The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

[Sorry Mum, I know you like checking this blog out from time to time, but this is most definitely NOT one of those times. I promise you. Please don’t do it. Love you, Rx]

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So this is my last day in Portland and I’m basically going off the grid until mid-Oct.

It’s been a wonderful week, though whether my lovely colleagues at W+K feel the same way is very open to debate.

Anyway, I started the week with the threat of exposing you to a product so offensive, it would make the clean-away-your-sexual-past soap and anti-masturbatory gum I wrote about in the past, seem like Lego … and now is the time to expose you to it.

To start you off, have a look at their ‘ad’.

No, that is not a joke.

Yes, the ad really did feature a man who stole his ‘clients’ exercise bicycle seat so he could ‘smell her scent’.

Sadly, Vulva is a real aftershave that supposedly smells like a woman’s vagina.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Seriously, what sort of pervert wants to walk around the streets smelling like a ladies private parts?

In all honesty, anyone who buys it doesn’t actually have to splash [not the best choice of word] any of the scent on themselves, because they’d already look like a c***.

You still don’t believe me do you?

You don’t think it’s real.

Well, here’s a clip of Jonathan Ross when he ‘discovered’ Vulva.

Told you. It’s utterly mind-blowing isn’t it … and not in a good way.

If you want to see more – even though it means you are suffering from some sort of mental illness – you can check out a whole host of other videos here … and if you’re having a sexual mental breakdown, you can buy the product – for the bargain price of just 25 euros!!! – direct from their website shop.

Just for the record, I did not discover this by myself. A lovely ex-colleague, Tina, pointed me in its direction. I am hopeful it wasn’t because she thought I was a sexual deviant but given she left Wieden shortly afterwards, maybe she did.

Anyway, of all the mental products I have written about on this blog over the past 7+ years, I can honestly say Vulva aftershave/perfume wins the gold medal, though even I have to begrudgingly say, their choice of website name is sheer genius: smellmeand.com

With that, I am off till mid-Oct, however before I go, I would like to clarify, that my few weeks of disappearance has nothing to do with the Vulva product … I am not going to be a guest of the Betty Ford clinic for sexual perverts or anything. Honest

Right, I assume you – like me – now need to cleanse yourself in acid, so till next time, have fun and remember – as much as research likes to present society as rational, sensible beings – the fact is humans are hypocritical, emotional, fucked-up freaks and Vulva aftershave/perfume is testimony to that fact, but hey, at least it keeps life interesting.

And weird. Really, really weird.