The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


How Business Consultants Think Money Can Mask The Taste Of Shit …

3 years ago, I wrote about the amazing story of Sriracha sauce.

How it is a testimony to belief, standards and stubbornness.

If you didn’t read it, you should – especially as the brand, right now, is suffering badly.

Now you may think this is where I say I was wrong …

That I mistook a moment of success for a story of sustainable excellence.

But you’d be wrong … because while the brand is suffering, it’s more to do with values versus ingredients.

You see at some point, the founder – David Tran – asked his son to take a bigger role in the company operations.

While William – and his sister, Tassie – grew up with the company their father founded, William had worked at a management consultancy and as such, thought he could modernize the approach that his father had built his business on.

Was this by investing in better machinery? No.

Was this by buying some of the suppliers they relied upon? No.

Was this by producing new products founded on Sriracha principles? No.

It was by trying to re-negotiate the contracts of their long-term partners and by replacing the ingredients used with cheaper alternatives.

That’s right … rather than make choices that could add to the potential of the business, he chose to exploit what the business already did.

Or said another way, he wanted to squeeze every possible penny of profit he could out of every possible inch of the business.

And the result of this?

Well, their long-term suppliers walked away.
Their product quality fell away.
And their customers walked all the way to their competitors.

So, what’s the point of this?

Well, it’s that we’re deep in the cult of optimsation. The common consensus success is defined by how much you can squeeze out of what you’ve got rather than grow to what you can become. Where standards are deemed as optional when offered the opportunity to make a teeny bit more money by lowering them.

And it’s this bullshit viewpoint that is at the root of so much bad in brands and business..

Of course, you have to manage costs.
Of course, business is hard and challenging.
And of course, you want to be open to new possibilities and opportunities.

But doing it in isolation, delusion or arrogance of any possible implication is bordering on psychotic … just like the fact that despite all the data and research they invest in, less and less companies seem to have a real appreciation or understanding of who their actual customers are, what’s going on in their lives, what they actually need, want and expect from them and what business they’re actually in.

Oh, they will say they do.
And they’ll use numbers to explain or justify choices and decisions.
But too often, there’s an underbelly of arrogance that customers will blindly accept – or take – whatever they want them to have. That they know more than the people they serve, so are free to do whatever they want that serves their own best interests and goals.

So, they start using lower standards of ingredients.
Or they make pack sizes smaller, while keeping prices the same.
Or they remove features and claim they’re doing it for ‘environmental’ reasons.
Or they find underhand ways to increase usage, like widening the bottle nozzle pour.
Or they claim their product is ‘healthy’ simply by changing pack design and/or serving sizes.

Always looking to shortcut or shortchange … justified and underpinned by an attitude that in business, success is awarded to those who can stretch or squeeze their customers and suppliers, regardless of what it destroys or costs.

That’s where we are folks.

That’s where the school of business is increasingly taking us too.

Optimise, Optimise. Optimise.

Nothing … absolutely nothing matters more than the quarterly result. Except maybe the corporate ego, which is why we end up with research done by bots … innovation designed by spreadsheets … marketing created by systems, rules and AI and decisions evaluated by the ability to optimize not liberate.

Or as my friend told me, “optimise yourself to commodification”.

As I’ve said for far too long… the only thing that differentiates business from competitors are the values you hold.

And when you allow them to be sold for a quick, temporary gain, then you don’t become the same as everyone else, you become worse. Because contrary to popular opinion – people don’t choose you simply because of your price, habit or convenience … but because of something the world of business consultant loves to dismiss as an unnecessary cost …

Standards.

Just ask Srircha, or any of the countless household companies/brands who have turned-to consultants to find ‘clever’ ways to boost business, even if it ends up being at the cost of everyone, except the C-Suite and Wall Street.

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Lies. Damn Lies. And Data …

Over the 20 years of writing this blog, I’ve written a bunch of posts about corporate stupidity.

But of all the things I’ve seen or been exposed to, one act stands above all: when they try to gaslight their customers into believing the removal of a product and/or service, is a demonstration of how much they value and care about their customers.

We’ve seen it with ANZ Bank … when they tried to say reducing bank account interest to basically nothing, was their way of aiding financial responsibility.

We’ve seen it with NIKE … when they claimed the best way to serve their customers was to stop customers being able to order NIKE products from overseas and closing down their app.

And now this …

Yep … Microsoft are saying that to prove they’re always IMPROVING their Microsoft 365 service – a service millions pay a monthly subscription for – they are going to remove a feature that many people use.

That’s right, contrary to popular interpretation, they have decided improvement means deletion, which begs the question – whose ‘improvement’ are they talking about? Something tells me it’s their bank account.

OK, so they say that many – but not all – of the features are available in other products that you get as part of your subscription, but this is just bullshit.

They don’t tell people what those products are.
They don’t tell people how to use them in a way that will give them what they were using Microsoft Publisher for.
They don’t even fucking help you transfer all your existing Microsoft Publisher documents and files into something you can use – or turn to – later.

Nope … all they do is say, “we’re going to stop putting money into this product, you better save them as pdf’s or you’ll lose them and – while we’re at it – you better learn how to educate yourself and adapt your products so they fit with what we’ve decided you need, even though we never asked you and keep charging you an increased subscription fee.

Surely they know this is the opposite of good service?
Surely they realise this is not ‘improving’ their product?
Surely they understand customers can see through this bullshit?

In some ways I hope they don’t, because while it would mean they’re thick-as-shit, it would also mean they’re at least not trying to gaslight us.

But I am afraid it might be both …

Because Microsoft’s ability to fuck themselves – and their customers – thanks to terrible decisions is legendary.

Windows Phones.
Bing Search.
The killing of Office.
The shit that is Teams.
Skype.
Nokia.
Co-Pilot.
And basically 99% of the UI of 99% of their products.

This is a company that wants us to believe their vision of AI is one that is good for humanity and yet their behavior is more Dictatorship than democracy.

But as I pointed out at the top of this post, they’re not alone. We’re constantly seeing companies attempting to gaslight their customers with claims that by deleting a service, they’re offering a better service … even though they don’t offer an alternative and if they do, it’s either not as good or costs even more.

Which demonstrates 4 things:

Many companies care more about maxing money than doing good things that earn them money.
Many companies are gaslighting themselves more than customers because we sure-as-shit aren’t falling for this rubbish.
Most companies demonstrate the corporate culture is all about managing up rather than doing what is actually right for their customers.
Most companies hire consultancies because they validate their bad behaviour rather than hold them to standards and expectations of customers.

Which is why when a company goes on about how good their NPS score is, remember – it’s coming from a faceless data point, based on an average of other players in their category – rather than the voice of customers and how they evaluate the service in terms of anything and everything they experience and endure in their day.

More proof that there’s lies, damn lies and not just statistics but customer data.

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A Reminder That Covid May Have Revealed The Best Of Humanity And The Worst Of Our Industry …

I was going through some old photos when I saw this …

That’s right, Banana Republic used the pandemic as an opportunity to shame people who were struggling to work from home – while trying to also care for the people in their home, including having to teach their kids their schoolwork – to look better for their work calls.

Oh I know some people will say this was ‘good marketing’ … seizing an opportunity to drive their business at a time where commerce was expected to suffer [when we know the opposite was true] … but it’s not, if anything it’s ambulance-chasing marketing. Where the only consideration is ‘can I make money out of this person, regardless of their situation.

And that’s the thing between good and shit marketing … the knowledge that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

The fact they literally call these scarves ‘video chat accessories’ is so overt it’s breath-taking.

And sickening.

But to be fair, they weren’t the only one adopting this ‘strategy’.

I remember a UK-based kitchen company that suggested you should go thousands into debt to have your kitchen ‘updated’ so you can do your future work calls in a room that presented you in a more ‘professional, wealthy, successful light’.

The big problem with a lot of our industry is our disregard for customers.

Actually that’s wrong … it’s our ability to pretend we’re doing everything for our customers.

The reality is though many companies don’t know who their customers are or even what industry they’re in … they simply believe that people – all people – are lining up to buy whatever it is they want to sell, whenever they tell people about it.

I once worked at a place that was obsessed with D2C – direct to consumer.

They were heavily pushing ALL their clients to follow suit … claiming it was what customers wanted, how a modern brand behaved, where retail was heading.

And, to be fair, there was a lot of that happening at the time and they were well placed to leverage it … but I, and more than a few others, weren’t convinced. Mainly because the brands who did it well were very clear on who they were, what they did, who they were for and how long they intended to be around whereas they were trying to force it on organizations who were the antithesis of this. Worse, they were the antithesis of this but were being told that didn’t matter … it was what the future was all about.

I kept bringing this up … highlighting this was not a blanket approach for all and there were serious implications on the brand, customers and category over time. Or at the very least, we shouldn’t be advocating clients let go of all they have done and built and stand-for just so they can exploit a new opportunity for cash.

And I was told I was a dinosaur.
Harking back to a time that was no longer relevant.
That technology was changing everything and they were at the forefront of it.

And while they were a good company, they were lost in their own ego and greed … refusing to look beyond the world they had created, because it was a world that positioned them as visionary rather than acknowledging this was a temporary wave where they were well equipped to benefit from.

Don’t get me wrong, we have to continually innovate.
We have to identify the possibilities, opportunities and waves of change.
But it only works if you know who you are, what you do, who you are for and what they value and want.

It also needs self-awareness, objectivity, honesty and transparency and the realization everything and everyone evolves – regardless what you wish people did.

Which may explain why many of the clients they had, are now brands who are a case-study for what not to do.

A warning that when you think the things that define you, guide you and build you are superfluous, then you can – and probably will – fall for everything.

Just ask Wework.
And Nike.
And The Line.

There’s a big difference between making money and building a business. Sadly, today, few seem to care about what they can become, just what they can get now.

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Marketing Is Eating Itself …

I know I work in marketing.

I know everyone likes to think their ‘thing’ is a ‘unique’ thing.

And I know people like to ‘big up’ whatever it is they do to sound even bigger than it is … like claiming a solid marketing 101 course is a ‘mini-MBA’, which is made even more amusing by the fact the person behind it has developed a caricature of being ‘no nonsense’ … but the problem with this ‘blinkers on, always look straight ahead’ attitude is that while you’re spouting your ridiculousness, we don’t see the people around us laughing and pointing.

Self-awareness is increasingly becoming one of the most important and valuable attributes in business – and yet, too often, anyone who points out a problem is met with distain, as if they are trying to destroy an organization when all they’re trying to do is protect them.

At this point, I could point to that utterly horrific Ritz Cracker Superbowl ad … or that Maxwell House/Apartment abomination … but no, I found something even more potentially insane.

This.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate people have favourite notepads. It may be influenced by paper stock quality, design or number of pages … but selling a notebook on its ability to lay perfectly flat?

It’s a notebook for fucks sake, not a bloody Toblerone.

This is up there with the sort of bullshit hype you see on most Kickstarter pages … except on Kickstarter, they at least try and claim they’ve added some sort of innovation that marks it out from traditional approaches, whether true or not.

But a notebook that lies flat?

That’s where we’ve got folks.

That’s where the marketing industry is.

Where it is no longer good enough to simply be good at what you do, everything needs to have some sort of hype ingredient … even if it induces ridicule more than aspiration.

It’s not even fucking targeted to a particular audience who may – just may – value the aesthetic of multiple notebooks placed together more than what they put in the notebook.

If you take away the fact this ad is desperately and blatantly attempting to suggest it’s for a premium product with an innovative feature … this may actually be the most generic piece of generic communication ever created.

And before someone says, ‘but you noticed it and wrote about it’, I would remind people the opposite of good isn’t bad, it’s apathy and there’s more of that being triggered than ever before – driven by systems, processes and ego’s that care more about elevating the self-importance of the creator than addressing the realities, needs and contexts of the recipient.

What we do can be important.

Not life-changing important, but important all the same.

Let’s not forget we can emotionally move people, impact economies and categories and create different futures for millions in ways few other industries could ever dream of achieving.

But if we carry on with our blinkered, arrogant, tick-box, Emperor’s New Clothes attitude, we will eventually discover – as will the clients, pundits and peddlers who either buy into this approach, encourage it or flog it – that the only people who are listening, is themselves.

Of course, as an industry, we should always be open to the new and the next.

But that should never be at the expense of forgetting, ignoring or devaluing what we do and how great we can be at doing it.

Sadly, somewhere along the way, it appears we have … and are now our business model appears to be chasing whatever we think makes us look relevant to the procurement department in business rather than doing things that are valuable to the actual business.

Resulting in us having more tools but making less valuable stuff with it.

Or said another way, we’re increasingly becoming a division of Temu.

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Why The Worst Thing That Can Happen To Any Company Is When It’s Led By People Who Value Everything Except What You Do …

A few weeks ago, I found myself in Melbourne, Australia.

I had some time free so I went to the National Gallery where I saw seeing their excellent Westwood/Kawakubo fashion exhibition.

While walking around, it struck me how fashion designers talk about their point of view on society [and how they use their creativity to shape/change it] whereas modern advertising increasingly only talks about their systems and ‘proprietary’ models that drive efficiency and cost savings.

With that in mind, it’s both amusing and sad that for all the business rhetoric we spout on our stages, news pages, and LinkedIn feeds, fashion continues to have greater cultural influence, resonance, and economic impact.

And why is that?

Well, there are many reasons for it, but as someone VERY successful in fashion recently told me: “the top end of their industry is still led by people who love fashion, whereas too much of ours is run by people who crave the love of business”.

Of course, it wasn’t always this way. Go back a little and most of our advertising leaders spoke like fashion designers. And while business will always be essential to our survival – and thank god for that and them – perhaps we’d be better served championing the power of what we create, rather than only focus on the process of how we create it.

Or better yet, let the work speak for us. But not this work.

And if you think I’m being an asshole, spare a thought for all the marketing professionals who attended their MBA course at Imperial College London, when they found I was their guest lecturer. Hahaha.

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