The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The Pain Of Doing Something Beautiful …
March 4, 2016, 6:15 am
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Daddyhood, Family, Fatherhood

So The Guardian newspaper did a feature on parenting.

They spoke to all manner of parents …

Expecting … new … gay … single … old … empty nesters …

It was fascinating reading, but there was one family whose comments really hit hard.

This is their article …

While the whole article is gentle and caring, there were 2 things that really stood out.

The first is their acknowledgement that the importance of their relationship is fading as their children get older.

The second was that the magic of doing things together – as a family unit – cannot be recaptured.

Now of course, both of these are true because both of them are a byproduct of children growing older.

In some ways, it’s a beautiful compliment, because it means your children have the ability to forge their own life thanks to your love, support and guidance, but on the other hand, the parents must feel a great sense of loss at the same time.

Even though Otis is just over a year old, I can just imagine how hard it will when he gains his full independence.

When he doesn’t turn to us first for love, protection, advice and encouragement.

It also makes me think of my Mum … how she must have felt.

When I ‘left home’, I left for Australia and while I tried to keep in regular contact, this was before the internet so the calls were not as frequent as they ended up being later on.

On top of that, Mum had her beloved husband to look after he had a stroke … so after 25 years of being a close family unit, the construct of her precious relationships were turned upside down seemingly in the blink of an eye.

I hope she didn’t feel our relationships importance was fading.

I hope she knew how much I loved her.

How much I missed her.

I tried to ensure she did, through my actions and words … but seeing those comments by the family above, really hit home … which is why it’s a good reminder how bitter-sweet parenthood is. Sure, there’s countless wonderful and magical things you get to experience as a parent – things I didn’t even know existed until I became Otis’ Dad – but the fact is, there will be a point in our life together, as the family above state, where things will change and I will watch them feeling a mixture of pride and sadness.

I guess this is a great reminder how much our parents adore us … because to let go of the ones we love, even though we want to step in to protect them and care for them, just so they can move forward to forge their own life, is the ultimate declaration of love.

I fortunately recognised that before my parents passed away.

I hope I will be able to do that as compassionately and supportively for Otis.

20 Comments so far
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Beautiful Robert. Well said.

Comment by Lee Hill

Hassle, no cash, deal with everyone else’s shit, no thanks. Being a parent sounds like working at cynic. Otis=karma.

Comment by Billy Whizz

You will never have to worry about it Billy. Good call on Otis karma. I like that kid even more now.

Comment by DH

well you did fuck all except criticize from the fucking sidelines so at least you know what its like to be a 50s dad you ungrateful fuck.

Comment by andy@cynic

If you knew being a dad would let you be hyper sentimental, you’d have done it years ago. I want to take the piss, but it’s a nice post and I have to go call my folks.

Comment by DH

Thank you Robert for making me cry. As I am sure you are experiencing with little Otis, they grow so fast. Too fast. I want my girls to stay as babies but every day they do something or say something that makes me look forward to what will come next. Bittersweet is the perfect description of being a parent but I would not change it for anything.

Comment by Mary Bryant

being a dad fucked my world. i thought i was scared and fucking clueless when bonnie was born then when she was diagnosed with leukemia I learnt what being scared shitless and clueless really meant. now shes recovered i look at her every fucking day in awe. what a kid. seeing her grow up is hard but its means she beat something designed to take her away so i am cool with it. being a parent is basically a beautiful fucking curse but kids make us value life more than a fucking job ever could and i can never thank mrs b enough for bringing her in to my world. thats enough fucking soppiness for the next fucking decade.

Comment by andy@cynic

What a beautiful comment. I know you don’t like to show your true side on here Andrew, but you should.

Comment by Mary Bryant


Comment by DH


Comment by Jemma King

I’ve said this before, but when I think about what you guys had to go through in Bonnie’s early months, I am amazed you managed to stay as functioning human beings. I know you had to be strong for her and for each other, but I just don’t know how you did it. But you did and so did she and I hope one day she reads your comment because it’s bloody wonderful.

Comment by Rob

if she ever comes to this shithole, i will have failed as a fucking father.

Comment by andy@cynic

we promise never to tell a soul, Andy. this was a beautiful tribute to her.

Comment by judyt54

Stop beating yourself up. You did a great job, you’re doing a great job and you will continue to do a great job.

Comment by john

I get scared when you’re nice to me. But thank you, it also means a lot to me.

Comment by Rob

You big softie. Otis is a lucky boy.

Jemma xxx

Comment by Jemma King

Welcome to parenting Robert.

Comment by George

Yep … that just about sums it up right there.

Comment by Rob

I showed this to MB and told me to tell you “when you have 5 kids within a few years of each other, you’re too busy to think about them growing up”. I’m not sure if he’s dissing you or telling you to have more kids.

Comment by Bazza

He’s dissing me. He’s never forgiven me since the ‘Volvo’ incident.

Comment by Rob

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