Filed under: 2025, A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Cakes And Pies, China, Colenso, Colleagues, Comment, Confidence, Creativity, Culture, Deutsch, England, London, New Zealand, R/GA, Shanghai, Wieden+Kennedy
Over the years, I’ve introduced a number of behaviours and/or rituals into the places I’ve worked.
Some have been serious … like the cultural research studies and books I’ve done, such as Dream Small or America in the Raw [to name but two] and some have been errrrrrm, less serious, like the pie-making competitions.
I say less serious, but people don’t act that way.
In fact, regardless of whether I’m talking about the teams in Shanghai, LA, London or Auckland … they all reveal they’re as competitive as fuck.
And in some cases, delusional as hell. Hahaha.
At Colenso, I introduced the Fuck Off And Pie.
Basically we define a theme – or an ingredient – and people have to make something that reflects it.
It’s all blind-tested and then we vote on who is best over a number of categories before the overall winner is revealed to great fanfare.
Or some fanfare.
Anyway, last month the Fuck Off And Pie theme was ‘birthday’s’.
Over the space of 2 hours we witnessed – and ate – a glorious celebration of creativity, gastronomy, insanity and revenge. Put it this way, as bakers … we’re great planners.
From a personal point of view, I had a lot to prove.
Despite being my idea, the last 2 occasions had seem my submission come second-to-last. This was devastating, given I had won first place at R/GA with my totally breakthrough [cough cough] ‘Breakfast Pie’.
The good news is my entry – entitled, ‘Give Birth, Day Cake’ came a highly credible 3rd.
The bad news is I probably have another HR violation.
Here’s why … followed by some other pics of the day. A day that will long live in our memory, and our bowels.
[It’s a public holiday in Auckland on Monday – I know, I know – so see you Tuesday]
Filed under: Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, Bands, Brand, Brand Suicide, Communication Strategy, Complicity, Context, Crap Products In History, Creativity, Culture, Delusion, Egovertising, Embarrassing Moments, Fashion, Marketing, Marketing Fail
One of the worst things marketing has done is destroy the meaning of the English language.
I don’t mean with their desperate attempts to make their slogans and tropes part of popular vernacular – though that is also true – I mean it in terms of them literally and consistently destroying the meaning of words.
Over the years, I’ve seen all manner of examples …
From positioning a new brand of toilet cleaner as an innovation.
To claiming a new flavor of ‘Chicken Tonight’ is revolutionary.
And just recently, the most 80’s of 80’s band, being promoted as a symbol of rebellion.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Duran Duran.
Hell, back in my session guitarist days, I even played with Simon Le Bon … but even when they went through their ‘Wild Boys’ macho phase, they were about as dangerous and rebellious as Paddington Bear.
What the hell are the people behind this thinking?
Do they actually think Duran Duran are a badge of rebellion or is it more a case of them suggesting you’re a rebel if you actively choose to wear a shirt that does not feature the name of a modern music icon emblazoned all over the front?
If that’s the case, then I must be Satan personified. Or I was, prior to losing weight – hahaha.
But regardless of the reason, they’re either gaslighting, exploiting or as delusional as fuck.
What next, the color beige gets branded as controvertial?
Or maybe green ‘Starbursts’ get called confrontational?
Or possibly the entire marketing industry claims they are dangerous-as-fuck?
To paraphase Ronald Reagan and Lee Hill [who made his comment in relation to companies who have to overtly state and explain why their company, product or campaign is revolutionary/innovative/rebellious or even effective] …
“If you have to explain it, you’re probably not it”.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, Audi, Brand Suicide, Communication Strategy, Corporate Evil, Crap Products In History, Creativity, Cunning, Customer Service, Delusion, Devious Strategy, Management, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Membership
Day 3 of this blog in 2025 and it’s like I’m as pissy as 2006.
You see one of the things I find hilarious is when companies talk about ‘customer service’. The reason I laugh is the ones who talk about it the most, tend to be the ones who care the least.
Oh they don’t say that of course, it’s just they seem to be of the belief that if they say a lot about it, it doesn’t require them to actually do anything with it.
Kind of like the experts on Linkedin, hahaha.
Anyway, recently I came across a phenomenal example of this behaviour.
Phenomenal in so much as the hypocrisy of their actions suggest they’re either utterly stupid, or literally don’t give a shit.
Let me give you a bit of background.
A week after I bought my new car, some fucker did this to it.
Claimed his brakes had failed, despite the fact you can see he was looking at his phone.
He then added to the bullshit by giving me a false address and number – but sadly for him, I had a dash-cam, that not only showed his rego, but proved he was in the wrong.
Anyway, that all has been sorted out … however before the insurance company took it to the garage to be repaired, I wanted to ensure I was on top of all the damage he’d caused so I bought a device that ‘diagnoses’ how the car is performing.
Basically you plug it in and it reads the data of the car to identify how it operates.
Normally I wouldn’t bother with such things, but given the car was only a week old, I wanted to ensure everyone knew what had to be fixed.
So I went on website of this company, chose the device specifically for my car, paid for it – and the subscription – and waited. A week or so later it arrived and I plugged it into my car only to be told it was the wrong one and that I needed a newer version with a subscription to access the information.
Given I had literally ordered – and paid for – the latest model from their website, this was somewhat of a suprise, so I wrote to the company to ask for help in sorting it out.
This was the ‘reply’ I received …
What the absolute fuck?
I mean … how many things can one company get in one email response?
Or should I say, how many contradictory answers can one company write in one email response.
First of all they say the ‘ticket is closed’, despite not actually responding to my question.
Then they say they ‘regret’ I can’t send them a reply to their email … despite the fact the top line of their email states ‘please type your reply above the line’.
Then, to rub things in – or confuse me further – they say they’re happy to assist me anytime, despite the fact they’ve literally not assisted me and worse, have blatantly gaslit me.
I am almost impressed at how much they obviously don’t give a shit.
They’re almost Trump-esque in their deliberate avoidance and ignorance.
It’s laughable given this company is supposedly the creator of a product that tells you things no one else will say. What a shame they don’t practice what they preach. But then, so many companies think ‘truth’ is optional.
So to the people at Carly …
Your product sucks.
Your service sucks.
Your system sucks.
And you suck.
Because as bad my car was hit, the damage is nowhere near as bad as the damage you’ve done to one of your paying customers. A paying customer who will not only never give you a penny ever again, but who has – like the petty little shit I am – found a way to teach Carly’s CEO, Mr Avid Avini, a lesson he will hopefully never forget.
Or should I say, a lesson he may never be able to stop.
Hey, he started it.
Cue: Evil Laugh.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Alcohol, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Brands, Communication Strategy, Crap Campaigns In History, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Delusion, Devious Strategy, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Mediocrity
Day 2 of 2025 and I’m still bursting with positive pessimism.
Helped because of stuff like this the following …
We all know one of the key roles of advertising is to add commercial momentum and value to business. Well, I recently saw a rather unique approach to achieving this goal with some work from vodka brand, Smirnoff.
Have a look at this.
What the absolute fuck?
What the hell is that copy?
What does it mean? What were they thinking? How the hell did this get approved?
I appreciate being associated with Russia these days is commercial suicide, but seriously, having Putin as their brand ambassador would be less shameful than this horror show.
And the overt attempt to boost business by attempting to be seen as a ‘social lubricant’ is about as subtle as a cucumber down a pair of cycling shorts.
“Don’t drink alone, drink with lots of people” … they scream.
To which I reply, why?
Why the hell should I?
And why the hell should it be with Smirnoff.
If you want to do that, how about you do something that creates the conditions that make me want to do it. Make it easy for me to do it.
But then, if you did that, it would mess up your ‘please drink responsibly’ message that you use to lobby governments to give you tax breaks because you’re more worried about the impact of declining alcohol sales and consumption than you are about excessive drinking.
Maybe. Ahem.
I’ve always felt Smirnoff – bar a couple of campaigns a 1000 years ago – have had a problem capturing and expressing who they are., but this is new depths of barrel scraping awful.
That said, I appreciate there’s also the possibility it could be an act of creative genius.
I appreciate those are wildly contrasting views, but it’s because I can’t tell if this ad is:
1. The result of the copywriter chugging down copious amounts of Smirnoff as they ‘wrote’ the headline. OR …
2. It has been purposefully designed to be so insane, it will make all who see it want to turn to drink and so Smirnoff sales rise.
Frankly, I can’t help but feel they’d have more luck with this ad if they targeted Pornhub’s audience, because ‘YOU DO YOU … NEEDS MORE US … WE DO US’ sounds more like an invitation to a swingers party than anything that would make anyone else give a damn.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand, Brand Suicide, Brands, Comment, Complicity, Consultants, Context, Corporate Evil, Creative Brief, Creative Development, Creativity
Kind-of following on from yesterdays post, here’s another post about the power and importance of understanding.
Ever since I got in this industry – when dinosaurs still ran around the planet – I’ve been surprised at how many companies spend millions upon millions on consumer research but still end up knowing so little about them.
There’s a billion reasons for this – some of which are understandable, though with a major emphasis on the word ‘some’ – however the reality is far too many make the mistake of looking for things that suit their agenda rather than their audiences.
Nothing sums this up more than those who call it ‘consumer research’ … because by naming it that, they not only reveal their attitude towards the audience is that they’re walking wallets whose only value to them is they ‘buy stuff’, but also that they believe the only thing they need to do is identify functional and rational problems ‘consumers’ have in relation to their category and future success is assured.
This literal, narrow-minded attitude can be seen everywhere.
In every category. In every country. In every media.
Hence we end up with the same approach to the same problems in the same media with the same messages over and over and over again. Where success is increasingly defined by adherence to an approach rather than a fundamental or disproportionate impact on how people feel, act or behave towards who you are or what you stand for.
Except at award time.
Oh then, it’s amazing how the rules change.
Then it’s all about standing out rather than blending in.
Doing things that make a difference rather than reinforce a conformity.
But even then it often falls short, because what’s done is more about what lets you express your ego rather than doing something that reflects what people need or want.
Of course not everyone is like that …
The best places tend to do stuff that’s based on how culture and humanity live, not how marketing wants wishes they did. And they do this all the time, not as one-offs or on one ‘pro-bono’ client.
It’s why I always find it funny when I see brands or agencies being given massive accolades and yet you don’t understand how that happened because you don’t recognize anything they’ve done. Even when it’s explained.
Sure there are some circumstances where that may happen, but when that happens with a global player or a local competitor, you can be sure there’s something fishy going on.
The reality is I love this industry.
It has given me a life I never dared imagine I could have.
But seeing it fuck itself over and reward itself for taking shortcuts drives me literally insane. Even more so when you just have to look at what’s going on in culture and see far more provocative, imaginative and powerful examples of creativity solving real problems without the need for proprietary processes, eco-systems or questionable research methodologies.
Paula, Martin and I talked about this at Cannes a couple of years back.
I wrote about this even further back.
But when you see a 17 YEAR OLD develop a long-term, sustainable idea that not only shows real understanding of a specific audience, but how to use creativity to enable them to deal with the challenges and issues they face – rather than simply communicating the problem to more people – you have to ask whether all the processes, practices and tools our industry is seemingly obsessed with adopting and celebrating are helping us get better at what we do or moving us further away from the very thing we were once brilliant at, highly valued for and incredibly effective in helping drive business and brands forward.