Late last year I bought a suit.
I know … I know …
The fact is, I’d not actually worn anything like that for 30+ years.
Not for my wedding.
Not for my friend’s weddings.
Not even for my parent’s funerals.
But having been invited to a ridiculously fancy dinner by some ridiculously famous people, I thought it was time to take the plunge – aided by the fact I’d lost a lot of weight and wanted to surprise them, as well as myself.
In typical fashion, the dinner ended up being postponed as one of the hosts suffered a tragic loss, so while I don’t regret buying the stupidly expensive threads, I’ve never had a reason to wear them, so they’ve stayed hanging up in my wardrobe waiting for it’s public ‘launch’.
Anyway, while I was in NY, my brilliant son – Otis – was part of a film competition and needed a suit to wear for his character.
Let me tell you nothing – ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING – reminds you how quick kids grow up than seeing your son in a suit.
Not just in any suit, but YOUR suit.
And he’s only 11 … though, I have to admit I do think it’s pretty cool, even if I’ll forever be the second person to wear my own bloody suit.
Filed under: 2026, Anniversary, Attitude & Aptitude, Birthday, Dad, Daddyhood, Death, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Fatherhood, Jill, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Childhood, My Fatherhood, Otis
I’m not back, but today would have been my Dad’s 88th birthday so I had to mark the occasion.
Eighty Eight!!
That means he’s been gone 28 years. Or said another way, literally half my life.
HALF! That is both wild and seemingly impossible.
And yet it’s true, which is why I’m extra happy he’s been in my thoughts a lot recently. Not that he was ever out-my-mind, but his presence has been more – errrrm – present and I like it.
I loved being an only child.
I was spoilt with love, support, care and attention.
I never wanted for brothers or sisters and always adored the company of Mum and Dad.
Even during my angst-ridden teenage years.
I feel extremely grateful for that … though it was only when I saw the relationship some of my friends had with their parents, that I truly sppreciated how lucky I was.
Which is why when my parents died, the loss was overwhelming.
In some ways, it felt like I experienced their death twice.
Because while Dad was first and Mum followed 16 years later – there was a moment immediately after Mum was gone that I truly realized – and felt – that I was truly alone.
It felt weird and sad and scary …
A strange mix of abandonment and feeling like an orphan.
It was a very challenging time, even though I was an adult with my own family.
In fact, if it wasn’t for them, I genuinely wonder how long it would have taken for me to feel I had got back on an even keel, because even with them, it took years.
The thing with death – as I’ve written many times before – is that while people are very supportive towards you at the moment of loss, within 24 hours they have generally all moved on with their lives. That’s not meant as a diss … they have their own issues and challenges to deal with … but the impact of that is you feel even more alone.
But if I think I had it bad when Dad died, my poor Mum had it worse.
Not only had she lost her husband of 35 years – a man she had been taking care of 24/7 for over 3 years after he suffered multiple debilitating strokes – she also saw her only son leave her to go back to Australia where he lived.
When I try to put into words the sense of isolation and loss I felt when I realized I no longer had any ‘real world’ parental support, I think of how Mum must have felt those first few days after losing Dad and feel so sad that maybe I didn’t really understand it until too late.
Didn’t really understand it till I wrote this post.
But as I said, my Dad – and Mum – have been on my mind a lot recently.
Or should I say, part of my energy.
It’s given me a real sense of comfort and warmth rather than just a feeling of loss.
They come up in conversation.
Everyday moments trigger good, funny and special memories with them.
When I talk about them, it in a weird blend of past and present tense.
Put simply, it’s lovely.
A feeling I’m closer to them than I’ve been in years.
Of course, I would do anything to still have them around … have them be part of my life and my families … share, experience and build more moments and memories … but as dead parents go, this is quite a wonderful period I am having with them.
Which is why today – on what would be Dad’s 88th birthday – I won’t just be thinking of him and feeling the loss of him not being around any longer, I’ll be talking to him and letting him know that despite being gone half my life, the love and impact he had on me for those first 26 years of my life still have a grip of comfort, adoration and respect.
Which as proof of doing a good job as a parent goes, is pretty much the pinnacle.
So happy birthday Dad. I still feel very lucky I get to call you that.
Rx
Today is Jill’s birthday.
You may be wondering why I’ve used a photo of Elvis, but keep reading and all will be revealed.
Anyway, because I know she never reads this blog, I can tell you it’s a big birthday for her.
Not that she looks it …
I still remember when we first started going out and I was rushed to hospital for an emergency operation.
She came into the hospital to see me and asked where I was, to which the nurse said, “Are you here to see your Dad?”
I mean, I knew my illness had made me look rough … but I didn’t know I looked that rough, haha!
Anyway, she is someone who never asks for anything …
Or wants to be made a fuss of.
For her, happiness is being surrounded by the family who love her and not being mentioned on this blog, haha.
And while I can definitely promise her the former, I am sorry to say I can’t do the latter … because this is a significant birthday and it needs to be celebrated and referenced.
And while our gift to signify the day doesn’t involve Elvis – as it did for her 30th and 40th – it does involve something that hopefully lets her feel just how special she is to me and to us, because if there’s anyone we want to know that – it’s her.
So Happy birthday my dear Jill, we hope you have an amazing day and we’re so lucky to have you in our lives.
Rx
So today it’s my birthday.
I’m 56.
FIFTYFUCKINGSIX.
I’ve never felt my age, but right now, I can’t even comprehend how old I am.
Just 4 years off 60.
Or said another way, 4 years from being the same age as Dad when he died.
For years that number haunted me … and it will probably be very emotional for me, when I turn that age … but right now, I feel closer to 40 than 60.
Part of it is my attitude … or as Peter Mensch say’s, my “immunity from maturity”, hahaha.
But another part – and I appreciate how superficial this is – is how I look.
Don’t worry, I don’t think I’m Brad Pitt or anything – I’m more like ‘Arm Pit’ – but recently I was watching something with Otis when a 50 year old man was interviewed and I caught Otis staring at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Nothing. I just can’t work out how he looks so much older than you, when you’re older than him”.
He said it with an air of confusion, consideration and happiness.
Which made me happy.
Not necessarily because I look – at least to him – younger than some 50 year old on the television, but because it means I’m healthier so I’m more likely to be around him him longer than I once may have been.
And while even that may not be as long as I hope or wish … to me, that’s the greatest gift I could ever receive. Albeit this weekend, I’ll be watching the start of the World Cup and eating like ‘old Rob’, hahaha.
Have a great weekend, I know I will be.
Filed under: 2026, Comment, Mischief, Otis, Technology
A few months ago, I wrote about how we discovered Otis had been causing mayhem with our Amazon Alexa.
Well recently I found out he was up to his old tricks.
To be fair, I don’t actually know when he did this because I found it by mistake, but one morning, I pressed a button on our fridge and saw this:
The cheeky, little fucker.
But putting aside the fact the shelf-life of a ‘eated’ banana and poo is bordering on ridiculous …
And turning a blind eye to the fact this means that we have an internet fridge …
[Which has a backstory to it, but I know you won’t believe it so I’m choosing to ignore you ]
I can honestly say, I am even very. very proud of him.
Not simply because he did it … but because he did it in the knowledge it could be years before someone discovers it and anyone who can play that level of ‘long game’ is not just much better at this ‘mischief shit’ than me, but is a person to be respected and feared in equal measure.
God I love my kid, though I do have slight reservations about what the future holds.
Not for him, but maybe for the rest of society, hahaha.