The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Pride Can Come Before A Fall, But It Can Also Make You Stick Things Out To Let The Impossible Happen So A Prick Doesn’t Win…

I have written before that apart from my friend Paul, I owe almost everything in my life to the fact I left the UK and went on an adventure.

Without that, I would not have met my wife … would not have had my son … would not have had my pets … would not be working with rock stars … would not have had all the life experiences and adventures I’ve been fortunate to enjoy and almost certainly would not have the career I currently enjoy.

That’s pretty huge when you think about it and while there’s a whole list of people I need to thank for making it all possible, one of them is an old boss.

Who was a prick.

I had a rather complex relationship with this individual.

Because while they were pompous, petty, condescending and rude, they were also smart, knowledgable and experienced.

On top of that, they gave me a shot on a couple of projects that they probably shouldn’t have. I should point out that wasn’t because they necessarily believed in me – it was more there was no one else to do it – but I appreciated it all the same.

Anyway, when I decided to leave – to go explore opportunities in another country – they were pretty pissed off with me.

While I’d love to say it was because they didn’t want me to go, the reality was they were frustrated I was leaving after they’d agreed to give me a payrise.

That this ‘rise’ was still below market rate and they’d fucked me around for literally 2 years, seemed to have completely slipped their mind … which is maybe why on the day I left, they thought it would be ‘funny’ to write the following comment in my leaving card.

“You’ll be back. Come crawling”.

I remember watching him going around telling people what he had written, laughing hilariously at his own ‘joke’ and while I didn’t take it too much to heart – because everyone knew he was a bit of a prick – it still hurt.

Little did I know then, how those 5 little words would play such an pivotal role in how my career would turn out.

You see, when I ended up in this other country, I initially found it very difficult.

Not just because I didn’t have friends, contacts or a job … but because my Dad was very ill back in the UK.

In all honesty, the temptation to go back was huge but there were 2 reasons I stuck it out.

1. I wanted to show my gratitude to my parents for supporting and encouraging me to go, despite them going through a terribly tough time because of my Dad’s major stroke.
2. Those 5 little words.

While I’d like to think the former was the biggest motivator, I fear it may have been the latter.

That’s pretty pathetic isn’t it … especially as I could have gone back without having to go back to that old job.

But I wasn’t going to let him have the satisfaction directly or indirectly.

And so I persevered.

Pushed, prodded, walked the streets, did shitty, temporary roles … anything that kept me from gaving to go back with my tail betweeen my legs.

And it everntually worked out.

Not because of any talent I did or did not have, but because of my perseverence.

And willingness to take any bullshit salary … hahaha.

But for me, getting a break was my main objective … because while I knew I was not the smartest strategst, I knew my work ethic meant I could out-work most.

Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that is a toxic trait – but it is my trait – and back then, it was a way for me to prove my worth to agencies/clients who didn’t have to give me a chance or keep me on board.

Of course, over the years, my motivation for continuing to explore the possibilities of the World and my career have evolved.

These days it is far more about wanting to feel I’d be making my parents proud than it is me reacting to 5 little words from a toxic, little manager.

But I also have to acknowledge that without that persons toxic motivation, it is unlikely I would be in the situtation I currently enjoy.

So thank you AC … you were a strange little man, but for all the fucked up shit you did – and there was plenty – you did one thing right, even if it was wrong.

And while I doubt you even remember me – let alone care what I’ve done – it doesn’t matter.

Because I didn’t come back and didn’t come crawling and so for that, I won, so there.

It’s Easter long-weekend that then leads into a big week for me/Colenso – from us hosting Fergus and his OnStrategy podcast to me saying goodbye [for the second time] to someone who is very special to me … so have a great weekend, overeat Chocolate and Hot Cross Buns and I’ll see you Tuesday.

Till then, this is for you AC.

With thanks.

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If You Want The Work To Lead You Forwards, Learn From Musicians Not Marketing Practice …

So we got through the first week of this blog in 2025.

Congratulations … we all survived and no one died. I think.

That said, the subject matters of the posts have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with things such as anger, frustration and loss. So with that in mind, I thought I’d end the week on a more positive tone.

Kinda.

One thing I have always actively rallied against is stringent strategic processes.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about rigor or standards – obviously I do – however I don’t think that is demonstrated by blindly following a set process that has pre-determined what is or isn’t of value.

There’s 3 main reasons for this.

1. It automatically narrows and filters what can be used.
2. It ignores differing contexts, situations and categories.
3. You are actively stopping the chance for happy accidents and/or better answers.

It’s one of the main reasons I love working with artists, because at the end of the day – they are the creative – so for them, they determine success by what they FEEL is better rather than what the process tells them it is.

Nothing brought this home more to me than a scene in the documentary about the making of Do They Know It’s Christmas back in 1984.

Bob Geldof and Midge Ure had got together to write a song that they hoped would raise money for the starving in Africa. The single – launched in December ’84 – featured many of the up and coming posters of the era, ‘bullied’ into turning up by the irrepressible Geldof.

Over the space of a chaotic 24 hours, singers … duo … bands … all traipsed into SARM studios to record a song that had just been written and no one knew. Amazingly, there were few egos, with everyone focused on what they had to do, but it’s here that we see a brilliant example of letting the process play second fiddle to perfection’.

George Michael was at the mic and told how to sing his line.

He did it, but while sounding good, he felt it did not reflect the power he wanted to put into it.

So he suggested changing the intonation and sang it.

And he was right, it did sound better …

In fact, it became an iconic moment in the song.

But it might not have been if he was working with people obsessed with following the process than valuing what the process is supposed to deliver.

Fortunately, George was being produced by 2 other singers – and the incredible Trevor Horn, who owned SARM – who recognized that what they had suggested was no where near as good as what he had delivered. And so while it had an impact on how the following lines of the song were structured, they embraced it because ultimately, they knew it was better.

Have a look at this:

[As an aside, you should watch this fascinating interview where Geldof explains how self-awareness about his career meant he was uniquely positioned to identify the need and opportunity for the Band Aid single]

Now you may think this is obvious and I shouldn’t be making a big deal out of it.

And you’re right, it is … except we live in an age where too many companies focus more on the systems, processes and marketing practices than what they produce.

If you think I’m talking rubbish, ask yourself this.

Is there more conversation, debate and value placed on the process being put forward or the work delvered?

I would hasten a guess it’s the former.

It blows my mind.

As I said, process is important – but often its developed without any consideration to what it needs to create or change … blindly believing that if the process is ‘right’, then whatever comes out the other end must be too.

Which – as history and marketing has continued to prove – is bollocks.

Almost as bollocks as people sticking with whatever is made – even though they know it’s not as good as it could be – because ultimately they can point to ‘a process’ and outsource any responsibility of output to that.

How fucking cowardly.

But musicians don’t do that.

Musicians play for the song. Always.

Which is why they’re open to possibilities because the goal isn’t control, it’s expression.

Here are two other examples of it …

First Rick Rubin with his suggestion to Jay-Z on how to start 99 Problems

And Eddie van Halen, rearranging Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’ so the solo sounded better:

Let’s be clear here, Jay-Z is hardly a shrinking violet. Same for Jackson. And yet they were open to their guests making a suggestion because they [1] knew it was coming from a good place and [2] it was better.

How often does that happen in our line of work?

How often does someone with ZERO experience in a particular discipline tell someone with a track record how to do their job. How to make something better?

It’s why I laugh when people like Mark Ritson comment on what is/isn’t good creativity.

Don’t get me wrong, he knows a huge amount about marketing practice … he offers real value in developing important marketing 101 rules and behaviours, but he knows fuck all about creativity or innovation.

And I wouldn’t care a less if he didn’t bang on like he was God.

As I said, he is very smart and can make a huge difference to certain sorts of companies. But – despite what he likes to think – not all companies. And the reason why I will always value someone like Rubin more than Ritson is that Rubin plays for the work, not for his own ego.

Open to someone being better. Or smarter. Or just making a better idea.

Not because they don’t care about the process, but because they care more about what it’s supposed to deliver.

Musicians often get dismissed as ramshackle and chaotic.

But if you look at some of the approaches adopted by artists such as Bjork, Metallica, Miley, Travis Scott, ABBA, Radiohead, Dolly Parton, The Black Keys, Rihanna, Marillion, Kendrick Lamare, Prince, Queen, Def Leppard, Pharrell and a whole host more – covering everything from crowdsourcing, business models, brand extensions, distribution management, brand assets, copyright investment, differentiation and distinction, gaming, brand experience and overall innovation in communication to name but a few – you will see they have pioneered more business and communication approaches and practice than almost any of the brands and gurus out there. Or at least done it before most of them.

Part of that is because they’re driven by their need to express themselves with total authenticity. Part of that is because they’re very aware of the context they’re entering – rather than blindly thinking what worked before will automatically work again. And part of that is because the process stops when things outside the process offer something better.

Which is why if you want to increase the odds of making something truly special happen … think like a musician, not a marketing practitioner.

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And So It Begins. For The 19th Bloody Time …

Happy 2025 and welcome to year 19 of my rubbish.

I trust/hope you had a good break … even if that is simply because I didn’t write a blog post for a few weeks.

I had a great one.

Not just – as I’ve written before – because New Zealand does the ‘holiday season’ better than anywhere on the planet, but because this year was so different to the year before.

And just to reinforce how much better it was, the day I landed back in NZ I was rushed to hospital as my ‘good eye’ decided to basically stop working.

I say ‘good eye’ because when I was 21, my right eye got a detached retina [from picking up a bag of bloody coal, like some cliched Northerner from the 1800’s ] and while they managed to reattach it – which was touch and go due to some complications – it resulted in it having very bad vision out of it. However, thanks to my left eye being good, I’ve never had to worry about my sight beyond how much it costs to have for lenses that don’t look like I’m wearing beer bottles on my face plus the general protection of my head and eyes.

Even though it has been like this for 33+ years, I’ve never taken my sight – or the protection of my eyes – for granted, so you can imagine how freaked out I was when suddenly my good eye basically stopped working a day before we flew back to NZ from Asia.

Now it’s not totally sorted, but I have been assured it will over the next couple of months [which is handy as you can see from the photo below, I look bloody weird with different sized pupils which means people are even less inclined to look at me] and yet despite all this, I STILL CONSIDER THIS HOLIDAY BETTER THAN LAST YEARS.

Let me explain why …

You see back in December 2023, I started work with a new private client.

They had asked me to do a big project for them with a first check-in date of mid-Jan.

I knew it would take a couple of weeks or so to write things up but stupidly, I decided I’d do it over the holidays rather than before.

There was some rationale for that decision …

+ I had a bunch of stuff to finish before the holidays.
+ I had a bunch of reading to do relating to who this client was as a person/artist.
+ I was exhausted and wanted a break before I got stuck into things.
+ It was the bloody festive season and that’s a time I wanted to spend with family.

But the problem was that even though I had a plan for when to do the work, my brain wouldn’t let me forget about it.

So each day, the thought of the work I had to do would nag and niggle at me.

Slowly upping the volume and pressure.

So as each day ended, all I could think about was how I had even less time to relax before I had to start work, which resulted in me not being able to fully enjoy or relax until – in what felt like the blink of an eye – it was time to get started.

When that happened, the annual break I was so looking forward to, wasn’t just over … but never even had a chance to properly start. So instead of being relaxed and ready, I was tired and anxious.

Add to that, that the holiday season the year before had also been rather a traumatic – with Otis and I both ending up in hospital and my dear friend Chelsea, passing away – I was a shattered, emotionally not just physically.

The result of this was that the first 3 months of 2024 were, in all honesty, one of the most stressful times of my life. Not necessarily because the project was hard – though it was certainly demanding, albeit incredibly exciting – but because I had not allowed myself the break I needed to be ready for a completely new challenge.

The good news – if you can call it that – was the impact of these choices and decisions was very obvious to me and I knew I would never, ever let something like that happen to me again. Which is why before the most recent holidays started, I wrote to all my clients – both my private ones and Colenso’s international ones, who don’t have the same holiday duration as our local clients – telling them I was out.

Not ‘out unless you have an urgent requirement’ … but out.

Nada. Zilch. Gone.

And you know what?

No one minded. Not one.

Now, you could say that’s because they find me an absolute pain-in-the-ass to deal with, but I think – or should I say, hope – I believe it is because they respected my time and respected the efforts I’d put into their business over the past 11 months.

I get not everyone has that opportunity.
I get being able to have a break of this duration is a privilege.
But the reality is a break is the greatest investment you can make in yourself or your people.

It gives them a chance to decompress. To think. To let shit go. To get excited again.

Doesn’t matter if you’re a checkout operator or an old bastard, advertising strategist.

It’s why I hate how some companies treat ‘holidays’ like it’s a gift … something you can only have if it suits the organisations needs, timelines and ego.

Fuck that.

For all the talk companies say about ‘our staff being our greatest asset’, the second best demonstration of that – after being paid fairly – is valuing, encouraging and protecting their rights to a break.

And by that, I mean respecting their people’s right and need to have ‘proper holidays’ rather than attempting to hide their toxicity under the guise of bullshit like unlimited holidays … which not only aren’t ever true, but are something they actively go out of their way to ensure can never be realised.

And don’t get me started on the US attitude to vacations, with their 10 days a year allowance … meaning many people can’t have any break of significance without either years of sacrifice or days of unpaid leave.

It’s why I’m eternally grateful for Colenso’s attitude to holidays.

And why I’m eternally grateful for how NZ values and protects their ‘festive season break’.

[Though one unfortunate side-effect is people often don’t take a break in the rest of the year so they can save it all up for the end of the year, which can also contribute to people feeling and experiencing burnout]

And why I’m eternally grateful to my clients for appreciating and encouraging it for me.

Of course part of the reason for their generosity is because it’s in their interests … because a holiday increases the odds great things will happen for them thanks to your renewed energy, focus and inspiration. But hey, I respect they get this because we all win from it rather one person feeling indebted to the other for having what is their god-damn given right to have.

So hello 2025 … let’s see what you’ve got in store for me.

Or should I say, look out for what I’ve got in store for you.

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Who We Are Is Not Who We Were …

A few weeks ago, I found myself wandering around Marina Del Ray, in LA.

It’s an area I know well given I both worked and lived relatively near the place a few years ago.

Anyway, as I was strolling around, I was looking at the boats moored along the marina. Be under no illusion, you need a bunch of cash to own a boat in LA and even more to be able to afford to keep it in a shared dock – but that’s the thing about Los Angeles, it’s a place of financial extremes.

There were all manner of boats in all manner of shapes and sizes … but the thing that grabbed my attention was their choice of names.

I love hearing what people call things.

Years ago, with cynic, we did a project with a video rental company [told you it was years ago] which included us exploring the ‘passwords’ people had on their account.

We didn’t know whose account it was – or the details of the recipient – it was just a list of random passwords. Anyway, it was pretty fascinating.

No random letters or numbers.

In fact, nothing approaching any level of security protocol whatsoever.

Instead, it seemed to be words that reflected a family ‘trait’, an individual’s alter-ego or something mischievous that the creator forgot would have to be said out loud to the store assistant every time they rented a film.

I say this because as I looked at the boats, there seemed to be a similar approach to its naming protocol.

Of course a boat name is very different to a password, but for all the choices you have, many seemed to fall into certain groups.

+ Reference to life on ‘the high seas’.
+ An individual persons name.
+ A sea-reference pun.
+ Or a mark of achievement …

… of which, none was better than this.

For those who can’t read it properly, it’s called, ‘Dream Worked’.

I have to say, I bloody love it.

Of all the names I saw, this was arguably the most honest.

A statement that whether through hard work, luck or other means … their ambition to own a boat in LA had come off.

They’d done it.

Hit the goal.

I wanted to meet the owner. To hear their story. To understand their journey.

Was the boat the prize or a byproduct of it?

Maybe my interest in the boat was because we all like a good news story. Or because I like learning how – and why – people do stuff. Or maybe it’s simply because I’m approaching that point in life where you’re running out of time for dreams to work and so you’re questioning what you’ve done or still want to do.

This is not in any way trying to say I’ve suffered.

If I’m being honest, the life I live is beyond anything I could ever have imagined or hoped for. Probably more than my teachers imagined for me too.

But despite being 54, I still have a lot of ambitions.

Things I want to do.
Things I want to try.
Things I want to see.
Things I want to achieve.

However – as I’ve mentioned many times – the older you get, the more you realise not only will you not be able to do all of them, you won’t even be able to pursue all of them. You have to be more focused with your energy and time. You need to prioritize rather than chase down every rabbit hole.

Frankly, that part of growing older is shit especially as I’m someone whose entire bloody life has been chasing the intrigue, the possibility and the creative opportunity. But whether I like it or not, I’m slowly learning how important it is to be more measured in my choices if I want to keep moving forward rather than standing still.

Sure I’ve had to accept I’ll be working at a different pace than before.
Sure I’ve had to accept I’ll be working from a different place than before.
But it means I don’t have to accept what others expect me to do and frankly, that’s all the motivation I need.

However despite all this, growing older in your career does ask questions of you.

Uncomfortable questions.

You realise your relevance in the industry you work in is reducing.

Your abilities haven’t – quite the opposite – but their desire to hear or work with it has.

And it can feel like you’re being left behind when you’ve got so much still to give.

Like you’re screaming in a vacuum that no one gives a shit about, hahaha.

A while back I saw a quote from an ex-footballer than summed this up perfectly …

I get it. We all will at some point …

It really forces you to question who you are and what you’ve done.

And how you deal with it defines where you can go with it.

So while it was more luck than judgement, I consider myself very fucking lucky that I fell into a new chapter of my life … where I have got to learn, express and discover how my creativity can be used in new ways with incredibly talented new people … the best and most successful of the best and most successful … who, despite all they’ve achieved, value what you do and bring far more than who you are and what you have.

I’m under no illusion it could all end tomorrow, but it’s going great right now and the stuff I’m getting to do and be a part of is not just creatively exciting, it’s allowing my creative ambitions to flex and be pushed.

To be able to do that at any age is awesome, but to do it at 54 – alongside rockstars, fashion gods and creative legends – is fucking incredible.

Which is why I realized – as I walked around those boats in Marina Del Ray – that if I had a boat, I wouldn’t call it ‘Dream Worked’ … it would be ‘The Dreams Working’ … because to be at this point of life and still be able to look forward and see exciting possibilities rather than just look back at what you’ve done, feels like the greatest achievement of all.

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As an aside, today is the 3rd annual ‘Fuck Off And Pie’ Colenso Planner Bake-Off competition.

A time where, contrary to this post, I am reminded I’m the biggest failure of all time.

Or should I say the ‘silver medal’ biggest failure.

I’ll let you know if I maintain this standard or – god forbid – achieve gold loser status.

Given this years theme is ‘birthday cake’ I’m in with a shot and to be honest I like what I’ve done.

Not just in the fact it tastes pretty good – no, seriously – but because I’ve created a design and theme that will never be forgotten. Especially by our HR department. And probably by my colleagues and team mates who run the risk of spending Christmas with gastro. The gift that keeps on giving. Cue: Evil laugh.

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