Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Death, Emotion, Empathy, Friendship, Humanity, Life, Love, Loyalty
Got to be honest, I am glad to see the back of September.
There’s been some really good bits, but there’s definitely been a cavalcade of bad.
They say bad news comes in 3’s, well September proved it can come in much bigger numbers than that.
Which leads to the point of this post … and it’s bleak. Especially for a Tuesday. But it’s also real.
You see, the older you get, the more you welcome death into your life.
I’m not talking about celebrities, I mean friends, family members or friends of the family.
Of course, this can happen at any age – after all, I lost my Dad when I was still in my twenties and the posts I wrote following Mum’s death capture the emotional rollercoaster it can trigger in all of us – but growing old does tend to increase the level of loss you feel when learning of someone passing.
I know that sounds counter intuitive given you experience it more, but it’s true. Mainly because you never really get used to it happening.
Sure, the pain and sadness varies depending on who it is and the relationship you had with them, but it always affects you.
Even more so when the people are younger than you.
Over the last couple of months – literally 8 weeks – I’ve learned the sad news that 6 people I knew, had died.
SIX.
Three were ex-colleagues, one was a generous soul who I’d met a number of years ago and 2 were dear friends.
While I got on well with all of them, we weren’t living in each-others pockets beyond the odd note, the odd Instagram comment and the annual ‘birthday’ best wishes.
It wasn’t always like that, but life has a way of impacting availability even if you really try for it not to … which may explains why – bar Billy – I discovered their sad news via social media.
I wish I could say my first reaction was shock, but it wasn’t … it was confusion.
In each case I would read the ‘update’ on social media and then look at attached photo and not understand how these two things were connected.
One representing the worst of life. The other, showing them in the most vibrant expression of it.
And then, when I finally registered the reality of the situation – I found myself just going down a rabbit hole of their life.
Trying to understand what had happened.
Trying to know more about the life they had lived.
Trying to learn about the relationships that mattered most to them.
Trying to make sense of the last days, weeks and months of their life.
Trying to find the last time we had spent a good amount of time together.
Of course none of this changes the tragedy of it all, but in a weird way it helped me feel connected to them while also honouring them.
And I have felt a real need to honour them because they were all amazing people in a whole host of amazing ways.
Much better than I will ever be.
Now I appreciate this may all sound like I’ve gone mad but this approach has really helped me come to terms with their loss and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the dealings with death – what works for you, is all that matters.
But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t hurt.
Hasn’t left scars.
If truth be told, the impact of their loss – underpinned by the shitshow that is my eye and another friend dealing with the rapid decline of a parent who has been in my life my whole life – has had a pretty devastating effect on me.
It’s made me question a lot of things …
Decisions I’ve made.
Decisions I’ve yet to make.
The things I put my energy into.
The things I am expected to put my energy into.
All the sliding doors moments that I have walked past rather than walked through.
And while that all sounds bleak, the reality is it has served as an important reminder that so much of how we live is focused on what we should do rather than what we want to do.
That does not mean it justifies any act of selfishness … but it does validate embracing the opportunities, possibilities and people who bring you the greatest happiness, pleasure or excitement.
I’ve not always been the best at this.
I’ve allowed life to get in the way of what – or who – energises my life far too often.
I’ve seen people, places and opportunities pass me by that – had I stopped worrying about what I am expected to do – could have had a profound effect on many aspects of who I am and how I live.
That doesn’t mean I am disappointed with what I have and what I have done – far from it – I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to be so bloody blessed in so many ways. But it also doesn’t blanket the fact I’ve let moments, people and possibilities slip through my fingers that I felt at the time were potentially hugely important to me or good for me, because I allowed things I shouldn’t have regarded as more important at the time, be more important.
Maybe out of duty.
Maybe out of routine.
Maybe out of fear for realising what I’d settled for versus what I could have done or had.
A long time ago, a friend of mine told me their approach to life was “live a little bit more stupidly”.
I still really like that.
A little bit more stupid might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever heard.
Which leads to the point of this post …
Life’s short.
Far too short to spend it with pricks, processes and problems that take more from us than add to us … and yet most of us find ourselves doing exactly that in some way. Every single day.
Of course I appreciate it is rarely out of choice, but it happens because life is always happening … but what the results in is us often failing to appreciate what’s passing us by.
Or worse, what’s getting ready to say goodbye.
I think about ‘lasts’ quite a lot.
Last meal.
Last hug.
Last laugh.
Last conversation.
A last and final goodbye.
And while we rarely know when the end is going to come, the one thing we can do to counter it is to be present in the things that make us happy and the lives of those who matter most.
Not just when death is approaching, but when opportunity is screaming.
Which is why I hope this post might inspire someone to make the time to make that call.
To a loved one.
A friend.
A family member.
A colleague.
A significant other.
A significant other, you’ve never shared that with.
A person you’ve let a pointless disagreement become a stranger.
Because if losing one of those people hurts, I can assure you knowing you let them go before they even left is even worse.
Life isn’t perfect.
It can be messy and complicated.
Which is why the connections that matter should be all that matters.
However unlikely, inconvenient or challenging they may be to sustain.
Last thing.
I get this sounds like I’m sad. Well I am. But here’s the thing – so I should be. If I wasn’t, that would be far scarier … so know that I write this because I am good, just frustrated I’ve needed the worst of times to remind me to seize the best of life.
So to September, I say goodbye.
Apart from a couple of special things that happened, you were an asshole, which is why I hereby lay you to rest.
Thank God.
Filed under: Advertising, Agency Culture, Ambition, Aspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Cars, Comment, Communication Strategy, Confidence, Consultants, Context, Corporate Evil, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture, Effectiveness, Egovertising, Emotion, Empathy, Experience, Focus Groups, Grifting, Logic, Love, Luck, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Perspective, Planning, Point Of View, Process, Relevance, Research, Resonance, Respect, Standards, Status, Stupid
We’re surrounded by processes and systems.
Each and everyone proclaiming to be ‘the right way’ to do something.
A way that claims effectiveness … efficiency … accuracy and performance are all but guaranteed.
And while it is true that in many cases, they increase the odds of good things happening … that’s all they do.
Sure, many have a ton amount of data accompanying them to back things what they say … but as we all know about data, when used right [or wrong] you can make it say or prove anything you want it to.
The reality is our industry, pretty much all these systems are less a shortcut to wealth and prosperity, and more an insurance policy against failure and destruction.
Nothing wrong with that other that it does the opposite of what many claim and instead, champions conformity more than liberation. But then what do you expect when many of the people doing the spouting of systems and processes have a vested interest in everyone using those very systems and processes.
Again, I’m not suggesting you ignore all these things. As I said, many play an important role in developing products and brands … however when someone suggests they’re ‘the secret to success’ and must be embraced to the letter – then you need to think about whose success are they really talking about.
It’s why I bloody loved this interview with Marc Andreessen – the businessman, venture capitalist, and [former] software engineer. Specifically the bit about ‘why hyperlinks are blue’.
OK, so he tries to rationalize it at the end, but fundamentally what he says is: “blue is my favorite colour”.
That’s right … the colour of our hyperlinks were chosen.
By a human.
Because he liked that colour.
Kind of reminds me of the ‘wings’ on a Cadillac.
There was absolutely no functional reason for them to exist other than the fact the designers just thought it looked better with them.
That’s it.
And with that, they turned a car into an icon. And here lies a key lesson …
Sometimes, the things we like are simply because we like them.
There may be many alternatives.
There may be other possibilities.
But at the end of the day, some choose things for no other reason than it works for them.
And at a time where everything needs to be justified … rationalised … reviewed and tested … I think those people deserve credit for backing their belief, judgement, vision and preference.
It’s easy to do what a system tells you to do.
It’s easy to follow what others tell you is right.
But it takes confidence to embrace what you believe is the right thing to do. And while I acknowledge some will suggest this approach is an act of ego and arrogance … when you consider how many of these ‘dot-to-dot logic™ systems and ‘researched-to-within-an-inch-of-their-life’ campaigns/brands/products fail to perform [often because the impact or output they create is deemed secondary in importance to the adherence of every step of whatever system or logic process you have committed to using] you could argue the person who backs their judgement is no less an idiot than the person who outsources all their responsibility to someone else?
Whether we like it or not, sometimes the best things are a product of someone doing something they preferred.
They will justify it.
They will rationalize it.
But underpinning it all, is their acknowledgment that before they can think about satisfying others, they need to satisfy themselves … and frankly I find that a pretty honourable act.
Filed under: Anniversary, Birthday, Bonnie, Childhood, Dad, Daddyhood, Family, Fatherhood, Jill, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Childhood, Otis, Relationships, Respect, Rosie, Sky, Travel
Today is a complicated day for me.
Because on the positive it would be my brilliant Dad’s 87th birthday … but on the negative, it reminds me that he has been gone 27 years.
Or said another way … almost half my life.
HALF!
That seems both impossible and insane.
Of course, because I think about him so much, he has never truly ‘left me’, but I also begrudge the fact I’ve not been able to share so many of the experiences I’ve had in the intervening 27 years that I’d have loved to have shared with him to see, hear and learn his response and reaction to.
I never got to introduce him to my wife, my son, my cat, my dog and Otis’ bird – Sky.
I never got to talk to him about Singapore, Hong Kong, China, Japan, America, New Zealand.
I never got to seek his advice on dealing with challenges, loss, possibilities and tough choices.
I never got to watch his face as I told him about my career, clients, colleagues and work.
I never got to hear his laugh as I helped him enjoy the experiences, he always wanted to try but never had the chance to do.
But most of all, I never got to keep telling him how grateful I am for the person he is and the person he helped me become.
The irony – as I’ve written before – is that so many of those things I’ve not been able to share with him happened because I am driven by a desire to make him and Mum proud. To repay the love and faith they always showed towards me … whether that was when I was failing exams or when they told me I should still travel despite the fact Dad had experienced a terrible stroke.
So to my wonderful Dad ….
You may not be here but know you’re with me every day … which I know you’d be very happy about, even if I also know you’d also be telling me ‘that I have to get on with my life rather than be held back by yours’, hahaha.
So, with that let me end this post by reassuring you that you – and Mum – never held me back. In fact, you’re two of the biggest reasons why I’ve been able to – and want to – keep moving forward, because in many ways, it’s not just how I repay my gratitude for all you did [and continue to do] for me, it’s how I can say – and show – how much I love you.
And I do. A shit-ton.
So happy birthday Dad.
I send you – and Mum – a big kiss and hug.
I hope you’re holding hands and smiling at the life your son is living more than frowning,
On the bright side, while I still seem very capable of causing all manner of trouble, at least the stuff I get up to these days has a lot less ‘police involvement’ than my earlier years, which has to be a positive doesn’t it? Haha.
Miss you.
Rx
Filed under: Chaos, Colleagues, Cynic, Death, Life, Love, Loyalty, Respect
Earlier this week, I – along with the rest of the cynic mob – received some terribly sad news.
Billy … known as Billy Whizz, and an old cynic colleague and prolific insulter in the early days of this blog … passed away.
He was 45.
He was a brilliant, talented, infectious maniac.
Writer.
Partier.
Trouble maker.
Mischief conductor.
Failed philanderer.
He was the storm that whipped up the best trouble.
And as much as he would do his best to hide his smarts behind his dumbass chic, he never could quite contain it.
Of course not, it was brigher than the sun.
Now 45 is far too young an age but to be fair to him, he used to tell us all he was shocked he was still here when he was 21.
Part of that was because he was always lived like he was driving at 100mph.
Along a narrow road.
On a sheer cliff
At night.
With the lights off.
In the rain.
And while he knew he was being dangeorous – always on the cusp of having a crash – it was also where he was his happiest, the beautiful idiot.
In many ways he was the glue that made the chaos of cynic produce infectious harmony … and while the photo above is not the typical ‘in memory’ pic, I know if anyone would approve of it, it would be Billy.
Taken at the cynic Christmas party in 2003 … it will be forever be known for being the precursor to what we called the infamous ‘vomit bucket’ incident.
He was so proud of causing that, which sums up every part of his manic, foolish brilliance.
I hoped I could be at his funeral in Rome this Saturday, but sadly my eye has put paid to that. I am devastated I will not be able to pay my final respects and say my last goodbyes, but I’m so glad so many of the cynic mob will be there to do it for the rest of us.
Which is why I want to leave this post with this.
Hey Billy. You asshole. Why did you go and die?
Well you have so I need to tell you something.
Some of my best ‘terrible memories’ revolve around you and your wild ways.
I hope that makes you happy and proud. It should, because the best lives have the stupidest stories and you were the author of more than a few of mine.
They say “you only live once but if you do it right, once is all you need”. Well, you definitely did it right … which helps me come to terms with why you left so soon.
I’m so sorry and sad you’ve gone my friend. I’ll think of you in every storm.
Till we meet again … probably in the back alleys of hell.
Love you.
Today is September 11, and while there are many young people out there who may not appreciate – or understand – its significance, it’s a date for many that will live on in history.
That’s not being disrespectful, I literally heard of a story where a young adult – in the US no less – who had no idea of its significance. Thinking, I kid you not, it referred to an overseas version of Seven-11, the convenience store group.
While it would be easy to judge them, they were not even born when it happened – even though I wasn’t born when man landed on the moon but I certainly know it happened.
Or did it? Haha.
[As an aside, I once had to do a talk to a lot of oil execs in Texas and one of my references was about the moon landing. After talking about it, I leant into the mic and said – jokingly – “that is if they did happen”. I wasn’t just met with silence, but also the look of 500 people staring back at me looking like they wanted to kill me. Oops]
But back to today, back in 2001.
Well, for me, it’s certainly a day I will never forget.
I was living in Australia at the time and just stared at the TV in despair as the horror unfolded.
But for some people in my life, what happened that day was even much more personal and destructive.
One was a wonderful client of mine who lost their sister in the tragedy.
The others were Andy and Dave … my ex-cynic colleagues and ‘friends’ of this blog..
We don’t talk much about what they went – and still are – going through anymore, but I know it tested them in ways few people will, thankfully, never have to experience. However while they have somehow been able to deal with the pain and pick up the pieces to somehow keep moving forwards, I know today will thrust an assortment of memories and questions on them – memories and questions from before that day and memories and questions from that day – so I just want them to know I’m thinking of them, sending them hugs, letting them know I’m so glad they’re in my life.
Even with the insults.
Love you gentlemen and see you soon.
And love to all the families who were – and continue to be – affected on this day.