The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

They Deserve 32 Root Canals …


It’s all kind-of the same isn’t it.

OK, so the manufacturers would disagree – which is why they keep launching different variants with all manner of ‘secret ingredients’ – but to the average person on the street, not only is the product pretty much the same, so is the advertising.

I get it, toothpaste ads must be hard … but even that doesn’t justify this shit from Colgate.

Cop a load of this.

Yep … ‘Made for greatness’.

Not made for great teeth, but greatness.

Hmmmmn … that’s not an over-claim whatsoever is it?

It’s a toothpaste.

For teeth.


And while teeth have a big role in our lives – and culture – THEY HAVE FUCK ALL TO DO WITH YOUR ABILITy TO CLIMB A MOUNTAIN.

Or a flight of stairs for that matter.

Now I appreciate I’m biased because in 2012, we did Greatness for the London Olympics … but have a look and tell me which you think is better … more resonant and more appropriate?

Yes, exactly.

And that’s before you have been reminded about the two lead NIKE Olympic ads from 2012.

Find Your Greatness.


God, even now Jogger gives me chills.

As I said, I get how hard toothpaste ads must be, but if Colgate want to do something right and interesting, they should give me a call – as I literally have 3 great ideas they can have. For a price. On the bright side, I promise you that whatever the price we agree on, you wont have to pay with your dignity like you have had to do with this.

Oh god how I’d love it if they did that, even though we all know it’s not going to happen.

So I’ll leave you with this.

Colgate … I am sure this passed all manner of internal research tests.

I am sure you this makes you all feel you’re doing something really important for humanity.

And while healthy, bright, strong, clean teeth are important – and Colgate plays a big role in that – it would be so much better if it helped make the brains of the people who approved this, as bright as their teeth, because maybe they wouldn’t have churned out the advertising equivalent of a root canal without anaesthetic.

Call me Colgate. Seriously. Please call me. I can put a billion dollar smile on your face.

13 Comments so far
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what the absolute fuck is that fucking shit. they all need more than a root canal, they need teeth extraction with a hammer.

Comment by andy@cynic

The teeth close up shots are pure comedy. As is the preposterous voice over. And yet I suspect they think it is excellent. You are right, it does feel an attempt to mimic the Nike greatness spot. Hilarious.

Comment by George

If spinal tap was about an ad agency making a toothpaste spot.

Comment by Pete

contemporary fucking reference there.

Comment by andy@cynic

campbells influence.

Comment by andy@cynic

Made for Grateness.

Comment by John

I want to smash their perfect teeth in.

Comment by Billy Whizz


Comment by andy@cynic

My goodness that is terrible.

Comment by Lee Hill

Who made this

Comment by Louise

Oh. My. God

Comment by northern

Much as I love to swim against the tide of opinion I can’t find a single redeeming feature in this.

Or imagine the approval process.

Craig Davis always used to point out that it takes as much time, effort and money to make something you know sucks harder than a Dyson, as to do something worthwhile.

I worry about the people who got to a stage in their lives when they though “yup, this is it.”

Comment by Steve w

I am on the floor.

Comment by Joanie

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