Filed under: Australia, Emotion, England, Family, Love, Loyalty, Mum & Dad, Music, My Childhood
Someone recently asked me what I was proud of.
Specifically, what I had done in my life, that had made me proud.
I took a long time thinking about it.
Not because I had to run through a cavalcade of possible answers, but because when I took away the things that made me proud by association rather than personal involvement – like family and friends – there wasn’t a lot left.
After what seemed about an hour, I said 3 things.
That I had got healthy.
That I had managed to have a career.
That I had stayed true to who I was in pretty much all I did and do.
Take away the fact I only got heathy in the last 2 years and maybe that’s not a lot to be proud of for almost 55 years of life. But then, how many things should there be? What are the sort of things that can even be considered?
If the question was, ‘who are YOU proud of’ … I’d be here all week, rattling away names of people directly in my life or in my consciousness. But when it’s about what am I proud of doing … there’s not much.
It made me wonder if this means I’m hard on myself, down on myself or just a bit thick?
I’m sure if I was to ask Jill or my parents, they’d highlight a bunch of things I should be considering. But I must admit, I quite like that there’s not much that springs to mind. Not because I’m a sadist, but hopefully because it means I’m a realist.
You see over the years, I’ve met countless people who told me – with full sincerity – that they ‘knew’ they were going to be rich/successful/famous. And when I’d ask why – or how – they’d just reply with, “I just know”.
I always looked at them with a sense of awe.
I found their confidence of conviction amazing.
Because while I loved the idea that maybe one day, I may be successful at something, I never for once thought it was preordained. Shit like that didn’t happen to kids from Nottingham – oh no. If I wanted to stand a chance of achieving anything – however small – it would need me to graft for it.
And yet I distinctly remember my parents once worrying I didn’t have a good work ethic.
To be fair, I did go through a phase where I liked to stay in my bed. A lot.
On the other hand, I was about 14 years old, so did it really matter?
Well to my parents it did and while they didn’t give me chores around the home, they did have expectations of how I would behave.
That I’d go after the things that were important to me.
That I’d work hard to learn and experience all I could.
That I’d give my all in all I explored.
That I’d chase fulfillment over easy contentment.
The older I get, the more I realise how brilliant they were in how they raised me … because while they placed these expectations on my behaviour, they did it without ever making me feel pressure to ‘achieve’. In fact they were perfectly fine if I failed … the main focus was that I never phoned it in.
To them, laziness was an act of disrespect.
Not just to those who were giving you the opportunity, but to yourself.
I get why that was the case … because they had to work for every little thing they got.
Like, proper work for it.
In every part and period of their life, they faced trials and tribulations … which explains why it was so important to them I went into the things that mattered 100%. And when they sensed I was doing that, they would back me 100% … even if they didn’t really like what I was doing.
It’s why Dad backed me to become a musician, even though he wished I’d become a lawyer. It’s why Mum encouraged me to still move to Australia, even though Dad just had a terrible stroke. It’s why they supported me when I told them I didn’t want to go to university, even though it had been a dream of theirs.
For them, graft was a demonstration of taking something seriously … so maybe that’s another thing I can feel proud of because I never took the opportunities Mum and Dad created or sacrificed for me, for granted. I loved them far too much for that.
Thanks Mum. Thanks Dad.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Australia, Community, Corporate Evil, Creativity, Culture, Delusion, Education, Egovertising, Food For Thought, Imposter Syndrome, Individuality, Influencers, Management, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Mediocrity, Planners, Planners Making A Complete Tit Of Themselves And Bless, Planning, Professionalism, Reputation, Strategy, Sydney, Yahoo
A few weeks ago, I went to Sydney where I had the very real honour of spending a few days mentoring a bunch of talented people who were all relatively new to the industry.
One of the things that I heard from quite a few of them was the pressure they felt to build their reputation as a ‘thought leader’ on platforms like LinkedIn.
After telling them that a good 90% of what you read on there is nothing more than ego landfill [of which I am perfectly placed to make that statement given I’ve been spouting rubbish on the internet for over 20 years] … the reality is the best reputations are built on what you do, not what you say.
But I get it.
When you’re starting out, you’re desperate for professional acceptance and/or validation so you can find yourself blindly following whatever or whoever is currently popular amongst your peers – even more so if you’re based outside of the big cities where so much of the industry focus is concentrated.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying there is anything wrong with expressing your thoughts and ideas.
Frankly, it can be a brilliant way to learn, evolve and grow.
Hell, one of the best things about doing this blog for so long is seeing how some of my opinions have changed or been honed through the feedback/commentary/abuse I’ve received from so many people on here.
Of course, it helps that most were/are very smart and talented, but I fully acknowledge their input to my output has had a huge impact on what I do and how I think. But – and it’s a very big but – you only get real value out of expressing your thoughts and ideas if you’re doing it because [1] you want to – rather than feel you have to – and [2] you never adopt a tone of self-righteous, condescending, smugness.
If you do that, you may as well have a blinking neon sign over your head that screams, ‘Delusional, egotistical, blinkered dickhead’.
[I say ‘dickhead’ because, sadly, 95% of these sorts of people are men. White men.]
And yet, despite this, there’s still a hell-of-a-lot of people out there who adopt a tone that suggests they believe everything they do – and I mean EVERYTHING – is ‘unquestionably and undeniably right’ and anyone who dares to have a counter point of view, regardless of their experience, success or knowledge of their industries history, is automatically wrong.
A certain academic is a poster child for this sort of behaviour.
With these people, I always remember something my old man used to say, which was: “if someone needs to let others know how smart they are, they’re not that smart” – or said another way – if you meet someone who wants to be seen as a thought leader, they’re probably not and they probably won’t be.
Which is why the best advice I can give is to say ‘be you and no one else’.
I get the desire to feel like you belong.
I appreciate popularity has seemingly become more important than experience these days.
But if you ever feel pressured into writing on Linkedin because that’s what ‘thought leaders do’, remember this quote from Dennis Thatcher and save your energy for when you do have something to say or explore.
“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Ambition, America, Amsterdam, Asia, Attitude & Aptitude, Auckland, Australia, Bands, Billionaire, Birkenhead, Bonnie, Campaign Magazine, Canada, Career, China, Colenso, Colleagues, Comment, Context, Corporate Evil, Creativity, Culture, Dog, Dream Small, Easter, Empathy, England, Experience, Family, Fashion, Fatherhood, Hong Kong, Japan, Jill, LaLaLand, London, Management, Martin Weigel, Metallica, Michael Jordan, Miley, Mr Ji, Mum, Mum & Dad, Music, My Fatherhood, New Zealand, Nike, Otis, Paul, Paula, R/GA, Relationships, Rockstar Games, Rosie, Shanghai, Singapore, Sunshine, Sydney, The Kennedys, The Kennedys Shanghai, UK, Virgin Atlantic, WeigelCampbell, Wieden+Kennedy
I have written before that apart from my friend Paul, I owe almost everything in my life to the fact I left the UK and went on an adventure.
Without that, I would not have met my wife … would not have had my son … would not have had my pets … would not be working with rock stars … would not have had all the life experiences and adventures I’ve been fortunate to enjoy and almost certainly would not have the career I currently enjoy.
That’s pretty huge when you think about it and while there’s a whole list of people I need to thank for making it all possible, one of them is an old boss.
Who was a prick.
I had a rather complex relationship with this individual.
Because while they were pompous, petty, condescending and rude, they were also smart, knowledgable and experienced.
On top of that, they gave me a shot on a couple of projects that they probably shouldn’t have. I should point out that wasn’t because they necessarily believed in me – it was more there was no one else to do it – but I appreciated it all the same.
Anyway, when I decided to leave – to go explore opportunities in another country – they were pretty pissed off with me.
While I’d love to say it was because they didn’t want me to go, the reality was they were frustrated I was leaving after they’d agreed to give me a payrise.
That this ‘rise’ was still below market rate and they’d fucked me around for literally 2 years, seemed to have completely slipped their mind … which is maybe why on the day I left, they thought it would be ‘funny’ to write the following comment in my leaving card.
“You’ll be back. Come crawling”.
I remember watching him going around telling people what he had written, laughing hilariously at his own ‘joke’ and while I didn’t take it too much to heart – because everyone knew he was a bit of a prick – it still hurt.
Little did I know then, how those 5 little words would play such an pivotal role in how my career would turn out.
You see, when I ended up in this other country, I initially found it very difficult.
Not just because I didn’t have friends, contacts or a job … but because my Dad was very ill back in the UK.
In all honesty, the temptation to go back was huge but there were 2 reasons I stuck it out.
1. I wanted to show my gratitude to my parents for supporting and encouraging me to go, despite them going through a terribly tough time because of my Dad’s major stroke.
2. Those 5 little words.
While I’d like to think the former was the biggest motivator, I fear it may have been the latter.
That’s pretty pathetic isn’t it … especially as I could have gone back without having to go back to that old job.
But I wasn’t going to let him have the satisfaction directly or indirectly.
And so I persevered.
Pushed, prodded, walked the streets, did shitty, temporary roles … anything that kept me from gaving to go back with my tail betweeen my legs.
And it everntually worked out.
Not because of any talent I did or did not have, but because of my perseverence.
And willingness to take any bullshit salary … hahaha.
But for me, getting a break was my main objective … because while I knew I was not the smartest strategst, I knew my work ethic meant I could out-work most.
Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that is a toxic trait – but it is my trait – and back then, it was a way for me to prove my worth to agencies/clients who didn’t have to give me a chance or keep me on board.
Of course, over the years, my motivation for continuing to explore the possibilities of the World and my career have evolved.
These days it is far more about wanting to feel I’d be making my parents proud than it is me reacting to 5 little words from a toxic, little manager.
But I also have to acknowledge that without that persons toxic motivation, it is unlikely I would be in the situtation I currently enjoy.
So thank you AC … you were a strange little man, but for all the fucked up shit you did – and there was plenty – you did one thing right, even if it was wrong.
And while I doubt you even remember me – let alone care what I’ve done – it doesn’t matter.
Because I didn’t come back and didn’t come crawling and so for that, I won, so there.
It’s Easter long-weekend that then leads into a big week for me/Colenso – from us hosting Fergus and his OnStrategy podcast to me saying goodbye [for the second time] to someone who is very special to me … so have a great weekend, overeat Chocolate and Hot Cross Buns and I’ll see you Tuesday.
Till then, this is for you AC.
With thanks.
Filed under: Australia, Authenticity, Colenso, Colleagues, Comment, Creativity, Culture, Dad, Death, Emotion, Family, Fatherhood, Friendship, HSBC, Love, Loyalty, Management, Relationships, Relevance, Reputation, Resonance, Respect
As you read this, I am in Sydney for the memorial of Lisa – the wonderful client who tragically died recently.
It is believed there will be a lot of people attending.
I mean 4-figure levels of attendees … which is testimony to the impact she made on people.
While I didn’t know her long, we bonded pretty deeply and I saw first hand her ability to connect to people. It was in many ways, her superpower. Not in the sense it was some sort of manipulative trick, but in the sense she saw the good in others and wanted to help them realise it in ways they may not have seen was possible.
But she did it time and time again.
Different people.
Different cities.
Different jobs.
We need more people like that.
People who give rather than just take.
People who share rather than just keep.
People who view success as helping others achieve, not just elevating their own glory.
But what made her truly special was that she didn’t play down to populism, she lived up to a standard.
She wanted to do great, she wanted others to be great and she had the experience and taste to know what both were.
That’s the essential ingredient missing from so many people in the industry – especially the Linkedin guru’s – but she had it in her droves.
I’m still utterly distraught about her passing. We all are.
She didn’t just make the work better, she made you want to be better and as talents go, that’s a pretty amazing one.
Relationships are strange.
You can know some people for decades and not really be impacted by their presence and there’s some you can meet for what seems like a moment in time, and be impacted by them for years. Decades even.
Lisa was in the latter and that’s why, from a purely selfish level, I feel robbed.
Robbed of the time I was going to have with her.
Robbed of the conversations and lessons I’d have learned with her.
Robbed of the possibilities and opportunities I’d have created with her.
I appreciate it feels crass to say this when there are people who have lost so much more with her passing. My intention is not to offend and if I’ve done that, I apologies wholeheartedly. This is just my very clumsy attempt to say that if Lisa could make a relative stranger feel so strongly towards her – as a person and a professional – in just 4 short months, then I cannot imagine the sense of loss the people who knew her … worked with her … and loved her for much longer are feeling.
And to them, I offer my deepest and sincerest condolences.
She may be gone, but my god … she won’t be forgotten.
I’m back tomorrow to celebrate my dear Otis’ 10th birthday.
Death and birth …
A reminder the circle of life is real, even if it feels cruel.
And with that, I say goodbye and thank you to Lisa.
For everything you did and all that you were.
I feel very fortunate to have known you.
Rx
Filed under: Auckland, Australia, Authenticity, Colenso, Colleagues, Creativity, Culture, Death, Friendship, Loyalty, Marketing, Relationships, Relevance, Reputation, Resonance, Respect
This last week, I lost 2 brilliant people in my life.
While one was, sadly, expected – due to their long battle with cancer – the other was the result of a terrible, terrible accident.
I had spent the day with them last Monday and even though we’d not known each other too long, we clicked. It’s rare enough to find that connection with someone at the best of time – even more so when that person is a client.
But they were special and everyone felt it.
Supportive, encouraging and deeply committed to doing the best thing, not the easiest.
I actually wrote to her last Wednesday to tell her the huge impression she had made on her team, our team and me. I don’t know why I did it, I just felt compelled to … and she responded the following day with genuine shock and gratitude.
Shock that people felt that way about her. Grateful that someone had told her that they do.
We were due to catch up later this week and talk about her impending trip to NZ to visit us at Colenso but then on Sunday, we heard the worst possible news and we – like many others in the industry – were left shaken, upset and very, very sad.
While I’d do anything to change the outcome of this tragic story, I am incredibly grateful I sent that note to her.
That she saw it and understood what we saw – and felt – in her.
While both people I lost last week were very different people, there were some similarities.
Both were called Lisa for a start and both were like those comets you occasionally see flying across the night sky. Burning so brightly, but for all too brief a time. But boy … so, so bright.
My deepest sympathies go out to their families, colleagues and all those people impacted by their remarkable, talented, infectious spirit. Of which I am one of them.
Rx