Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Clients, Colenso, Colleagues, Consultants, Context, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Planners, Planning
A few weeks ago, I was writing the Colenso strat gang plan for 2026.
What we want to do.
What we want to change.
What we want to break.
What we want to create.
In doing that, I wanted to reference what we had experienced in 2025 against what mates at other agencies around the World had gone through. Not to compare necessarily, more to understand their perspective of what was happening.
Now, despite the fact I have a reputation for never being satisfied, I knew we’d had a pretty good year.
Not maybe by the measure others value, but by a lot of things I do.
Of course there’s things we can, should and need to improve – and we will – but overall, we’d built a foundation of interesting things that was good by any criteria.
Or so I thought …
You see, I spoke to a friend of mine in the US and when I told them some of the stuff we’d done, they kept saying …
“How did you make that much stuff?”
At first I thought they were either being kind or mistakenly believed that because NZ is so small, it’s impossible for the entire industry to produce more than one thing a year … but that wasn’t it at all.
Despite them working in America.
Despite them working in a big agency.
Despite them working on a massive client.
They’d produced nothing.
Nada.
Zero.
Zilch.
Actually, that’s not quite right … because they did tell me they had produced something.
In fact over 60 somethings …
Presentation decks.
For the same idea.
Which the client still didn’t buy.
Now you may assume with that many presentations, my friend is a fucking idiot. But you’d be wrong because she’s utterly brilliant. But – as I’ve written before – this is where we’re at these days. Endless presentations to endless people in endless departments just to get the smallest bit of work through.
But as mad as that is, it’s not as mad as this …
Despite no one making much work, they told me how everyone is as busy-as-fuck.
“Doing what?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I think they’re just creating, shuffling or editing papers”.
Now I’m not saying we’re immune from writing the odd needless presentation at Colenso …
Nor am I saying we’ve not beem asked to present the same deck to different ‘stakeholders’ within the same organisation a multitude of times over the years …
And if the reason for it is because the client spotted or questioned things in the agencies thinking that the agency hadn’t so they had to go back and keep updating it to re-present it … I get it.
But over 60 times?
For the same campaign?
That never moved forward?
If that’s the case, either the client is bad or the agency is.
Who is paying for this shit? Why are we letting this happen? It’s not just utterly inefficient, it’s utterly soul-destroying.
Worse, it also is completely destroying the value, reputation, purpose of our entire industry.
I get consultancies can operate this way – because ultimately, they get paid to offer advice rather than apply it – but we are an industry made for making, creating and doing.
That we are often positioned by business and procurement departments as ‘costly and unprofessional’ while they happily pay salaries to whole departments who never move anything forward or to consultancies who never take any responsibility blows my mind.
So while hearing the situation my friend found themselves could have made me look at the things we achieved in ’25 with a slightly more positive gaze, it served more as a cautionary tale. Because what we’re seeing is the marketing industry potentially turning more and more into the worst of the legal industry … where the goal isn’t to get the right result, but to keep the problem going.
Not because – as is the case with law – it keeps the money rolling in.
But because it keeps mediocrity feeling important and looking busy.
Hell, with this news, I may be nicer to my clients and colleagues from now on.
Emphasis on ‘may’. Hahaha.
Filed under: 2026, America, Auckland, Cars, Christmas, Colenso, Comment, Music, Police
Before I start, I got a few emails yesterday telling me they were surprised this blog had restarted on the 12th, when I had previously stated it would be the 19th. I noted they didn’t say they were ‘pleased’ this blog had restarted – but it also shows some people still read it. Or at least pop by to still hate it.
I have no idea why I decided to kick things off a week early other than maybe actually feeling so rested I forgot.
My relaxation is your early 2026 pain. Or something.
Talking of pain …
Full disclosure. I have never had as many speeding tickets in my life, as I have had in NZ.
That is not – contrary to what my colleagues think – because I drive like a lunatic, but because speed cameras in NZ are triggered faster than Trump watching a late night TV show.
Just to reinforce that, I have been driving 39 years and in all that time, I’ve only ever had 2 actual penalties put on my license.
One in 1988, for going 7mph over the limit at 9pm on Loughborough Road in Nottingham.
One in 2025, for going 11kph over the limit at 9pm on the way home from our Christmas party.
Obviously, I have some sort of problem with 9pm.
Anyway, the most recent points on my license was – as I say in the title of this post – because of Kim Wilde.
For those of you who don’t know who she is, she’s a 1980’s British singer.
She comes from a musical family and had a bunch of hits in that decade.
Over the last 20 years, she reinvented herself as somewhat of an expert horticulturalist, albeit coming out to perform the odd show here and there.
Interest in her was reignited a few years ago when – coming back from a Christmas party with her songwriting brother – someone took a video of her singing her biggest hit, Kids In America – while drunk on a train.
And it is this particular song that got me the speeding ticket.
To help explain it, you have to hear it … so this is Kim, back in 1981 singing the song that gave her a career.
Yes, I know it’s 45 years old, but it’s still good … or it is, if you play it VERY, VERY loudly.
And that’s exactly what I was doing driving back from the Colenso Christmas party thanks to a random playlist on Spotify.
It was at that point, I passed a Police car driving the opposite way when suddenly, I saw them pull a u-turn and watch the lights go on.
Could they be on their way to apprehend a serious criminal?
Errrrm, no.
They were on their way to apprehend a man – who had thankfully, changed out of his work Christmas party outfit of festival girlie – driving 11 kmh over the limit while singing an 80’s song at the top of his lungs.
To be fair, it was probably the singing more than the speeding that caused his to stop me … which is why I pulled over immediately and accepted full blame and punishment.
The copper – who seemed to only be about 12 years of age – was so surprised at my eagerness to acknowledge my idiocy that he apologized for giving me a fine and points.
I did consider explaining that it is it humanely impossible to listen to Kids In America quietly and drive slowly … but frankly, it was worth it.
So thank you Kim, for a few minutes you created a time machine and took me back to when I was a boy racer. Albeit more mild, than wild these days.
Filed under: 2025, A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Ambition, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Auckland, Augustine, Authenticity, Bassot, Blogosphere, Bonnie, Business, Cannes, China, Clients, Colenso, Colleagues, Comment, Community, Context, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Death, Doctor, Dolly, Dream Bigger, Education, Emotion, Empathy, End of Year, Experience, Family, Friendship, Happiness, Health, Hope, Human Goodness, Imagination, Jill, London, Love, Loyalty, Luck, Management, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Metallica, Miley, Mischief, Music, New Zealand, Nottingham Forest, OnStrategy, Otis, Paula, Perspective, Planes, Planners, Planning, Presenting, Professionalism, Relationships, Relevance, Reputation, Resonance, Ridiculous, Shanghai, Singapore, Standards, Stories, Strategy, Sydney, Tattoo, Wieden+Kennedy
So I know that I’ve only just got back to writing this blog after being away for my eye-op, but today is going to be the last post of this year. Yes, it’s earlier than it normally is. Yes, I will miss reporting on some stuff like the shitshow that was Fuck Off And Pie ’25 [which happened yesterday and was renamed to ‘Fuck Off And Die’ … because the theme was ‘hot spice’] but there’s 2 main reasons why I’m ending this year’s blog today:
1. My eyesight is still pretty bad so typing takes me a bloody age. [Don’t get excited, this blog will be back when I’m back – which is the 19th Jan – over a month away]
2. It’s Otis’ 11th birthday tomorrow and so the rest of this week is all about him.
That said, this will be a long post … not because it needs to make up the 5 weeks or so this blog will be quiet or because I think people want to read what I’m spouting [let’s be honest, does anyone even read this blog anymore?!], but because it serves as a reminder for me of what I’ve done over the past 300+ days.
The reality is, while this years been dominated by my health, it’s been a generally good year.
Yes, there have been some incredibly hard moments … from the tragic passing of 8 people I knew and cared about – that bizarrely all occurred around the same, short period of time – that still deeply affects me to this day through to the individual I once valued and respected highly, who ended up showing me how fragile trust becomes when someone stops meeting you with the same honesty, then denies it, takes no accountability for it, then runs from it.
But even with all that – and it was pretty shit, made more painful by the fact I was contending with my own health dramatics – I feel very fortunate that I still experienced more high points in 2025 than sad. And given how tough this year has been for so many people, I appreciate how fortunate I am to say that.
And what high points they were …
Getting Bonnie … who has not just added such joy to the family, but has helped Otis in ways we could only dream of.
Watching the family thrive, shine and be happy makes everything worthwhile.
I got some lovely new tattoos.
Finding a brilliant new school for Otis that specialises in kids with his particular contexts and conditions.
Seeing some old friends I’ve not seen for years … topped-off by not just seeing Paula after 2 years away, but speaking with her at Cannes, which was extra-special.
Getting a new car … which I appreciate is as indulgent as hell, but it made me very happy until I had to stop driving it because of my eye. Fucking karma, ha.
My Life Vs Time thing that seemed to touch the nerve of a lot of people all over the place.
Wednesday, September 24th … where I found myself sitting on the steps outside Wieden+Kennedy Shanghai on a very warm night – around midnight – chatting to someone I’d met on that trip that turned into one of the seminal memories and moments of my life, despite the fact all we did was chat for a couple of hours and I’ll never see or talk to that person again. But grateful for that moment.
Talking of Wieden+Kennedy …
I went back to see them after 8 years and not only was it lovely – and surprising – to see some old faces, I got to leave some new stickers all over the place.
Now back to other stuff …
I bought a suit. A good suit. Which surprises me as much as it likely shocks you.
Seeing Ange Postecoglou get fired after 39 days of destruction and arrogance.
Working on some incredible projects for people who are truly wonderful, talented and creative humans.
Being overwhelmed with the kindness and generosity of people and clients in relation to my health and wellbeing … with special thanks and gratitude to Peter, who – on behalf of his clients – organized the surgeon who invented the surgical procedure I was going to have, to be part of the team who took on the drama and trauma of my operation. While we are still waiting to see if it was as successful as we all hope, I know I would not be even in this situation without him, the surgeons, the medical staff, my GP – Stephen Sohn – and the optician at Specsavers in Glenfield Mall … who all contributed to this having a shot of a happy ending.
Hanging out with some of the most famous and talented people in the World. Yep … at various points in the year, I found myself having dinner with a music/fashion superstar, an international model, one of the World’s most famous and iconic humans, a Hollywood screenwriter, the family behind one of the World’s most powerful and desirable Italian luxury brands, some Rock Gods and – on a wild 16 hours in NYC – gatecrashing the birthday party of the wife of one of the music industry’s most famous managers where I spent the evening sat between the wives of 2 different Rockstars who were so welcoming and epic before Taylor Swift entered the restaurant. [Culminating in a gift from one of them which was their way of telling me I was now ‘family’, which still blows my mind]
Having Metallica come to NZ after over a decade away, including a cup of tea at my house for some special guests.
Travelling a lot … including FOUR visits to my beloved China where, on one trip, I got to show some of my Colenso colleagues around for their first time there.
Talking of Colenso ….
We made some properly good work [of which, I’m particularly proud of the Family Roast stuff we did for Medibank for a whole bunch of different reasons and you can see the ad here, and the game here] , launched the brilliant ‘Dream Bigger’ book, won a bunch of international awards [though seeing us not win, we should have, was annoying – ha] and got to host/meet Fergus and his OnStrategy podcast in NZ.
In addition, while it was sad to see Martin and Augustine leave Colenso, I got to see them do great things on their new adventures while also getting to welcome James and Miz – who fitted in like they had been here for years. [Not to mention the wonderfulness of the team at large, who kept me learning, thinking]
As you can see, that’s a lot of good things … more than I probably deserve … but I am grateful for all of them.
Almost as grateful as I am for my son Otis.
Tomorrow, he turns 11. ELEVEN!!!
How the fuck has that happened? And while he has gone through many schools and classes in Shanghai, LA, London, Hundson and Auckland … the fact he is about to end his ‘primary school’ journey seems particularly momentous.
And yet, despite all these changes … and despite his dysgraphia challenges … he has handled it all so brilliantly of which one thing I am very proud of, is his ability to express when it is all getting too much for him.
I appreciate that may sound weird for a parent to be proud of … but I am.
Because if he feels comfortable enough to say when stress and anxiety is beginning to take hold, not only we can help him deal with it – in collaboration with his teachers who have generally been very supportive – it means we have created an environment where he feels safe and seen, and that means the World to us. And hopefully to him too.
He’s such a good kid, surrounded by other good kids.
Cheeky, mischievous, supportive, funny, passionate, compassionate. honorable, curious and independent.
And while they will all be going to different schools in the new year, I am confident they will maintain their friendship. Part of that is because of the way New Zealand works … but part of that is because of the bond they have. One built on more than just proximity, but a real connection based on shared interests, values and energy.
It took me a long time to realise how much energy plays into just how much you connect and relate to people.
Maybe that’s because I’m slow and stupid … but energy matching seems to be the real heart of connection. At least deep connection. And while Otis has met kids who share that with him in every country we’ve lived – most notably, his beloved Elodie in LA – he’s met more in NZ.
Of course, part of that is because he’s older and exposed to more … but for a kid that doesn’t really love the ‘outdoor life’ as is celebrated by all Kiwi’s [which, to be fair, is just like his old man] he’s definitely met his ‘peeps’ here. Maybe that’s why he has said that – while he knows we will leave NZ at some point in the future – he will want to come back and live here. And if that’s not the biggest compliment to the people of NZ, I don’t know what is. Which explains why that as much as my heart belongs to China, my gratitude will forever be with NZ.
So to my dear Otis …
Happy birthday my wonderful son.
I can’t put into words how much I love you but I can say how proud I am to be able to call myself ‘your Dad’.
I hope you have a wonderful day playing Geometry Dash and I can’t wait to celebrate your birthday with you and your friends this weekend.
Big love, hugs and laughs from your Dad, Mum and pooch.
Love you.
Rx
I’ve probably missed stuff to celebrate but this post is already too long so let me end it by saying a big thank you to everyone who has played a part in the good parts of my year as well as those who have popped by to read my rubbish on here.
Without wishing to sound too sentimental, but I am more grateful to you than you may ever know and I hope – whatever you are doing or celebrating – it soothes any pain you are feeling and/or elevates any happiness you’re experiencing.
Just don’t have a better time or better presents than I hopefully will receive over this period – hahaha.
And with that, I’ll see you on the 19th Jan 2026, and here’s to it being a better year than the shitstorm it has been for so many.
Hopefully … with almost 6 weeks of blog freedom, I’m starting it off on a positive.
See you on the other side.
Rx
Given today is Guy Fawkes day in the UK, this post seems appropriate.
Even though it’s not about the UK.
Or someone trying to blow up the houses of Parliament.
It’s about America and the President of the United States – a man who seems intent on blowing up democracy.
Isn’t it funny how it’s always the people who bang on about ‘freedom of speech’ or ‘the land of the free’ who end up being the ones who operate in the opposite way.
What’s happening over there right now is truly terrifying.
Cancelling freedom of the press, comedians, or anyone who has a counter point of view to what is going on over there. And in a classic example of mob mentality, the people who support MAGA or the Republican party are so lost in their bloodlust they can’t even see what they are advocating.
A while back I watched the A24 movie, Civil War.
I really enjoyed it.
Shame I didn’t realise what I was actually watching was a documentary.
Filed under: Advertising, America, China, Doctor, Emotion, Empathy, Experience, Eye, Health, Travel
So today, I am going to the surgeon for my eye.
As I’ve written a bunch about, it’s not going great – in fact this is the first time in my life I’ve had an issue that [1] has lasted almost an entire year and – despite being diligent about the treatment I am on – [2] has got worse rather than better.
Last Tuesday I was given some medical results that led to – with no hyperbole whatsoever – the 4th worst day of my life.
Given the days that ‘beat it’ include my Dad dying and my Mum, you can tell it not only was bad, but really fucked me up for a bit.
To be quite honest, it the impact it had on my feelings, thoughts and behaviors scared me – which is why I am so grateful to so many people for reaching out and checking in, with a special mention to Peter, who – with the people he represents and works with – not only organized for one of the World’s leading surgeons in my diagnosis to get personally involved in my case, but to also provide me access to a place where they offer very specialized help and support to people in my situation an an island far, far away from distractions, interruptions and noise. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but it’s pretty obvious words won’t do it justice.
On the bright side, it also led me to churn out my Life vs Age ‘thing’ … which was more my way to try and drown out the noises and concerns screaming in my head than any act of magnanimous generosity … and yet it led to 2 publishers, a Grammy winning founder of a production company, BBC Radio 4 and literally hundreds of people getting in touch to share their stories and offer their help.
For one of the worst days of my life, it was nice that some sunshine was still able to find a way through the cracks.
Anyway, the reason why last Tuesday was so bad was because of a result I had relating to the pressure in my eye.
Despite being put on the ‘nuclear option’ of meds, my surgeon broke the news to me that not only had they made no difference whatsoever – which is obviously bad – they didn’t know what was triggering it, which is an extra-level of bad.
In fact his exact words were:
“I’m sorry to tell you this Robert, but your eye pressure is currently out of our control”/
If they are words you don’t want to hear, what happened next was definitely not what anyone would to hear.
Made worse by the fact I was the one that inadvertently opened the door to it.
Because when he said that, I stupidly asked, “Just how out of control is it?”
To which he described this …
Yep, an oil rig on fire with oil not just fueling its anger, but spreading it.
As images for a patient to consider, it’s not just scary it just destroys all your hope and confidence which is why later today I get to discover if the treatment we’ve done to try and counter it has been the equivalent of calling in Red Adair – the US oil rig fire fighting legend – or just throwing more petrol all over it.
For fucks sake, I hope it’s the wrinkly, Yank with a penchant for putting out flames option.
Guess I’ll find out later today … but I don’t mind admitting I’m not just shitting myself, I’m terrified. I feel so bad for the doctor who will be giving me the test because not only will they have a patient who will be as tense-as-fuck, they will feel me trying to read their every movement, expression and reaction in a bid to work out if they’re about to tell me good news or utterly fucked news … despite the fact they’ll literally be passing me the result about 3 seconds after the tests are complete. [Once an only child, always an only child, haha]
Anyway, this is all my way of saying there will be no more posts from me for over a week – you lucky bastards.
Well, I say that, but there’s one that I pre-wrote for tomorrow and one utterly terrible pre-written one for Halloween … but I don’t come back properly until the 3rd November – Mum’s birthday. Though they’re pre-written too – haha. That said, I should point out my absence is not down to whatever the results of my eye will be – I’m actually off on a ridiculous and wonderful trip to Shanghai, Beijing and Nashville – and so I just hope the news I get later today doesn’t take any of the shine off it.
Or should I say take any of my shine from being able to truly enjoy it.
We’ll see. But look after your eyes because I tell you, it’s only when you realise you may not be able to see the world around you that you actually start valuing the World around you. What a fucking sick way to find out … biology is a dark, sick and twisted bastard, haha.
Till the 3rd Nov, bye lovely people …
________________________________________________________________________________________
AN UPDATE:
Had the test results and sadly, they were not good. Again. But there were some very positive news.
1. I’m officially a ‘medical celebrity’ who will apparently be studied and talked about by surgeons and trainee doctors for years so that’s a great achievement, obviously – haha.
2. The problem that started this whole journey off way back in January is finally fully under control [even though I’ll need meds for it for the rest of my life]
3. Because of this, the operation is still going ahead on Nov 12th, made possible by the intervention of Peter, who I mentioned above – who has ensured one of the world’s leading specialists in my area of diagnosis will come to NZ from the US to assist my surgeons with the approach for my treatment. Which is, let’s be honest, fucking amazing.
Whatever happens, the kindness and generosity of so many is what I’ll remember most from this whole shitshow. Though PM’s generosity is more than anyone else’s, haha.
While today had both shit and not-shit news, I feel way better than I did last week as we have a plan and an even stronger medical team. In fact, when telling a friend how much pressure had lifted from me, I told them I felt “like a new man” before correcting myself by saying, “I feel like the old me” which may be bad news for many but was meant to convey how I could feel my mischief, energy, take-no-prisoners-or-shit attitude rushing through my bones which means all is good and why I send big hugs and thanks to each and every one of you.
Everything you said and did meant the world to me.
More importantly, it made a big difference.
❤️ Rx