The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Nothing Say’s Love Like A Permanent Scar …

I got my first tattoo when I was 42.

I was holidaying in LA, saw a tattoo shop and – after some encouragement from my friend Paul – went in and had a big one on the underside of my arm.

Hey, nothing like jumping all in eh.

But from that moment, the tattoo became something very important to me.

To be honest, I’d always wanted one but chickened out because of the fear of pain – but not only did it not hurt at all [in fact I fall asleep when I have them] I discovered it the ultimate way to express my sentimentality towards people, dates and things that held a very significant place in my life.

Since that day way back in 2012, I’ve had loads of tattoos.

Birthdays.
Postcodes.
Phone numbers.
Signatures.
Names, pictures and paws of pets.
Honoring Mum, Dad, Jill, Otis and China.
Personal philosophies and heroes.
Nottingham Forest and Queen.
Some weird shit for some friends.
And nods to LA, UK, NZ and Italy.

There’s not one that I regret because each and every one of them is there for a reason.

No ‘moments of stupidity’.
No ‘this would be good for a laugh’.
No ‘tribal or badly translated rubbish’.

Each tattoo represents something deeply important and significant to me – even if to the causal observer, it may look like I have a bunch of random and weird stuff across my arms.

I say all this because recently, Otis asked if I had any tattoos for him, to which I proudly pointed to the one of his name and his date of birth.

And while he seemed moderately pleased with this, it apparently wasn’t enough because he asked if he could design one … a tattoo that captured who he was and what he believed. And I stupidly said ‘yes’, which is why I am currently in negotiations with him to decide which of these will be inked upon my body in the next few weeks.

For the record, the reason the potential designs are all in type is because I don’t have any room on my arms for a picture and he wants to ensure it is something that can be – and will be – seen at all times, haha.

Now before you think I’m blindly pandering to my son’s whims and wants … he genuinely loves rice. In fact he has it every night for dinner which he claims is because he was born in China … so while his tastes may well change or evolve over time, ‘Rice Is Life’ does capture who he is and what he believes, which means – for me – it ticks all the criteria boxes needed to go out and make it a permanent symbol on my body.

The ad industry could learn from kids for their powers of persuasion.

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It Doesn’t Matter How Much You Care About Something If You Hand It To Someone Who Doesn’t Understand It Or Doesn’t Care About …

For 50 years, I never dressed particularly fashionably.

I had a ‘style’, but it was never one people looked at and thought, “I want to dress like that”.

Questionable t-shirts, ripped jeans and a pair of birkies tend to have that reaction.

Part of this is because growing up, I was never exposed to anything ‘fancy’. Despite my Mum being Italian and going to Italy a lot … my version of designer clothing was stuff from Burton’s and C&A and nothing more.

But over the years, I got more and more exposed to the high-end fashion houses.

Projects with Prada and Chanel introduced me to people, stories and experiences that taught me there was far more to who they were than big prices and even bigger pretentiousness. But even that was not enough to convince me this was something for me.

Hell, I still remember the utter shock I felt when I heard a mate tell me they’d spent 70 quid on a t-shirt.

Sure, this was a 1000 years ago, but back then I didn’t know how that was even possible.

T-shirts were 3 for a few quid from Asda so what on earth could justify 70 pounds for a single tee???

And that was how things carried on for decades until 2 events happened in my life:

I got healthy and I started working for the most successful and influential luxury and street-fashion investor on the planet.

And with those 2 things, everything changed …

I got to go behind the scenes of the highest level of the industry.
I got to talk to the creative directors of the houses and labels who define global fashion.
I got to meet the people who create, curate and craft the experiences that define how fashion makes us feel.

But most of all, (1) I could now actually fit in their clothes and (2) my client sent me shitloads of them for free.

Of course, I appreciate how lucky I am for that – and I massively appreciate that they were doing it to ‘keep encouraging me on my health journey’. But – and I say this with utter love and respect for them – I can’t help the real reason is because they didn’t want me turning up to their big meetings and fancy events dressed like a trainwreck. What maybe triggered this was the time I found myself sitting next to Phoebe Philo, ex-creative director of Celine and founder of her own label, who – on seeing my t-shirt, featuring a cat logo – said:

“I love this, who is it by?”

To which I replied:

“My son made it, and that’s our cat”.

To be fair, she was brilliant but I can’t help but imagine she was also thinking, “who the fuck is this nutter I’m next to?”

Bit like the time I was in the lift with members of the Prada family.

They were – literally – the best dressed people I had ever seen in my entire life.

Me? I was wearing ripped jeans, some Nike’s and a hoodie probably from Asda.

Again, they were kind, warm and welcoming – and never once did I feel judged, in fact the opposite – but it was not long after that I started receiving a lot of fancy clothes – hahaha.

But the point of this post is not that I am more fashionably dressed person than I’ve ever been in my life.

Nor is it that I am one of the luckiest bastards on the planet.

No, it’s that the last few years have completely changed my perspective of the industry.

Where once I may have just seen it as pricey and poncy, I now have a deep appreciation, understanding and respect it..

The creativity, the craft, the inspiration, the statements, the history, the details, the obsession.

Put simply, the belief that EVERY detail matters, no matter how big or small.

Steve Jobs once talked about the importance of ‘painting behind the fence’ – the belief that even if no one ever sees or recognizes the care and consideration you have put into your work, you know and that matters – and in many ways, he could have been describing the luxury fashion industry.

You only has to watch the Netflix Documentary ‘7 Days’ – specifically the episode about Chanel’s couture catwalk show – and you’ll see how much thought goes into how every single detail is presented.

Not simply because image is important to them, but because they want to honour the work they have created.

Make sure it is represented, seen and felt exactly as intended and created.

It is a similar approach Metallica have to their music.

It’s why they bought the best vinyl printing plants in the World.
It’s why they invested in the best live concert sound-system in the World.
It’s why they own the rights to all the music they create and have ever created.

It’s not ego. It’s not hyping. It’s about ensuring they honour the work they’ve made so everyone experiences it exactly as intended, versus letting someone else determine that.

So where the fuck is this all going?

Well, it’s because recently I saw this.

Yep, it’s a billboard for the movie Devil Wears Prada 2.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THAT IMAGE???

How is a movie centered around the world of luxury fashion and media using such a badly designed, stretched and distorted billboard like that?!

Looking online, I can tell you that’s not the official image – at least as far as I can tell – plus I should point out the image has accentuated the lines of the digital billboard, which weren’t visible to the human eye.

But that aside, the image used looks like someone at the local distributor, media agency or billboard company decided, for reasons I don’t understand, to create – or adapt – their own version of the official artwork; the result of which is a visual that makes Devil Wears Prada 2 seems more Poundland than Prada.

Which highlights two very important reminders:

1. Everything communicates who you are and what you value.
2. For the best result, make sure all who work for you – or with you –know who you are and what you value.

I’m not saying price or speed doesn’t matter, of course it does … but what price does sloppiness, misunderstanding or a need-for-speed end up costing?

And to those who say that doesn’t matter, because no one cares … I say this in return.

Not only do you not understand marketing …
Not only do you not care about your company …
You sure as shit don’t understand your customers.

Which gives us one final thing to remember …

For all the systems, processes and marketing practice methodologies you can use … if you forget who its for and what its for, then you’re truly wasting your money.

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How Business Consultants Think Money Can Mask The Taste Of Shit …

3 years ago, I wrote about the amazing story of Sriracha sauce.

How it is a testimony to belief, standards and stubbornness.

If you didn’t read it, you should – especially as the brand, right now, is suffering badly.

Now you may think this is where I say I was wrong …

That I mistook a moment of success for a story of sustainable excellence.

But you’d be wrong … because while the brand is suffering, it’s more to do with values versus ingredients.

You see at some point, the founder – David Tran – asked his son to take a bigger role in the company operations.

While William – and his sister, Tassie – grew up with the company their father founded, William had worked at a management consultancy and as such, thought he could modernize the approach that his father had built his business on.

Was this by investing in better machinery? No.

Was this by buying some of the suppliers they relied upon? No.

Was this by producing new products founded on Sriracha principles? No.

It was by trying to re-negotiate the contracts of their long-term partners and by replacing the ingredients used with cheaper alternatives.

That’s right … rather than make choices that could add to the potential of the business, he chose to exploit what the business already did.

Or said another way, he wanted to squeeze every possible penny of profit he could out of every possible inch of the business.

And the result of this?

Well, their long-term suppliers walked away.
Their product quality fell away.
And their customers walked all the way to their competitors.

So, what’s the point of this?

Well, it’s that we’re deep in the cult of optimsation. The common consensus success is defined by how much you can squeeze out of what you’ve got rather than grow to what you can become. Where standards are deemed as optional when offered the opportunity to make a teeny bit more money by lowering them.

And it’s this bullshit viewpoint that is at the root of so much bad in brands and business..

Of course, you have to manage costs.
Of course, business is hard and challenging.
And of course, you want to be open to new possibilities and opportunities.

But doing it in isolation, delusion or arrogance of any possible implication is bordering on psychotic … just like the fact that despite all the data and research they invest in, less and less companies seem to have a real appreciation or understanding of who their actual customers are, what’s going on in their lives, what they actually need, want and expect from them and what business they’re actually in.

Oh, they will say they do.
And they’ll use numbers to explain or justify choices and decisions.
But too often, there’s an underbelly of arrogance that customers will blindly accept – or take – whatever they want them to have. That they know more than the people they serve, so are free to do whatever they want that serves their own best interests and goals.

So, they start using lower standards of ingredients.
Or they make pack sizes smaller, while keeping prices the same.
Or they remove features and claim they’re doing it for ‘environmental’ reasons.
Or they find underhand ways to increase usage, like widening the bottle nozzle pour.
Or they claim their product is ‘healthy’ simply by changing pack design and/or serving sizes.

Always looking to shortcut or shortchange … justified and underpinned by an attitude that in business, success is awarded to those who can stretch or squeeze their customers and suppliers, regardless of what it destroys or costs.

That’s where we are folks.

That’s where the school of business is increasingly taking us too.

Optimise, Optimise. Optimise.

Nothing … absolutely nothing matters more than the quarterly result. Except maybe the corporate ego, which is why we end up with research done by bots … innovation designed by spreadsheets … marketing created by systems, rules and AI and decisions evaluated by the ability to optimize not liberate.

Or as my friend told me, “optimise yourself to commodification”.

As I’ve said for far too long… the only thing that differentiates business from competitors are the values you hold.

And when you allow them to be sold for a quick, temporary gain, then you don’t become the same as everyone else, you become worse. Because contrary to popular opinion – people don’t choose you simply because of your price, habit or convenience … but because of something the world of business consultant loves to dismiss as an unnecessary cost …

Standards.

Just ask Srircha, or any of the countless household companies/brands who have turned-to consultants to find ‘clever’ ways to boost business, even if it ends up being at the cost of everyone, except the C-Suite and Wall Street.

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The Most Confident Man In The World …

One of the most overused words in advertising is ‘confidence’.

It’s a characteristic that tends to fail in 2 key ways:

First, it tends to represent who the brand wishes was their customer, rather than who is.

Second, too often its presented in superficial, contrived and over-the-top ways … as if the brand is scared their audience won’t be able to tell what they’re trying to convey unless overt.

Thirdly, a lot of the time it ends up reeking of a brand insecure in who they are and what they believe.

The result of which is that the work often ends up bring a repellent to audiences, rather than a beacon.

There’s an obvious reason for this and that’s real confidence is expressed – and felt – in the small stuff, not the big, which is why one of the best true expressions of confidence was this brilliant Southern Comfort spot from WKNY back in 2012.

I still remember seeing it for the first time.

I was visiting WK Amsterdam and Martin Weigel showed it to me.

Didn’t need any explanation.
Didn’t need over-the-top behaviour.
Didn’t even need any bloody words.
Confidence oozed out of every moment, by nature of it not trying to.

Now, I appreciate being half Italian, I saw these men on the beaches of Pescara, every year that I was growing up – so it could be argued I was ‘pretuned’ to comprehension. But truth be told, whether you’re from Italy or Iceland … everyone got it.

Not just intellectually, but emotionally.

And that line, ‘Whatever’s Comfortable’.

How good was that? The embodiment of confidence, without having to say it.

Just a way to acknowledge some people are at ease with who they are. That they have a belief in who they are. That they are accepting of who they are, regardless of comparison or competition.

No delusion.
No arrogance.
Just a comfort in who you are, rather than pretending to be who you’re not.

And frankly, there hasn’t been anything that has come close to that piece of work since that piece of work, because all I see these days is either more blatant try-hard shit – which reveals a brands lack of confidence, rather than an abundance of it – or manosphere, toxic bullshit.

That was until recently …

The photo above is Simon Vicars, our CCO – also known as the nicest man in advertising.

He is the living proof that ‘good guys’ don’t always come last. He is also proof that being a good human doesn’t mean you’re not talented. Because he is, sickeningly so.

But as I wrote before, he is also a bit of a cheeky bastard. Never with malice, but with a slight mischievousness that somehow, you can’t help finding endearing.

And how does he pull this off?

Well, because he may be the most confident man since the Southern Comfort man.

Sure, he’s whiter than the Dulux Dog.
Sure, he has a nose that Concord would be jealous of. [and I’m hardly one to talk!]
Sure, he has the upper torso you would imagine a slight gust of wind could knock over.

But this just proves my point because how else can you explain him going to a pub [with me] to interview a potential job candidate … asking if they were hungry [it was lunchtime to be fair] and despite them and me saying ‘no’, goes ahead and orders a fucking massive Chicken Parm before proceeding to scoff it down in front of both of us.

To be fair, he looked a bit sheepish as this photo captures – but he still did it – and frankly, it may be one of the most incredible and understated acts of confidence I’ve ever seen.

Partly because he is so nice that I know he did it because he was starving with hunger and was going to be starved of time. Partly because I got a kick of staying quiet at different moments of the interview so I could watch him have to swallow massive pieces of chicken so he would be able to respond to the questions with no massive pause. And partly because – where so many would deny their truth so that they ‘fitted in’ – he did what was good, right and comfortable for him … which, when you come to think of it, is one of the greatest acts of self-respect and transparency you could receive from someone.

So here’s to Si Vicars. He may not look it, but he may be the most confident man in the World.

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Stubbornly Greedy …

I’ve known Rachel Mercer and Shann Biglione for quite a few years.

I met Shann when we both worked in Shanghai and I met Rach when we both worked at Deutsch – albeit her in NYC and me in LA – and then at R/GA, where she was still in NYC but I’d moved to London.

Though we don’t speak or see each other much, I’ve always been taken by how smart, decent and normal they are, which is why I was thrilled when they started a podcast called ‘The Overthinkers’ – a celebration of those who make the work rather than talk about making the work – and then asked me to be on the very last episode they were going to do together.

Now I must admit I don’t know if the reason I was chosen to be their final guest was because they thought I’d be a good contributor or the person who would ensured it was dead forever – though given we recorded it over a year ago, I suspect the latter. That said, I am not only grateful to them for asking me, I enjoyed it immensely.

The chat was ultimately focused on one key question: ‘when is enough, enough’?’

And while their viewpoints were eloquent and beautifully articulated, I proved – as an only child with immaturity issues – that I was the absolute worst person they could have, and should have, asked.

You can listen to me rambling like a lunatic – covering everything from birth, death, aging, immaturity, babies, parenting and the arrogant pricks of marketing, here – and you can listen to Shann, and his new co-host, Lynette, here.

What a way to start the week.

On the bright side, it can only get better … achieved by listening to any of the other people Shann and Rach had on their podcast.

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