Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Auckland, Brand Suicide, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History, Creativity, Dad, Experience, Imagination, New Zealand, Packaging, Perfume, Relevance, Unexpected Relevance
Over the years I’ve written a lot about scent companies – both for men and women, both good and bad. Or should I say, terrible.
And while it has been more focused on preposterous nature of their advertising – I mean, who can forget the car crash that was Gerard Butler’s ‘Man Of Tomorrow’ bollocks for Hugo Boss – I’ve covered everything from when Mont Blanc decided to go from ink to stink when Moschino thought the perfect bottle design to convey the sophistication of their scent was a detergent bottle to the absolute insanity of this.
DO NOT CLICK THAT LAST ONE IF YOU ARE AT WORK. INSTEAD GET A – ERRRRRM TASTE – OF WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BY CLICKING HERE OR IF YOU ARE FEELING A BIT BRAVER, THEN YOU CAN CLICK HERE. BUT YOU PROBABLY STILL DON’T WANT TO DO THAT IF YOU’RE AT WORK.
Now, to be honest, nothing in the universe will ever beat that last example … but recently I did see something that wanted to give it a run for its money. Not in terms of smut, but stupid.

Now I admit, I’m not the biggest fan of the Friday 13th movies – or horror for that matter – but even if I was, I don’t know if I’d like to smell of it.
Though what the smell of it still is unknown.
Is it of corpses?
Is it of blood?
Is it of the desperation of whoever was behind this to try and make a quick buck.
On one hand, I am kinda-in-awe they did it because let’s be honest – the business case for it must be pretty niche. Plus they went all out on the packaging because it comes in a box designed to look like a VHS video tape.
However, if I can find this product in New Zealand – a place on the other side of the planet with only 5 million living here – then the peeps behind this product must have spent pretty big on it, which begs the question, WHO THE FUCK DID THEY THINK IS GOING TO BUY IT?
Well, according to the literature, it’s potential serial killers who think murder is fun. I quote:
Warner Bros Horror Friday The 13th Eau de Toilette is a fun and fearless scent that allows you to discover the safe deeper inner you. Comes boxed in a VHS to bring you back memories as well as scents. Perfect for any special occasion.
And they have the audacity to say it’s ‘perfect for any special occasion’.
Maybe it is if your special occasion is the homocidal murder of people at a kids camp, but for any other occasion, I’m not so sure.
Which reminds me of something my Dad once said to me.
“If you think people on the streets are crazy, try looking at people in the boardroom”
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Brand, Comment, Communication Strategy, Creativity, Culture, Emotion, Family, Fashion, Fulfillment, Happiness, Health, Individuality

So as I wrote a couple of weeks ago, my health situation has had a profound affect on me.
Not just physically, but emotionally.
From actually liking myself a bit to suddenly being interested in clothes – simply because now I feel I have access to choice, whereas before I was left behind by it.
I know that might sound weird for a person who has seemingly only ever worn shorts/jeans, black t-shirts with weird logos on them and Birkenstocks … but while I love those items and still wear those items, I have to acknowledge some of this may have been influenced by their accessibility to me.
But now a whole new world has opened up.
Different shapes, different styles, different colours and different brands.
Admittedly, part of this has been helped by having a client who is the Godfather of Street Culture Fashion and who keeps sending me clothes from the brands he’s started/bought/owns … but maybe, for the first time in at least 3 decades, I not only can explore and experiment with fashion, I want to.
It’s stark, raving, bonkers.
And you know what else is crazy … they’re not too bad on me.
OK, I know I’m never going to be Mr Stylish, but I’m also not Mr Blobby anymore either.
It’s made everyone happier.
Me.
My family.
My friends.
My colleagues.
My clients … especially the fashion lot, who – maybe for the first time – are happy to be seen with me rather than just work with me.
But there’s one item of clothing that has now entered my life that really highlights the impact of this healthier lifestyle.
Again, part of it has been influenced by freebies – which in this case, the copious amount of NIKE’s I’ve been given over the years – but I’ve started buying socks.
FUCKING SOCKS!!! Who the hell am I?
But it gets worse, because they’re not the cheap, ultra-thin, black sock shit from the local supermarket that I’d have grabbed in the past [unless NIKE gave me some] … they’re socks like this:

Yep, designer-ish socks.
OK, so these are sweary socks – or KFC fan socks, depending where you look – but I have loads of different ones. In different colours. With different imagery and messages.
And I bought them.
With my own money.
And why did I do this?
Because – get this – I CAN COLOUR CODE THEM WITH WHAT I’M WEARING.
I find this both sickening and hilarious all at the same time. But I’m here for it, because it is a symbol that I am starting to care about myself in ways I never cared about myself. Not in some desperate need to look stylish – because we’ve already acknowledged I’ll never be that – but to remember than my health has given me choice.
Now I appreciate this sounds stupid.
And I appreciate most people have been this way for decades.
Plus – as a mate recently said – I acknowledge I’ve swapped one daft fashion addiction for another.
But for 53 years, I’ve never had a chance to explore this side of my character and so it’s all new, intriguing and fascinating. At least right now.
Of course it doesn’t mean I’ve ditched the birkies.
Or the jeans/shorts.
Or the black tees with weird logos on them.
It just means they’re more of a choice than a necessity and while there is a disgusting amount of superficiality behind what this has ignited within me, it’s quite an infectious feeling. Which is why I want to thank my family, friends, colleagues and clients for all their support and encouragement on this journey, because I couldn’t have done it without them. I should also thank them for not raising their eyebrows too much at some of the things I am turning up in each day, hahaha.
Hopefully you can tell from how much I’ve written about this subject in the last 4 months, that this has been an incredibly powerful and liberating experience for me. I may muck up in the future, but how I feel because of it is too strong for me to completely forget.
Which is why I can’t work out why health companies have not talked about this benefit in their advertising. Some may have mentioned it – albeit in very contrived and superficial ways – though most tend to either be utterly rational or all about body shape.
Now while I am sure those approaches connect to some audiences, from my perspective the most surprising and enjoyable benefit has been feeling I have been welcomed back into life. That I have choice. That I have a way to explore and express who I am and who I can be.
Or said another way, I get to play dress up, but for adults. And not in a weird way.
Well, not in the weird way some people could read that.
And while that may not sound exciting in words, for those experiencing it, it’s about as uplifting as you can get. Because you’re not just living life, you’re rediscovering it … but with all the experience and lessons from the years before. [But sadly, without the ability to exploit history to make loads of cash … damnit!]
As I’ve said before … should anyone be interested in knowing what I did and how I did it, just let me know. I’m no expert – and I still have a way to go – but I found a way to make it work for me and if it can help you, I will be happy to share.
No judgement. No expectations. And no recommendations on socks. Promise.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Audacious, BBH, Colenso, Colleagues, Comment, Confidence, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Management, Marketing, New Zealand, Provocative, Relevance, Resonance, Ridiculous, Wieden+Kennedy

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with advertising awards.
Of course, it’s nice to have them … but for me, it’s always about who you are competing against and who the judges are who are deciding them.
Oh, and whether those who have won before, won with real work or ‘ultra-niche, ultra-limited edition’ one-offs.
Also known as scam.
You generally can tell when that shit happens because they tend to either:
1. Be a one-off from the clients normal approach to work.
2. Be a one-off from the normal output of the agency.
Fortunately, it is less than it used to be, but still more than it should.
That’s why the agencies who do it properly deserve more credit.
To win awards as a byproduct of the work you make rather than it be the focus of the work you make, is a noble cause.
There’s more of them than we often give credit for … and you can generally tell who they are by how long they’ve been able to play at that level.
A few years ago, I wrote about how W+K and BBH were brilliant examples of this.
How they proved the old adage ‘it’s easier to get to the top than to stay there’.
And it’s so true.
Because without wanting to take anything away from anyone who does well, being able to do it consistently is an even greater achievement.
I say this because I think Colenso is one of these places.

For over 50 years, we’ve consistently made work that has been recognised by the best in the world as some of the best in the world.
NZ has tended to do very well in this area … DDB, Saatchi, Special to name a few … but few have done it with the longevity and sustainability of Colenso.
And a big part of that is because of the culture it cultivates.
From our approach to the work we make to the people we hire to make it … at the heart of everything is a deep love and respect for the power of creativity.
Lots of people will say that.
Lots of agencies will say that.
But you find out who means it through the work that they consistently make.
And that is – like all the places who consistently do good stuff – one of the traits that reveal who we really are.
That doesn’t mean we’re the easiest place to work.
Because even though the place is full of good and talented creative people … it’s also a challenging, demanding, opinionated and provocative environment, because ultimately, we have 50+ years of standards and expectations to honour, live up to and try to push further.
As the picture at the top of this page – from 934843049 years ago – shows.
But what’s interesting is how we want those standards and expectations to manifest.
Because it’s not about playing to be accurate, it’s about doing the right thing in the most interesting, original and audacious ways.
Do we always get it right?
Nope.
But we always strive to get it right and that’s why we are consistently awarded at the highest level for work as varied [and effective] as turning beer into an alternative fuel for cars, creating a radio station for dogs, getting Rick and Morty to explain green energy to youth culture and making a radio campaign that doubled as an outdoor campaign that asked New Zealand to make a radio campaign … to name but a very few.
And while this post sounds unbelievably corporate toady … it’s my way of paying homage to my colleagues and, especially, my partners.

Now I could wax lyrical about Si – our CCO – because he’s not just horribly talented, he is possibly the nicest human I’ve ever worked with.
[Well, I say nice, but he has his moments of evil – but even then, he manages to deliver it with a niceness that makes every Disney character look like a bunch of pricks]
But the reality is, you’d expect the leader of Colenso to be brilliant … otherwise why the hell are they here.
Which is why who I really need to acknowledge is our MD – Ange – because she’s the Ringmaster of the whole Colenso circus.
It can’t be easy.
Not just because she has to deal with me – let alone sit next to me – she also has to work with a bunch of people thinking up ridiculous ideas that challenge and confront on every level.
Not just creatively … but in terms of time, simplicity and possibility.
Yet she manages it.
More than that, she would fight for the death to maintain it.
Which is why the thing that is often forgotten about the agencies who consistently make great work is not just the people behind it … but the people who make it possible.
The people who create the conditions for it to thrive.
From the MD’s and finance people to the IT and support staff.
But – and here is the critical thing – it’s more than them just doing their job well, it’s them doing their job through the lens of what the whole company is striving to do.
Because to paraphrase that famous story of the janitor who met President Kennedy …
They’re not working in a vacuum, immune from the needs and ambitions of everyone around them… they’re helping make the most audacious ideas get out the door.
Here’s to all of them. Every last fucking one of them.
With that, the first month of ’24 is done. And I can tell you, I’m as surprised as anyone that I decided to finish it in such an earnest, generous way.
Let’s hope February is less nice. Even I feel sick with it.



