The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Nothing Says You Care Like Trying To Manipulate You Using Family Death As A Justification …

OK, as I wrote yesterday, this week has been full of loving and nice posts.

Or as long and nice as I can get.

And tomorrow – as it’s the closest day to Otis’ 8th birthday – I’m going to drown you in it.

So I thought I’d better show I’ve still got some hate in me before you call the hospital.

And Police.

Fortunately, Uber have made it easy for me to do this. Again.

Because for all their claims ‘we’re a good, people-focused company these days’, they show they’re not.

Or, at the very least, lacking any sense of self awareness whatsoever.

Have a look at this ..

What. The. Absolute. Fuck?

Like seriously, what the hell?

Now to be honest, this may be a joke tweet. I didn’t see it myself but was sent it by a friend.

But the fact I can imagine it’s real, highlights how questionable Uber are.

Because – lets face it – anyone that uses the death of a loved one to try and guilt trip you into hiring their taxi service has some major issues going on.

And they don’t even get it right because they suggest the reason you should do it is to ‘treat yourself’ rather than respect the loss of your grandfather.

They even dare say it’s what ‘grandpa would have wanted’.

The evil pricks.

But why would I think they’d understand how disgusting this behaviour is?

For all the fluff PR pieces they’ve put out … we all know Uber don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything other than lining their own pocket.

So here’s hoping anyone who falls for this lets grandpa’s ashes fall out all over the back of the Uber Black seats and force it off the road for a few days so it can be cleaned. Because annoying someone who is trying to bully and manipulate their grandkids is what grandpa really would have wanted.

Assholes.

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Dumb Luck …

There’s a narrative that to be rich, you have to be smart.

Or very, very lucky.

Whether that viewpoint is true or not is probably more an individual take than a general view. But what isn’t talked about very often is how success can make you stupid.

The comedian Billy Connolly once said the world smells of fresh paint, because wherever the Queen walks [RIP] … 20 feet in front of her is someone painting the walls white.

Or said another way, wherever successful people go, ‘yes people’ follow.

Never did I see that more in action than when I lived in America.

OH MY GOD.

The ‘manage-up’ attitude was incredible to witness.

Basic thoughts were met with an ever increasing amount of fawning responses …

“That’s a brilliant idea”.

“Genius”.

“You’re so clever”.

And all this resulted in was leaders thinking they were Gods … walking on clouds thinking the world was looking up and worshiping them … pushing confidence in their own voice to greater and greater levels, so they spouted even more ridiculous viewpoints that they packaged-up as next-level Yoda statements for their entourage to fake swoon over.

I say this because I recently saw this …

WHAT THE HELL?

I mean, what does ‘the smartest praline in the World’ even mean?

Does it have Alexa inside them?

Or maybe the new iWatch Ultra?

Or did they get Einstein’s body, crush it up and placed fragments into each nut.

Seriously, what the hell are they going on about???

Well it gets worse.

No, really.

Because when you watch the ad, ‘the smartest praline in the world’ translates to the ability to be a sexpest on public transport … I kid you not.

The good news is this ad is apparently old … but it still perfectly demonstrates nothing can make you more egotistically stupid, than being successful.

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Superlative Stupidity …
February 28, 2022, 8:00 am
Filed under: Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, Context, Crap Campaigns In History, Marketing Fail

I get that in life, people find different things exciting.

Some think train spotting is a thrill, for example.

I also understand that people like to think the job or industry they work in is exciting. It lets them feel they have value … importance … a purpose of repute.

But things go wrong when you try to convince others that what you do is exciting when the context they have for it, is the absolute opposite.

Which is my long-winded way of saying why this ad is basically insane.

Bringing the excitement back to dentistry???

What the hell?

And if that wasn’t bad enough, their explanation of what that means is even more delusional.

+ A general check up.
+ Two X-Rays.
+ Scale and clean.
+ All for the low price of 25 quid.

OK, £25 does seem cheap – in fact, it seems TOO cheap – but I have to say, I doubt anyone outside of dentistry would find this news ‘exciting’.

Christ, the British have terrible teeth so they’re definitely not going to buy into this bullshit. In fact, I’d go as far to say that I doubt even dentist-loving American’s would find this news ‘exciting’ … and they go hyper over teeth.

I am sure they are a good company. In fact I know they are. And anyone who goes into dentistry is worthy of extra praise because I can’t imagine what it’s like staring into people’s mouths each day.

But according to whoever wrote this – or thought this – it seems they believe a visit to the dentist can rival a night out to a concert or a theatre or even a night in front of the telly.

To which I want to tell them this.

It doesn’t and it can’t.

So stop making ads that are as painful as a visit to the dentist.

Thank you.



With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies …

Way back in 2007, I wrote a post called, Should Ink Stink?

It was how Mont Blanc had gone into fragrance and I found the whole thing a bit bizarre.

Then in 2008 I wrote about how Ferrari had licensed their name to a bloody memory card … in some very loose nod to how fast the 4gb SD card could save and upload files.

You’d think things couldn’t get worse, but over the years we’ve seen more than a few candidates for the title of ‘what the fuck were they thinking’ but in 2021, we finally got a winner.

To be fair, the brand in question is old, so you could imagine the license owner thought they may as well say yes to anything if it will make them a few extra bob.

But – and it’s a big but – late last year they released a special edition ‘reunion’ of the brand, and the clamor to get access to it from people and press all around the world was immense … which makes the decision to lend their name to this product ‘extension’ even stranger.

What am I talking about?

This.

Yes, that is a Friends manicure set and carry case.

Why???

WHY???

Yes, the cast of Friends were young and beautiful … but I don’t know if anyone in the history of the show ever commented on their nails.

And why a carry case?

How many people use their manicure set so often, they need a case to transport it?

Hell, how many people need a new set of nail scissors and nail file anyway?

Hell, they even had to say ‘The Television Series’ on the package, because they knew no one would naturally associate the TELEVISION COMEDY WITH A MOBILE MANICURE SET.

Does it even have the Friends logo on the actual manicure case?

What if it doesn’t? What is the fucking point of it then?

Actually, what is the point of it whether it’s on or off.

Frankly, if someone pulled out a manicure suitcase I’d already be concerned.

If that suitcase then had the Friends logo on it, I’d be bloody petrified.

How much did this license cost?

How many products did they end up actually selling?

Who was behind this utter insanity?

The only good thing about it is that when I saw this product, I laughed more than I laughed at any episode of the last 2 seasons of the show.

The theme song sings the words, “I’ll be there for you”.

Well, if it means they’re there with a Friends manicure set in its own case, I’d rather you didn’t thank you very much.



When You Create Ads With Your Head In The Underground …

OK, I’m ‘proper back’ now and look at that – we’re in February!!!

Maybe I should just write a blog post on the last or first of every month and make life easier for all of us?

Nahhhhhhhh … where’s the enjoyment in that when there’s so much stuff out there to comment on, like this monstrosity of an ad that I saw recently …

Putting aside the fact anyone who wants to be ‘the most interesting person in the room’ is basically admitting they have an ego the size of Bono … or the average person working in adland, the choice of image for this ad is the most stupid I’ve seen in a very, very long time.

Since when were escalators at tube stations a room?

And I’m guessing the people behind it either don’t live in London because if they did, they’d know the first – and biggest – social cardinal sin in that city is speaking to anyone anywhere in the vicinity of the tube.

When I lived in London, I was told in no uncertain terms of this fact within days of being there by a bloke I was squashed next to, as we were on our way to Heathrow Airport.

He also had some luggage with him so I asked, “where are you off to?” and the look he gave me was as if I’d asked him to tell me his families home address and what times are they out.

He literally said, “don’t you know you’re not supposed to talk to people on the tube?”

Hahahahahahahaha.

So with that in mind … and the fact the image they’ve chosen shows people all in a row, all facing the back of the person in-front’s head – which makes having any conversation a bit difficult – maybe Curio should just change the headline of their ad to ‘be the most annoying person in the room’ and be done with it.

Let’s face it, it would probably be more a appropriate explanation of what the app supposedly helps you become, whether they use a visual of the London Underground or not.