Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Complicity, Confidence, Conformity, Corporate Evil, Humanity, Love, Management
They say you get wiser when you’re older.
I’m not so sure of that.
You just get more efficient at doing the bits you know, over and over again.
The other stuff? Well that hides, waiting to make a grand entrance. To knock you off your feet or grapple you to the floor.
Sometimes you’re aware of what that thing is through the years spent trying to hide or run from it. But some can be a total surprise …triggered by an event or situation you didn’t even know was an event or situation. And then, seemingly without warning, you find yourself suddenly caught between the glaring headlights of others derision and judgement and the bright spotlight of your own despair and mortification.
We are all fucked up in our own little ways.
The failing is not in our inability to be perfect; it’s the energy we waste pretending we all are.
Someone I met recently admitted to me they were “fucked up” … and said it in a tone that suggested they truly feared the consequences of sharing their secret.
And while they didn’t go into detail regarding the burden they carry, I know some of its impact has been the complete rejection of things that made them feel good and alive. I know, it sounds counter-productive … it IS counter-productive … but when you face this level of pressure, the mind works in mysterious ways and you convince yourself you’re doing the right thing even though you are burning much of what could be good, down to the ground..
There are so many people who are in this situation.
Trying to pretend they’re OK while not dealing with the trauma they probably experienced at some point in their childhood and/or are experiencing right now in their adulthood. Often through – and because of – work.
The amount of young people I met in China recently who are literally exhausted is terrifying.
Sure there are a number of contextual elements that have contributed to it.
The first generation experiencing a slowed-down China economy.
The over-reliance on social media for both identity, community and belonging.
The lack of jobs but with the same high filial expectations.
They are all real reasons and the result is this generation of young, talented kids don’t know how to cope, mainly because they never were taught how to cope – both because they were brought up by parents who never had to deal with things like this as they were economically fortunate – either personally or because of the times – plus they weren’t exposed to technology that made the pressure to achieve even greater. Add to that a schooling system that is far more functionally orientated than emotional and you get this horrible, perfect storm.
Anyway, back to this person I met – who is not from China, but reflects the same mindset.
Since I met them, I’ve discovered just how deeply the impact of their situation has been on them and the people around them – and it has devastated me to be honest. They are a brilliant, talented individual who needs help but feels having that would invite failure into their life. Why? Because platforms like Linkedin tell them – thanks to all the bullshit ‘opinion leader’ pieces – careers and reputations are built on seamless, intellectual perfection, which is obviously bollocks but to young people out there, that is all they know.
Which is each and every one of us is complicit in the situations so many young professionals experience. Which is why if I could relive the moment I met then once again, I would reply with a much more articulate answer.
“We all are”.
I hope they read this post. I hope they reach out. Or I hope they let me reach them.
Look after our young … they’re going to run our future and if we want a good one, we need to give them good habits, good skills and a good understanding of emotion not just function.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Agency Culture, Ambition, Attitude & Aptitude, Business, Colleagues, Comment, Communication Strategy, Corporate Evil, Delusion, Effectiveness, Emotion, Equality, Experience, Honesty, Humanity, Leadership, Management, Professionalism, Relationships, Relevance, Reputation, Resonance, Revenge, Standards, Strategy, Success, Systems, Talent
I saw this brilliant interview with Julia Stewart, the CEO of iHOP, the US pancake franchise.
For those of you who are so busy you can’t spent 60 seconds watching it, let me give you the low-down.
In the interview, she discusses how she’d previously held a very senior role at another US food company – Appleby’s – and despite turning the business around, she was denied promotion to CEO that the then current CEO had promised her once she’d proven her impact and success.
The story goes on to explain that on hearing this news, she left to join iHOP, where – having helped develop that business – saw an opportunity for iHOP to acquire Appleby’s and make changes that she saw could unlock even greater growth and value for both brands.
The conclusion is that not only did she succeed in making the purchase, she got to call up the CEO who had broken his promises to her and tell them they were no longer needed.
It’s a great redemption story – despite the host trying to make it sound like her motivations were entirely personal, when she clearly highlights that was not the case – but the real point of this post is this:
GET PROMISES IN WRITING.
Yes, I know not all bosses are such 2-faced pricks – in fact, many truly give a damn about their people – but bosses tend to have bosses and so promises and platitudes mean little unless you have it in writing, dated and signed.
Of course I get situations can change.
I appreciate ‘success’ can be interpreted in many ways.
I understand a boss may feel very differently when their offer of relinquishing their role becomes a reality of relinquishing their role.
But this is exactly why everything needs to be detailed in writing – because without that, you haven’t got a leg to stand on.
I’ve learned this the hard way.
Once because of a change in circumstance.
Once because my boss at the time, was a lying, self-serving, 2-faced, gaslighting prick.
And this is coming from someone who has generally worked at very good companies … which means this sort of stuff must be happening way more than we ever talk about.
The reality is that while companies talk about their staff being their best asset, the reality is many demonstrate this more in words than the day-to-day interactions they have with their people. It’s why it’s kinda-hilarious how so many expect loyalty from their people when so few show that back to their people. It’s also why, if you find a boss or company that is transparent, encouraging and willing to go into battle with you and for you – then you should hang onto them, because they know the best way they can do things for the company is to do the best things for your growth.
But even then, GET PROMISES IN WRITING.
Not – contrary to what you may think – because I am suggesting even these people are untrustworthy, but because the foundation of a strong company culture is transparency, integrity and honesty … and so by getting things in writing, you’re actually reinforcing the culture rather than challenging it.
I know things rarely work out as we like or plan.
I know things change and people make mistakes.
But when everyone knows where they stand, everyone knows what’s expected of them and what they can expect of everyone around them – so when things do go wrong or awry [as they always will to a degree] … at best you know about it before you are affected by it and at worst, it is a bump rather than a full-blown car crash.
I say all this, but I also appreciate that for some, revenge is energy and motivation.
A way to help you get even further than you thought you could get.
And I get it – I really do. However, as much as Julia’s story had a Hollywood-style ending, the reality is for most people – revenge ends up being a drain.
Misdirecting you. Exhausting you. Undermining you.
Ultimately taking more than it provided … and then, the pricks win twice.
Which is why transparency provides power and respect and it all starts with GETTING THINGS IN WRITING.
Just ask Julia.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Death, Emotion, Empathy, Friendship, Humanity, Life, Love, Loyalty
Got to be honest, I am glad to see the back of September.
There’s been some really good bits, but there’s definitely been a cavalcade of bad.
They say bad news comes in 3’s, well September proved it can come in much bigger numbers than that.
Which leads to the point of this post … and it’s bleak. Especially for a Tuesday. But it’s also real.
You see, the older you get, the more you welcome death into your life.
I’m not talking about celebrities, I mean friends, family members or friends of the family.
Of course, this can happen at any age – after all, I lost my Dad when I was still in my twenties and the posts I wrote following Mum’s death capture the emotional rollercoaster it can trigger in all of us – but growing old does tend to increase the level of loss you feel when learning of someone passing.
I know that sounds counter intuitive given you experience it more, but it’s true. Mainly because you never really get used to it happening.
Sure, the pain and sadness varies depending on who it is and the relationship you had with them, but it always affects you.
Even more so when the people are younger than you.
Over the last couple of months – literally 8 weeks – I’ve learned the sad news that 6 people I knew, had died.
SIX.
Three were ex-colleagues, one was a generous soul who I’d met a number of years ago and 2 were dear friends.
While I got on well with all of them, we weren’t living in each-others pockets beyond the odd note, the odd Instagram comment and the annual ‘birthday’ best wishes.
It wasn’t always like that, but life has a way of impacting availability even if you really try for it not to … which may explains why – bar Billy – I discovered their sad news via social media.
I wish I could say my first reaction was shock, but it wasn’t … it was confusion.
In each case I would read the ‘update’ on social media and then look at attached photo and not understand how these two things were connected.
One representing the worst of life. The other, showing them in the most vibrant expression of it.
And then, when I finally registered the reality of the situation – I found myself just going down a rabbit hole of their life.
Trying to understand what had happened.
Trying to know more about the life they had lived.
Trying to learn about the relationships that mattered most to them.
Trying to make sense of the last days, weeks and months of their life.
Trying to find the last time we had spent a good amount of time together.
Of course none of this changes the tragedy of it all, but in a weird way it helped me feel connected to them while also honouring them.
And I have felt a real need to honour them because they were all amazing people in a whole host of amazing ways.
Much better than I will ever be.
Now I appreciate this may all sound like I’ve gone mad but this approach has really helped me come to terms with their loss and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the dealings with death – what works for you, is all that matters.
But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t hurt.
Hasn’t left scars.
If truth be told, the impact of their loss – underpinned by the shitshow that is my eye and another friend dealing with the rapid decline of a parent who has been in my life my whole life – has had a pretty devastating effect on me.
It’s made me question a lot of things …
Decisions I’ve made.
Decisions I’ve yet to make.
The things I put my energy into.
The things I am expected to put my energy into.
All the sliding doors moments that I have walked past rather than walked through.
And while that all sounds bleak, the reality is it has served as an important reminder that so much of how we live is focused on what we should do rather than what we want to do.
That does not mean it justifies any act of selfishness … but it does validate embracing the opportunities, possibilities and people who bring you the greatest happiness, pleasure or excitement.
I’ve not always been the best at this.
I’ve allowed life to get in the way of what – or who – energises my life far too often.
I’ve seen people, places and opportunities pass me by that – had I stopped worrying about what I am expected to do – could have had a profound effect on many aspects of who I am and how I live.
That doesn’t mean I am disappointed with what I have and what I have done – far from it – I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to be so bloody blessed in so many ways. But it also doesn’t blanket the fact I’ve let moments, people and possibilities slip through my fingers that I felt at the time were potentially hugely important to me or good for me, because I allowed things I shouldn’t have regarded as more important at the time, be more important.
Maybe out of duty.
Maybe out of routine.
Maybe out of fear for realising what I’d settled for versus what I could have done or had.
A long time ago, a friend of mine told me their approach to life was “live a little bit more stupidly”.
I still really like that.
A little bit more stupid might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever heard.
Which leads to the point of this post …
Life’s short.
Far too short to spend it with pricks, processes and problems that take more from us than add to us … and yet most of us find ourselves doing exactly that in some way. Every single day.
Of course I appreciate it is rarely out of choice, but it happens because life is always happening … but what the results in is us often failing to appreciate what’s passing us by.
Or worse, what’s getting ready to say goodbye.
I think about ‘lasts’ quite a lot.
Last meal.
Last hug.
Last laugh.
Last conversation.
A last and final goodbye.
And while we rarely know when the end is going to come, the one thing we can do to counter it is to be present in the things that make us happy and the lives of those who matter most.
Not just when death is approaching, but when opportunity is screaming.
Which is why I hope this post might inspire someone to make the time to make that call.
To a loved one.
A friend.
A family member.
A colleague.
A significant other.
A significant other, you’ve never shared that with.
A person you’ve let a pointless disagreement become a stranger.
Because if losing one of those people hurts, I can assure you knowing you let them go before they even left is even worse.
Life isn’t perfect.
It can be messy and complicated.
Which is why the connections that matter should be all that matters.
However unlikely, inconvenient or challenging they may be to sustain.
Last thing.
I get this sounds like I’m sad. Well I am. But here’s the thing – so I should be. If I wasn’t, that would be far scarier … so know that I write this because I am good, just frustrated I’ve needed the worst of times to remind me to seize the best of life.
So to September, I say goodbye.
Apart from a couple of special things that happened, you were an asshole, which is why I hereby lay you to rest.
Thank God.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Creativity, Culture, Gaming, Humanity, Technology
A while back I was walking past a bus-stop near the office and saw this:
I don’t know why but I found it a bit sad.
The dismissal of a staple piece of 70’s life … even though the fact it was carefully placed on the nondescript bin, suggested the last owner hoped someone would pick it up to use in their home, because otherwise why not just break it in two so it could fit inside the bin?
But of course these days we have technology to play these games with.
Hell, I remember when the first ‘computer chess sets’ came out and it seemed like we were jumping a 1000 years in the future.
Playing chess against a computer?! What the actual fuck.
But for all the online games … for all the AI friendships and advice … games with people in the same room hits differently.
It may be able to be replicated by tech, but it never quite has the same finesse.
It’s why I still love the quote of Nora Ephron who – when describing things she’ll miss when she dies – said:
“Dinner with friends in a city none of you live in”.
From the first time I heard that, it captured my imagination and emotion … and having been lucky enough to experience that many times over the years, she’s right. Which is why as much as I love tech – and boy, do I fucking love it – it’s always ends up being a slightly lesser experience than playing with humans … because while the end goal may be the same, it’s the beautiful and unexpected shit that goes on in the interactions between start and finish that makes it a moment, rather than simply a fast-track to the end.
The problem with the tech bros is they’ve convinced us life is about optimization when really it’s about rabbit holes.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, AI, Attitude & Aptitude, Communication Strategy, Crap Campaigns In History, Creativity, Culture, Emotion, Empathy, Humanity, London, Technology
While I was in London, I saw this:
What the actual fuck?
The worst thing is I can imagine they’ll get lots of enquiries … probably from companies who are very vocal on saying ‘their staff are their greatest asset’.
But as we know, the companies that shout the loudest about their people are often the ones who are the worst offenders of them. Like some supercharged gaslighting trick, except everyone knows what they’re doing.
The bit I find confusing though is who do these companies think will be their future customers if they are shedding jobs in favor of AI?
Who is going to have the money and why the fuck do they think those who do, will spend it with them when there is a distinct lack of customer care, craft or consideration?
AI has incredible possibilities, but the scary thing is most companies like it because they see it as being able to do the same things they’ve always done, just cheaper or faster.
That’s it.
What these companies fail to realise is that if their products and operations can be replicated this easily, then they may not be that good in the first place.
I’m seeing this everywhere – especially in advertising.
Agencies and clients banging on about how they have used AI to create an ‘ad’ that would have cost millions before – without once stopping to realise that not only is it something we have seen millions of times before, but while the ad may be visually rich, it is also fucking shit.
Sure, it’s early days … but that so many people are focusing on the optimization of the technology rather than the possibilities of it is tragically sad. But then – as I’ve talked about a bunch in the past – I have always been more alarmed by the people behind the tech than the tech itself.
Maybe this is why my client – the biggest investor in luxury and street culture fashion on earth – believes the future of luxury will be built around personal service. Not the illusion of personal service … but the engagement and interaction with real humans.
Highly trained, highly experienced, specialists.
That doesn’t mean they don’t see the value and power of AI … they do. It’s just they recognize that you can’t claim value when you’re doing everything you can, on the cheap. And yet so many brands forget that … mistaking a premium price for a premium product. Until they find out by the actions, choices and behaviours of the people.
Technology is amazing and nothing is possibly more amazing than AI.
It has the power to liberate opportunities we’ve never imagined.
It can enable and facilitate whole new ways of working and creating.
It will provide an outlet for people who have been overlooked for decades.
This is all incredible and important stuff.
But if companies increasingly see it as a way to cut costs to drive short-term gains … then frankly, not only do they deserve all they will get, they need to realise they are the embodiment of Artificial Intelligence.
So to the people behind Artisan … go fuck yourself.
Said with love. Human love.