The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Not because they were bad, but because their bosses were.

Blinkered.
Delusional.
Arrogant.
Toxic … albeit in a ‘positive’ way.
And of the opinion your job is to do whatever the client, or the bosses, want – regardless ofstandards, time or impact it has on the health and wellbeing of the team around them.

And yet each day, this individual did all they could to try and ‘win’ their bosses over.

But they failed.

Partly because they wanted to do the right thing, even if it was the harder thing.
Partly because they had their own ideas when their bosses just wanted them to blindly follow orders.
Partly because their bosses took some pleasure in bullying people into submission.

One day I took them out and asked what they were doing.

They told me they worked hard.
They told me they wanted to do the right thing for the client and the company.
They told me they just wanted to prove to their bosses they were good.

To which I told them this:

“Have you considered that if you win your bosses over, it means you’ve failed?”

There was a brief pause before they asked me what I meant – to which I told them that if they did eventually win their bosses approval, it would be because they had defaulted to what they wanted them to do/be rather than them bringing their bosses over to their standards or ideals.

I should point out that while this individual was young, they had excellent standards and taste and had come from a place where they’d done work that had been widely acknowledged as very good.

It’s ultimately what got them hired.

Except they now realized it had less to do with their new company valuing what they do and more to do with their new company valuing the PR they could now spin among clients and industry media.

I know, it’s mad, but it’s not uncommon.

I also experienced something like this and it took me ages to see it for what it was because I couldn’t believe someone would hire me and then actively NOT want me to do what made them want them to hire me in the first place.

The point is, while we should always try to demonstrate our value through the work we do, when you find yourself in a situation like this [and Corporate Gaslighting has shown us, there’s a lot of people in this position], the best action is to stop trying to prove yourself and start focusing on improving yourself.

That might mean doing additional training.
That might mean seeking external help and advice.
But more often than not, that might mean realizing you’re in the wrong place.

Of course, you need to be objective in evaluating your situation before you make that decision … but should you realise you’re in an organization that only focuses on what you’re doing wrong, regardless of what you do or why you did it … then you may have to accept you’re working for a place that won’t grow you, only destroy you.

And if you think that’s as toxic as it can gets you’re wrong.

Because as bad as that is, it’s ten times worse when the person doing the abusing has never achieved anything of note or worked anywhere of note because their goal is to make you play down to their standards rather than up to your potential … often to protect their ego from having to face the reality of their own shortcomings. [Which is why they’ll undermine your confidence rather than see your skills]

Also known as ‘Tom-syndrome’, as in Tom … from Succession.

Now I obviously appreciate suggesting getting a new job is a big thing – especially in this job market – however it’s also worth remembering that even acknowledging your reality can be a positive step forward, because not only will you start to realise their comments reveal far more about them than you, you can stop look at new opportunities without feeling you failed at proving your value to your bosses.

Because you never were going to … unless you acted just like them.

Which you weren’t going to, because you are better than that. And them.