The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


In The Quest To Be Fast, We Make The Chance Of Real Change, Very Slow ….

I was talking to someone recently about town planning – don’t ask – and mentioned a story I’d heard about a Chinese architect.

Apparently a local Shanghai government council had reached out to him asking to help design a new area of their district. As part of their briefing, they’d said they wanted it to look and feel like parts of New York. This architect went on to explain that it wasn’t possible because what had really impacted how NYC was designed, was time.

I would link to the article because I wrote a post about it years ago, but can I find it? Can I hell.

Anyway, this got me thinking about creativity and how – with the pressure to PROVE our work is effective in the shortest amount of time possible or face the risk of the client firing us – we may be stopping our ideas from ever fulfilling their full potential.

Or the clients are.

Now I appreciate we live in competitive times.

I also appreciate there needs to see signs of positive impact and/or change along the way, rather than just have blind faith.

But we also need to acknowledge that some ideas take time to find their time. Or audience.

History is littered with examples of this but they didn’t happen because someone forced it, it’s because there needed to be the conditions for it.

The point being, that I am fed up of the narrative that ad agencies don’t care about effectiveness. Almost as fed up as I am that consultancies like McKinsey, Bain and Deloittes are the masters of it. Putting aside their whole business model is founded on telling companies what to do rather than take any responsibility for fixing any of it – we need the clients to be part of the solution. To commit in terms of attitude, conditions and time.

The quest for quick wins is increasingly resulting in us getting exactly that. A quick win … not a long, lasting and sustainable win.

Because we’re so focused on speed, we fail to value the need and impact of time.

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Sometimes, The Greatest Gift Is ‘Perfect Timing’ …

So yesterday I wrote a post about Air New Zealand’s frequent flyer ‘air points’ promotion.

I pointed out how I don’t think they understand the real needs, wants and motivations of their top tier passengers and that it doesn’t matter how much data you have, if you don’t understand what it’s really saying, it’s useless.

Worse … it’s commercially dangerous.

Especially if you choose to ignore 2 consistent ‘hidden’ traits of humans:

1. All of us have areas of hypocrisy.
2. Most people tell you what they think will help protect their beliefs rather than reveal them.

I ended the post asking how the hell could they get so many key elements wrong for such an important relaunch … suggesting the research company they used looks like they spent too much time with the data and not enough – if any – with actual customers.

So imagine my surprise – and delight – when last night, I received this:

Not sure this is the best ‘ad’ for Kantor.

Or the research industry, to be honest.

And just before I get any hate, I have a lot of time and respect for the research industry – when it’s does properly and well. But frankly, we’re witnessing far too many focusing their efforts on how to ‘optimise’ their efficiency [read: using AI and bots] and redefine their position [read: being consultants rather than informants] the the work coming out ends up – ironically – making us ask more questions than have greater understanding.

Don’t get me wrong, I know research is not perfect – what the hell is?

I also appreciate that any research is better than none.

However when companies act like they – and only they – have all the answers, then they better be OK with owning their mistakes … because if they don’t, they’re no longer valuable to business, they’re a danger to it.

I get we live in a time of corporate hutzpah – where no one must show any weakness or vulnerability – but what that also means is we’re living in a time of Emperor’s New Clothes and we all know how that turned out.

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Why You Can’t Serve Your Customers If You Refuse To Go Where Their Real Beliefs Reside …

Way back in 2006 I wrote a post about what exclusivity means.

Not the marketing version of it … but what the people who can afford to have it, really want and expect from it.

The reality is this group of people don’t care about showing – or sharing – their success with the masses. They don’t have any desire to be ‘aspirational’. In fact what they want couldn’t be more different – because all they really seek is to keep the masses as far away from them as is physically possible.

I entitled the post, FUCK YOU MONEY, but really it should have been called FUCK OFF MONEY … because that’s the spirit that defines exclusivity to them. The ability to live in a world where the only people around them are equal people.

Or said another way, they like to practice economic racism.

It’s part of the reason LVMH lost cache in China when they opened stores in lower-tier cities.

It’s part of the reason Bentley lost long-term customers when they became the car-of-choice for rappers.

And it’s part of the reason why Air New Zealand have scored a massive own goal with their most valuable customers with this billboard rolling out all across NZ.

For those who don’t know what Koru is … it’s Air New Zealand’s new Frequent Flyer Program and Koru Black is their highest tier.

To be fair to Air NZ, Koru is genuinely one of the best frequent flyer programs of any airline in the World … so with that in mind, I get why they think offering the public the opportunity to get more points to get closer to ‘black status’ is appealing.

However, it isn’t for the fuckers who already have achieved that status.

For them, they’ll not only see it as Air NZ allowing more people to be part of their club’, they’ll see it as Air NZ allowing ‘lesser people’ to be part of it given they ‘won’ their place via a promotion rather than ‘earned the right to be there’ as they will no doubt tell themselves they achieved

Is that bollocks?

Sure, but that doesn’t mean they don’t think it, which is why one of the best bits of airline research I’ve ever read was when the wonderful David Lin – who worked for me at Wieden, and is now Mr Important at Apple – told me that ‘business class was the politest way to say ‘fuck off’ to everyone who always wanted their time or attention.

But there’s more …

Because added to this is the fact many Koru Black members feel annoyed they already have to share ‘their’ airport lounge facilities with people from other airlines who happen to hold a business class ticket – which results in situations where there’s no seats available to rest in – and you start to think Air NZ may not understand their top customers as much as they may like to think they do.

What makes it worse is that it would have been so easy to discover …

The main one being just sit in the airport lounge and listen to the conversations when it’s full.

But it seems they didn’t. Or haven’t. Because what else would explain their disastrous decision to set all ‘black tier’ customers frequent flyer points to zero when they launched Koru.

Sure, they did a u-turn on when they discovered how angry it had made customers … but they still did it, which not only undermined their launch, but left customer with a horrible taste in their mouth they’ll remember for a long time.

I mean, you’d think it would be obvious to not do that, but apparently it wasn’t – which not only suggests Air NZ put their faith in the wrong research and creative partners – not to mention are incapable of evaluating standards with an objective, global perspective – it highlights how you can have all the data in the world, but if you don’t look for, or understand, the fucked-up, hypocritical truth of your customers, you’ve got nothing.

Also see every research company who announced with the upmost confidence that Trump wasn’t going to win the Presidency in his first term … either because they were arrogant, blinkered or simply failed to understand people rarely tell you what they think, instead they tell you what they think will protect them from revealing what they really believe.

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How Business Consultants Think Money Can Mask The Taste Of Shit …

3 years ago, I wrote about the amazing story of Sriracha sauce.

How it is a testimony to belief, standards and stubbornness.

If you didn’t read it, you should – especially as the brand, right now, is suffering badly.

Now you may think this is where I say I was wrong …

That I mistook a moment of success for a story of sustainable excellence.

But you’d be wrong … because while the brand is suffering, it’s more to do with values versus ingredients.

You see at some point, the founder – David Tran – asked his son to take a bigger role in the company operations.

While William – and his sister, Tassie – grew up with the company their father founded, William had worked at a management consultancy and as such, thought he could modernize the approach that his father had built his business on.

Was this by investing in better machinery? No.

Was this by buying some of the suppliers they relied upon? No.

Was this by producing new products founded on Sriracha principles? No.

It was by trying to re-negotiate the contracts of their long-term partners and by replacing the ingredients used with cheaper alternatives.

That’s right … rather than make choices that could add to the potential of the business, he chose to exploit what the business already did.

Or said another way, he wanted to squeeze every possible penny of profit he could out of every possible inch of the business.

And the result of this?

Well, their long-term suppliers walked away.
Their product quality fell away.
And their customers walked all the way to their competitors.

So, what’s the point of this?

Well, it’s that we’re deep in the cult of optimsation. The common consensus success is defined by how much you can squeeze out of what you’ve got rather than grow to what you can become. Where standards are deemed as optional when offered the opportunity to make a teeny bit more money by lowering them.

And it’s this bullshit viewpoint that is at the root of so much bad in brands and business..

Of course, you have to manage costs.
Of course, business is hard and challenging.
And of course, you want to be open to new possibilities and opportunities.

But doing it in isolation, delusion or arrogance of any possible implication is bordering on psychotic … just like the fact that despite all the data and research they invest in, less and less companies seem to have a real appreciation or understanding of who their actual customers are, what’s going on in their lives, what they actually need, want and expect from them and what business they’re actually in.

Oh, they will say they do.
And they’ll use numbers to explain or justify choices and decisions.
But too often, there’s an underbelly of arrogance that customers will blindly accept – or take – whatever they want them to have. That they know more than the people they serve, so are free to do whatever they want that serves their own best interests and goals.

So, they start using lower standards of ingredients.
Or they make pack sizes smaller, while keeping prices the same.
Or they remove features and claim they’re doing it for ‘environmental’ reasons.
Or they find underhand ways to increase usage, like widening the bottle nozzle pour.
Or they claim their product is ‘healthy’ simply by changing pack design and/or serving sizes.

Always looking to shortcut or shortchange … justified and underpinned by an attitude that in business, success is awarded to those who can stretch or squeeze their customers and suppliers, regardless of what it destroys or costs.

That’s where we are folks.

That’s where the school of business is increasingly taking us too.

Optimise, Optimise. Optimise.

Nothing … absolutely nothing matters more than the quarterly result. Except maybe the corporate ego, which is why we end up with research done by bots … innovation designed by spreadsheets … marketing created by systems, rules and AI and decisions evaluated by the ability to optimize not liberate.

Or as my friend told me, “optimise yourself to commodification”.

As I’ve said for far too long… the only thing that differentiates business from competitors are the values you hold.

And when you allow them to be sold for a quick, temporary gain, then you don’t become the same as everyone else, you become worse. Because contrary to popular opinion – people don’t choose you simply because of your price, habit or convenience … but because of something the world of business consultant loves to dismiss as an unnecessary cost …

Standards.

Just ask Srircha, or any of the countless household companies/brands who have turned-to consultants to find ‘clever’ ways to boost business, even if it ends up being at the cost of everyone, except the C-Suite and Wall Street.

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Lies. Damn Lies. And Data …

Over the 20 years of writing this blog, I’ve written a bunch of posts about corporate stupidity.

But of all the things I’ve seen or been exposed to, one act stands above all: when they try to gaslight their customers into believing the removal of a product and/or service, is a demonstration of how much they value and care about their customers.

We’ve seen it with ANZ Bank … when they tried to say reducing bank account interest to basically nothing, was their way of aiding financial responsibility.

We’ve seen it with NIKE … when they claimed the best way to serve their customers was to stop customers being able to order NIKE products from overseas and closing down their app.

And now this …

Yep … Microsoft are saying that to prove they’re always IMPROVING their Microsoft 365 service – a service millions pay a monthly subscription for – they are going to remove a feature that many people use.

That’s right, contrary to popular interpretation, they have decided improvement means deletion, which begs the question – whose ‘improvement’ are they talking about? Something tells me it’s their bank account.

OK, so they say that many – but not all – of the features are available in other products that you get as part of your subscription, but this is just bullshit.

They don’t tell people what those products are.
They don’t tell people how to use them in a way that will give them what they were using Microsoft Publisher for.
They don’t even fucking help you transfer all your existing Microsoft Publisher documents and files into something you can use – or turn to – later.

Nope … all they do is say, “we’re going to stop putting money into this product, you better save them as pdf’s or you’ll lose them and – while we’re at it – you better learn how to educate yourself and adapt your products so they fit with what we’ve decided you need, even though we never asked you and keep charging you an increased subscription fee.

Surely they know this is the opposite of good service?
Surely they realise this is not ‘improving’ their product?
Surely they understand customers can see through this bullshit?

In some ways I hope they don’t, because while it would mean they’re thick-as-shit, it would also mean they’re at least not trying to gaslight us.

But I am afraid it might be both …

Because Microsoft’s ability to fuck themselves – and their customers – thanks to terrible decisions is legendary.

Windows Phones.
Bing Search.
The killing of Office.
The shit that is Teams.
Skype.
Nokia.
Co-Pilot.
And basically 99% of the UI of 99% of their products.

This is a company that wants us to believe their vision of AI is one that is good for humanity and yet their behavior is more Dictatorship than democracy.

But as I pointed out at the top of this post, they’re not alone. We’re constantly seeing companies attempting to gaslight their customers with claims that by deleting a service, they’re offering a better service … even though they don’t offer an alternative and if they do, it’s either not as good or costs even more.

Which demonstrates 4 things:

Many companies care more about maxing money than doing good things that earn them money.
Many companies are gaslighting themselves more than customers because we sure-as-shit aren’t falling for this rubbish.
Most companies demonstrate the corporate culture is all about managing up rather than doing what is actually right for their customers.
Most companies hire consultancies because they validate their bad behaviour rather than hold them to standards and expectations of customers.

Which is why when a company goes on about how good their NPS score is, remember – it’s coming from a faceless data point, based on an average of other players in their category – rather than the voice of customers and how they evaluate the service in terms of anything and everything they experience and endure in their day.

More proof that there’s lies, damn lies and not just statistics but customer data.

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