The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

And The Winner Of The Most Preposterous Ad Of 2014 …
November 5, 2014, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

Ages ago I wrote about how fucking mental aftershave ads were.

How the creative brief must be, “do whatever you want as long as it’s either contrived or a ridiculous take on masculinity”.

In all honesty, I thought there could be nothing else in this category that could surprise me … especially after Chanel Number 5 used Brad Pitt – in his ‘greasy’ period – in their 2012 campaign.

But I was wrong, because when I went to the UK recently, I saw an ad for Boss aftershave that transcended everything.

That became the new blueprint for complete and utter bollocks.

You want to know how bad it is?

2 words.

Gerard. Butler.

But it’s even worse than that … it’s Gerard Butler spouting pretentious, machismo, ad-manifesto bollocks about being ‘the man of today’.

The man of today?

Are you kidding me?

He wasn’t even the man of yesterday and this is coming from the man that – based on his dress sense – was the man of 1986.

I cannot tell you how bad this ad is.

It’s almost an anti-ad because while it might attract some sad wankers who want to kid themselves into thinking they’re some sort of honourable warrior [or something] when really they’re either a steroid-sucking meathead or a shiny-Burton-suit-wearing accountant from Slough … it is also guaranteed to keep any man with an ounce of sense, miles away from it.

If you are a woman going out with a man and suspect he is wearing the Boss aftershave being promoted by Mr Butler … then run.

Run as fast as you can.

Because not only is he full of his own self importance – while being in possession of a personality that is brimming with cliche and contrived behaviour – he is bound to have a minuscule cock and offer you all the sexual satisfaction of a sherbet dib-dab.

And if you’re man and are given this as a present by a woman.

Hide as quickly as you can.

Because not only is she the sort of woman that aspires to be either on Big Brother or a WAG for a 3rd division, mid-table football team, midfielder [who sits on the bench] … her version of ‘the perfect man’ is Gerard Butler, a man who makes Fabio look like Einstein.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

33 Comments so far
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Not as good as your pram post, but close. Still worth a gold star though.

Comment by DH

silver star at best you fucking over generous lightweight.

Comment by andy@cynic

How is Gerard Butler still classed as a thing? A backing dancer who appeared once on season 2 on dances with the stars has had more recent success than him. If you hear the rubbish he’s saying, you can understand why.

Comment by DH

hes not a thing. hes an ex thing that is now affordable to twats who dont care about relevance, just the fact they can tell their boss they got a hollywood star for $3.50 and a bottle of smell water. i fucking despised those sorts of snivelling fucking clients.

Comment by andy@cynic

Has Gerard Butler ever been an A-list star? I know he’s done some big Hollywood movies, but even then, does he still qualify?

I think your point that he’s now at a price that lets C-grade brands the ability to satisfy their A-list delusionals is a great point … because anyone with real class would stay 10,000 miles away from him.

Comment by Rob

If anyone asks why I bother visiting this blog, I will point them to this line.

“He is bound to have a minuscule cock and offer you all the sexual satisfaction of a sherbet dib-dab.”

The Rob of old still lives. Good news for me, worrying news for your son.

Comment by Bazza

and then the people asking you the question will call for the mental police.

Comment by andy@cynic

I have to agree with you Andy and you know how much I hate doing that. Ha.

Comment by Rob

you know how fucking desperate butler must be for cash when he agrees to read a script the copywriting twat vomited out when he was high on meth and booze at 4am. its so fucking bad its brilliant. i am a man? no youre not butler, you are a twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

but still a semi decent post campbell. 2 in one year, what the fuck has happened to you?

Comment by andy@cynic

A fine observation.

Comment by George

Seen on a visit to Britain – so clearly they’re the new sponsors of a soon to be 3rd division mid-table team.

Comment by John

Nottingham man.

Comment by DH

That’s being kind.

I’m talking the ‘3rd division mid-table’ reference … because we’ve gone from unbeaten to beaten by everyone. Even the year 10 class at West Bridgford school.

Comment by Rob

Celebrity endorsements are the equivalent of the driver who says they know a short-cut.

Comment by John

We have nothing you’d like except who we pay to hang out with us. Asia’s main marketing strategy since 1980.

Comment by Pete

Yes … I call it the great celebrity conspiracy and yet clients still do it because that’s the lazy way to get sales, regardless of the fact it’s all built on sand.

Comment by Rob

The 2 year marketing director tenure has something to do with it.

Comment by Pete

Definitely. And laziness.

Comment by Rob

That ad is begging for a SNL mockery.

Preposterous is the perfect word to describe this ad Rob.

Comment by Pete

You omitted an ‘n’

Comment by John

Hysterical for all the wrong reasons. I think this is an ad designed for the clients issues more than the audiences.

Comment by George

WHAHAHAHAH gold post mr daddy-to-be!! I would love to see the briefing by the strategist or even better, the qualifying test they must have done…That should be use to disqualify qualifying testing!!!

Comment by cyril

If that went through a focus group then it is all the evidence we need to demonstrate the danger of the focus group.

Comment by Rob

Knowing who the client is, there is no way this commercial wouldn’t go through testing but it wouldn’t be a focus group but I guess a quanti one from one of the major agencies, don’t want to make enemies by naming it but I know you know who… 🙂

Comment by cyril

What you mean it was a focus group consisting of the client and all his other delusional macho wannabe colleagues.

Comment by Rob

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