The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


What Business Can Learn From A Green House About Building Better Relationships …

Following on from yesterday’s post, this is about the value of transparency.

Years ago, I wrote a post about a [then] new Police interrogation technique, which basically centered around empathetic transparency.

In essence, rather than use traditional tactics such as intimidation or ‘half-truths’ to obtain the information they wanted, they found transparency – without judgment – achieved much more positive results.

So, for example if someone asked if their actions were going to result in jail time, rather than give them the impression they will be OK if they hand over the information they want, they simply respond with the following:

“It is highly likely you will, but I will ensure the authorities are made aware of how you have helped us in this investigation”.

And then they actually ensure the authorities are made aware of how that person has helped in the investigation.

OK, it’s obviously more nuanced and complex than that … but the heart of this approach is the acknowledgement that people react more positively to truth than harmony.

And yet, despite this, harmony prevails in our lives.

+ We’ll keep your resume on file.
+ We’ll work with you in the future.
+ We like being pushed and challenged.
+ We will issue the payment this week.
+ We will introduce you to other companies.

There’s so many of these ‘daily’ statements of harmony going on in every office and company around the World … and while most are doing it because they want to avoid disappointing or hurting the other party, the problem is when it’s not true, it ends up creating bigger issues because people find out and then resentment cultivates and trust gets destroyed.

It’s why one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned came from the wonderful LTA of Wieden+Kennedy.

He said, “transparency is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give a client”.

That doesn’t mean you are a rude or selfish prick.

Nor does it mean you can act like a sledgehammer.

But it does mean you respect the other person enough to tell them the realities of the situation rather than the fantasy of it.

Not because you want to upset them or hurt them, but because you want to empower them …

To know where they stand.
To enable them to choose what to do next.
To own their situation rather than be owned by it.

And while you may all think this is just basic common-sense, in this age of toxic positivity it’s a pretty radical approach to commercial relationships.

But then, a lot of what we call relationships, aren’t these days are they?

More marriages of financial or outsourcing convenience.

Which may explain – as I wrote a few months ago – why one of my clients is so successful.

Because while relationships are at the heart of his business, not only does he understand they need to be mutually beneficial to encourage longevity, they need to be more than just convenience to be worthy of that label.

Put simply, relationships are built, not bought.

And the foundations of the best ones are always truth over harmony.

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Don’t Let Failure Define What You Achieved …

For some reason, this week is a bunch of posts about professional life.

I get it, I have absolutely no right to write about that in any way or form. But since when has that ever stopped me?

Anyway, the next few days may have some use for anyone wanting a career – be it in a company or on their own. I don’t write it because I have all the answers, but more because I’ve experienced a lot of the problems. Self made and otherwise, ha.

So recently, someone I know told me their career hadn’t turned out as they hoped.

The thing is, they had done well.

Lived and worked around the World.

But despite that, they felt it wasn’t what they hoped it would be.

I get it … we all probably have had moments where we’ve felt that, especially if you see others you don’t think are as good as you, having a better career than you.

But while that can spur you on, it can also bring you down.

Making you focus on what you failed at rather than what you’ve gained, or forget that someone out there is probably looking at what you’ve done with the same jealous eyes as you are looking at someone else.

The reality is everyone has something they wish they were better at.

Or should I say, better than someone else is at.

Might be their career.
Could be their talent.
Hell, could even be their looks.

Even that rich arrogant prick Elon Musk wishes he was funnier than he is. He won’t admit it of course, but you can tell by his actions and behaviours that’s the case. From bringing a sink into Twitter when he bought the company to prancing on stage holding up a chainsaw – he is desperate to be seen as someone he isn’t.

And while he may try to front it out, his actions show a deep insecurity with who he is. That he knows he isn’t all he wants to be.

And while I am not trying to suggest we should all be happy with what we’ve got and who we are … it is a reminder that its worth remembering the bits you’ve done that were good, because it’s amazing how they tend to be the first things we forget.

Throughout my career I’ve had people talk to me about feeling they’ve hit a ‘dead end’ and my response to them is the same every time ..

“Go back and review all the work you’ve done in the past 12 months and then come back to me if you still feel the same way”.

To be honest, most of them do come back … but also most admit that maybe they’ve done more than they had first thought they had.

A career is a big thing to have.

It’s hard to get but also a privilege to be able to have.

Not just because times are always changing and certain prejudices are continually remaining … but because we, as people, tend to continually be judging, comparing and competing.

Some with others.
Some with ourselves.
Some with people in industries we have nothing to do with.

So while having ambition and hunger is a key trait of career progression – as is, to a certain degree, jealousy – so is acknowledging and respecting who you are and what you’ve achieved, even if it is not quite what you hoped.

Because if you only focus on what you’ve not done, how are you going to be of value to those who want your expertise in what you have?

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Why Having A Healthy Disrespect For Where You’re Supposed To Be, Can Take You To Places Where You Never Thought You Could Turn Up …

When I started in this business, 10,000 years ago, I was a pain-in-the-ass.

OK, I admit … I still am, but for different reasons these days.

Because back then, my annoying trait was driven my eagerness to learn.

Not just from the people around me, but anyone who I thought had – or was – doing something interesting.

It meant I had no boundary as to who I spoke to.

Not just in the agency, but out of it too.

It resulted in me talking to all manner of different people – regardless of their role or level – the only requirement being they had to doing something I thought was interesting.

Not because I was trying to gain favor.
Not because I wanted to earn ‘social clout’.
But because I was, as my Mum had taught me, interested in what other people were interested in … and I thought who better to look at than the people who had, or were doing, something that interested and intrigued me.

What this meant was I not only built up my context and breadth of knowledge pretty rapidly, it also meant I built connections that I may otherwise not ever get to. Not that, my goal was that, it was just a byproduct of it.

And while I definitely got this trait from my parents, at the time I just thought it was normal … something everyone did. Until I realised it wasn’t.

One day I got called into one of my bosses office and asked what the fuck I was doing.

A client had mentioned to him I’d been in touch [in a nice way] and my boss couldn’t work out for the life of him, how – or why – that had happened.

As he started telling me that I need to spend my time focused on my job rather than interrupting people from doing there’s … I told him that I was doing my job. That I’d not let anything fall through the cracks and it was at that point he inadvertently gave me one of the best lessons I’ve ever had in my career.

You see, when he realised I was meeting/chatting to all these people but still fulfilling my responsibilities, he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on. Worse, he knew I knew.

And that kind-of liberated me to go after anyone or anything I found interesting.

It’s how I met Paul Britton, the Forensic Profiler who brought the discipline to the UK.
It’s how I met Clotaire Rapaille, the author of The Culture Code – which has had a huge influence on my work.
It’s how I met Lee Hill … who I am incredibly grateful is still in my life as my mentor and friend.

And despite all that being decades ago, I have continued to do it throughout my career – resulting in me getting to learn and understand perspectives from International Football Managers to Sex Workers.

Or said another way …

By following what interests me rather than what is expected of me, I’ve ended up with a wonderful range of wonderful people who continue to inform, educate and advice me on what I do and how I do it.

The reason I say this is that I am pretty surprised how many people only want to engage with people of a similar level to them. Not all, admittedly … but far too many.

I don’t know if it is nerves, respect, the fear of looking like a social climber or even the bloody class system but what I can honestly say is that my ‘informants’ [as I called them in Heather Lefevre’s great book, ‘Brain Surfing] still provides me with more insight and creativity than all the frameworks, systems, social listening tools and focus groups – put together.

Which is why when people ask me what they can do to develop their skills, I tell them to not follow the words of the Linkedin pundits and gurus, but wherever their curiosity takes them or intrigues them. Because if you only play where you’re comfortable, you’ll never see everything you want is on the other side of it.

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Why We Need To Treasure Imperfection …

One of the things I have loved about living in so many countries is that I’ve been able to see and experience different ways of living.

I don’t just mean from an economic perspective, but in terms of what a country or city values and how it expresses and encourages that through its architecture, planning, facilities and people.

However, over the decades – as economies have grown – more and more of the individual spirit and character of cities has been replaced with identikit skylines, resulting not just in everything looking familiar, but feeling it as well.

Now I appreciate for some, this is a great thing … the creation and demonstration of social progress and achievement. However when everything increasingly ends up looking, feeling and acting the same – regardless of geography – not only is the magic of discovery being traded for the convenience of familiarity, the soul and history of every individual city is being erased and whitewashed over.

I say this because recently, as I was walking around Auckland, I saw this:

The bit that got me most was that first line …

‘All these upgrades are turning our city grey’.

And they’re right.

Don’t get me wrong, Auckland is a beautiful city and a great place to live … but what is being classified as ‘improvements’ is ironically having the exact opposite effect.

The colour, character and contrasts of Auckland are being wiped out … traded out … and moved out … slowly turning the entire City into a comfortable and convenient prison cell. Except instead of this cell keeping people from getting out, it stops people from wanting to come in. Not because there aren’t things to do, but because they are the exact same things, with the exact same people as everyone else is experiencing.

It’s part of the reason I loved the London Underground on Friday evenings.

Because despite it being packed. Despite it being hot. Despite people not really making eye contact, let alone talking to you … it was like a brilliant zoo. Full of different animals hanging out in each others environments.

People going to the theatre.
People going home from work.
People going out for a big night.
People going to do a night shift.
People going on a first date.
People going for a last meal.
Locals … out-of-towners … tourists.

God I loved it … I loved the variety, the weirdness, the characters and chancers.

Or said another way, the pieces that not only give a place its soul and identity.

But also its individuality.

Brands … specifically those who outsource who they are to a ‘for profit’ marketing practice process, should take careful note. There’s a lot of you. Even though it’s increasingly difficult to tell you from one another given you all look, act and feel the exact same.

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There’s A Difference Between ‘Lived Experience’ And Living In A Bubble Of Blinkeredness …

Once upon a time – when we lived in Singapore – our oven stopped working.

We called a repair person and when they arrived, they noticed our kitchen sink and said:

“You have hot and cold taps, you are rich”.

Now while we knew we our place on Club Street was nice … it wasn’t overly special. It was pretty old and offered the same facilities we’d always had and that our friends and colleagues also had.

But it was that comment that snapped us out of our blinkered bubble … because while having a hot and cold kitchen tap is normal for so many, it wasn’t there and we’d been too arrogant and ignorant to realise it.

What’s worse is it was obvious as fuck if we had been a bit more self-aware.

But I tell you what, we were after that.

That wake up call was the foundation of my love of spending more time with people than behind desks. Living in the jungle, rather than hanging out in the zoo. And while it is not fool proof or all encompassing, it’s a damn sight better than relying on data that either removes the ‘humanness’ from the information or actively categorizes millions of people’s hopes, dreams, fears and ambitions into convenient, corporately-friendly, bite-sized chunks.

It’s why I laugh when I hear certain people talk about ‘culture’ … because frankly, many don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Not just because they see – and dissect everything – through the lens of marketing, but because like I did in Singapore, they choose to think their bubble is everyone’s bu

It’s one of the reasons I love talking to fans of sports teams.

Let me tell you, nothing reinforces how much logic is personal rather than universal than a conversation with them.

And it’s both brilliant and important.

Because where certain individuals like to suggest fandom and loyalty is expressed through the semi-regular purchase of a particular product or the recognition of specific ‘brand assets’ … the reality is neither of those have much to do with how fandom or loyalty is truly embraced.

For those really into whatever they’re into, you discover their emotions, motivations, hopes and dreams are inherently linked to the work, actions, decisions and outcomes of whoever/whatever they believe in. Work, actions, decisions and outcomes that may not make sense to anyone else other than them.

And while some may question why you would bother caring about what they think if they’re outliers, as the old saying goes, ‘it’s better to mean everything to someone than try to be something for everyone’.

But it’s more than that.

Because those ‘outliers’ are beacons and magnets to the masses …

Helping them discover, develop and explore who they are and who they can become by opening new possibilities rather than reinforcing and reflecting what everyone knows and where everyone has already been.

It’s the approach that built NIKE … built Apple … built Liquid Death … built Metallica … built Gucci … built all the brands who have an authentic, energetic role and position in different subcultures. [Which. despite being the names most marketing departments point to in terms of aspiration, rarely get challenged because ultimately, most organisations are built to follow processes rather than potential]

And while I fully acknowledge you have to work hard to attain it, the basics aren’t difficult.

You just have to give a shit about what others are interested in and doing.

But sadly we live in a world of corporate convenience … where the economic benefits of process complexity, C-Suite complicity, and/or pundit popularity beats spending unfiltered time listening, learning and experimenting with the very people who create the subcultures around your category than you do yourselves.

Which is why the most important thing we can do for our work, clients and career is make sure we’re comfortable being uncomfortable, because the only thing that will keep us ahead of things like AI, is looking to the edges rather than aspiring for the comforts of the middle.

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