Filed under: Aspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Communication Strategy, Crap Products In History, Delusion, Status Anxiety
I kinda touched on this subject last week but this is – in some ways – an even more powerful/horrific [delete as appropriate] example of what I was taking about.
For years, we’ve been hearing how society are actively choosing ‘purpose driven brands’.
That more and more people are choosing to adopt an anti-materialism stance.
That thrift culture is becoming mainstream culture.
And while there is a lot of truth in that for a lot of people, it is not the only truth going on … and yet, it is often the only narrative that seems to be spoken about.
Ironically, by people and brands who are the opposite of who they try to claim they are.
I’m looking at you, Unilever. Cough Cough.
Which is why, while I hate the arrogant, overly confident, condescending asshole brands who peacock their one-dimensional status credentials – or should I say, ‘wannabe status’ credentials – to the masses, I at least begrudgingly admire their ownership of who they are.
And nothing sums this up more than this whoever is behind this bullshit:
Yep, it’s a 24k toothbrush.
A FUCKING GOLD TOOTHBRUSH!
Though given it’s US$60, I assume it’s ‘only’ a gold-plated toothbrush … which makes it even more stupid to own and says far more about your ‘status delusion’ than how much you care about your teeth.
Which is why I wish anyone who buys this has a lifetime of cavities, because if anyone deserves to make dentists even richer than they already are, it’s someone who uses puts a 24k gold plated toothbrush in their gob.
Never has the words, ‘eat the rich’ been so perfect.
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Crap Products In History, Food
As you know, I like gadgets.
I’ll go further … I like shit gadgets.
My bank history is littered with decisions of madness. From robot balls to pens that can write in any colour imaginable to stupid badges and cups for colleagues to a bloody windmill.
Part of it is because I just find weird shit, fascinating … part of it is because I’m a fucking idiot … but believe it or not, over the past few years I’ve got much, much better grip on my ‘stupidity spending’. Even Jill said so – which is the ultimate proof, because she’s been an innocent victim in so much of it.
But what’s even more amazing is that I’ve started to gain an objective viewpoint, which is my way of saying that not only would I never buy this item, I acknowledge it’s fucking pants.
What item? This item …
A one handed pepper mill.
A ONE HANDED PEPPER MILL!
What the absolute fuck?!!
Yes, I appreciate there may be some people – like the elderly or those who deal with disability – where it has merit, but the photo doesn’t show that.
In fact, based on the pic, it’s been designed for middle class, psychotic males who need to control every aspect of their wives lives … right down to how much pepper they can put on their food, even though they made it themselves because their husband won’t let them leave the house IN CASE THEY TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE IN THE STREET AND THAT WOULD BE AN ACT OF DISRESPECT.
It’s not just over-engineered … it’s over-thought … the equivalent of a planner who has convinced themselves they can position cereal as the family antidote to the economic crisis.
Or should I say, a multi-millionaire, delusional CEO.
Look, I’m all for over-engineered nonsense. My car is a perfect example of that. But over-engineered nonsense for the ‘psychotic bully in your life’ is another thing altogether … even though I can see a perfect partnership with the re-release of Sleeping With The Enemy.
Filed under: Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Australia, Comment, Communication Strategy, Crap Products In History, Fashion
Let me start by saying I acknowledge I have no idea what I am talking about.
While I like to think I am a man of the world, the reality is I’m a man so shouldn’t be even talking about things like this.
However …
A few weeks ago, I was in Melbourne, Australia.
While I was walking around the city, I came across this:
Now I appreciate that – like jeans – people may have a favourite bra, however is there enough demand to want a shop to ‘bring them back to life’? Also, while I’m at it … what does ‘bring it back to life’ even mean?
While I’m at it, why would they call it ‘Peek A Bra’?
There’s so many possibilities … some good, some interesting and some that would totally show my age so I’ll shut up in fear of getting cancelled or just looking especially tragic. But most of all, why the hell did they print it on top of another sign that wasn’t cleaned properly?
Unsurprisingly, Peek A Bra had closed down … another idea lost to the realms of time … and yet despite that, it’s captured my imagination in ways many more ‘obvious’ brands have continually failed to achieve, which serves as a reminder that while products or services have to satisfy a real need, marketing works when it captures your curiosity.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Auckland, Brand Suicide, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History, Creativity, Dad, Experience, Imagination, New Zealand, Packaging, Perfume, Relevance, Unexpected Relevance
Over the years I’ve written a lot about scent companies – both for men and women, both good and bad. Or should I say, terrible.
And while it has been more focused on preposterous nature of their advertising – I mean, who can forget the car crash that was Gerard Butler’s ‘Man Of Tomorrow’ bollocks for Hugo Boss – I’ve covered everything from when Mont Blanc decided to go from ink to stink when Moschino thought the perfect bottle design to convey the sophistication of their scent was a detergent bottle to the absolute insanity of this.
DO NOT CLICK THAT LAST ONE IF YOU ARE AT WORK. INSTEAD GET A – ERRRRRM TASTE – OF WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BY CLICKING HERE OR IF YOU ARE FEELING A BIT BRAVER, THEN YOU CAN CLICK HERE. BUT YOU PROBABLY STILL DON’T WANT TO DO THAT IF YOU’RE AT WORK.
Now, to be honest, nothing in the universe will ever beat that last example … but recently I did see something that wanted to give it a run for its money. Not in terms of smut, but stupid.
Now I admit, I’m not the biggest fan of the Friday 13th movies – or horror for that matter – but even if I was, I don’t know if I’d like to smell of it.
Though what the smell of it still is unknown.
Is it of corpses?
Is it of blood?
Is it of the desperation of whoever was behind this to try and make a quick buck.
On one hand, I am kinda-in-awe they did it because let’s be honest – the business case for it must be pretty niche. Plus they went all out on the packaging because it comes in a box designed to look like a VHS video tape.
However, if I can find this product in New Zealand – a place on the other side of the planet with only 5 million living here – then the peeps behind this product must have spent pretty big on it, which begs the question, WHO THE FUCK DID THEY THINK IS GOING TO BUY IT?
Well, according to the literature, it’s potential serial killers who think murder is fun. I quote:
Warner Bros Horror Friday The 13th Eau de Toilette is a fun and fearless scent that allows you to discover the safe deeper inner you. Comes boxed in a VHS to bring you back memories as well as scents. Perfect for any special occasion.
And they have the audacity to say it’s ‘perfect for any special occasion’.
Maybe it is if your special occasion is the homocidal murder of people at a kids camp, but for any other occasion, I’m not so sure.
Which reminds me of something my Dad once said to me.
“If you think people on the streets are crazy, try looking at people in the boardroom”
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Complicity, Consultants, Context, Craft, Crap Products In History, Creative Development, Creativity, Devious Strategy, Experience, Innovation, Leadership, Management, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Mediocrity, Reputation, Strategy, Technology
A few years ago, my wife – a designer – was working for a company on a freelance project.
She met them for the briefing and they told her, “We want people to see us as innovative”.
To which she replied, “I think the only way you do that is by doing innovative things”.
Now she wasn’t saying this to be an asshole, she was trying to be helpful … but, of course, they didn’t see that, even though she was absolutely right.
OK, some companies get away with it.
There’s one I know very well who position themselves as progressive … but look a little deeper and you see the innovation is more in their language and wrapping than anything truly ground breaking. And what’s more, they do the same thing – albeit with a different skin – for different companies time and time again.
To be fair, some of what they do/did is truly progressive, but that is most definitely the exception rather than the rule because their current business model appears to be far more about duplication and replication than innovation.
And that would be fine … except they position themselves as innovation pioneers.
It works because nothing attracts conservative companies than the ability to pretend/think they’re innovative or disruptive when – as Lee Hill once brilliantly observed – all they’re really doing is simply ‘modernising to the times’.
Or said another way, they’re simply catching up to where everyone else is, rather than leaving them behind.
It’s a commercial co-dependency.
They talk to you so you can think you’re innovative and you pay them to allow them keep thinking they are.
The reason I say all this is because I recently saw this in Pudong Airport …
It’s for Austrian/American chef Wolfgang Puck and his restaurant chain.
Now Wolfgang has achieved a great deal in his life …
He is the only chef awarded the ‘Outstanding Chef of the Year’ award on multiple occasions.
His 1982 restaurant Spago – which was a revelation – created the concept of the open kitchen.
He is responsible for serving celebrities a special banquet after the Academy Awards.
All good and grand.
However for all the ‘innovation and success’ Wolfgang has achieved, his Wolfgang Puck chain is anything but … exemplified by the fact that this hoarding claims, “To be truly original is to invent the future of food … to question, to experiment” and yet all the pictures accompanying this statement are about as basic as my dress sense.
Cheeseburger.
Prawn salad.
Steak.
Now I am not saying this food won’t be tasty. But I am saying it is not original and it most definitely is not inventing the future of food.
Of course, there is a lot of [bad] marketing that is underpinned by exaggeration and hype. And I totally appreciate China loves the superlative … however, as exciting as the people behind this restaurant may be about this concept and regardless how ‘new’ this may be to China [clue: it’s not] they’re selling the illusion of innovation rather than the reality of it.
And why do I care?
Because people are falling for this shit.
And while that is their issue, the result of this is the systematic downgrading of standards and ambition.
And truth.
Where more and more people are falling for average because it’s been sold to them as exceptionalism.
And it is convenient for them to believe that because it doesn’t challenge or question, it just comforts with convenience.
The result being those who are being innovative … the ones who are trying to do things differently … are met with immediate distain and dismissal. Judged, insulted and dismissed.
Please note I am not in any way claiming to be one of these people. But I know those who truly are. And so many have failed to achieve the impact and success they deserve because the business of illusion innovation is easier to buy than actual innovation.
And while I could say that is their problem, a lot of it is because of what they refuse to do.
Like guarantee results.
Or sell one-size-fits all process.
Or blindly accept the opinion and views of people because of their title.
Or follow research methodologies that are designed for totally different scenarios.
But that happens a lot. I’ve seen it. We all have.
Which is why I think the best thing that can save marketing is maybe to stop marketing.
Stop playing the games of how so many operate.
Stop valuing convenience, complicity and popularity in favour of truth, action and change.
Stop judging people on how much cash they bring in and more on what they’ve done/do.
Stop playing down to a price rather than up to a quality.
This industry is littered with brilliant creative, innovative, progressive doers and thinkers.
They’re everywhere and yet they rarely seem to be championed or celebrated.
At best they’re viewed as a novelty. At worse, a destructive force.
The Emperor’s New Clothes may get short-term economic results.
It may keep people employed and give the C-Suite big, fat bonus cheques.
But what it is also doing, is ensuring we fall backwards.
Not just killing our credibility, but denying a future to those who could bring us back.
And as acts of corporate hostility go, I find that one of the worst of all.