Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Communication Strategy, Corporate Evil, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Creative Brief, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Perspective, Planners, Planners Making A Complete Tit Of Themselves And Bless, Planning, Point Of View
Somewhere along the line, the strategy discipline went from judging what we did by what it achieved, to what process was followed.
I get it, process matters – but as I pointed out a while back, the vast majority of strategic models out there say and do the same thing, just with additional layers of complexity and/or ego huff-puffery.
But as much as purposefully making things sound like it’s rocket science is tragic, it’s the one’s that are patronisingly simplistic that are almost even more offensive.
Recently I saw one that left one of the worst tastes in my mouth.
It’s called, ‘the beef burger’ strategy.
Here it is …
Terrible eh.
I mean, proper horrific.
But that’s only the aperitif, because each one of those shapes is ‘an ingredient’ and the creator of this has written out a recipe of how it ‘all goes together’.
I should point out, I have purposefully removed the name of the person who developed this.
I don’t know them.
I don’t know the background to them.
I don’t know if they’ve come to their senses and disowned this.
Plus I accept their reason to do it was to try to help and that is worthy.
However …
Look at that.
Look at it.
And what’s worse, I can imagine LOADS of people liked it.
Probably said “it makes sense of the complex in ways that are ‘digestible'”.
Well it does if you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. The overly simplistic definition that lets people immediately think they’re experts when they’re literally going to miss the point of each and every ‘layer’.
And what’s worse is there’s a lot of this stuff out there. Portraying accessible expertise when it’s really just Emperor’s New Clothes.
Strategy is in danger of forgetting what it’s supposed to do, which is see the future.
A future of commercially valuable opportunities.
Stuff that’s not been made yet, but can be.
And yet these days, it’s treated like some superficial, ineffective glue.
A superficial, ineffective glue used to lightly hold some creative bullshit ‘wrapper’ on whatever blinkered thinking a company has convinced themselves is Einstein standard of brilliance.
And everyone loses because of it. Everyone.
Especially strategy.
Because instead of helping companies take giant leaps, it’s just shuffling it’s feet and it’s stuff like the ‘beef burger strategy process’ that is bringing it down.
Playing to the lowest common denominator rather than the highest.
Letting certain organisation claim they’re developing their teams skills when they’re really destroying their potential.
Allowing ‘guru’s’ who have built their own brand more than they’ve ever built anyone else’s, churn out Morph-strength, strategy landfill.
Strategy is more than a bunch of bland and ambiguous terminology.
More than a condiment in a sea of condiments.
Strategy is imagination.
A way of looking forwards to see opportunity, possibility and value.
It’s not some shitty, unsatisfying burger made by instructions, regardless of context or hunger … and anyone who thinks that or eats that, deserves all the indigestion they’ll get.
Crikey, that’s some post isn’t it … and I’m not even in a bad mood.
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Consultants, Corporate Evil, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Culture, Embarrassing Moments, Marketing, Marketing Fail
Sorry Lee, but seriously … WTF?
You need to tell Mr B to ditch the management consultants and get people who actually know the soul of the brand.
Or at the very least, people who will say, “this is a terrible idea”.
I can’t even work out who this is for …
Most young people won’t know who the fuck the Pistols were.
And the people who do know are self aware enough to know how tragic this makes them look.
I know the history between the two brands but …. nooooooooooooo.
No, no, no, no, no.
And it is underpinned by Mastercard.
The ‘priceless’ people.
How can you all get it so wrong?
Well, I know how … but come on, even Stevie Wonder can see how bad an idea this is.
I appreciate you will have personally had nothing to do with it, but christ on a bike.
I bet you’re grateful comments are still turned off? Hahaha.
I’m genuinely so upset about this, but I am also willing to sort you out. For a price, hahaha.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Comment, Corporate Evil, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Fake Attitude
I love new business.
I love the thrill of getting stuck into something new.
The inquisition into how a business runs.
The exploration of how others see it and the category it plays in.
The history of why it started not just what is is doing.
All coming together to help formulate a point of view for the discussions you’ll have.
I’m not saying it’s easy. And in this economy, it will not only be harder to encourage new ways to tackle old problems … they’ll be more companies trying to do the same thing, often using price as their leverage rather than rigour.
Oooooh, look at me being all judgemental. But I’ll stick with it.
Anyway, the point is, new business is the lifeblood of all business.
What you do and how you do it may alter, but bringing in new clients and projects is oxygen. Not simply for the financial strength of the company, but the ability to reinvent who you are with every assignment.
Now there’s lots of ways people and companies approach new business but one I loathe is the speculative letter. Blanket and blind correspondence trying to make you care about something that you didn’t ask for and don’t really want to consider.
But as bad as that is, there’s now one that is even worse.
The blanket and blind lazy letter.
I know … I know … what could be lazier than blanket and blind?
Well, I’ll tell you, this …
Everything about this is hateful to me.
+ The suggestion they know someone who has told them what I am looking to do at work.
+ The blatant disregard for who I am, what I do and what my company does.
+ The claims of experience and reputation, despite their previous sentences proving otherwise.
+ The idea that the only difference between finding entry level talent and senior level talent is simply the payment of an additional $15 an hour.
+ The desperate attempt to close with a call.
Does this approach work?
Does anyone take them up on this scam?
What makes it even more of a joke is the Clustox website claims they ‘build software that grows businesses and startups’.
What software is that exactly? Spam software.
I tell you what would help you Clustox … know who the fuck you are talking to.
It’s not hard.
At the very least, make sure the person you’re writing to has some relevance to what you’re flogging. Has some connection to the industry you claim to serve and can assist with.
In fact the only effective thing this piece of unsolicited communication has done is ensure I will never work with you – even if I suddenly want to hire oodles of tech engineers.
And that’s exactly what I’ll tell Patricia when we talk next week.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Black Lives Matter, Brand, Communication Strategy, Corporate Evil, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Creativity, Culture, Disney, Embarrassing Moments, Experience, Inclusion, Individuality, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Packaging, Perspective, Relevance, Resonance, Respect
Good news. Bad news.
Good news: Given I had yesterday off, that means you only have 4 days of this blog to deal with. Seriously, this is the slowest ‘easing you back into my rubbish’ that I may have ever done. What a Saint.
Bad news: There’s no more holidays for ages so prepare for a lot of it. That is if anyone reads this any more. Or if anyone read it, more like. Especially given the lack of comments which was – let’s admit it – the only reason people popped along. Damnit.
Anyway, I thought I had posted this a while back only to discover it was still in my ‘to post file’. The good news is 99.96% of my posts fail to hit the ‘topical sweet spot’ so I can still post it and no one will bat an eyelid.
I have a strange relationship with the Disney organisation.
I appreciate their history.
I appreciate their creativity.
I appreciate their craft and film making.
But they can also be a bunch of assholes.
This is not just based on the 3 years of weird shit – good and bad – I experienced with them when we were launching their park in Shanghai at Wieden [only for them to take the business off us at the last moment and hand it to Ogilvy simply because as the first park in the digital age – we wanted to use digital to bring the story of the characters journey to China to life] but because they have a history of putting their name to anything if they’ll get paid for it.
Now I have to admit they’re very successful at doing that … but it just reinforces there’s two groups the organisation. The craftspeople and the greedy exploiters.
OK, that’s like every company I suppose, but they just don’t even try to hide it … which is almost impressive if it didn’t rob you of the hope of someone good to believe in.
I know … I’m a sentimental idiot.
So you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was with how Disney decided to handle the merchandise for Black Panther Wakanda.
Rather than sell the rights to Kmart to be shoved on as many t-shirts as possible, they partnered with Actively Black.
Actively Black is a community-first, black owned and run company committed to advancing representation of Black creatives, designers, and brands and they actively invest in the health and wellness of Black communities worldwide.
They’re an amazing organisation and so it’s no surprise the merchandise proceeds would be put towards educational programs and resources that promote physical, mental and emotional health, HBCU athletics, social justice initiatives and DEI advocacy.
It was a great move, especially given the importance and significance of Black Panther in the Black and African American community. Not to mention honouring the tragic loss of Chadwick Boseman.
It seemed Disney understood that of all the characters in the Marvel universe, this was one that had an even more significant role and position in culture and should be treated as such.
I say ‘seemed’ because then I saw this …
And to give you more details, there’s this …
What the absolute fuck?
A screwdriver set.
A FUCKING SCREWDRIVER SET!
I know Disney have form pimping their icons out, but a Kmart screwdriver set?
All that good will.
All that consideration.
All that sense they actually understood.
Let’s hope the reason is as my friend John stated:
“Calm down Rob … don’t you get that you need some serious power tools to dismantle the capitalist white supremacist patriarchy”.
We all know it isn’t.
But I wish it was.
Filed under: Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Communication Strategy, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History
When COVID was in full swing, Boris Johnson was called out for his mixed messaging.
One of his great moments was when he said this ridiculousness:
“Anyone who can’t work from home should go to work. But if you can’t observe social distancing, you should stay at home. But if you are at work and you feel ill, you should stay from home. But if you’re well and can’t stay at home, go to work.”
Well, I can only assume he has gone from Number 10, Downing Street to Uber HQ because recently I received a message that could only come from the BoJo school of confusion.
Now I know Uber have a lot to be desired in terms of looking after anyone but themselves, but trying to make me an ‘Uber Member’ with the promise I may … or may not … save some money is blatant to the extreme.
They don’t even bother explaining what I’d be a member of.
So while Uber and BoJo seem made for each other, a little reminder about the rules of communication.
It is not on the receiver to translate what you’re saying, it’s up to the communicator to make it understandable. Though I also appreciate in Uber and BoJo’s case, confusion is part of their business strategy.