The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Nothing Say’s Love Like A Permanent Scar …

I got my first tattoo when I was 42.

I was holidaying in LA, saw a tattoo shop and – after some encouragement from my friend Paul – went in and had a big one on the underside of my arm.

Hey, nothing like jumping all in eh.

But from that moment, the tattoo became something very important to me.

To be honest, I’d always wanted one but chickened out because of the fear of pain – but not only did it not hurt at all [in fact I fall asleep when I have them] I discovered it the ultimate way to express my sentimentality towards people, dates and things that held a very significant place in my life.

Since that day way back in 2012, I’ve had loads of tattoos.

Birthdays.
Postcodes.
Phone numbers.
Signatures.
Names, pictures and paws of pets.
Honoring Mum, Dad, Jill, Otis and China.
Personal philosophies and heroes.
Nottingham Forest and Queen.
Some weird shit for some friends.
And nods to LA, UK, NZ and Italy.

There’s not one that I regret because each and every one of them is there for a reason.

No ‘moments of stupidity’.
No ‘this would be good for a laugh’.
No ‘tribal or badly translated rubbish’.

Each tattoo represents something deeply important and significant to me – even if to the causal observer, it may look like I have a bunch of random and weird stuff across my arms.

I say all this because recently, Otis asked if I had any tattoos for him, to which I proudly pointed to the one of his name and his date of birth.

And while he seemed moderately pleased with this, it apparently wasn’t enough because he asked if he could design one … a tattoo that captured who he was and what he believed. And I stupidly said ‘yes’, which is why I am currently in negotiations with him to decide which of these will be inked upon my body in the next few weeks.

For the record, the reason the potential designs are all in type is because I don’t have any room on my arms for a picture and he wants to ensure it is something that can be – and will be – seen at all times, haha.

Now before you think I’m blindly pandering to my son’s whims and wants … he genuinely loves rice. In fact he has it every night for dinner which he claims is because he was born in China … so while his tastes may well change or evolve over time, ‘Rice Is Life’ does capture who he is and what he believes, which means – for me – it ticks all the criteria boxes needed to go out and make it a permanent symbol on my body.

The ad industry could learn from kids for their powers of persuasion.

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It Doesn’t Matter How Much You Care About Something If You Hand It To Someone Who Doesn’t Understand It Or Doesn’t Care About …

For 50 years, I never dressed particularly fashionably.

I had a ‘style’, but it was never one people looked at and thought, “I want to dress like that”.

Questionable t-shirts, ripped jeans and a pair of birkies tend to have that reaction.

Part of this is because growing up, I was never exposed to anything ‘fancy’. Despite my Mum being Italian and going to Italy a lot … my version of designer clothing was stuff from Burton’s and C&A and nothing more.

But over the years, I got more and more exposed to the high-end fashion houses.

Projects with Prada and Chanel introduced me to people, stories and experiences that taught me there was far more to who they were than big prices and even bigger pretentiousness. But even that was not enough to convince me this was something for me.

Hell, I still remember the utter shock I felt when I heard a mate tell me they’d spent 70 quid on a t-shirt.

Sure, this was a 1000 years ago, but back then I didn’t know how that was even possible.

T-shirts were 3 for a few quid from Asda so what on earth could justify 70 pounds for a single tee???

And that was how things carried on for decades until 2 events happened in my life:

I got healthy and I started working for the most successful and influential luxury and street-fashion investor on the planet.

And with those 2 things, everything changed …

I got to go behind the scenes of the highest level of the industry.
I got to talk to the creative directors of the houses and labels who define global fashion.
I got to meet the people who create, curate and craft the experiences that define how fashion makes us feel.

But most of all, (1) I could now actually fit in their clothes and (2) my client sent me shitloads of them for free.

Of course, I appreciate how lucky I am for that – and I massively appreciate that they were doing it to ‘keep encouraging me on my health journey’. But – and I say this with utter love and respect for them – I can’t help the real reason is because they didn’t want me turning up to their big meetings and fancy events dressed like a trainwreck. What maybe triggered this was the time I found myself sitting next to Phoebe Philo, ex-creative director of Celine and founder of her own label, who – on seeing my t-shirt, featuring a cat logo – said:

“I love this, who is it by?”

To which I replied:

“My son made it, and that’s our cat”.

To be fair, she was brilliant but I can’t help but imagine she was also thinking, “who the fuck is this nutter I’m next to?”

Bit like the time I was in the lift with members of the Prada family.

They were – literally – the best dressed people I had ever seen in my entire life.

Me? I was wearing ripped jeans, some Nike’s and a hoodie probably from Asda.

Again, they were kind, warm and welcoming – and never once did I feel judged, in fact the opposite – but it was not long after that I started receiving a lot of fancy clothes – hahaha.

But the point of this post is not that I am more fashionably dressed person than I’ve ever been in my life.

Nor is it that I am one of the luckiest bastards on the planet.

No, it’s that the last few years have completely changed my perspective of the industry.

Where once I may have just seen it as pricey and poncy, I now have a deep appreciation, understanding and respect it..

The creativity, the craft, the inspiration, the statements, the history, the details, the obsession.

Put simply, the belief that EVERY detail matters, no matter how big or small.

Steve Jobs once talked about the importance of ‘painting behind the fence’ – the belief that even if no one ever sees or recognizes the care and consideration you have put into your work, you know and that matters – and in many ways, he could have been describing the luxury fashion industry.

You only has to watch the Netflix Documentary ‘7 Days’ – specifically the episode about Chanel’s couture catwalk show – and you’ll see how much thought goes into how every single detail is presented.

Not simply because image is important to them, but because they want to honour the work they have created.

Make sure it is represented, seen and felt exactly as intended and created.

It is a similar approach Metallica have to their music.

It’s why they bought the best vinyl printing plants in the World.
It’s why they invested in the best live concert sound-system in the World.
It’s why they own the rights to all the music they create and have ever created.

It’s not ego. It’s not hyping. It’s about ensuring they honour the work they’ve made so everyone experiences it exactly as intended, versus letting someone else determine that.

So where the fuck is this all going?

Well, it’s because recently I saw this.

Yep, it’s a billboard for the movie Devil Wears Prada 2.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THAT IMAGE???

How is a movie centered around the world of luxury fashion and media using such a badly designed, stretched and distorted billboard like that?!

Looking online, I can tell you that’s not the official image – at least as far as I can tell – plus I should point out the image has accentuated the lines of the digital billboard, which weren’t visible to the human eye.

But that aside, the image used looks like someone at the local distributor, media agency or billboard company decided, for reasons I don’t understand, to create – or adapt – their own version of the official artwork; the result of which is a visual that makes Devil Wears Prada 2 seems more Poundland than Prada.

Which highlights two very important reminders:

1. Everything communicates who you are and what you value.
2. For the best result, make sure all who work for you – or with you –know who you are and what you value.

I’m not saying price or speed doesn’t matter, of course it does … but what price does sloppiness, misunderstanding or a need-for-speed end up costing?

And to those who say that doesn’t matter, because no one cares … I say this in return.

Not only do you not understand marketing …
Not only do you not care about your company …
You sure as shit don’t understand your customers.

Which gives us one final thing to remember …

For all the systems, processes and marketing practice methodologies you can use … if you forget who its for and what its for, then you’re truly wasting your money.

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If Michelangelo And Shakespeare Were A Creative Team …

I am of an age where I read the magnificent Viz comic.

For those who don’t know what that is, it was a highly successful ‘adult’ comic that featured a steady stream of ridiculous characters such as ‘The Pathetic Sharks’, ‘Sid The Sexist’ and ‘Roger Mellie … The Man On The Telly’ and that’s just the ones that are still ‘PC’ enough to name.

But its appeal was far more than just the stories …

Part of its legacy was written through the ‘readers letters’ and ‘ads’ they created and published. A glorious mishmash of bonkeredness and inappropriateness that were always delivered with charm, laughs, mischievousness’ and truth.

A perfect example of this is their iconic tourism campaign for Mabletherpe:

Skegness is fucking shit. Come to Mablethorpe.

I have that as a poster at home and still use it as a perfect example of expressing a clear and powerful point of view. And I’m not even joking.

Anyway, the reason for this write up is because I utterly adore our new Delivereasy work.

Not just because it’s beautiful …

Not just because it continues our fun ‘the outdoors is a bubbling cauldron of danger’ work which we launched a little while ago, celebrating how Delivereasy helps you get takeout without the risk of having to go out …

But because the look and feel of the work feels – at least to me – ‘prime Viz’, and as compliments go, I don’t know if they can go much higher.

Isn’t it lovely?

Add to this that the radio campaign that proceeded this work feels – again, at least to me – similar in spirit to one of my most loved pieces of work [the Diet Tango radio spots, which are so well written, Shakespeare would be jealous] … and you will see why Delivereasy is more than just a business to me, but something much more personal.

Now all I have to do is convince them we could this into a book that’s kinda like an ‘adult’ version of ‘Where’s Wally’ and my career is complete.

Watch this space. Haha.

Talking of space …

I fly to China this weekend.

Well, I do, assuming the doctors give me the green light for my eye this morning – which they didn’t last week so I couldn’t get to Billy’s funeral. Add to that, I woke up this morning to 2 horrible and sad bits of news and not only can I categorically say ‘bad news doesn’t happen in 3’s [as I’m already on 5 for this month alone], I worry karma has decided to visit me, even though I’m not exactly sure what it wants to see me for – haha.

But hey, let’s be positive and assume all goes well … what that means is this blog will be an even bigger wasteland than it normally is as I’ll be gone for all of next week. Mind you, if it doesn’t, it’ll still be quiet because I’ll be pissed off and seething with anger.

Or more likely, disappointment, hahaha.

So while the good people of the Middle Kingdom will have to endure the pain of my presence, you lot – or whoever actually still visits this site anymore – gains from my absence. But not as much as Din Tai Fung are going to gain from having me eat EVERY MEAL at one of their locations.

See you in a week.

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We’ve Never Needed A Better Looking World …

I love outdoor.

Well, good outdoor.

From the madness of selling glue to igniting football pride … there’s been some incredible use of the medium.

Or should I say, incredible demonstration of design.

But for years – we’ve had the opposite of that.

Poster sites being treated like retail brochures.

Where a brand crams in as many words, visuals and sales cue as is physically possible with the space available.

Designed to satisfy the sales department and board of directors rather than their audience or even the environmental context.

But recently we have started seeing a return to what great outdoor is.

How wonderful are they?

They say so much without having to say so much.

Sure, both of these examples are for brands that have a clearly established position and role in their particular categories – but let’s be honest, there’s loads of brands who have achieved that and still make utter shit outdoor. Well, utter shit everything.

But these …

Well, for me, they’re perfect examples of brilliant advertising.

Brilliant, outdoor advertising.

Singular. Simple. Striking.

It’s beautiful.

But more than that, it’s effective.

Demanding your attention rather than pushing it away.

Fuck, it makes the streets feel like a gallery rather than a supermarket.

I hope it continues. I hope it symbolizes a move away from the blinkered and extreme adoption of certain ‘for profit’ marketing practices, that are far more about holding your place within a category than rising your brand beyond it.

So here’s to those who choose to fill the streets with imagery that makes people feel something, understand something and get something.

Because if you’re using billboards to detail all the rational reasons why people should want what you do, you need to accept you’re basically admitting you don’t have anything people really will care about hearing.

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Why We Need To Treasure Imperfection …

One of the things I have loved about living in so many countries is that I’ve been able to see and experience different ways of living.

I don’t just mean from an economic perspective, but in terms of what a country or city values and how it expresses and encourages that through its architecture, planning, facilities and people.

However, over the decades – as economies have grown – more and more of the individual spirit and character of cities has been replaced with identikit skylines, resulting not just in everything looking familiar, but feeling it as well.

Now I appreciate for some, this is a great thing … the creation and demonstration of social progress and achievement. However when everything increasingly ends up looking, feeling and acting the same – regardless of geography – not only is the magic of discovery being traded for the convenience of familiarity, the soul and history of every individual city is being erased and whitewashed over.

I say this because recently, as I was walking around Auckland, I saw this:

The bit that got me most was that first line …

‘All these upgrades are turning our city grey’.

And they’re right.

Don’t get me wrong, Auckland is a beautiful city and a great place to live … but what is being classified as ‘improvements’ is ironically having the exact opposite effect.

The colour, character and contrasts of Auckland are being wiped out … traded out … and moved out … slowly turning the entire City into a comfortable and convenient prison cell. Except instead of this cell keeping people from getting out, it stops people from wanting to come in. Not because there aren’t things to do, but because they are the exact same things, with the exact same people as everyone else is experiencing.

It’s part of the reason I loved the London Underground on Friday evenings.

Because despite it being packed. Despite it being hot. Despite people not really making eye contact, let alone talking to you … it was like a brilliant zoo. Full of different animals hanging out in each others environments.

People going to the theatre.
People going home from work.
People going out for a big night.
People going to do a night shift.
People going on a first date.
People going for a last meal.
Locals … out-of-towners … tourists.

God I loved it … I loved the variety, the weirdness, the characters and chancers.

Or said another way, the pieces that not only give a place its soul and identity.

But also its individuality.

Brands … specifically those who outsource who they are to a ‘for profit’ marketing practice process, should take careful note. There’s a lot of you. Even though it’s increasingly difficult to tell you from one another given you all look, act and feel the exact same.

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