… I fell apart. While my parents did all they could to help – including getting me extra lessons – I now realise it was probably driven by anxiety … however in 1986, anxiety didn’t exist so while my school work continued to be good, exams still continued to be a major problem for me.

Nothing highlighted this more than when I was sent to the local careers advisor.

I told them I wanted to be a lawyer or a journalist [more on that in a minute] but the moment they looked at my projected qualifications – despite my solid schoolwork – they said:

“Have you considered a career in catering management”.

Now there is nothing wrong with catering management. I have some friends that work in that industry who love it. But even then I knew absolutely that it wasn’t for me. And at that moment, that careers advisor stamped all over the hopes and dreams I had for the future.

Aged just 16.

Of course I sort-of understand. They said what they saw from the ‘data’ in front of them … however while I appreciate they couldn’t give me any false hope, pointing me in a direction I had no interest in was equally as bad. Despite this all happening 37 years ago, I still remember the lack of interest he showed in understanding me. I was just another kid he was contractually obliged to see. Another kid he had to ‘tick off’ his register.

I left that building in a bit of a daze.

I caught the 45 bus back to Mum and Dad’s.

I remember the day because it was the day Andrew and Fergie got married.

It was sunny. Except in my head and heart.

Frankly I was devastated. I had – in my mind – been told the most I should aspire for was what I imagined at the time, a ‘mediocre’ life.

(I appreciate this would not be necessarily the case, but I was young and at the time, I just had my hopes crushed and so I only saw stuff in black and white)

When I got home, I found Dad in his chair watching the pomp and ceremony.

He loved the history of the Royal Family, but didn’t really love the Royals … so when he saw me, he could tell something was up. I tried to fake it at first. Put on a smile. Not just because I was trying to process what had just happened … but I didn’t want to disappoint him. But my Mum and Dad knew me well and so slowly I let things out.

I remember he listened intently. Taking it all in. And when I got to the point of ‘catering management’ he asked what I thought of that. And I probably cried … because it was absolultely not what I wanted to do.

And despite my family all being incredible lawyers, he asked, “why aren’t you looking at music?”

This was a revelation for a whole host of reasons.

One … the idea of a career in music was so far outside my frame-of-reference that it sounded even more crazy than me saying I wanted to become a lawyer.

Two … while I had been playing the guitar – and done some gigs for a few years – I always assumed my parents saw it as a hobby. Or worse, an educational distraction.

And if that wasn’t amazing enough, then he said something that changed my life.

He told me he loved me.
He told me exam results don’t define the future of me.
He told me a person who only spent 15 minutes with me knows nothing about me.
He told me history was littered with people who achieved more than others said they would.
He told me he wants me to chase what I’m passionate about, not what others want me to be passionate about.
He told me he sees how hard I work and how much I can – and have – achieved because of that hard work.
He told me he and Mum will always do what that can to support me.
He told me he was proud of me.

This is all I needed to hear. Because all I wanted was to be seen. Recognised for my effort and interests not just my school results. Actually that’s wrong, just seen for my exam results.

Of course I knew whatever I did wouldn’t be easy … but I never expected it to be. But here was my Dad – followed by my Mum when she came home from work – telling me he loved me and believed in me, despite what some careers officer thought … and that changed everything.

Within a few years, I got the 3rd highest mark in law across the country.
Within a few years I became a session guitarist for a bunch of 80’s popstars.
Within a few years I was in a band that signed a record deal with Virgin.
Within a few years I started a career in an industry that has helped me experience a life beyond my wildest dreams.

My Dad did that.
My Mum did that.
And in later life … my wife did that.

I’m not saying I didn’t work hard for it … I’m not saying I didn’t have many twists and turns along the way … but they were the reason I was able to go for it.

A belief in me that is probably more than the belief I have in me.

Never blind and blinkered … but also never dismissive or undermining.

What a gift.

What a Dad.

Happy birthday. I love you and miss you so much.

A kiss to you and Mum.

Rx

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The Chemistry Of Creativity …

One of the things that rarely seems to be mentioned in the creative process is chemistry.

Where different people – often from different backgrounds and disciplines – just know how to work together.

I don’t mean in terms of their craft. Or understanding the process as to how things work. But in terms of being on the same wavelength of the people around them and respecting what each other does and what they need to do to help them be as good as they can be.

I don’t mean some corporate ‘kum-ba-ya’… where everyone is superficially polite to each other so as not to offend. I mean a group of talented people coming together with the same values and vision. Who know the importance everyone brings to the party. Who have such regard for the abilities of each individual, they are equally as comfortable pushing, provoking as they are listening and encouraging. Where everyone is given the space to experiment and explore … because everyone respects who they are, what they do and how they do it.

It’s also worth pointing out that there tends to be one person who ignites it all.

Someone who you all respect that little bit more.

Not for what they’ve done, but for how they think.

So they act as some catalyst to make everyone come together.
To be better together.
To want to be better for each other.
Elevating standards, ambitions and possibilities simply because of their presence.

It’s rare.

Very rare.

That’s not to say every time in-between is bad or fractious … far from it … it’s just that sometimes, a certain combination of people just click in a way where the capabilities of what can happen and be achieved are greater than when you’re apart.

In my professional life, I’ve had 4 occasions where this has happened … though I didn’t really realise it with 2 of them, until they had ended.

And it tends to end … because life has plans for each and everyone of us, so you accept it, enjoy it and hope something like it will happen again.

In the main, if it does happen again, it’s rarely with the same people.

I’m not sure why …

Changing times.
A change of personal circumstances.
A pressure to make it happen rather than it just happening.

Not always, but often.

I say all this because I recently watched an interview with ‘The Revolution’ … the backing band for Prince from ’79 to ’86.

Though ‘backing’ isn’t the right term … because even though they played Prince’s songs, Prince valued what they all brought to them.

But that said, they haven’t played together in decades.

They are all at different points and places in their life.

But there is a bond. Bound by history, experience and the realisation that what they did together – albeit with ‘the master chef’, Prince – became immortal.

Not in an egotistical way.
Not even in a sales of record way.
But in terms of the intensity of what they created as individuals, to elevate the whole.

Different people.
Different backgrounds.
Same chemistry, values and vision.

If you are lucky to find this, hold on for as long as you can.

Because magic rarely happens on its own and some combinations keep casting the spells.

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Alive And Kicking Without Being Alive And Kicking …
September 5, 2023, 8:15 am
Filed under: Bands, Birthday, Brand, Comment, Freddie, Management, Marketing, Music, Queen

Today would have been Freddie’s 77th birthday.

That’s almost as crazy as the fact he has been gone 32 years.

And yet his fame may have never been so high as it is now.

Yes … I appreciate this has been ‘managed’ and certain ‘iconography’ has been drip-fed into society … but for someone dead, he doesn’t half feel alive.

A biopic movie [albeit with a to of creative licence] that made a billion dollars.

A Greatest Hits album that is the biggest selling album of all time in the UK.

More ‘billion played’ songs on Spotify than any other artist in the world.

Countless books, TV shows and tribute acts … where they always feature Freddie in his ‘yellow jacket’ phase, despite that being when he was more performer than rockstar.

Regardless what you think about the optimisation of Freddie as a ‘brand’ in modern culture, you have to say it has been brilliantly done.

I can’t think of many celebrities who achieved the same level of cultural presence, 3 decades after they died.

And he’s only going to be more in our daily lives as the auction of his personal belongings starts in a few days.

Of course, I can imagine Freddie would love it.

When he was close to death, he called the band manager – Jim Beach – and said this to him:

“You can use my image, music and memory in any way you choose … just don’t make me boring”.

Given he is more present than many people alive and on our screens, it’s safe to say mission accomplished.

Happy 77th Freddie. You’re missed even though you’re around.

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The Independent State Of Sound …

When I was a kid in Nottingham, there were 3 independent record shops I continually went to.

WayAhead, Rob’s Records and Selectadisc.

OK, part of this was because there were no major record shops in Nottingham at that time – Our Price, Virgin and HMV all arrived [and left] years later – so unless you were happy with the extremely limited range available in Boots, they were your only options.

Not that they were a ‘lesser’ experience to the big chains. Far from it.

In fact WayAhead became my Mecca because it was a pure rock and metal store. The only one in Nottingham … a place that loved the music rather than just sold it. A place – when I look back – that not only helped forge my identity as a teen, but gave me a space where I could feel safe and supported in it.

It’s also the location where I queued up all night just to ensure I could get Queen tickets for their Works Tour. So the memories are deep and strong.

Rob’s Records was a second hand store up a small alley called Hurts Yard.

WayAhead used to be a few doors down, but they moved to a much bigger location when [1] metal music became mass in the mid-80’s and [2] the shop couldn’t fit customers in because too many people were crammed around the Pinball table and Track and Field arcade game that was in the front of their store. [See photo above]

But I digress …

To be honest, Rob’s Records was a shambles.

Messy … cramped … records stacked tight in big boxes and plastic bins placed literally all over the place. But it had cheap records so I’d find myself in there searching for some rare Queen albums or singles… normally after having a fried chicken lunch from the place that was a cut-price KFC in name, cleanliness and taste.

And then there was Selectadisc.

Set over 2 floors, it was the music lovers, music shop.

A dimly lit, warm cocoon that incubated you from the world outside.

In fact, it was considered an institution by record/vinyl fans all over the world thanks to its continued support for new and up and coming bands.

That said I didn’t love it … it loved The Smiths for a start … but it did have a lot of variety. It also had a great noticeboard where people could put up ads … especially for musicians for bands. We found our first singer, Rob Reid, from an ad we put up there … someone who helped give me some of the best times of my teens and who I am still in touch with to this day.

All of these places were like a wonderland to me.

I may have entered from the street, but I found myself on a different planet.

I would spend hours there on a Saturday… listening, talking, looking, reading. Occasionally even buying.

And while Rob’s Records and Selectadisc didn’t offer me the same community as WayAhead … they mattered to me. A lot.

Sadly, only Rob’s Records remain … but what caused me to write this post is because I recently saw a photo of the upstairs of Selectadisc and it stopped me in my tracks.

Not because of the memories it ignited.
Nor because of the state of it.
But because of its size.

Specifically, how small it was.

I appreciate when you’re younger you overestimate size … but this wasn’t when I was a child, I was in my teens.

And even though it wasn’t my fave record shop, I still remember it like it was a Cathedral of Sound.

Maybe it was because it was bigger than both WayAhead and Rob’s Records.
Maybe it was because it was on 2 floors where the others were just on one.
Or maybe it was because it offered me an escape from normal life to a place that was filled with sound and people who shared a similar love to it as me.

There’s never been a place like those record shops for me.

The closest was Funan Mall in Singapore – a whole building dedicated to selling electronics and gadgets.

A place where I could happily spend hours just looking at the latest new tech that had come in from China … where Jill sent me to after I’d proposed so I could calm down from the intense emotions of the morning.

But even then … even with all that … those 3 record shops in Nottingham will be where a part of my soul resides.

A place that was educational, recreational, and experiential.

Society is worse off without these places.

Yes, I know culturally they have been replaced by a bunch of other places – from the barbers shop to the chicken shop – but records shop were more than a place to hang and talk, they were a place where you grew.

So even though this photo of Selectadisc highlights how small it actually was … it’s impact on who I was remains huge.

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