Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Death, Emotion, Empathy, Friendship, Humanity, Life, Love, Loyalty
Got to be honest, I am glad to see the back of September.
There’s been some really good bits, but there’s definitely been a cavalcade of bad.
They say bad news comes in 3’s, well September proved it can come in much bigger numbers than that.
Which leads to the point of this post … and it’s bleak. Especially for a Tuesday. But it’s also real.
You see, the older you get, the more you welcome death into your life.
I’m not talking about celebrities, I mean friends, family members or friends of the family.
Of course, this can happen at any age – after all, I lost my Dad when I was still in my twenties and the posts I wrote following Mum’s death capture the emotional rollercoaster it can trigger in all of us – but growing old does tend to increase the level of loss you feel when learning of someone passing.
I know that sounds counter intuitive given you experience it more, but it’s true. Mainly because you never really get used to it happening.
Sure, the pain and sadness varies depending on who it is and the relationship you had with them, but it always affects you.
Even more so when the people are younger than you.
Over the last couple of months – literally 8 weeks – I’ve learned the sad news that 6 people I knew, had died.
SIX.
Three were ex-colleagues, one was a generous soul who I’d met a number of years ago and 2 were dear friends.
While I got on well with all of them, we weren’t living in each-others pockets beyond the odd note, the odd Instagram comment and the annual ‘birthday’ best wishes.
It wasn’t always like that, but life has a way of impacting availability even if you really try for it not to … which may explains why – bar Billy – I discovered their sad news via social media.
I wish I could say my first reaction was shock, but it wasn’t … it was confusion.
In each case I would read the ‘update’ on social media and then look at attached photo and not understand how these two things were connected.
One representing the worst of life. The other, showing them in the most vibrant expression of it.
And then, when I finally registered the reality of the situation – I found myself just going down a rabbit hole of their life.
Trying to understand what had happened.
Trying to know more about the life they had lived.
Trying to learn about the relationships that mattered most to them.
Trying to make sense of the last days, weeks and months of their life.
Trying to find the last time we had spent a good amount of time together.
Of course none of this changes the tragedy of it all, but in a weird way it helped me feel connected to them while also honouring them.
And I have felt a real need to honour them because they were all amazing people in a whole host of amazing ways.
Much better than I will ever be.
Now I appreciate this may all sound like I’ve gone mad but this approach has really helped me come to terms with their loss and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the dealings with death – what works for you, is all that matters.
But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t hurt.
Hasn’t left scars.
If truth be told, the impact of their loss – underpinned by the shitshow that is my eye and another friend dealing with the rapid decline of a parent who has been in my life my whole life – has had a pretty devastating effect on me.
It’s made me question a lot of things …
Decisions I’ve made.
Decisions I’ve yet to make.
The things I put my energy into.
The things I am expected to put my energy into.
All the sliding doors moments that I have walked past rather than walked through.
And while that all sounds bleak, the reality is it has served as an important reminder that so much of how we live is focused on what we should do rather than what we want to do.
That does not mean it justifies any act of selfishness … but it does validate embracing the opportunities, possibilities and people who bring you the greatest happiness, pleasure or excitement.
I’ve not always been the best at this.
I’ve allowed life to get in the way of what – or who – energises my life far too often.
I’ve seen people, places and opportunities pass me by that – had I stopped worrying about what I am expected to do – could have had a profound effect on many aspects of who I am and how I live.
That doesn’t mean I am disappointed with what I have and what I have done – far from it – I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to be so bloody blessed in so many ways. But it also doesn’t blanket the fact I’ve let moments, people and possibilities slip through my fingers that I felt at the time were potentially hugely important to me or good for me, because I allowed things I shouldn’t have regarded as more important at the time, be more important.
Maybe out of duty.
Maybe out of routine.
Maybe out of fear for realising what I’d settled for versus what I could have done or had.
A long time ago, a friend of mine told me their approach to life was “live a little bit more stupidly”.
I still really like that.
A little bit more stupid might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever heard.
Which leads to the point of this post …
Life’s short.
Far too short to spend it with pricks, processes and problems that take more from us than add to us … and yet most of us find ourselves doing exactly that in some way. Every single day.
Of course I appreciate it is rarely out of choice, but it happens because life is always happening … but what the results in is us often failing to appreciate what’s passing us by.
Or worse, what’s getting ready to say goodbye.
I think about ‘lasts’ quite a lot.
Last meal.
Last hug.
Last laugh.
Last conversation.
A last and final goodbye.
And while we rarely know when the end is going to come, the one thing we can do to counter it is to be present in the things that make us happy and the lives of those who matter most.
Not just when death is approaching, but when opportunity is screaming.
Which is why I hope this post might inspire someone to make the time to make that call.
To a loved one.
A friend.
A family member.
A colleague.
A significant other.
A significant other, you’ve never shared that with.
A person you’ve let a pointless disagreement become a stranger.
Because if losing one of those people hurts, I can assure you knowing you let them go before they even left is even worse.
Life isn’t perfect.
It can be messy and complicated.
Which is why the connections that matter should be all that matters.
However unlikely, inconvenient or challenging they may be to sustain.
Last thing.
I get this sounds like I’m sad. Well I am. But here’s the thing – so I should be. If I wasn’t, that would be far scarier … so know that I write this because I am good, just frustrated I’ve needed the worst of times to remind me to seize the best of life.
So to September, I say goodbye.
Apart from a couple of special things that happened, you were an asshole, which is why I hereby lay you to rest.
Thank God.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Age, Attitude & Aptitude, Bonnie, Childhood, Comment, Dad, Daddyhood, Death, Family, Fatherhood, Jewellery, Jill, Love, Loyalty, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Childhood, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents, Relationships, Resonance, Respect
On Friday I talked about the ring that had replaced my lost wedding ring.
A wedding ring that had been made to combine both my Dad’s wedding ring and the one given to me by Jill.
I wrote how this new ring had – thank god – been able to incorporate some of Dad’s ring [that I’d had left when I had it resized] as well as some things from Jill’s ring [that she kindly donated to me] so that it was something of real significance and sentimental value to me.
I treasure it.
It’s far more than the metal it’s made of.
But recently I saw something that reminded me why it is so significant.
This …
I don’t know why, but the thought I will [hopefully] know Otis more as an adult than a kid completely fucked with me.
Of course he will always be ‘my child’ but being the person I see every day … the person I watch growing up in front of me … the person he turns to for laughs, help, advice or an audience … the person who loves and hugs his dog … is something I treasure deep in my psyche and soul.
As I wrote before, while all parents know their kids grow up fast, what makes it tolerable is that as they develop … they learn or express new things that you adore, which helps offsets the sadness of seeing the old things you loved, fall away.
But there will be a time where you don’t get to see this growth every day.
Where you aren’t their World, you’re just a part of it. One associated more with the past than the present.
Back in 2016, I wrote about that – based on an brilliant article in The Guardian – and fuck me, if it was hard to deal with then, it’s even harder to accept 9 years later as we get closer and closer to a time he will move on, that you know is coming but wish wasn’t.
That doesn’t mean you don’t want your child to have their own life.
To forge their own interests and passions and journeys moving forward.
But the idea of being relegated to ‘observer’ is hard, even though – as my parents showed with me – it is one of the greatest gift you could ever give your child.
The values to live.
The lessons to progress.
The encouragement to explore.
The freedom to build write your own story.
What brought this all to a head was a video I watched of Michelle Obama recently, talking about her Mum.
“Wow, this went fast”.
Not just watching your child become an adult, but life.
And as much as Mae West said: “you only live once, but if you do it right … once is all you need”, the reality is life does go fast.
What makes it more bizarre is that as you get older … as life passes-by slower … it all seems to accelerate at the same time.
Which is why it’s so important to treasure and value what you have.
Not take it for granted.
Not get swept up with the things that – in the big scheme of things – don’t matter.
It’s taken me a long time to learn this.
It’s taken watching my wonderful, brilliant son grow up to really understand this.
Despite watching my amazing Mum and Dad pass, it’s Otis who has helped me appreciate time and life.
Not just with him, but with everyone around me.
Which is why that video of ‘knowing your child more as an adult than a kid’ hit me.
Not because that is bad, but because the moment is so special.
And while growing up is a good and natural thing – which I have obviously been trying to come to terms with for a long time, given I wrote this about Otis becoming an adult back in 2021 – it’s still a reminder that you rarely know you’re living the time of your life, until after it has passed.
It’s why both those videos may have been uncomfortable reminders.
But also beautiful gifts.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Dad, Daddyhood, Death, Emotion, Empathy, England, Family, Fatherhood, Love, Loyalty, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Childhood, My Fatherhood, Nottingham
When I was in Nottingham recently, I walked a lot.
Not simply because that’s what I do these days, but because it had been 18 months since I was last there and I sensed it would be even longer till I’m next there.
I walked around the streets I grew up in, down the roads my friends grew up in … through parks, past shops, along roads I’d only ever driven past when I was older. It was quite an emotional thing and I was left realizing how lucky I was to grow up in West Bridgford.
I never properly understood that.
For me, it was simply where I grew up … but because I’ve now lived in many places, across many countries [and because it was very sunny when I was there – ha] I appreciated what a special place it was. It is.
Of course, a big part of that is how much it has developed over the years – filled with cafes and independent shops, where previously there was just a ‘hot potato’ cafe and a Boots Chemist – but still, it always felt a haven to me. And in many ways it still does.
Not that I have any intention of moving back there. Maybe once I did … but no more.
The place, as much as I like it, is one filled with ghosts and memories – and while there is a lot to be said for that, I don’t know if I would ever be able to look past that if I moved back.
But it will always be important to me … it will always be a part of me … because it holds the house I grew up in. A house filled with love, memories, laughter and pain. A house where my parents ashes are scattered around their beloved garden.
I drove past the house a few times when I was there.
And I looked at it, feeling it was calling out to me.
A lot has changed since I lived there, but it still has the garden planting pot attached to the house that my Dad built and still has the note we left in the garage when we sold it. That last bit was added to the terms of the sale. That they couldn’t remove it for 20 years … which, having visited it 18 months ago, they have thankfully respected.
I loved that house.
I loved that street.
And while everything is the same, everything is different.
Which is why I was so happy when I went to pay a visit to the cemetery where my parents funerals were held.
Neither were religious and neither had their ashes there, but it was obviously a significant place for me – even if associated with deep sadness – which is why I had ensured I honored their life by having plaques made to be placed on display.
One for Dad in a beautiful rose bush.
One for Mum in a bright sunflower bed.
And then, for both of them, this …
A bench in the grounds of the cemetery, looking out onto the gardens.
It was very emotional finding it.
It felt very personal being with it.
A reconnection to my parents, my childhood, my home.
I’d looked for it – and the rose/sunflowers – last time I was there but couldn’t find it.
The cemetery is vast and would take days to walk everywhere, so was sad when I went away empty handed. But this time, I was determined and while I still couldn’t find the flower plaques, I somehow stumbled on the bench and it made me so happy.
Suddenly my parents were in the present. We were all together again.
And given so much has happened since my Dad passed in 1999, it was a moment for me to bring them up to date and introduce them to the life their beloved son has managed to pull-off. I say ‘pull off’, but the fact is, they gave me the lessons and encouragement that helped so much of it happen.
I miss my parents.
I miss West Bridgford.
But what this visit reinforced to me is you can take the boy away from his roots, but you can’t take the roots away from the boy.
And I’m so, so grateful for that fact.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Community, Context, Creativity, Culture, Emotion, Empathy, Happiness, Harmony, Humanity, Inclusion, Japan, Love, Perspective, Resonance, Respect
Over the years, my wife has told me all she wants me to do is listen to her when she faces challenges, rather than try and fix them for her.
I suspect she is not the only woman who has had this conversation with a man.
And while she knows the reason we do it is out of love, she finds it annoying-as-fuck.
Fortunately we’ve been together so long that its finally got in my thick skull, hence I now listen rather than automatically run to ‘fix’ mode.
The point of this is that I think a lot of advertising needs to adopt this trait.
Too often we think we can solve everything.
Marketing.
Politics.
Poverty.
World hunger.
You name it, our ego believes it can solve it.
But there’s something quite magical in embracing problems rather than trying to solve – or go around them.
Sure, we’re paid to help clients move forward … but that doesn’t always have to be from tackling issues head-on … sometimes, it comes from realizing some problems don’t – or can’t – be solved.
Recently I read something that embodies this perfectly.
A ‘solution’ that doesn’t fix the issue, but deals with it with dignity and grace.
It’s not unique, I’ve seen things like this before and have written about some in the past … but where they tended to be addressing issues in a private environment – such as care homes and parks in the Netherlands – this is something where the public are actively encouraged to be part of the solution.
Except it’s more than that.
Because they benefit as well.
In connection. In understanding and – at a time where there seems to be less of it about – in humanity.
It’s not just magical and beautiful, it’s important. For everyone.
Filed under: 2025, A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Ambition, Aspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Career, China, Clients, Colenso, Colleagues, Comment, Community, Context, Contribution, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Curiosity, Effectiveness, Emotion, Environment, Family, Fear, Honesty, Hope, Imagination, Individuality, Katie, Love, Loyalty, Luck, Management, Martin Weigel, Metallica, Miley, Mr Ji, Paula, Perspective, Planes, Planning, Relationships, Relevance, Reputation, Resonance, Respect, Standards, Strategy, Success, Wieden+Kennedy
Once upon-a-time, I hired a head of planning for NIKE at Wieden Shanghai.
They’d come to my attention via a colleague who’d worked with them in the past.
On top of that, they had a good pedigree of work and – just as importantly – they loved sport.
I was excited to welcome them into the team and everything was good … until it wasn’t.
One evening, I received an email saying they’d thought about it and didn’t want to do it.
I understood the cold feet, they were US based and I was asking them to move to China … but we had spent a lot of time discussing this and they had assured me they were up for it.
And they probably were – when it was theoretical.
Everything is fine when it’s theoretical.
The problems always lie once you move to reality.
What bugged me was this person refused to get on the phone to discuss it. They sent their email and in their mind, that was the only correspondence they were going to enter into.
Was I pissed?
Yeah, initially I was … because we’d invested a lot of time and effort into helping this person get a good taste of what the opportunity was, what life was like here and what we’d do to make their move as easy as possible. Add to that, I always take huge responsibility when bringing people over from another country and it all felt like they had just wasted our time a bit.
But by the emorning, I was fine with it.
In fact, I was bloody happy about it.
Because if they didn’t want to come to us, I sure as hell didn’t want them to be with us.
Now I appreciate that may sound cold as hell – and I was grateful they made the call before they actually moved here – but I haven’t got the time to waste on people who aren’t excited about what they could be doing and learning and who only want to repeat or surround themselves with the stuff they know and have done.
We used to have a lot of those people apply to be at Wieden Shanghai.
Same with Colenso, albeit to a lesser degree.
People who want to work at the agency, but don’t want to move for it.
Oh they say all the right things.
They complain about all the right things.
But then you realise they don’t want to change any of the things.
They prefer to be a blame thrower rather than an opportunity grabber.
I find that bonkers … especially for strategists … but it happens more than you could ever imagine. People only focusing on what they lose rather than all the things they gain.
And you gain a lot. In every single possible way.
But that’s not what this post is about …
Because the person I hired to replace the person who walked away, was the brilliant Paula Bloodworth.
THAT Paula Bloodworth. The fucking weapon of strategy and creativity.
A person with a reel that is better than entire agencies, let alone strategists.
And while I take absolutely no credit for all she has gone on to achieve, I do express my gratitude to the person who pulled out the job.
Had they not done that, Paula would not have entered my life … and given she is one of the most important people in my life – not as a colleague, but a full-on friend – that is something I feel eternally grateful for.
In many ways, my job at Colenso followed a similar story.
They’d hired a CSO from Australia, but before they could move, COVID happened and they realised they didn’t want to leave where they were.
It was at that point, Colenso saw I’d been made redundant from R/GA and – having almost got together in 2015 – they put in a call.
Had that not happened, I’d likely still be in the UK or back in the US … rather than at a place that is increasingly more special to me with each passing year.
‘Accidental Luck’ is everywhere …
Hell, we’re in talks with someone who embodies this on steroids.
Where they sent a VERY speculative email at the very moment a candidate we were talking to, pulled out.
OK, it helps they’re talented and have a ton of potential we see and can/will grow … plus there’s the good fortune we have a new client who is not only based in the very country they’re from, but also works in the same category they’ve been focused on for the past few years and they want to become what they want have always wanted a brand in that category to be … but suddenly a person we may never have known – let alone hired – could be someone we get to call a brilliant new member of our strat gang soon.
Hopefully.
For fucks sake, hopefully, hahaha.
[And if they don’t, they don’t – we all move on – however the real lesson they need to understand is what I write about next in this post … that is if they read this blog, which they don’t. Which is another sign they’re smart … haha.]
Which goes to the point of this post.
We can plan our careers to within an inch of their life.
We can study and follow the latest theories and systems.
We can spend time looking at every possible permutation.
We can demand every part of the job is described in minute detail.
Hell, we can even write 20 Linkedin posts a day, every single day.
But none of that – absolutely none – matters as much as being ready to act when the opportunity strikes.
Yes, it’s nice to think you will always have companies come to you.
Yes, it’s nice to think you will always have options and choices.
But often, the best thing you can do for your career is be ready to go when someone else isn’t.
If I am being honest, I owe pretty much everything I have ever done to the fact I’ve always been willing to move to wherever the best opportunities was located and then work my ass off to make great things for them.
Or said another way, if I heard of something exciting [and credible] was on the table, I was on the plane.
No if’s.
No buts.
No umming and ahhing.
I was sprinting towards it.
Doesn’t matter if it was an agency in China, an artist in America or a fashion designer in Italy … if it is interesting, intriguing and scary-as-fuck, I am there.
Now of course I appreciate not everyone has the ability to do this.
I also understand that ‘moving countries’ for a job has become infinitely harder.
And I get that there are occasions where opportunities can turn into fucking nightmares.
[Though that’s very rare as long as you stick to the rule that is detailed a bit further below]
But this isn’t really about your willingness to move countries – though that can help – it’s more about your hunger to go after what excites and interests you …
That doesn’t mean a role has to be perfect.
Frankly, when companies say there are no faults, that is ALWAYS a red flag … it’s more about whether the opportunity excites you and if the company and the person who will be your boss have a track record of consistently doing good shit. Maybe not pulling it off every time, but always pushing to do interesting things and having a on-going history of doing it.
It’s how I ended up working at Wieden … which definitely isn’t perfect.
It’s how I ended up working with Artists … who definitely aren’t perfect.
It’s how I ended up working with amazing creatives … who definitely aren’t perfect.
It’s important, because for all the good things the Bloodworth’s, the Weigel’s – and dare I say it – the Campbell’s have achieved, one of the biggest reasons for it is whether it’s a boss, a team, a company, a client or even a creative opportunity … we never, ever, ever look a gift-horse in the mouth.