The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Why People Who Believe In The Metaverse, Need To Be Dire Straits Fans …

After the amazing drama of yesterday, I need to calm things down.

Not for you, but for me … because my heart can’t take nerves like that.

And yet it’s going to have to do just that in a little over a week.

Bloody hell.

So to slow things down, let me take you back in time …

Back in 1985, the band Dire Straits launched a song called Money For Nothing.

It became famous for a whole host of reasons.

It was the first song of theirs that actually sounded slightly modern.

It had ‘modern’ day references in the lyrics.

It had Sting – from The Police – singing on it.

It had this video …

Did you watch it?

You didn’t did you?

You lazy bastards …

Well, to get back to the point of this post, here’s a screen grab from it …

Now while that image may not strike you as cutting edge, back in 1985, it was revolutionary.

Digital characters living in a digital world, where their universe was a blend of normality and possibility.

Hang on, does that sound like something else?

Something that a huge amount of the tech and marketing industry have been wetting their pants over?

Something that sounds suspiciously close to this …

Did you watch this?

You didn’t did you?

You über-lazy assholes …

Well, to get back to the point of this post, here’s a screen grab from it …

Yep.

Yep it does.

A music video from 1985 by the most snooze-rock band ever formed, not only communicated the metaverse, it did it in a style pretty close to what Facebook and every other brand have shown as ‘the standard’.

How terrifyingly embarrassing is that?

All these hip, technologists, futurists and strategists trying to look like they’re on the edge of culture creation and all the bollocks they’re banging on about was expressed by bloody Dire Straits 37 years earlier.

THIRTY SEVEN YEARS.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

I mean … when that Zuck video first broke, I wrote a post about how it was missing the point by showing things we can already do, but now – thanks to errrrrm, Dire Straits, I realise it was even worse than I imagined.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe technology and – the metaverse, even though what is being celebrated as it, isn’t what it is – will have the possibility to make a huge, positive difference to humanity. Eventually.

But making – and lauding – a film and idea that looks awfully similar to a bloody 1985 music video isn’t doing them any favours. If anything, it shows how much of this industry is filled with individuals who crave attention or adoration or just desperately seek relevance.

Not helped when you learn that, unsurprisingly, the main reason Zuck is so into the Metaverse is not for changing the world but upping his bank account.

Given how much Facebook tried to label Apple as ‘anti-business’ for the amount they charged creators and partners – which is a lot less than 47.5% – it makes the whole Meta situation even more laughable.

Don’t get me wrong, I know the new is often misunderstood.

And new technology should not be judged by the standards of established technology.

But when the ‘icons and industry leaders’ stand on soapboxes and stages to promote the future in a similar way that Dire Straits brought to the World almost 4 decades ago … it’s only fair to question if these people care about the future or simply their own career image.

Even though, sadly, we keep seeing hyping can get better career growth, than grafting.

If the Metaverse could fix that, then maybe we’d all sign up.

Then again …



You Can’t Blame People For Chasing Crazy When You Made Them That Way …

OK, so Friday’s post was an April Fool joke.

I say that because some people seemed to believe it until they got to the very last line. Which obviously made me very happy … no doubt helped by the fact April Fools Day started upto 20+ hours before some parts of the World.

But today’s post is real, even though it’s even more of a joke.

It starts with a tweet I saw a few weeks ago …

I don’t mind admitting, I laughed my socks off when I saw it.

Because it’s true.

The amount of people – read, men – who talk about crypto like it’s a guaranteed money earner despite [1] not looking into how it actually works [2] realising there are a vast amount of choices that are out there and [3] all have experienced incredible and – in many cases – huge losses, is amazing.

But I also kind-of get it.

Because the sniff of winning big can be intoxicating.

Especially if you don’t think you otherwise have a chance.

And for many people they don’t …

Not because they’re not smart or talented or capable … but because life is unbelievably unfair.

Which is why for all the questions that need to be answered about the role, legitimacy and even legality of certain crypto, the reality is many people think the chance of making it big on what is essentially a giant wheel of roulette is still better than the chance of doing OK following ‘traditional’ paths.

I get it. I was in that situation.

I was living in Australia, broke … with a seriously ill Dad and a Mum who couldn’t pay the bills.

I didn’t know what I was going to do when someone I knew asked if I wanted to get involved in a pyramid scheme.

Out of desperation – and a belief I didn’t think I had anything to lose – I said yes.

Of course that is mad, because I did have a lot to lose, from the initial ‘investment’ to the chance to get out of my situation within a year.

I ended up being very lucky.

Because I got in very early. I made back many times my initial investment within 2 weeks.

[I should point out that while I was able to help my Mum and Dad out as soon as this happened, I never told them what I’d done. Part of this was because they’d have been fuming and part of it was because it was hard enough to get them to accept presents from me, so if they knew, then I’d never be able to financially help them out again]

And while the time between ‘investing’ and ‘vesting’ were some of the most exciting, intense and scary weeks of my life, the minuscule chance of making something sizeable out of it drowned out the highly likely chance of losing all of it.

Would I do it again?

No. I am in the incredibly fortunate position to be in a good position now. But I get why people would do it and why crypto is so tempting for so many.

Nothing brought this home than some information Natwest Bank sent me last week.

It was their interest rates.

I say ‘interest’ but what I mean is arrogance.

Have a look at this …

What the hell?

Seriously, what the absolute hell?

Do they think this is good?

Do they think this is going to make people want to invest with them?

Even with their ‘bonus’ percentage, their ‘best’ rate is 0.05%.

And that’s their best. The rest are 0.01%.

ZERO POINT ZERO ONE PERCENT.

Not just many times less than inflation.

Not just many times less than the amount you’ll be charged in fees.

But less than fuck all.

Why would anyone choose to invest their money with a bank?

And I mean anyone … from someone with one pound to one million.

Seriously, you somehow manage to get a million quid and Natwest will reward you with 100 pounds in interest.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

So much for all their talk of ‘caring about your future’.

Of course, they think they can get away with it because they think they hold all the cards.

And right now they probably do.

But for all their advertising claims that are seemingly designed to make the board of directors happy rather than their customers, the vast majority seem to have failed to grasp the one thing that could undermine them all.

People go where the chances are.

Doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect. Doesn’t matter what the research says. If what’s on offer is dramatically better than what the establishment offers – and it’s ‘generally’ legal even if it’s highly risky – then they’ll explore it.

I never imagined I’d be the sort of person who would be part of a pyramid scheme – but circumstances of desperation meant I did. Which means I am pretty sure there’s a hell of a lot of people you’d never imagine would be into crypto, who are.

Not because they’re money hungry assholes – though there’s definitely a bunch who are that – but because with banks taking the piss out of their hopes and dreams with a miserly 0.01% interest rates, suddenly the risk of crypto looks like the most sensible investment for the future they can make.

And then, it’s not just the banks who will be screwed, we all will be.



Cowards Are Oppressors …

Many years ago, I did a campaign for Australian ‘youth’ radio station, Triple J.

Triple J was a government funded radio station, but what set it apart was that it had a mandate to play new artists, preferably Australian, who were definitely not part of the mainstream crowd.

Think John Peel, but Australian.

What I loved about them was how much they divided opinion.

To some they were hope. To others they were noise.

But as we delved deeper, it became apparent the people who thought it was noise were basically proud the followers of the mainstream. The focus-group designed. The beige and the blunted. The average.

Now I appreciate that sounds massively judgemental … but what I found interesting was how companies had basically messed with the meaning of average in a bid to make more cash from customers.

In the old days, average was an achievement.

The meeting point between quality and cost.

Democratisation.

Progression.

Access.

But now average wasn’t that at all.

It was mainstream mediocrity.

Designed for easy, passive appeal. Mindlessness. A strategy of making beige act like gold.

Which led to the point of view of the work: The enemy of average.

Directly targeting anything that had been designed to dumb down rather than lift up.

We got into all sorts of mischief …

From placing warning stickers on all ‘easy listening’ artists in HMV [that saw us being threatened with legal action] … to running ads during mainstream TV to tell viewers they’re being murdered by averageness … to images of mainstream mediocre products being placed in public toilets so you could literally piss on them. [Beige Volvo anyone?]

And while this may all sound madness – and this was the 90’s so tastes were very different – we knew the only way to attract more listeners was to ensure we did it in a way that made our existing fans see we were fighting for what we believe, rather than pandering to popularity.

The old reverse psychology trick.

And it worked because ultimately this was just an extension of who they truly were.

Stubborn, opinionated, mischievous, audacious and uncompromising.

A teen who was very comfortable in playing with the uncomfortable.

And what this did was help build the cult of the brand … helping Triple J enter a new phase of growth while never looking like they were chasing fame.

Of course, they’re not the only ones who have pulled this off.

Playstation did it … NIKE have done it … Supreme do it … but the key to pulling this off successfully is knowing who you are and knowing who you’re for and frankly, not many can brands – or agencies – say that, especially these days.

What makes this even more amazing is how many agencies and companies bang on about their authenticity and purpose … but the problem is they can’t see what they’ve become: a mediocrity pleaser machine.

Of course the signs are there if you just scratch the surface.

Generic, mass audiences.
An aversion for sacrifice.
A desire to remove any sharp edges or opinion.

And while many think making a brand as easy to buy is the greatest way to achieve success, the thing they need to remember is the future goes nowhere in the hands of cowards.



Superlative Stupidity …
February 28, 2022, 8:00 am
Filed under: Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, Context, Crap Campaigns In History, Marketing Fail

I get that in life, people find different things exciting.

Some think train spotting is a thrill, for example.

I also understand that people like to think the job or industry they work in is exciting. It lets them feel they have value … importance … a purpose of repute.

But things go wrong when you try to convince others that what you do is exciting when the context they have for it, is the absolute opposite.

Which is my long-winded way of saying why this ad is basically insane.

Bringing the excitement back to dentistry???

What the hell?

And if that wasn’t bad enough, their explanation of what that means is even more delusional.

+ A general check up.
+ Two X-Rays.
+ Scale and clean.
+ All for the low price of 25 quid.

OK, £25 does seem cheap – in fact, it seems TOO cheap – but I have to say, I doubt anyone outside of dentistry would find this news ‘exciting’.

Christ, the British have terrible teeth so they’re definitely not going to buy into this bullshit. In fact, I’d go as far to say that I doubt even dentist-loving American’s would find this news ‘exciting’ … and they go hyper over teeth.

I am sure they are a good company. In fact I know they are. And anyone who goes into dentistry is worthy of extra praise because I can’t imagine what it’s like staring into people’s mouths each day.

But according to whoever wrote this – or thought this – it seems they believe a visit to the dentist can rival a night out to a concert or a theatre or even a night in front of the telly.

To which I want to tell them this.

It doesn’t and it can’t.

So stop making ads that are as painful as a visit to the dentist.

Thank you.



When Retail Goes Porn. And Management Go Stupid …

What were they thinking?

Were they thinking?

And then, to add insult to injury, they announce it’s 70% off.

The lack of self-awareness is amazing.

Nothing showed this more than the way so many companies talked about their approach to the recent festive holidays.

On Linkedin – which I appreciate is the opposite of professionalism – there were so many posts from senior members of companies going on about how they were giving their staff time off during the holidays, as if this was a treat because normally they expect their staff to pay the company to work 24/7.

I’ve said it before, but time off is not a gift it’s a right.

More than that, it’s proof a company cares about the health and well-being of their people.

Unless you’re giving weeks instead of day/s, then making a big deal of it is the total opposite of the hero-signalling they think they’re doing.

As is when they announce to great fanfare ‘unlimited time off’ … which I wrote about as an act of wanting to appear generous when it’s really about control, because as we all know, it’s a crock of shit.

If it was really unlimited, then you could never go to work and not get fired and we all know that’s not going to happen.

Sadly it seems a lot of organisations follow the Trump/Johnson school of leadership – all headlines and no thinking.

While that can work initially – mainly because it’s just an act of populism built around doing the opposite of whatever the previous governing body enforced that was unpopular – it soon gets found out because people realise the decisions are not made for what will make them feelvalued, but what the management think will make them look valued.

Of course you can’t please all people all the time … but honesty, transparency and not trying to take credit for something you’re supposed to do, goes a long way.

We all make mistakes, it just seems a lot of companies are making a lot at the same time and somehow reading that as endorsement rather than group think stupidity.