The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Don’t Let Failure Define What You Achieved …

For some reason, this week is a bunch of posts about professional life.

I get it, I have absolutely no right to write about that in any way or form. But since when has that ever stopped me?

Anyway, the next few days may have some use for anyone wanting a career – be it in a company or on their own. I don’t write it because I have all the answers, but more because I’ve experienced a lot of the problems. Self made and otherwise, ha.

So recently, someone I know told me their career hadn’t turned out as they hoped.

The thing is, they had done well.

Lived and worked around the World.

But despite that, they felt it wasn’t what they hoped it would be.

I get it … we all probably have had moments where we’ve felt that, especially if you see others you don’t think are as good as you, having a better career than you.

But while that can spur you on, it can also bring you down.

Making you focus on what you failed at rather than what you’ve gained, or forget that someone out there is probably looking at what you’ve done with the same jealous eyes as you are looking at someone else.

The reality is everyone has something they wish they were better at.

Or should I say, better than someone else is at.

Might be their career.
Could be their talent.
Hell, could even be their looks.

Even that rich arrogant prick Elon Musk wishes he was funnier than he is. He won’t admit it of course, but you can tell by his actions and behaviours that’s the case. From bringing a sink into Twitter when he bought the company to prancing on stage holding up a chainsaw – he is desperate to be seen as someone he isn’t.

And while he may try to front it out, his actions show a deep insecurity with who he is. That he knows he isn’t all he wants to be.

And while I am not trying to suggest we should all be happy with what we’ve got and who we are … it is a reminder that its worth remembering the bits you’ve done that were good, because it’s amazing how they tend to be the first things we forget.

Throughout my career I’ve had people talk to me about feeling they’ve hit a ‘dead end’ and my response to them is the same every time ..

“Go back and review all the work you’ve done in the past 12 months and then come back to me if you still feel the same way”.

To be honest, most of them do come back … but also most admit that maybe they’ve done more than they had first thought they had.

A career is a big thing to have.

It’s hard to get but also a privilege to be able to have.

Not just because times are always changing and certain prejudices are continually remaining … but because we, as people, tend to continually be judging, comparing and competing.

Some with others.
Some with ourselves.
Some with people in industries we have nothing to do with.

So while having ambition and hunger is a key trait of career progression – as is, to a certain degree, jealousy – so is acknowledging and respecting who you are and what you’ve achieved, even if it is not quite what you hoped.

Because if you only focus on what you’ve not done, how are you going to be of value to those who want your expertise in what you have?

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Why Having A Healthy Disrespect For Where You’re Supposed To Be, Can Take You To Places Where You Never Thought You Could Turn Up …

When I started in this business, 10,000 years ago, I was a pain-in-the-ass.

OK, I admit … I still am, but for different reasons these days.

Because back then, my annoying trait was driven my eagerness to learn.

Not just from the people around me, but anyone who I thought had – or was – doing something interesting.

It meant I had no boundary as to who I spoke to.

Not just in the agency, but out of it too.

It resulted in me talking to all manner of different people – regardless of their role or level – the only requirement being they had to doing something I thought was interesting.

Not because I was trying to gain favor.
Not because I wanted to earn ‘social clout’.
But because I was, as my Mum had taught me, interested in what other people were interested in … and I thought who better to look at than the people who had, or were doing, something that interested and intrigued me.

What this meant was I not only built up my context and breadth of knowledge pretty rapidly, it also meant I built connections that I may otherwise not ever get to. Not that, my goal was that, it was just a byproduct of it.

And while I definitely got this trait from my parents, at the time I just thought it was normal … something everyone did. Until I realised it wasn’t.

One day I got called into one of my bosses office and asked what the fuck I was doing.

A client had mentioned to him I’d been in touch [in a nice way] and my boss couldn’t work out for the life of him, how – or why – that had happened.

As he started telling me that I need to spend my time focused on my job rather than interrupting people from doing there’s … I told him that I was doing my job. That I’d not let anything fall through the cracks and it was at that point he inadvertently gave me one of the best lessons I’ve ever had in my career.

You see, when he realised I was meeting/chatting to all these people but still fulfilling my responsibilities, he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on. Worse, he knew I knew.

And that kind-of liberated me to go after anyone or anything I found interesting.

It’s how I met Paul Britton, the Forensic Profiler who brought the discipline to the UK.
It’s how I met Clotaire Rapaille, the author of The Culture Code – which has had a huge influence on my work.
It’s how I met Lee Hill … who I am incredibly grateful is still in my life as my mentor and friend.

And despite all that being decades ago, I have continued to do it throughout my career – resulting in me getting to learn and understand perspectives from International Football Managers to Sex Workers.

Or said another way …

By following what interests me rather than what is expected of me, I’ve ended up with a wonderful range of wonderful people who continue to inform, educate and advice me on what I do and how I do it.

The reason I say this is that I am pretty surprised how many people only want to engage with people of a similar level to them. Not all, admittedly … but far too many.

I don’t know if it is nerves, respect, the fear of looking like a social climber or even the bloody class system but what I can honestly say is that my ‘informants’ [as I called them in Heather Lefevre’s great book, ‘Brain Surfing] still provides me with more insight and creativity than all the frameworks, systems, social listening tools and focus groups – put together.

Which is why when people ask me what they can do to develop their skills, I tell them to not follow the words of the Linkedin pundits and gurus, but wherever their curiosity takes them or intrigues them. Because if you only play where you’re comfortable, you’ll never see everything you want is on the other side of it.

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Why We Need To Treasure Imperfection …

One of the things I have loved about living in so many countries is that I’ve been able to see and experience different ways of living.

I don’t just mean from an economic perspective, but in terms of what a country or city values and how it expresses and encourages that through its architecture, planning, facilities and people.

However, over the decades – as economies have grown – more and more of the individual spirit and character of cities has been replaced with identikit skylines, resulting not just in everything looking familiar, but feeling it as well.

Now I appreciate for some, this is a great thing … the creation and demonstration of social progress and achievement. However when everything increasingly ends up looking, feeling and acting the same – regardless of geography – not only is the magic of discovery being traded for the convenience of familiarity, the soul and history of every individual city is being erased and whitewashed over.

I say this because recently, as I was walking around Auckland, I saw this:

The bit that got me most was that first line …

‘All these upgrades are turning our city grey’.

And they’re right.

Don’t get me wrong, Auckland is a beautiful city and a great place to live … but what is being classified as ‘improvements’ is ironically having the exact opposite effect.

The colour, character and contrasts of Auckland are being wiped out … traded out … and moved out … slowly turning the entire City into a comfortable and convenient prison cell. Except instead of this cell keeping people from getting out, it stops people from wanting to come in. Not because there aren’t things to do, but because they are the exact same things, with the exact same people as everyone else is experiencing.

It’s part of the reason I loved the London Underground on Friday evenings.

Because despite it being packed. Despite it being hot. Despite people not really making eye contact, let alone talking to you … it was like a brilliant zoo. Full of different animals hanging out in each others environments.

People going to the theatre.
People going home from work.
People going out for a big night.
People going to do a night shift.
People going on a first date.
People going for a last meal.
Locals … out-of-towners … tourists.

God I loved it … I loved the variety, the weirdness, the characters and chancers.

Or said another way, the pieces that not only give a place its soul and identity.

But also its individuality.

Brands … specifically those who outsource who they are to a ‘for profit’ marketing practice process, should take careful note. There’s a lot of you. Even though it’s increasingly difficult to tell you from one another given you all look, act and feel the exact same.

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There’s A Difference Between ‘Lived Experience’ And Living In A Bubble Of Blinkeredness …

Once upon a time – when we lived in Singapore – our oven stopped working.

We called a repair person and when they arrived, they noticed our kitchen sink and said:

“You have hot and cold taps, you are rich”.

Now while we knew we our place on Club Street was nice … it wasn’t overly special. It was pretty old and offered the same facilities we’d always had and that our friends and colleagues also had.

But it was that comment that snapped us out of our blinkered bubble … because while having a hot and cold kitchen tap is normal for so many, it wasn’t there and we’d been too arrogant and ignorant to realise it.

What’s worse is it was obvious as fuck if we had been a bit more self-aware.

But I tell you what, we were after that.

That wake up call was the foundation of my love of spending more time with people than behind desks. Living in the jungle, rather than hanging out in the zoo. And while it is not fool proof or all encompassing, it’s a damn sight better than relying on data that either removes the ‘humanness’ from the information or actively categorizes millions of people’s hopes, dreams, fears and ambitions into convenient, corporately-friendly, bite-sized chunks.

It’s why I laugh when I hear certain people talk about ‘culture’ … because frankly, many don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Not just because they see – and dissect everything – through the lens of marketing, but because like I did in Singapore, they choose to think their bubble is everyone’s bu

It’s one of the reasons I love talking to fans of sports teams.

Let me tell you, nothing reinforces how much logic is personal rather than universal than a conversation with them.

And it’s both brilliant and important.

Because where certain individuals like to suggest fandom and loyalty is expressed through the semi-regular purchase of a particular product or the recognition of specific ‘brand assets’ … the reality is neither of those have much to do with how fandom or loyalty is truly embraced.

For those really into whatever they’re into, you discover their emotions, motivations, hopes and dreams are inherently linked to the work, actions, decisions and outcomes of whoever/whatever they believe in. Work, actions, decisions and outcomes that may not make sense to anyone else other than them.

And while some may question why you would bother caring about what they think if they’re outliers, as the old saying goes, ‘it’s better to mean everything to someone than try to be something for everyone’.

But it’s more than that.

Because those ‘outliers’ are beacons and magnets to the masses …

Helping them discover, develop and explore who they are and who they can become by opening new possibilities rather than reinforcing and reflecting what everyone knows and where everyone has already been.

It’s the approach that built NIKE … built Apple … built Liquid Death … built Metallica … built Gucci … built all the brands who have an authentic, energetic role and position in different subcultures. [Which. despite being the names most marketing departments point to in terms of aspiration, rarely get challenged because ultimately, most organisations are built to follow processes rather than potential]

And while I fully acknowledge you have to work hard to attain it, the basics aren’t difficult.

You just have to give a shit about what others are interested in and doing.

But sadly we live in a world of corporate convenience … where the economic benefits of process complexity, C-Suite complicity, and/or pundit popularity beats spending unfiltered time listening, learning and experimenting with the very people who create the subcultures around your category than you do yourselves.

Which is why the most important thing we can do for our work, clients and career is make sure we’re comfortable being uncomfortable, because the only thing that will keep us ahead of things like AI, is looking to the edges rather than aspiring for the comforts of the middle.

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Why You Don’t Get A Career By Simply Wanting It Or Expecting It, But It Should Never Be Just On You …

One of the things I’ve always believed is that the role of a boss is to ensure that when their people leave – and they always will – they are going to a job that they didn’t previously think was possible for them.

A role where it is as much about who they are as what they do.

A position based on what they’ve made not just what they’ve written.

An opportunity created because they want to hire them rather than there’s a hire needing to be filled.

OK, there is one other scenario that makes me happy and that’s when someone leaves for love, family or to explore a personal passion … however in terms of ‘direct’ career moves, I feel I’ve done my job for my team when they leave for what I call, ‘a bigger life’.

Has this always happened?

No. No it hasn’t … however I am extremely proud that in the main, it has.

I should point out here I am in no way trying to take credit for my old colleagues success. The reality is they did it all by themselves … my only role was to ensure I created the conditions, environment and standards that let their talent and ambitions be expressed, pushed and celebrated.

This last bit is important because while the industry sometimes feels it rewards popularity more than experience, a career is built on what you do, not what you say.

Or said another way: What you’re willing to put in, not just what you want to take out.

Let me be clear, I am not suggesting you have to work to the extreme in terms of hours or workload.

Apart from that being completely counter-productive to enabling you to be the best you can be, who – apart from Tom in Succession – wants a career based on ‘being able to take more shit than someone else’?

That doesn’t mean you don’t have to graft – you do – but as I’ve written in the past, graft is very different to working to the bone or engaging in that other evil beast, hustle culture.

So what do I mean by graft?

Well, there are many interpretations, but for me – this quote by Nottingham Forest’s Taiwo Awoniyi, kind of captures it best.

The significant part is this: “I think I can make you who you want to be as a player. But it is your decision to come?”

Your decision to come.

YOUR decision to come.

The acknowledgement that to move forward, you have to choose to do it.

No shortcuts. No handouts. No guarantees. Yet you still have to show up.

But what I also love about that line is the bit that comes before ‘your decision to come’.

Because in just 14 words, the coach has told Taiwo they:

1. Believe in his ability but won’t make false promises.
2. Are focused on Taiwo’s ambitions and aspiration are, not theirs.
3. Will commit their energy to the pursuit of helping Taiwo achieve his goal/s.

Shared responsibility.
Shared commitment.
Shared effort.

In essence, he removed all the pressure being just on the player by saying to them, that they’re in this journey, together.

What this means is Taiwo knows the focus is on where he wants to be, not just what someone wants him to do.

That his graft will not be in vain.

That there’s a productivity to all he puts in.

And that success won’t simply be measured by what his boss achieves, but what his boss helps him achieve.

But, to have all that, the expectation is he demonstrates it through his actions and behaviours each day.

It won’t be easy.

It definitely isn’t a given.

But if you choose to take this chance – not just theoretically, but with everything you’ve got – then they will commit to helping you get where you hope you can be.

And maybe even beyond that.

Sadly I don’t know if that same attitude is embraced by our industry much these days. Of course it’s there with some people, but it’s unlikely to be the norm.

And why do I say that?

Because we’re seeing less and less training in companies these days … and what there is, is often outsourced to a ‘for profit’ individual/company who often are only doing it for self-serving reasons. And what this is resulting in is less independent thought and/or good people leaving the industry.

This kills me, because I love this industry.

Sure, it can drive me nuts but at its best, it’s something truly special.

Special work.
Special people.
Special possibilities.

It has also given me a life that – in all honesty – I never imagined was possible, however I had some bosses through the years who were like Taiwo’s and for that I am eternally grateful to them. [Just so you know, I also had some utter pricks, but I’m even grateful to them because they showed me who I will never want to be]

This post has gone on for far too long which is why I’ll leave anyone who has got this far with a gift.

If you want to know if you’re working for a company that really cares about your growth or cares more about their own, ask your CFO this simple question:

“What percentage of the companies budget is dedicated to staff training”.

Trust me, their answer will tell you all you need to know.

You’re welcome.

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