The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


If You Want The Work To Lead You Forwards, Learn From Musicians Not Marketing Practice …

So we got through the first week of this blog in 2025.

Congratulations … we all survived and no one died. I think.

That said, the subject matters of the posts have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with things such as anger, frustration and loss. So with that in mind, I thought I’d end the week on a more positive tone.

Kinda.

One thing I have always actively rallied against is stringent strategic processes.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about rigor or standards – obviously I do – however I don’t think that is demonstrated by blindly following a set process that has pre-determined what is or isn’t of value.

There’s 3 main reasons for this.

1. It automatically narrows and filters what can be used.
2. It ignores differing contexts, situations and categories.
3. You are actively stopping the chance for happy accidents and/or better answers.

It’s one of the main reasons I love working with artists, because at the end of the day – they are the creative – so for them, they determine success by what they FEEL is better rather than what the process tells them it is.

Nothing brought this home more to me than a scene in the documentary about the making of Do They Know It’s Christmas back in 1984.

Bob Geldof and Midge Ure had got together to write a song that they hoped would raise money for the starving in Africa. The single – launched in December ’84 – featured many of the up and coming posters of the era, ‘bullied’ into turning up by the irrepressible Geldof.

Over the space of a chaotic 24 hours, singers … duo … bands … all traipsed into SARM studios to record a song that had just been written and no one knew. Amazingly, there were few egos, with everyone focused on what they had to do, but it’s here that we see a brilliant example of letting the process play second fiddle to perfection’.

George Michael was at the mic and told how to sing his line.

He did it, but while sounding good, he felt it did not reflect the power he wanted to put into it.

So he suggested changing the intonation and sang it.

And he was right, it did sound better …

In fact, it became an iconic moment in the song.

But it might not have been if he was working with people obsessed with following the process than valuing what the process is supposed to deliver.

Fortunately, George was being produced by 2 other singers – and the incredible Trevor Horn, who owned SARM – who recognized that what they had suggested was no where near as good as what he had delivered. And so while it had an impact on how the following lines of the song were structured, they embraced it because ultimately, they knew it was better.

Have a look at this:

[As an aside, you should watch this fascinating interview where Geldof explains how self-awareness about his career meant he was uniquely positioned to identify the need and opportunity for the Band Aid single]

Now you may think this is obvious and I shouldn’t be making a big deal out of it.

And you’re right, it is … except we live in an age where too many companies focus more on the systems, processes and marketing practices than what they produce.

If you think I’m talking rubbish, ask yourself this.

Is there more conversation, debate and value placed on the process being put forward or the work delvered?

I would hasten a guess it’s the former.

It blows my mind.

As I said, process is important – but often its developed without any consideration to what it needs to create or change … blindly believing that if the process is ‘right’, then whatever comes out the other end must be too.

Which – as history and marketing has continued to prove – is bollocks.

Almost as bollocks as people sticking with whatever is made – even though they know it’s not as good as it could be – because ultimately they can point to ‘a process’ and outsource any responsibility of output to that.

How fucking cowardly.

But musicians don’t do that.

Musicians play for the song. Always.

Which is why they’re open to possibilities because the goal isn’t control, it’s expression.

Here are two other examples of it …

First Rick Rubin with his suggestion to Jay-Z on how to start 99 Problems

And Eddie van Halen, rearranging Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’ so the solo sounded better:

Let’s be clear here, Jay-Z is hardly a shrinking violet. Same for Jackson. And yet they were open to their guests making a suggestion because they [1] knew it was coming from a good place and [2] it was better.

How often does that happen in our line of work?

How often does someone with ZERO experience in a particular discipline tell someone with a track record how to do their job. How to make something better?

It’s why I laugh when people like Mark Ritson comment on what is/isn’t good creativity.

Don’t get me wrong, he knows a huge amount about marketing practice … he offers real value in developing important marketing 101 rules and behaviours, but he knows fuck all about creativity or innovation.

And I wouldn’t care a less if he didn’t bang on like he was God.

As I said, he is very smart and can make a huge difference to certain sorts of companies. But – despite what he likes to think – not all companies. And the reason why I will always value someone like Rubin more than Ritson is that Rubin plays for the work, not for his own ego.

Open to someone being better. Or smarter. Or just making a better idea.

Not because they don’t care about the process, but because they care more about what it’s supposed to deliver.

Musicians often get dismissed as ramshackle and chaotic.

But if you look at some of the approaches adopted by artists such as Bjork, Metallica, Miley, Travis Scott, ABBA, Radiohead, Dolly Parton, The Black Keys, Rihanna, Marillion, Kendrick Lamare, Prince, Queen, Def Leppard, Pharrell and a whole host more – covering everything from crowdsourcing, business models, brand extensions, distribution management, brand assets, copyright investment, differentiation and distinction, gaming, brand experience and overall innovation in communication to name but a few – you will see they have pioneered more business and communication approaches and practice than almost any of the brands and gurus out there. Or at least done it before most of them.

Part of that is because they’re driven by their need to express themselves with total authenticity. Part of that is because they’re very aware of the context they’re entering – rather than blindly thinking what worked before will automatically work again. And part of that is because the process stops when things outside the process offer something better.

Which is why if you want to increase the odds of making something truly special happen … think like a musician, not a marketing practitioner.

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It’s Enough To Turn You To Drink …

Day 2 of 2025 and I’m still bursting with positive pessimism.

Helped because of stuff like this the following …

We all know one of the key roles of advertising is to add commercial momentum and value to business. Well, I recently saw a rather unique approach to achieving this goal with some work from vodka brand, Smirnoff.

Have a look at this.

What the absolute fuck?

What the hell is that copy?

What does it mean? What were they thinking? How the hell did this get approved?

I appreciate being associated with Russia these days is commercial suicide, but seriously, having Putin as their brand ambassador would be less shameful than this horror show.

And the overt attempt to boost business by attempting to be seen as a ‘social lubricant’ is about as subtle as a cucumber down a pair of cycling shorts.

“Don’t drink alone, drink with lots of people” … they scream.

To which I reply, why?

Why the hell should I?

And why the hell should it be with Smirnoff.

If you want to do that, how about you do something that creates the conditions that make me want to do it. Make it easy for me to do it.

But then, if you did that, it would mess up your ‘please drink responsibly’ message that you use to lobby governments to give you tax breaks because you’re more worried about the impact of declining alcohol sales and consumption than you are about excessive drinking.

Maybe. Ahem.

I’ve always felt Smirnoff – bar a couple of campaigns a 1000 years ago – have had a problem capturing and expressing who they are., but this is new depths of barrel scraping awful.

That said, I appreciate there’s also the possibility it could be an act of creative genius.

I appreciate those are wildly contrasting views, but it’s because I can’t tell if this ad is:

1. The result of the copywriter chugging down copious amounts of Smirnoff as they ‘wrote’ the headline. OR …

2. It has been purposefully designed to be so insane, it will make all who see it want to turn to drink and so Smirnoff sales rise.

Frankly, I can’t help but feel they’d have more luck with this ad if they targeted Pornhub’s audience, because ‘YOU DO YOU … NEEDS MORE US … WE DO US’ sounds more like an invitation to a swingers party than anything that would make anyone else give a damn.

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And So It Begins. For The 19th Bloody Time …

Happy 2025 and welcome to year 19 of my rubbish.

I trust/hope you had a good break … even if that is simply because I didn’t write a blog post for a few weeks.

I had a great one.

Not just – as I’ve written before – because New Zealand does the ‘holiday season’ better than anywhere on the planet, but because this year was so different to the year before.

And just to reinforce how much better it was, the day I landed back in NZ I was rushed to hospital as my ‘good eye’ decided to basically stop working.

I say ‘good eye’ because when I was 21, my right eye got a detached retina [from picking up a bag of bloody coal, like some cliched Northerner from the 1800’s ] and while they managed to reattach it – which was touch and go due to some complications – it resulted in it having very bad vision out of it. However, thanks to my left eye being good, I’ve never had to worry about my sight beyond how much it costs to have for lenses that don’t look like I’m wearing beer bottles on my face plus the general protection of my head and eyes.

Even though it has been like this for 33+ years, I’ve never taken my sight – or the protection of my eyes – for granted, so you can imagine how freaked out I was when suddenly my good eye basically stopped working a day before we flew back to NZ from Asia.

Now it’s not totally sorted, but I have been assured it will over the next couple of months [which is handy as you can see from the photo below, I look bloody weird with different sized pupils which means people are even less inclined to look at me] and yet despite all this, I STILL CONSIDER THIS HOLIDAY BETTER THAN LAST YEARS.

Let me explain why …

You see back in December 2023, I started work with a new private client.

They had asked me to do a big project for them with a first check-in date of mid-Jan.

I knew it would take a couple of weeks or so to write things up but stupidly, I decided I’d do it over the holidays rather than before.

There was some rationale for that decision …

+ I had a bunch of stuff to finish before the holidays.
+ I had a bunch of reading to do relating to who this client was as a person/artist.
+ I was exhausted and wanted a break before I got stuck into things.
+ It was the bloody festive season and that’s a time I wanted to spend with family.

But the problem was that even though I had a plan for when to do the work, my brain wouldn’t let me forget about it.

So each day, the thought of the work I had to do would nag and niggle at me.

Slowly upping the volume and pressure.

So as each day ended, all I could think about was how I had even less time to relax before I had to start work, which resulted in me not being able to fully enjoy or relax until – in what felt like the blink of an eye – it was time to get started.

When that happened, the annual break I was so looking forward to, wasn’t just over … but never even had a chance to properly start. So instead of being relaxed and ready, I was tired and anxious.

Add to that, that the holiday season the year before had also been rather a traumatic – with Otis and I both ending up in hospital and my dear friend Chelsea, passing away – I was a shattered, emotionally not just physically.

The result of this was that the first 3 months of 2024 were, in all honesty, one of the most stressful times of my life. Not necessarily because the project was hard – though it was certainly demanding, albeit incredibly exciting – but because I had not allowed myself the break I needed to be ready for a completely new challenge.

The good news – if you can call it that – was the impact of these choices and decisions was very obvious to me and I knew I would never, ever let something like that happen to me again. Which is why before the most recent holidays started, I wrote to all my clients – both my private ones and Colenso’s international ones, who don’t have the same holiday duration as our local clients – telling them I was out.

Not ‘out unless you have an urgent requirement’ … but out.

Nada. Zilch. Gone.

And you know what?

No one minded. Not one.

Now, you could say that’s because they find me an absolute pain-in-the-ass to deal with, but I think – or should I say, hope – I believe it is because they respected my time and respected the efforts I’d put into their business over the past 11 months.

I get not everyone has that opportunity.
I get being able to have a break of this duration is a privilege.
But the reality is a break is the greatest investment you can make in yourself or your people.

It gives them a chance to decompress. To think. To let shit go. To get excited again.

Doesn’t matter if you’re a checkout operator or an old bastard, advertising strategist.

It’s why I hate how some companies treat ‘holidays’ like it’s a gift … something you can only have if it suits the organisations needs, timelines and ego.

Fuck that.

For all the talk companies say about ‘our staff being our greatest asset’, the second best demonstration of that – after being paid fairly – is valuing, encouraging and protecting their rights to a break.

And by that, I mean respecting their people’s right and need to have ‘proper holidays’ rather than attempting to hide their toxicity under the guise of bullshit like unlimited holidays … which not only aren’t ever true, but are something they actively go out of their way to ensure can never be realised.

And don’t get me started on the US attitude to vacations, with their 10 days a year allowance … meaning many people can’t have any break of significance without either years of sacrifice or days of unpaid leave.

It’s why I’m eternally grateful for Colenso’s attitude to holidays.

And why I’m eternally grateful for how NZ values and protects their ‘festive season break’.

[Though one unfortunate side-effect is people often don’t take a break in the rest of the year so they can save it all up for the end of the year, which can also contribute to people feeling and experiencing burnout]

And why I’m eternally grateful to my clients for appreciating and encouraging it for me.

Of course part of the reason for their generosity is because it’s in their interests … because a holiday increases the odds great things will happen for them thanks to your renewed energy, focus and inspiration. But hey, I respect they get this because we all win from it rather one person feeling indebted to the other for having what is their god-damn given right to have.

So hello 2025 … let’s see what you’ve got in store for me.

Or should I say, look out for what I’ve got in store for you.

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Goodbye To You And To 2024 …

So this is it, the last post of the year.

Can’t believe it.

Looking back on 2024, I have to admit that generally it’s been a really good year for me.

+ The family are happy and healthy.
+ I’m happy and unnervingly healthy.
+ Work has been good and rewarding.
+ My team have been [generally] bloody wonderful, haha.
+ I got to travel a bunch to work with talented people on awesome projects.
+ I experienced stuff I’ve never had the chance to do before, which at my age is epic.
+ I was part of some creativity that’s right up there with some of the best stuff I’ve ever done.
+ This blog – albeit by its ‘questionable standards’ – had some pretty decent posts. Kinda.
+ I got a bunch of new tattoos and a new car – albeit one that was crashed into within a week.
+ Forest stayed in the Premiership and – so far – are doing better than the last 2 seasons.
+ And last but by no means least, the Tories got kicked out of government in the UK.

So, with that list of achievements and experiences, I can say this year, by all accounts, has been a pretty epic year for me.

Now I completely appreciate my privilege in being able to say this when so many are having such a hard time, but I can’t deny it happened … and while I’m obviously grateful for it, I also know it is as much down to luck than any so-called ability I may or may not have.

That said – and in no way am I trying to suggest this ‘balances things out’ – there’s been a few things that have been very challenging for me and my family to deal with this year. Not just in terms of the shit the World is going through right now … but things much closer to home.

The loss of our dear Rosie after 17 amazing years, the break-up of my best friend’s marriage after almost 20 and the horrible, premature death of a dear client placed a huge toll on us/me emotionally and professionally.

And while we know ‘life goes on’, that doesn’t mean they don’t leave scars … scars that I/we are still experiencing and dealing with today.

Each of these tragic events had a very destabilizing effect on me/us … amplified by the fact that in the case of Rosie and Paul/Shelly especially, they were long-term ‘stability pillars’ for us and now they are irrevocably fractured.

I should explain what I mean by ‘stability pillars’ …

Put simply, they were entities we could rely on – or lean on – through good times and bad.

An emotional life-raft, as it were … and given we have chosen to live so far away from so many of the people and places we feel most connected to, it meant we probably had an over-reliance on their involvement in our life.

An over-reliance that we may have taken too much for granted. Thinking it will never change or go away. Naïve maybe.

Now don’t get me wrong, we have friends in NZ and enjoy living here, but it’s different … partly because we’re not from here, partly because we’re still relatively new here and partly because we know we won’t be here forever.

Of course, I get that’s ultimately our choice and decision, but the point is for all the positive things that have happened to us and for us this year – and there’s more than we could have hoped for or maybe even deserve, at least in my case – the impact of those 3 important relationships, have left an indelible mark on the year for us.

Which leads to why this holiday season is so important for me … for us … and most likely for the people involved and affected by the events that have happened.

I cannot tell you how much I’m looking forward to it. Not just because it’s a break, but because it’s a chance to unite, gather, refresh, restore and replenish.

I absolutely get others deserve – and most likely need – it more, but it still is very important and valuable to us too.

Fortunately, not only will we be getting it, but by living in NZ – which, as I wrote here, is the best place in the World to have it – it means we will have the space to truly embrace it and I’ve never been so grateful for it.

Talking of grateful …

This year was only possible because of the people around me.

From my family and friends, through to my colleagues and [some] of my clients, haha.

But it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge the people who read my rubbish on here.

And while I no longer allow comments, I know there’s still a bunch of people out there who do thanks to the data, the emails or the sarcastic texts. [Hello Andy!]

I’ve been writing this for almost 2 decades and in many ways, it has forged the glue of connection that has made our constant moving around the World a bit easier.

A way to never feel too alone. Too isolated. Too new.

That may sound dramatic, but it’s true.

Which is why I want to offer my thanks to each and every one of you for all you have done for me – even if it’s just occasionally read what I write.

I’m grateful for your interest and commentary and hope the holidays will be as good to you, as I hope 2025 is good for all of us.

Just with mine being a little bit better than yours … hey, I’m an only-child, so what do you expect? Haha.

In all honesty, I have some specific plans/hopes for next year. Plans/hopes that could give me a different perspective and experience in my – and my families – life. Whether that happens is anyone’s guess, but I’m quite excited to see if I can pull it off. See what we may discover and experience if it happens, both individually and as a family.

But before that can even happen, it’s time to rest …

So with that, I say ta-ra.

See you on the other side.

For year 19, starting Jan 13, 2025.

Happy holidays everyone. Wherever you are. Whatever you celebrate.

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Forget Emperors New Clothes, It’s The Egg Salad Salesmen You Have To Worry About …

As tomorrow is one of those terribly indulgent ‘thank you and goodbye to ’24 post’ [the blog equivalent of boring someone with ‘what they dreamed about last night’], I thought today should be a RobMegaRant™ post … ending the year as I hope to start next year, hahaha.

So with that, take a look at this bloody amazing picture.

How awesome is it?

I have absolutely no idea where it’s from or when it’s from but I can’t stop looking at it.

The browns.
The clothes.
And then – of course – the egg salad machine.

You can imagine that at the time, this was a demonstration of innovation.

Of technological advancement.

Of commercial optimisation.

A glimpse into an automated world of high efficiency and effectiveness.

Removing barriers and friction to provide audiences with consistent, satisfying results.

Except it wasn’t was it?

Not in the long-term … and most likely not in the short-term either.

Oh sure, there’s machines that make industrial amounts of egg salad to shove in cheap and cheerful sandwiches you get at the local petrol station … but in 54 years of being on – and around – this planet, I’ve never once seen any ‘public egg salad maker/dispensers’.

Not even in Japan.

And that’s because it’s a shit idea, for a shit-ton of reasons.

Taste.
Quality.
Consistency.
Health and safety.
The fact no one wants egg salad every single day of their life.
And that’s before we even get to issues such as ‘appetite appeal’.

Looking at the picture and you can’t help but wonder, “what the fuck were they thinking”?

Except our industry does a similar thing ALL. THE. TIME.

An endless production line of ‘proprietary’ systems, processes, models and formats … promising the world and promoted using almost identical language and benefits that was likely used for that bloody egg volcano machine.

Innovation.
Automation.
Optimisation.
Advancement.
Transformation.
Effectiveness.
Efficiency.

Put aside that in most cases, the only ‘proprietary’ element is the name that’s been given to it.

Put aside that in many cases, the people behind it have never created something of disproportionate value and impact.

Put aside that the vast majority of these ‘innovations’ are more about not being left behind rather than moving you forward. [Read: marketing transformation]

Put aside that in many cases, the real purpose of the product is to reinforce the ego – and/or bank account – of the person claiming to have all the answers.

Put aside that many of the companies who flock to it tend to be those who choose to abdicate and outsource their responsibility for decisions and choices.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some really good innovations in our industry. There are also far too many people who dismiss change simply because they don’t like it. And we cannot forget that we unfairly expect new ideas to deliver the results of established ideas.

However, when certain parties peddle their products, tools, services, models, formats with the attitude of it not just being the right way, but ‘the only way’ – where they guarantee success regardless of category, country or spend – then frankly, not only should we see their declarations as an admission of [at best] blinkered thinking or [at worst] evidence of being a chancer and/or hustler … we should be asking ourselves why the fuck are we blindly trusting the self-serving voice and opinion of those whose only major commercial achievement is elevating their own name and image.

I am over efficiency and optimisation being peddled as innovation and progress.
I am over process being regarded as more important than output.
I am over loose association being reframed as expertise.
I am over easy being more valued than quality.
I am over people thinking being good in one thing means they’re excellent in all things.

We need to stop thinking of insurance salesmen as pioneers.

Sure, the good ones have a role to play – especially when companies are downgrading training for their employees – but it’s not as a leader of marketing/brand/creative innovation. Even more so when the reality is many are either riding on the efforts and achievements of someone else or simply communicating the 101 of particular disciplines under the guise of it being at the highest academic standard.

Forgive me for my skepticism, but even if it was true – which it isn’t – I don’t see many universities achieving cultural status and influence through their marketing approach. Hell, most universities don’t even know how to differentiate themselves from each other.

Please don’t read this as being anti-education. God no.

The reality is the industry needs more teachers. Or should I say better ones.

Not the self-appointed guru’s who peddle their self-serving blinkered services for profit, but those who have been there and done that. Who have consistently done things at a standard that goes way beyond just basic levels of achievement. Who can talk from the perspective of being at the coalface, not from a pedestal. Watching on with their binoculars. We need to celebrate those with actual experience, not just assoicated opinions.

Or said another way, we need chefs not egg salad salesmen.

Lets hope in 2025, we get back to valuing the ingredients, not just the convenience.

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