Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Anniversary, Attitude & Aptitude, Birthday, Comment, Communication Strategy, Creativity, Culture
Bloody hell, it’s the 1st September. Already.
This year has gone so quickly, which takes me back to this post I wrote about ‘the speed our kids grow up‘ and I am close to begrudging September before it’s even begun.
But hey, it’s Monday and no one needs more shit to deal with than that, so instead I’m going to swiftly move on before we all reach for the kitchen drawer and look for the sharpest knife.
Or maybe that’s just me.
So this post is about birthday cards.
No … it’s not April Fools, it really is.
I swear there have only been 2 sorts of birthday cards ever created: The sincere ones and the ‘sarcastic’ ones.
The former is an expression of how much someone means to you and the best wishes you have for their special day. The latter basically takes the piss about how fucking old you are.
That’s it.
A tried and tested formula through the ages.
Which is why I was pretty surprised when I saw this:
Sure, it’s funny.
Sure, it’s original.
But it’s also something else …
Validation.
Validation for the members of society who are saying the economy is bad while too many politicians try to claim it isn’t.
It may seem a small thing, but it’s also big … because the only reason the card industry would step away from their tried and tested birthday formula is when they see a big enough commercial reason to do it.
And it appears that the harshness of the economy is – apparently – a big enough reason.
So while I wouldn’t base all my argument on this fact, sometimes its the circumstantial evidence that is the most damning.
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One last thing:
Today is my 18th wedding anniversary and I GUARANTEE my wife has – consciously or subconsciously – forgotten about it.
So … as she never reads this blog, I will show her this post to prove I remembered and she didn’t, allowing me to ‘lord it’ over her in a rare moment of triumph and glee.
Oh who am I kidding, but it’s worth a try … it can’t be any more stupid than when we decided to have a ‘Diet Coke’ fountain at our wedding that turned into one giant, bubble of stupidity – as captured in the photo below, with my wonderful Mum peering over, ready to capture the idiocy with her camera.
Happy anniversary Jill. At least its important enough for one of us to remember ; )
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Colleagues, Comment, Complicity, Corporate Evil, Corporate Gaslighting, Health, Hope
Once upon a time, Elton John once sang, Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.
What he forgot to add to that sentence was … “if you’re a toxic bastard”.
OK, there are some exceptions … but even when you’re sure you’ve done nothing wrong, if you see a colleague hurting from something you said or did, common decency suggests you’d reach out to them, because no one willingly wants a colleague to feel bad because of a misunderstanding. Or even a debate.
And yet there’s lots of people who seemingly do.
Just one look on my Corporate Gaslighting site tells you that.
Reveling in making others feel bad.
Or small.
Or useless.
Or a failure.
For many, this horrible experience can take years to get over and often, it never really leaves – it just sits there, waiting to be triggered by something at some point in the future.
It’s why it’s important to get help.
You’re made to feel it’s all been your fault. You’re made to feel shame to talk about it. You’re made to feel embarrassed to ask for help.
But – as I have said many times – this is all part of their approach.
The systematic undermining of your confidence to force your complicity and silence.
It’s abuse, pure and simple.
However it can get better. You can get stronger. You can look and move forward … which is why I want to leave you with 3 points to this pre-weekend post.
1. Remember you are not alone. They just want to make you feel that way.
2. If you’re going through this, reach out to me/us at Corporate Gaslighting.
3. Should you ever come across the person who deliberately caused you pain, discomfort and despair … one of the best things you can do for your healing is the following ….
Sure it may not be nice.
I understand it may not be professional.
But not only did they start it, it allows you to finally end it.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Age, Attitude & Aptitude, Bonnie, Childhood, Comment, Dad, Daddyhood, Death, Family, Fatherhood, Jewellery, Jill, Love, Loyalty, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Childhood, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents, Relationships, Resonance, Respect
On Friday I talked about the ring that had replaced my lost wedding ring.
A wedding ring that had been made to combine both my Dad’s wedding ring and the one given to me by Jill.
I wrote how this new ring had – thank god – been able to incorporate some of Dad’s ring [that I’d had left when I had it resized] as well as some things from Jill’s ring [that she kindly donated to me] so that it was something of real significance and sentimental value to me.
I treasure it.
It’s far more than the metal it’s made of.
But recently I saw something that reminded me why it is so significant.
This …
I don’t know why, but the thought I will [hopefully] know Otis more as an adult than a kid completely fucked with me.
Of course he will always be ‘my child’ but being the person I see every day … the person I watch growing up in front of me … the person he turns to for laughs, help, advice or an audience … the person who loves and hugs his dog … is something I treasure deep in my psyche and soul.
As I wrote before, while all parents know their kids grow up fast, what makes it tolerable is that as they develop … they learn or express new things that you adore, which helps offsets the sadness of seeing the old things you loved, fall away.
But there will be a time where you don’t get to see this growth every day.
Where you aren’t their World, you’re just a part of it. One associated more with the past than the present.
Back in 2016, I wrote about that – based on an brilliant article in The Guardian – and fuck me, if it was hard to deal with then, it’s even harder to accept 9 years later as we get closer and closer to a time he will move on, that you know is coming but wish wasn’t.
That doesn’t mean you don’t want your child to have their own life.
To forge their own interests and passions and journeys moving forward.
But the idea of being relegated to ‘observer’ is hard, even though – as my parents showed with me – it is one of the greatest gift you could ever give your child.
The values to live.
The lessons to progress.
The encouragement to explore.
The freedom to build write your own story.
What brought this all to a head was a video I watched of Michelle Obama recently, talking about her Mum.
“Wow, this went fast”.
Not just watching your child become an adult, but life.
And as much as Mae West said: “you only live once, but if you do it right … once is all you need”, the reality is life does go fast.
What makes it more bizarre is that as you get older … as life passes-by slower … it all seems to accelerate at the same time.
Which is why it’s so important to treasure and value what you have.
Not take it for granted.
Not get swept up with the things that – in the big scheme of things – don’t matter.
It’s taken me a long time to learn this.
It’s taken watching my wonderful, brilliant son grow up to really understand this.
Despite watching my amazing Mum and Dad pass, it’s Otis who has helped me appreciate time and life.
Not just with him, but with everyone around me.
Which is why that video of ‘knowing your child more as an adult than a kid’ hit me.
Not because that is bad, but because the moment is so special.
And while growing up is a good and natural thing – which I have obviously been trying to come to terms with for a long time, given I wrote this about Otis becoming an adult back in 2021 – it’s still a reminder that you rarely know you’re living the time of your life, until after it has passed.
It’s why both those videos may have been uncomfortable reminders.
But also beautiful gifts.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Awards, Birthday, Bonnie, Cannes, Cliches, Comment, Creativity, Culture, Jill, Otis, Paul, Paula, WARC
So, I’m back.
And I survived.
Better yet, the family … pooch … and my colleagues seemed relatively happy to see me, which is a massive win.
Plus the people with the birthdays, had good ones. Albeit maybe because I didn’t get to share it with them.
Anyway, Cannes was interesting.
I have a very weird relationship with it because while I love hearing great people talk … looking at some incredible work and seeing old friends, I do hate a lot of ‘the scene’.
The indulgence.
The egotism.
The excess.
That said, so much of that is now coming from people and companies who work in consultancies, tech, research or big multinationals – rather than ad agencies or companies who practice creativity in the truest sense of the word. Part of that is because they’re the only ones who can afford it … but it also reveals a chink in their ‘armor of confidence’. Evidence that for all their smarts, they’re desperate to feel admired, liked, wanted … without ever realizing their American Psycho approach to life attracts derision more than attraction.
At least for me.
I often wonder if all industry conference get-togethers create this sort of energy.
Do dentists/analysts/publishers [delete as appropriate] start to convince themselves they’re the Masters-Of-The-Universe when all packed tightly into one room?
As I said, Cannes is brilliant for the talks, the creativity and the ability to reconnect with old friends.
It’s nice to see a celebration of what we do when so often it faces a barrage of abuse from people who wouldn’t know creativity if it smashed them in the face.
But the vulgar displays of excess are less attractive to me.
As are the giant ads from tech/consultancy companies which are trying to position themselves as creative but end up demonstrating they’re the total opposite.
At least that’s slightly amusing, especially because you know it took them 6 months of board approval/design to make it happen.
But I digress …
I’m back.
I had a good time.
I’m thankful to WARC and Paula for making it happen.
I’m very happy to have seen some old friends after years.
But – unfortunately for you – I’m ready to write more blog bollocks.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Confidence, Content, Context, Curiosity, Emotion, Empathy, Harmony, Honesty, Individuality, Meetings, My Childhood, Relationships, Relevance, Resonance, Respect
Recenty I met someone who had a profound affect on me.
I didn’t know them before we met.
I didn’t even know of them before we met.
But circumstances meant we met – via Zoom – and almost from the moment we talked, I felt a deep connection to them.
An immediate appreciation and understanding of who they were and what they were working towards … helped by their generosity of transparency and honesty.
Now we may like to think everyone we meet is like that, but we know that’s not really the case.
Even with people we know, we often express with a level of guardedness … but not with this individual. Oh no …
Within seconds all barricades were down and we had entered conversation of almost breath-taking honesty and detail.
At least that’s how I felt – hahaha.
Even looking back on it, I don’t know how – let alone why – this happened so quickly with them, but it did.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact the conversation had no agenda?
Maybe it had something to do with the fact we discovered we had some shared contexts?
Maybe it had something to do with both of us being genuinely curious and interested in how the other saw life?
Who knows, but after the call, I was left dealing with a whole range of emotions and feelings.
Confusion.
Exhilaration.
Contemplation.
Elation.
All topped off with a sense of disappointment it was over and a hunger to do it again.
Now, if truth be told, this not the first time something like this has happened …
Sure, the effect they had on me was unique to them, but I’ve definitely had similar experiences that have felt like a seminal moment.
Where I’ve met or talked to someone I would always remember.
Where there have been thoughts and questions raised that I’ll never forget.
Where they’ve felt like we’ve been connected for decades, when sometimes it’s been for less than a day.
Overall, a sense of overwhelming gratitude and amazement of encountering someone who was willing to throw all of who they were into the moment we were interacting.
Call me cynical, but for me, the only people who can do this are either those with supreme confidence, psychopathic tendencies or a comfort in their own vulnerabilities.
And while this person had some traits of the former, they definitely didn’t show any of delusional – something I’m pretty attuned to – which means their openness was born through their acceptance and awareness of their truth, while also feeling they were in a safe environment – and with a safe person – to express themselves without caution or limits.
As compliments go, that is maybe one of the most beautiful anyone can ever receive.
But what makes this even more special is that when this happens, it has the same effect on the other party. And it did … because I found myself being able to express myself in a way that ensured our conversation transcended transactional and became deeply personal.
Or said another way, it was one of those increasingly rare conversations that felt like a gift … a gift wrapped in our focus, curiosity, authenticity and deep compassion.
No judgement.
No expectation.
No agenda.
It was an experience that reaffirmed how lucky I am.
That aged 55, I still get to engage and encounter the new and interesting.
People who are willing to place and share new ideas, new considerations and new perspectives in my life.
Ideas that can trigger, remind or challenge the various beliefs I’ve held on to for – sometimes – all of my life.
Not because of arrogance, but because they are kind and willing to be vulnerable for you.
How incredibly wonderful.
Of course I shouldn’t be so shocked I still get to have this, given how my parents were …
My Dad with his incredible capacity to talk and connect to anyone …
I’ve mentioned how, when I was a teen, Dad would a bring a homeless person to our house – promising them a bath, a feed and a good night sleep in a warm bed – if they promised to talk to me about their life because he wanted to ensure I respected everyone has a story and that life is as much about good fortune as it is effort.
I must admit I hated it at the time, but now I’m older, I’m in awe.
And then there was Mum, the most compassionate and considerate person I have ever met.
Always interested in what others were interested in – regardless of age or background – as she saw them as a way to learn more about life. To get a bigger perspective of the world, which in turn, would allow her to contribute to more in her world.
And while I’m not as good as my Mum or Dad, I am a product of them … so accept I have gained some of their incredible abilities.
I certainly enjoy talking to people.
I definitely love understanding what people care about.
I deeply value learning the perspectives of those who are unlike me.
But while this person answered all of these elements, they were more than that.
Because not only did they let me see more of who they were, they helped me see more of who I was, too.
Stuff I may have not paid much attention to, or thought about or even locked away because of what it signified or triggered.
And while I may never speak to them again – let alone be in a situation where I will be in the same room as them – I will forever be grateful to them.
Because they served as a great reminder that the richness of life is not simply about what you do in it, but what you allow it to bring to you.
And they gave me a lot. Including a fuckload of questions I’m asking myself … hahaha.
At a time where we’re increasingly sitting behind desks and studying humanity through datapoints, let this be an advertisement for human interaction.
Because not only do they reveal the nuances data rarely see, they trigger the emotions, data will never be able to feel, let alone express.
John le Carre once stated, ‘a desk is a dangerous place to view the World’.
He could well have added,
‘Humans let you see the world, but certain individuals will take you to the most exciting corners of the universe’.