The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Why Do You Think They Call It Dumb?

I’m back. I know, how terrible.

Which is why I have some good news for you, because I’m going to be away again in a few weeks. So you only have to endure the pain a little longer before you get ANOTHER reprieve. I know, I’m a Saint.

That said, I had a wonderful time, especially at State of Social in Perth.

Meg – the founder of the conference – has created a truly special event and like StratCon in Berlin, there’s a bunch of stuff other conference organizers could learn from them that would benefit audiences and the industry at large.

Anyway, I’ll be writing about that later, so shall we get the pain of me being back over as quickly as possible?

So as many of you know, I love tech.

Not just the practical stuff, but the ridiculous.

Robot dogs.
Robot rabbits.
Robot balls.
Robot guitars.
Hell, I even bought a, errrrrm, robot mother once.

My house is almost fully automated.
My car is filled with the sort of optional extras the engineers only come up with as a joke.
And don’t get me started on my history with smartphones.

And yet, despite my addiction to stupidity … I totally appreciate there are downsides to technology.

The scrolling,
The timewasting.
The interruption.
The distractions.

And that’s before we get to the blood-pressure inducing annoyance of hearing every fucking company try and claim they’re in the tech/AI space just because they use ChatGPT to write their Linkedin ‘thought leadership’ social landfill bollocks.

So, it’s no surprise we’ve started to see the backlash …

People fighting against companies outsourcing jobs to AI.
Society pushing back on the serving of AI slop.
Companies balking at the prices being charged for AI access.
Investment firms questioning the long-term viability of AI industries.
And then – at a much lower level – shoppers increasingly choosing dumb-tech over high-tech.

You know what I’m talking about …

Products that strip back their functionality to their bare essentials:

Cameras that only allow you to point and click.
Tablets that only allow you to read your books.
And phones that only allow you to make and receive calls and texts.

Will this result in bringing the tech giants down?

Probably not … but as I’ve written before, if the Tech Bros carry on their current path and hoodwink companies into outsourcing their entire operations to AI under the guise of increased profits and efficiency, who the hell will be around to buy the products they make or advertise?

But I’m going off on a tangent because when I was in NYC, I saw this …

Now, I don’t know about you, but a phone that gives you whatsapp, maps, uber ‘and more’ … is the opposite of a dumbphone.

Maybe it could be defined as the ‘night-out phone’.
Or – at a push – the ‘bare essentials’ phone.
But it sure-as-shit isn’t a dumb-phone …

That is unless the term ‘dumb’ is being used to describe the people they want to buy it and then maybe they’re onto something. Except, one look at their website and you realise they really believe what they’re peddling … which suggests whether it’s the tech bros or the idiots, we’re doomed either way.

Have a great day. Hahahaha.

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There’s A Fine Line Between Maximum Efficiency And Minimum Effort …

Last week was a week of pissy posts, so I thought I’d write something a little less intense.

Recently I was in Nottingham and while on one of my walks, I passed this …

“What is it?” I hear you cry.

Well, it’s a notice about the busses.

Tied with a crappy piece of string to a branch of a nearby shrub because – I assume – the people who had to put it up thought it would take too much effort, cost or complexity to attach it to the actual bus stop.

You know, so passengers could maybe actually see it.

Now I appreciate Nottingham County Council is basically bankrupt so they can’t be spending money willy-nilly … but what the fuck is the point attaching a notice to a shrub that isn’t even next to the actual bus stop???

It all smacks of someone having to hit their KPI’s …

Where the focus is being able to say you did what was asked rather than did what was needed … even though you know what you did wasn’t in the spirit of the original request.

And while you could blame that on the clarity of the brief, it’s still an exercise in deliberate ignorance.

Or arrogance.

Or idiocy.

It reminds me of the toilets I wrote about in Singapore way back in 2006.

Another example of someone ‘executing’ rather than ‘accomplishing’ …

Also known as ‘modern business practice’ … where it increasingly feels like a job well done and well crafted is viewed as an unnecessary cost, when it can just be churned out without any consideration.

Or worse, when someone does that and then tries to hide their laziness behind ambiguous language or claims of cost efficiency.

Which is why I keep going back to the words a father of an old colleague of mine once said:

“If you haven’t got the time to do it right at the start, when will you have the time?”

When will companies realise that if they treat their customers like fools, they’ll value them accordingly?

The older I get, the more I believe the only thing we have are our standards … and while not everyone will appreciate them, you can be sure they will notice them when everyone else shows they don’t have any.

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An Uncomfortable Truth …

That image is quite the devastating, destructive viewpoint isn’t it?

And I hate it because sadly – the vast majority of people who act like this – look like me.

Male.
White.
Privileged.
On the wrong side of 40.

Now there’s a big difference between looking the part and being the part – and I hope-to-fuck I only fall into the former category – but I have seen more than a few people develop increasingly arrogant, self-righteous, binary viewpoints in a bid to convince themselves they’re still important while trying to directly appeal to others in similar situations as them, so they can feel they’re still relevant.

I should point out this post is not about the people I discussed yesterday, it’s actually about Karl Stefanovic … the the ex-presenter of Australia’s Channel 9 breakfast show who, like many older, privileged, white men like Russell Brand and Elon Musk, has seen the commercial advantages of becoming a right-wing, racist, sexist prick.

That said, it we’re being honest, this sort of behaviour isn’t exactly foreign to a lot of people in our industry – especially when I recently saw a TikTok of a female influencer who had attended Cannes and said she had been constantly propositioned by men to ‘go up to their hotel room’ within minutes of meeting them.

I have been trying to find it again but can’t – so if anyone has seen it, can you please send it to me – but that aside …

What the fuck?

Seriously, what the fuck?

I know the ad industry – and Cannes – has a reputation for some less than savory behaviour but this shit??

Fuck off! Get a life! Stop thinking you have superiority that allows you to do whatever you want, free from accountability.

We talk about AI ruining our industry, but these fuckers are doing a much better job of it.

And what’s the betting many of them have daughters …

Actually, what’s the betting many would want to kill any man who said such things to their daughters?

Which is why maybe one of the best things the industry can do for our future is to elevate character to the same level as creativity … even though – as a friend of mine said recently – that would mean all the holding companies would lose their C-Suite overnight.

Allegedly, haha.

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Don’t Let Temporary People Make Permanent Decisions ….

A while ago, I listened to someone explain one of the best lessons they’d ever learned.

And they said what the title of this post says …

Don’t let temporary people make permenant decisions.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it because it has made me realise how much of what we have to deal with in life is because we have done the absolute opposite of that.

And we do have a responsibility in this …

Because while the people who have those positions have been put in there by others in similar positions … we allow them to fuel their commercial and egotistical self-interest by keeping quiet and compliant.

Now I get some people don’t really have a choice.
And I also appreciate people who stand up against it can easily be smothered and discarded.
But when I look at how much of our industry, discipline and life has been fucked over by temporary people making ‘self-interest driven’ permanent decisions, it’s bordering on criminal.

Well, in some cases, it probably is. Allegedly.

From making decisions that blatantly look after friends at the expense of other employees livelihoods through to destroying organisations so they can hit share price bonuses … we’re seeing more and more of these temporary people get paid vast sums even though they leave what they were responsible for, in a worse state than when it started.

Of course, the problem is their definition of ‘responsibility’ is to everyone other than the employees.

Shareholders.
Investors.
Themselves.

And probably not in that order.

So, while I have no problem with people being rewarded very well for doing very well … it’s crazy when ‘very well’ is defined by destruction rather than creation – regardless how hard they try and spin it otherwise.

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How Business Consultants Think Money Can Mask The Taste Of Shit …

3 years ago, I wrote about the amazing story of Sriracha sauce.

How it is a testimony to belief, standards and stubbornness.

If you didn’t read it, you should – especially as the brand, right now, is suffering badly.

Now you may think this is where I say I was wrong …

That I mistook a moment of success for a story of sustainable excellence.

But you’d be wrong … because while the brand is suffering, it’s more to do with values versus ingredients.

You see at some point, the founder – David Tran – asked his son to take a bigger role in the company operations.

While William – and his sister, Tassie – grew up with the company their father founded, William had worked at a management consultancy and as such, thought he could modernize the approach that his father had built his business on.

Was this by investing in better machinery? No.

Was this by buying some of the suppliers they relied upon? No.

Was this by producing new products founded on Sriracha principles? No.

It was by trying to re-negotiate the contracts of their long-term partners and by replacing the ingredients used with cheaper alternatives.

That’s right … rather than make choices that could add to the potential of the business, he chose to exploit what the business already did.

Or said another way, he wanted to squeeze every possible penny of profit he could out of every possible inch of the business.

And the result of this?

Well, their long-term suppliers walked away.
Their product quality fell away.
And their customers walked all the way to their competitors.

So, what’s the point of this?

Well, it’s that we’re deep in the cult of optimsation. The common consensus success is defined by how much you can squeeze out of what you’ve got rather than grow to what you can become. Where standards are deemed as optional when offered the opportunity to make a teeny bit more money by lowering them.

And it’s this bullshit viewpoint that is at the root of so much bad in brands and business..

Of course, you have to manage costs.
Of course, business is hard and challenging.
And of course, you want to be open to new possibilities and opportunities.

But doing it in isolation, delusion or arrogance of any possible implication is bordering on psychotic … just like the fact that despite all the data and research they invest in, less and less companies seem to have a real appreciation or understanding of who their actual customers are, what’s going on in their lives, what they actually need, want and expect from them and what business they’re actually in.

Oh, they will say they do.
And they’ll use numbers to explain or justify choices and decisions.
But too often, there’s an underbelly of arrogance that customers will blindly accept – or take – whatever they want them to have. That they know more than the people they serve, so are free to do whatever they want that serves their own best interests and goals.

So, they start using lower standards of ingredients.
Or they make pack sizes smaller, while keeping prices the same.
Or they remove features and claim they’re doing it for ‘environmental’ reasons.
Or they find underhand ways to increase usage, like widening the bottle nozzle pour.
Or they claim their product is ‘healthy’ simply by changing pack design and/or serving sizes.

Always looking to shortcut or shortchange … justified and underpinned by an attitude that in business, success is awarded to those who can stretch or squeeze their customers and suppliers, regardless of what it destroys or costs.

That’s where we are folks.

That’s where the school of business is increasingly taking us too.

Optimise, Optimise. Optimise.

Nothing … absolutely nothing matters more than the quarterly result. Except maybe the corporate ego, which is why we end up with research done by bots … innovation designed by spreadsheets … marketing created by systems, rules and AI and decisions evaluated by the ability to optimize not liberate.

Or as my friend told me, “optimise yourself to commodification”.

As I’ve said for far too long… the only thing that differentiates business from competitors are the values you hold.

And when you allow them to be sold for a quick, temporary gain, then you don’t become the same as everyone else, you become worse. Because contrary to popular opinion – people don’t choose you simply because of your price, habit or convenience … but because of something the world of business consultant loves to dismiss as an unnecessary cost …

Standards.

Just ask Srircha, or any of the countless household companies/brands who have turned-to consultants to find ‘clever’ ways to boost business, even if it ends up being at the cost of everyone, except the C-Suite and Wall Street.

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