The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Plane Crash Advertising. Again.

I’ve written a lot about how bad airline advertising is.For an industry that is selling escape, adventure, discovery and recuperation – I’m shocked how terrible it is.

Sure, there’s exceptions … Virgin has always been strong [and not just because I was involved in so much of it] and the S7 work from Wieden Amsterdam was wonderful, but the majority are the sort of bland rubbish I’ve ranted about from Singapore and Turkish airlines.

Well there’s a new shit airline ad challenger in town and it’s Lufthansa.

What. The. Hell?

Everything about this piece of awful bemuses me.

The only reason being on a plane at sunrise/sunset is better than being on a rooftop bar with your mates is because you get a better view.

That is literally it.

Sure you might be going on holiday.

Sure you might be sat in business class.

But in terms of that fleeting 60 seconds you get to see the sunset/sunrise, I can assure you it’s better to be at a rooftop bar with your mates.

Even more so if you’re talking about watching the sunrise … because the only reasons you’re awake at that time are shit.

1. You’re jet-lagged to hell.

2. You’ve been woken up mid-sleep to be served some sloppy breakfast that is way too early for you to digest.

And yet they still have the audacity to say ‘air travel engineered around you’.

No it’s not.

Unless this ad was created to appeal to an uber-niche target audience that get sexually excited at seeing sunsets, there is absolutely no evidence Lufthansa engineer their air travel around their passengers needs.

Maybe I should test it.

Hey Lufthansa, I really like spending the day with my family and I hate having to go through all the hassle of getting to the airport and then dealing with security so could you bring your plane near my house and wait for me for when I’m ready to fly?

Could you?

Please … after all, you engineer air travel around me.

You silly, lying, bad-marketing fools.

Fuck You Parking …
November 29, 2017, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

I was in NYC recently when I saw this …

After taking the photo I hung around because I hoped to see if the other car could get out of that space … because if it could, then it truly deserved to be called a ‘Smart Car’.

And if the Smart Car owner didn’t turn up, I hoped to see the Volvo driver who parked like that.

The absolute selfish dick of a Volvo driver.

Because I wanted to ask him/her why they did it.

And hear their excuse.

Such as “… that pole behind the car wasn’t there when I parked”.

Or “… someone must have pushed my car closer to that other one”.

Or even “… this is New York, we are all about looking after ourselves.”.

But after 10 minutes I got bored, so I’ll never know.

Story of my life.

And They Say Journalism Is Dead …
November 28, 2017, 6:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Comment

If anyone wants to know what my hometown is like, this was on the front page of the Nottingham Evening Post website recently.

I think that tells you everything you need to know.

Suddenly your life looks a whole lot more positive now doesn’t it?

You’re welcome.

Mondayitus …
November 27, 2017, 7:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment

Monday.The start of another long week.

A week of deadlines, expectations and disappointment.

What happens on Monday’s sets the tone for how the rest of the week will turn out.

To make it worse, this blog has come back after giving you almost a week of peace.

If the thought of all this depresses you, then I might have something that can help you.

You see instead of me ranting about something no one cares about – even me – I’ve decided to show you a video of someone starting their journey in the worst possible way. Suddenly all the things that could trip up your Monday and ruin the rest of your week have just disappeared.

You’re welcome.

You Can All Thank Thanksgiving …
November 20, 2017, 7:15 am
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Comment

So this week is my first official ‘thanksgiving’.Like many of the American holidays I’ve experienced so far, I’m pretty sure it’s going to make me feel weird.

July 4th set the tone by asking me to celebrate the day America kicked England’s ass.

Then there was Halloween … where America goes more over-the-top than a Versace, Disneyland collaboration.

And so we come to thanksgiving … a day that is arguably, even bigger than Christmas here.

Where you get together with those you love and express what you’re thankful for while tucking into a turkey dinner and eating pie.

OK, so the eating bit is going to be good, as will the days off … of which you also benefit as this is the only post of the week … however, before you start taking the piss that I’m always on holiday, please note I’ve not had any personal time off this year annnnnnd this holiday makes up for the fact I didn’t get to enjoy the annual national October holiday in Asia for the first time in over 10 years.

Better? No, didn’t think so.

Anyway, to ensure the whole holiday shebang gets off to a good start, I’ve organised the inaugural Thanksgiving Deutsch Planner Pie-off for later today where we all bring in our handmade masterpieces and do battle for the ultimate accolade of Prince/ss of Pie.

Think Great British Bake-off with more swearing, threats and stomach aches.

And pie.

However despite all that fun and frolics, the other bit of Thanksgiving will be bloody awkward … by which I mean the whole ‘what are you thankful for’ bit.

Not because I’m not thankful for a whole bunch of stuff, but because I have absolutely no desire to share it with people I vaguely know.

Maybe it’s my British genes coming through.

Or maybe it’s because I hate being told to do stuff that others want me to do.

Which I guess is additional evidence that I am an only child … hahaha.

So I will end this post with the same response I gave when I was recently interviewed by a magazine and asked, ‘what do yo love about being in America’.

“Your bacon and free soda refills.”

They didn’t find it funny either.

So Happy Thanksgiving everyone, see you in a week.