The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

OK, so now I am definitely stopping blogging for a bit … I have a holiday and a bunch of other stuff to occupy me for a few weeks … but I just wanted to say a huge ‘thanks’ to everyone who has made this blog such fun, I hope you all have a toptastic [sorry Marcus] time while I ponce around doing errrrrrm, nothing, I hope you all bother to come back when I start writing ranting-bollocks again and most of all, I hope Mr M [who gets married on Saturday] has a day that is beyond his wildest dreams and expectations.

Jesus – Mortimer’s in his 20’s and he’s already bought houses, got engaged and married.

I’m 37 … talk about time to start pulling my finger out, haha!  Ta-ra.

Who say’s the masses can’t make a major impact anymore.

Click here to see how we stopped a disaster from recurring.

It’s like when I was a kid and people found out that if you put a buckled skyway mag wheel [from a BMX] into the freezer it would ‘fix itself’ … or that if you put the ‘Decoder Card’ from the early SKY Satellite Channel boxes into the fridge, it would ‘unlock’ the adult channels …

Who found this out and why does it always involve the bloody freezer? 

I love the cliché-ridden kangaroo that makes a guest appearance in this clip. And who’d of thought Bill Gates would be so brilliant with a boomerang?

If I was wearing an outfit like that, I’d rather catch the bullet in my brain, than my mouth.

Thanks to dear Fred who found these instead of doing his Bacardi preso. It seems pontification is one of the most infectious diseases known to [ad] man, ha.

So today I was busy working away [ahem!] when a strange apparition came infront of me … an apparition that came in the form of an MSN Messenger notification. 

And who was this annoying interruption coming from?  

None other than GOD.  Yes beardie-chops! 

Anyway, he demanded [using rather poor spelling I should add] that I let him use my blog [supposedly because he’s got some Union issues over at his] so given I need all the karma points I can possibly get, it gives me great pleasure [and trepidation] to hand over the reigns for onetime and one-time-only, to his Godship …

______________________________________________ 

Dear Robert, 

One of the many challenges of being God is managing all of your requests. I’m sure you can imagine that I do get rather a lot of them, so many in fact that I have to have Gabriel screen them and print off the ones marked ‘urgent’. 

[This is a trick I picked up off another CEO who shall remain nameless but he knows who he is and I’m watching him very, very carefully] 

Anyway, sometime yesterday afternoon, Gabriel came running in with the following request from one of your employees: 

Dear Lord God Almighty, 

It’s been two years now. Two years without a girl. Two years without love or even a little bit of slap and tickle.

That’s a long time for any young man, but I think tonight is going to be the night! 

Please, dear God, make her like me.  Please make her like my skinny arms with my skinny tattoos. Please let her want me to jump her bones [these were his words not mine].  

If you do this for me I will be a good boy.  Promise.

Well, I can inform you all now, that I move in mysterious ways and in my wisdom denied the request and I should point out to the young man in question that liars always get found out and fall straight into the burning pits of hell.

 But seemingly not Billy!

So to everyone at cynic, we now have conclusive proof that Billy is pulling a fast one … which is the only thing he’ll ever be able to claim gets pulled. 

Bad Billy … Bad, Bad, Bad Billy! 

First I destroy Fred and now Billy’s – at this rate I could become the new Max Clifford!

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