The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Nothing is As Sharp As Simple …

I used to think it took a lot of hard work to be simple.

A lot of thinking.

Evaluating.

Sharpening.

Changing.

But maybe I was wrong because I literally cannot imagine how much time it took to create this:

It’s a masterclass in nonsensical.

A blueprint for showing a company who doesn’t know what they actually do.

A celebration of the buzzword bingo bullshit that permeates so many organisations.

Basically, imposters talking to imposters with words they’ve so bastardised the meaning of, that you’d be hard pressed to recognise their original definition if you were left alone with them in a bar overnight with only a dictionary for company.

The verbal equivalent of Mickey Rourke.

Or Lara Flynn Boyle.

Hence now …

Innovation means ‘we’ve made something average a little bit better’.

Revolution means ‘we’ve never done this before though others have’.

Experience means ‘we offer our customers boring and average’.

Transformation means ‘we’ve caught up to everyone else’.

[hence ‘digital transformation’ is simply code for, ‘not being left so far behind’ as opposed – as many in the industry also like to position it – as reinventing the whole category]

And while adland is the cause of a lot of this bullshit, the consultancies – or worse, the wannabe-consultancies – are taking it to a whole new level. Continually creating nonsensical language and definitions in an attempt to feel intellectually superior to those around them. Believing this sort of language acts as a sort-of ‘code’ that helps identify other delusionists, wannabe’s and/or victims … so they can revel and reward themselves with their Emperors New Clothes bullshit.

Until they can’t.

What is particularly amusing is these companies still celebrate the old adage of ‘quality over quantity’ … even though they show up with a level of excessive vulgarity that would put Donald Trump to shame.

Talking in plain English – or plain any language – is not a bad thing.

If anything, it is the most powerful.

Not just because it is easier to communicate and relate to.

Nor because it shows you can identify the core problem that needs addressing.

But because it captures something my old man used to say to all his young lawyers:

“If you want to show how intelligent you are, you’re not that intelligent”.


14 Comments so far
Leave a comment

the only thing that company does is talk utter shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

your old man knew what he was talking about campbell.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yep. Every time.

Comment by Rob

That’s definitely a complete cluster service.

Comment by John

That is the only thing that would make sense of it.

Comment by DH

The definitive cluster service.

Comment by Rob

This ->

“Imposters talking to imposters with words they’ve so bastardised the meaning of, that you’d be hard pressed to recognise their original definition if you were left alone with them in a bar overnight with only a dictionary for company.”

And this ->

“Continually creating nonsensical language and definitions in an attempt to feel intellectually superior to those around them. Believing this sort of language acts as a sort-of ‘code’ that helps identify other delusionists, wannabe’s and/or victims … so they can revel and reward themselves with their Emperors New Clothes bullshit.”

Brilliant articulation of corporate buzzword bullshit.

Comment by Pete

I hate agreeing with you and Rob, but it’s hard not to this time.

Comment by DH

To disagree means you would both understand and respect the rambling nonsense from the company above. Which means I would not understand or respect you. So good choice. Haha.

Comment by Rob

It’s stupid, but have you read what ad agencies are saying about themselves? I remember how we used to review all the competitions credentials every few months. Haven’t done that for years but a quick glance at their websites and the impression its got even worse. Not as bad as the above, but the aspiration is there. Who is that from by the way?

Comment by Bazza

good call baz. they all spout fucking shite. hey campbell, have you seen the bollocks your old employer says about themselves? what the fuck does more human future mean? if their site is what a more human future looks like, were all fucked. twats.

Comment by andy@cynic

Ha. Yes. To be fair I really like ‘a more human future’ but the issue I had when I was there was there was no consensus what it meant. For me it was about ensuring humanity and emotion wasn’t ignored in favour of technology and automation but there were many folks who were vehemently against that. Maybe they’ve worked it out. I hope so. They can do some amazing things.

Comment by Rob

Excellent post. What is even more embarrassing than the company description is no one at the company called it out.

Comment by Lee Hill

What they’re saying is the exact opposite of what they think they’re saying.

Comment by George




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