The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Pitch Versus Reality …

Let’s be honest, when we want something we often show an ‘unnaturally good side’ of ourselves in an attempt to win someone over.

Doesn’t matter if it’s dating, business, or even getting someone to take out the bins … we are all capable of turning on our manipulation skills when it suits.

Nothing embodies this more than the agency pitch …

Where they bring out the most senior of senior leadership to the meetings …
Where they promise access to ‘the best of the best across the whole network’ …
Where they talk about developing specialised processes, systems and tools …
Where they discuss building a dedicated agency arm just for their service …
Where they say they’re open to new financial remuneration models and approaches …

And while I am in no way suggesting they’re lying about this, it rarely turns out like this.

There’s many reasons for that, of which one of them is prospective clients are also playing the same game …

Talking about the groundbreaking work they want …
Promising to provide good budgets, access and timelines …
Reinforcing how much they want a long-term partnership …
Championing the importance of debate and discussion …
Suggesting openness to new ways of working …

Again, not lying … but also not being entirely honest either.

If I’m being generous, a lot of this is because life and business is constantly changing and evolving so promised need to keep changing … however at the end of the day, the real problem isn’t that things change, it’s that we’re frightened of being transparent.

The irony of which is the greatest demonstration of respect – and arguably, the greatest way to build real trust – is being transparent.

By that I mean telling those around you, what is happening, when it’s happening.

Sure, I get there can be implications in doing that, but there’s far more if you delay speaking up …

It’s why I love Angela – Colenso’s CEO – attitude that ‘honesty trumps harmony’.

She’s right …

And while I appreciate it may not always be a comfortable conversation at the beginning … if you do it in a timely and transparent way, it always ends up being better than the alternative. That being people discovering the reality of the situation because of the disaster of the situation.

And yet so many still think that is a better way to deal with things … believing they can either overcome the situation or can hide the situation.

So why am I saying all this?

To be honest, I just wanted a way to justify posting these 2 photos because while the sum up the point of this post, the reality is they just made me piss myself laughing …

Because they’re true.

Oh so true.

The pitch …

The reality …

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Does This Mean I’m Unhinged …
August 10, 2026, 6:10 am
Filed under: 2026, A Bit Of Inspiration, Bassot, Colenso, Collegues, Comment, Culture, Teamwork

Over the weekend, I saw an instagram story talking about ‘the most unhinged things people have done to an ex’.

Some were very funny.

Some were very alarming.

And one was this …

Who the fuck would create a fake obituary about someone?

How messed up is that?

Errrrrm ….

Hey, at least with ours, the person knew about it and it was as an act of love, not evil.

And we will be telling the judge that, regardless how many times they ask us to reiterate our reasons for doing it.

That aside, that post made me feel both seen and shamed all at the same time.

So sorry Mr B. We still love you. Alive or, errrrm, dead.

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Nothing Tells Me Someone Cares Like Taking The Piss …

I’ve always subscribed to the view taking what you do seriously, doesn’t mean you have to take yourself seriously.

Not because it justifies my ‘immaturity tendencies’ [though that helps] but because the act of creativity – commercial or otherwise – requires the ability to be silly, stupid and open to the unlikely or ridiculous.

Not because creativity is superficial, but because it enables the possibilities of it.

For new ideas.
For new perspectives.
For new considerations.
For new collaborations.
For new connections.
For new thinking.

Some don’t get this, because they see creativity as a ‘wrapper’ that can be applied at will to whatever they want.

They tend to be the same people who view the creative process as one big ‘inefficiency’, without realising those ‘inefficiencies’ are the very things that can lead to the magic they seek.

This is not entirely their fault, because – let’s be honest – our industry often doesn’t invite them to be a part of it.

But then, by the same token, you can’t blame them when there is often a reluctance to value that process so it ends up being a hinderance.

It’s why I do find Colenso quite the anomaly.

For 5 decades they’ve been pulling off the ridiculous and impossible.

From building a restaurant in a tree to promote the Yellow Pages … to creating a skin cream to encourage women to check their breasts for lumps … to creating a new fuel for cars to sell beer … to developing technology to help dogs get adopted … to getting the public making ads to promote a low-cost telco, Skinny … to getting families to roast each other so they could open up about their mental health. To name very. very few.

Put simply, Colenso has always been about using creativity to solve problems, rather than create advertising to promote the problem – it’s one of the reasons I revered them long before I joined them – and a big reason for how they have been able to do that is their appreciation of the commercial value of happy accidents.

Not holding things so tightly you can’t let other things in.
Not being so precious you won’t share your thoughts with others.
Not being so locked down it’s impossible to evolve, edit or pivot.

That doesn’t mean we’re a bunch of ‘pleasers’ – truth be told, we’re always a bunch of opinionated buggers – it’s simply that by not taking ourselves too seriously, we stop the ‘process’ of creativity becoming so efficient, it impacts and limits the possibilities of how we solve our clients problems so we can do things people will actually give-a-fuck about.

Or said another way …

Not taking ourselves seriously is most serious way we can be a valuable partner to our clients.

I say all this because I recently had my 5th anniversary at Colenso, and they marked the occasion with some gifts that perfectly capture our ‘seriously unserious’ spirit.

First they got me a bridge climb.

And while that will be a magical and memorable experience, the real reason behind it was to unsubtly tell me they would really like it if I stopped walking 20+kms during the day so I could start doing my work meetings in the office, rather than on the streets.

Secondly they got me a weekly home delivery of sourdough and butter.

Amazing. Except it is not because it’s the food I miss the most – since I got healthy – but because it’s the only guaranteed way to make me have a smile on my face.

And lastly, they organized a personal message from Nottingham Forest legend, Mark Crossley.

Not because I love Forest with all my heart, but because their results affect my mood, and this season I’ve basically been a miserable bastard, bar the last few weeks.

See … piss-taking perfect presents.

But even that doesn’t really capture the tone of how we operate.

But this does …

It’s the card from the CEO of Colenso, Ange …

Whose ‘loving’ words show we share a desk and my health consciousness is not good for her hearing, haha.

So to all the rats of Colenso – past and present, thank you.

You’re not serious. But you are very, very clever. [And a bit kind]

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What Do You Call Something That Can Cure Insomnia But Gives You Nightmares And A Terrible Headache At The Same Time?

A few months ago, the lovely James Welch [stupidly] invited me to have a chat about my perspectives on creativity, technology and process.

Why? I have no idea … maybe he was being charitable.

Whatever the reason it ended up – surprise, surprise – being a ramble about why I’m a nightmare to work with, an ‘acquired’ taste and absolutely not an idea megalomaniac.

The good news is only one of these character evaluations came from James … which, on second thoughts, may not be such good news after all.

Anyway, I thought I’d post it …

Not because I have a career death wish, but because if someone out there is finding it hard to sleep, listening to it will help them drift off in no time … albeit having to endure some horrific nightmares along the way.

Not because of what I say – even if some of the perspectives are pretty bleak – but because you’ll hear my dulcet tones saying it.

You can watch it here.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you …

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The Most Confident Man In The World …

One of the most overused words in advertising is ‘confidence’.

It’s a characteristic that tends to fail in 2 key ways:

First, it tends to represent who the brand wishes was their customer, rather than who is.

Second, too often its presented in superficial, contrived and over-the-top ways … as if the brand is scared their audience won’t be able to tell what they’re trying to convey unless overt.

Thirdly, a lot of the time it ends up reeking of a brand insecure in who they are and what they believe.

The result of which is that the work often ends up bring a repellent to audiences, rather than a beacon.

There’s an obvious reason for this and that’s real confidence is expressed – and felt – in the small stuff, not the big, which is why one of the best true expressions of confidence was this brilliant Southern Comfort spot from WKNY back in 2012.

I still remember seeing it for the first time.

I was visiting WK Amsterdam and Martin Weigel showed it to me.

Didn’t need any explanation.
Didn’t need over-the-top behaviour.
Didn’t even need any bloody words.
Confidence oozed out of every moment, by nature of it not trying to.

Now, I appreciate being half Italian, I saw these men on the beaches of Pescara, every year that I was growing up – so it could be argued I was ‘pretuned’ to comprehension. But truth be told, whether you’re from Italy or Iceland … everyone got it.

Not just intellectually, but emotionally.

And that line, ‘Whatever’s Comfortable’.

How good was that? The embodiment of confidence, without having to say it.

Just a way to acknowledge some people are at ease with who they are. That they have a belief in who they are. That they are accepting of who they are, regardless of comparison or competition.

No delusion.
No arrogance.
Just a comfort in who you are, rather than pretending to be who you’re not.

And frankly, there hasn’t been anything that has come close to that piece of work since that piece of work, because all I see these days is either more blatant try-hard shit – which reveals a brands lack of confidence, rather than an abundance of it – or manosphere, toxic bullshit.

That was until recently …

The photo above is Simon Vicars, our CCO – also known as the nicest man in advertising.

He is the living proof that ‘good guys’ don’t always come last. He is also proof that being a good human doesn’t mean you’re not talented. Because he is, sickeningly so.

But as I wrote before, he is also a bit of a cheeky bastard. Never with malice, but with a slight mischievousness that somehow, you can’t help finding endearing.

And how does he pull this off?

Well, because he may be the most confident man since the Southern Comfort man.

Sure, he’s whiter than the Dulux Dog.
Sure, he has a nose that Concord would be jealous of. [and I’m hardly one to talk!]
Sure, he has the upper torso you would imagine a slight gust of wind could knock over.

But this just proves my point because how else can you explain him going to a pub [with me] to interview a potential job candidate … asking if they were hungry [it was lunchtime to be fair] and despite them and me saying ‘no’, goes ahead and orders a fucking massive Chicken Parm before proceeding to scoff it down in front of both of us.

To be fair, he looked a bit sheepish as this photo captures – but he still did it – and frankly, it may be one of the most incredible and understated acts of confidence I’ve ever seen.

Partly because he is so nice that I know he did it because he was starving with hunger and was going to be starved of time. Partly because I got a kick of staying quiet at different moments of the interview so I could watch him have to swallow massive pieces of chicken so he would be able to respond to the questions with no massive pause. And partly because – where so many would deny their truth so that they ‘fitted in’ – he did what was good, right and comfortable for him … which, when you come to think of it, is one of the greatest acts of self-respect and transparency you could receive from someone.

So here’s to Si Vicars. He may not look it, but he may be the most confident man in the World.

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