The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


It’s Never A Good Idea To Advertise How Disconnected You Are …

Obviously I have a soft spot for Google.

From cynic to Colenso, they’ve been a constant in my professional as well as personal life.

They are intimately involved in so much of what I do every single day and I appreciate the possibilities they have enabled me to embrace because of them existing.

I know … that sounds unbelievably gushing doesn’t it.

That doesn’t mean there’s not stuff that drives me nuts …

From the way some of their products work [Google Slides, I’m looking at you] through to the passive behaviour they are increasingly showing in the face of challenges that their smarts/money/tech could fundamentally change for the benefit of millions – if not billions – of people. However even with all that, it pales into comparison to this:

What. The. Hell?

Not only is it an absolutely terrible attempt to make a terrible pun, I still don’t know what ‘the new way to cloud’ is. Or means. Or why I should give a second of attention to it.

For a company so full of smart people, how can this happen?

Seriously, this sort of work does the absolute opposite of what Google want.

It makes people question how smart the company is.
It makes people ask if Google know how to talk to people.
It makes people wonder if Google know how to make tech that understands our needs.
It makes people ask if this is the sort of organisation we should trust to shape our future.

Sure, it’s just a random billboard … but for a brand that once represented humanities hope for ensuring technology enabled and empowered a better, brighter, more equal future for all, this work feels more like a politician pretending to smile while they’re busy oppressing us.

I know this isn’t the case, but bloody hell, it’s rubbish.

Which leads me to this.

I don’t know who is behind it. I don’t know if it’s an agency or an internal group. But I have to believe this was made because senior people mandated it or influenced it. Either directly, or indirectly. Which serves as a really good reminder about the dangers of corporate structures.

As Martin, Paula and I said in our Cannes talk, toxic positivity is ruining brands and people.

The idea that ‘team’ is now interpreted as blind complicity and conformity is insane.

But it’s happening. We all see it or have experienced it.

Worse, there’s an underlying attitude that the only way to get ahead is manage up. What I mean is that rather than do the right thing for your audience, you do the right thing by your boss. Doesn’t matter if it makes no sense. Doesn’t matter if it actively confuses the people it is actually designed to communicate to. As long as it hits the ‘cues’ your boss likes, you’re good.

As I wrote recently, toxic positivity is leading to the systematic destruction of knowledge and experience. Great ideas and people are literally being moved out of organisations to be replaced by conformists and pleasers.

Yes, company culture is important.

It has an incredible power to achieve great things.

But here’s the thing too many companies just don’t seem to get.

If you’re mandating it, you don’t have it.

Because real company culture is born from the people within the company. Yes, the people at the top shape and influence it – often through beliefs and a way to look at the world – but the moment you try to dictate or define it, you lose it.

But here’s the thing …

Even when a company gives you something to believe in, they know the real key is to give every employee the power to feel they can be themselves. That they trust them to want to make things better, rather than break things apart.

Which is why they encourage debate.

They value different opinions and ideas.

Because as long as it’s not in a self-serving, divisive manner … it’s almost the ultimate demonstration you want to help make things better.

There are a lot of companies who get this.

There’s sadly far more who don’t.

And everyone loses because of it. Because if companies stopped thinking of company culture in-terms of efficiency and optimisation – and more about standards and quality control – we would all get to better places faster.

Or at the very least, less ads that say everything by saying absolutely nothing.

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What Marketing, Advertising, Strategists And Brand Managers Need To Learn From Hostage Negotiators …

Back in 2021 – on April 1 no less, even though it was not a joke – I wrote how I had spoken to a hostage negotiator.

Among the many things he said to me, one that stood out most was this:

“If you have clients that think words – and how you say them – don’t matter, bring them to me. After all, my job is marketing too”.

Of course, the idea hostage negotiating is similar to marketing is absurd … but what I guess they were trying to say is that by understanding the needs, triggers and context of your ‘audience’, you increase the odds of being successful.

Please note the words ‘increasing the odds’.

I say that because the way our industry talks about ‘certainty’ is disturbing.

That doesn’t mean we’re a stupid risk.

Nor does it mean we can’t be more successful than anyone hoped.

But if you’re working with someone ‘guaranteeing’ the outcome, then they’re either downgrading the metrics and criteria for what they classify as success. Messing with the numbers to suit their own needs. Or just bullshiting.

And there’s a lot of bullshitting out there …

Because so much of what we do is only notionally focused on the needs of the audience.

The reality is the vast amount of attention is directed on the wants of our clients.

On one level, I get it. Our job is to help our clients be more successful than they dared imagine. But often we’re not given the chance to do that, because context and criteria has been set. Using data that is has been focused only on the point of purchase … as if there is absolutely no interest whatsoever in who they are, how they feel, the tensions they face and the situations they deal with.

Said another way … how they live, not just how they buy.

And that’s why the comment from the hostage negotiator was really what they thought marketing should be, rather what it often ends up being.

Which is why the real opportunity for us is to learn from them, not the other way around.

Because they’re proof the more you understand your audience – rather than just what you want your audience to do – the more you can make a difference, rather than just make a sale.

To prove that, I encourage you to watch this.

It’s long. But – as is the case with anything you emotionally engage with – it’s worth it.

Especially when you see how much it means to the negotiators. Let alone the hostages.

Which challenges you to think when was the last time you worked with someone who cared so much about who they served, rather than what they could sell them.

Who knows, it might just change your life or career. Or even save it.

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Listen To The Terrible Tones Of The Corporate Toady Choir …

First of all, this is the last post for a week.

I’m away next week for a talk – I know, I know – and not back till Thursday evening so you can go into the weekend with an extra big smile on your face. Assholes.

Anyway, back to the post.

Over the years, this industry has shown an alarming lack of judgement in how it presents itself.

However, of all the terrible ideas, the absolute worst has to be when they decide to show how ‘fun’ they are through the art of song.

There’s been so many examples.

Sapient Nitro – remember them? – started it with something I can’t remember.

Then Mindshare Amsterdam got in the act saying they ‘work hard for your money’.

Not to be left out … Leo Burnett Sydney did – I think – a Sister Sledge song for a pitch.

Then Ogilvy Athens wrote a ‘ballad’ dedicated to David Ogilvy.

And then – one of my car-crash favourites – the Singapore Media Development Authority did a rap that, rumour has it, almost stopped Eminem wanting to continue his career. Maybe.

Despite having written a few times about these symphonies of shit, the reason there are so few links is because over the years, the guilty parties realised it made them look like a bunch of lunatic impersonator ‘entertainers’ appearing on a revival of Stars in Their Eyes.

Which is why I’m so happy that someone has decided to revive the trend with an epic re-write of Elton John’s ‘I’m Still Standing’ … filmed where the original video was shot. Cannes.

Better yet … at Cannes while I believe the festival was on.

Now, to be fair, it is way, way better than the other films mentioned and shown in this post.

That doesn’t mean much given they were worse than the worst musical duo on Britain’s Got Talent musical duo in history, but beggars can’t be choosers.

But I still can’t grasp why anyone would do this.

Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to take yourself seriously while still taking what you do seriously … but to decide you have to ‘show’ you’re fun outside the context of how you’d actually interact with a client seems crazy. Almost as crazy as thinking this shows you’re ‘fun’.

And remember, this is coming from me … who did iPod Singing and wear birkenstocks!!!

So with that, let me send you off to your weekend with this rendition of I’m Still Standing … which still you might think is a joke but I can assure you isn’t as bad as sitting in the Majestic during the festival and watching people pour 2 grand bottles of champagne down their throat while publicly banging on about the economic crisis facing them and their clients.

Happy weekend.

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Are Microsoft Turning Into Samsung?

I always laughed when people blamed Microsoft Powerpoint for bad presentations.

The idea that this program was purely responsible for you choosing to write 15,000 pointless words on a page in small font.

Sure, it had limitations … sure, it could encourage a certain ‘look’ for what you wanted to present … but fundamentally, that was on you, not it.

Don’t get me wrong, for a tech company … I’m shocked at how bad their user experience is.

If you think their classic platforms are bad, you should see the utter shit show that is a parents account on X-Box.

Or Microsoft Teams.

Oh my god, how can a company that can so carefully and considerately design an X-Box controller for those with disability make such a shit show of everything else.

I literally don’t understand it. Honestly.

Teams is the most user un-intutitive experience I’ve ever had.

Things don’t make sense. Things are unnecessarily complex. Things are hidden.

And yet, instead of fixing this – it seems their focus is to land-grab the video collaboration market, regardless if people like working with it or not.

You can’t go a week without being told Teams now offers a new feature.

Some – as you can see from the photo above – are relatively big things.

Most, aren’t.

A range of tools/functions that seem to only cater to the most niche or nerdy of Teams users.

It all feels like Samsung phones.

When you start one up, you see a bunch of apps that seem to serve no purpose whatsoever other than to be able to say you can do something with it that no one will ever want to do something with.

Ego rather than value.

And here lies the problem with Microsoft …

They claim all they do is about aiding collaboration, but in practice, it appears they have no understanding of how teams – or humans for that matter – actually work together.

For all the efficiency they claim they want us to be able to operate at, they are – arguably – making us more inefficient, either by making things more difficult than it should – or needs – to be, or trying to push us to answers without any capacity for giving the situation some thought to make things better.

And maybe that’s the next gen of their business model.

A desire to make efficiency about quantity than quality … a way to help their corporate clients keep their staff costs lower by not allowing any one individual to rise while also giving them more opportunities to sell tools, like their new AI model which will be incorporated in many of their products.

Yeah … I know, I sound like a conspiracy nutcase and I don’t really believe this is the reason, which means it’s something far worse.

They make for what they wish we did rather than who we actually are.

Or said another way, innovators of control, rather than efficiency.

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We Are What We Need Or Dream …

Scams.

They’re bloody everywhere.

SMS. Email. People knocking on the door.

There seems to be three types …

The hopeful … which is sending the same thing to tons of people and see if it will stick.

The too-good-to-be-true … which is promising untold riches for a fraction of investment.

And the invisible … where it has been so well planned, you may not realise it’s happened until its happened.

While I understand how the latter works – having once been a victim of it – it’s amazing how often the first 2 do.

Part of that can be down to blinkered greed.

The belief we’re all ‘special’ and while friends may think it’s a scam, they stick with it as it reinforces what they’ve aways felt about themselves.

Until it doesn’t.

The other group are people who are desperate – whether financially or lonely – so they take part in a desperate bid to escape their own personal hell.

So while its easy to laugh at people who we think have been stupid, the reality is there are always mitigating circumstances that add to the scammers success.

And nothing shows how successful the crims are by their exaggeration. Look at this …

For just NZ$400, you can get a ‘guaranteed’ NZ$7800 every month.

EVERY MONTH … where do I sign?

But the scammers aren’t completely stupid, so they’ve added a picture of Elon Musk.

Now whether that’s because he’s super rich or is OK with losing billions – as demonstrated with Twitter – is anyone’s guess, but given they’ve bought a ton of ads all over Facebook and other social media channels means they think it makes what is one of the most ridiculous financial investment promises in history, legitimate.

And you know what, it seems it has … which is a great reminder for the marketing community that while customers are often much smarter than we give them credit for, they rarely adopt the logic we like to think/claim they do because ultimately – and here’s the big reminder – they buy for what they’ve need, not what we want them to need.

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