Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Audio Visual, Authenticity, Childhood, Comment, Communication Strategy, Content, Creativity, Culture, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Equality, Experience, Fatherhood, Honesty, Human Goodness, Innocence, Jill, Love, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents, Prejudice, Relevance, Resonance
One of the things that is a beautiful nightmare for parents is watching the speed of their children grow up.
At each stage of their development, you think they have reached ‘peak perfect’ and you want them to stay that way forever … but you can deal with their growth because they bring an even more delightful element into their behaviour and, as a byproduct, your relationship.
It’s utterly, utterly magical.
That said, it still doesn’t stop the fact it all happens in the blink of an eye, so while you want to always encourage their development, you just wish it would slow down a little.
The reason I say this is that I recently read about a graphic designer was so appalled at the cover of a young girls magazine, that they decided to release what they thought it should be.
Now I must admit, my first impression to this story was that the graphic designer was probably a self-righteous individual who wanted kids to grow up in the same conditions as they did.
That was until I saw this …
The original cover of the magazine is on the left, their version is on the right.
I’m going to ignore their cover – because you can read how it came about and the story behind their idea, here – however the magazine they redesigned is a real magazine and, according to their own website, supposedly stands for:
Girls’ Life (GL) magazine was founded in August 1994 (yes, we’re ancient, we know) by Karen Bokram. Since then, GL has grown from a 23-year-old’s pipe dream project to a best-selling and award-winning platform for tween and teen girls.
Tweens and teens.
An incredibly impressionable age.
Now look at that cover.
Look at those story headlines.
Now I appreciate I am an old, white male … but they seem to place huge subliminal pressure and expectations on young women.
Wake Up Pretty.
Dream Hair.
Fashion you need to own.
Boyfriends.
If young women want to explore any of those things, then that is wonderful, but I wonder how much of it is because they are being made to feel that way rather than being something they are naturally interested in. Of course, there is something wonderful about learning to develop and grow … but this seems less about personal growth and more about playing to stereotypes – and advertising dollars – so that they can then be judged by broader society.
Of course parents have a big role to play in managing the environment their children play in, but at a time where the World is finally waking up to fighting the prejudice, oppression and stereotypes women have had to face for centuries, it becomes increasingly difficult to achieve this when the World they are surrounded by continues to push an agenda of compliance … especially when they’re titles supposedly designed for the betterment of young women.
Of course this is not limited to content for young women, young boys also have stereotypes of behaviour and aspiration shoved down their throats that are unrealistic and add incredible pressure to their development.
I get children will always grow up too fast for parents, but it is scary how even that isn’t fast enough for media outlets.
What makes it worse is so many of them say their ‘purpose‘ is to inspire brilliance in their readership.
Girls Life specifically say their role is ‘dedicated to informing, inspiring and entertaining girls around the globe—and that includes everything from starting your business (we LOVE spotlighting smart, successful teens) to putting up with periods to styling a personal look you’ll love’.
Which is why I look at the Graphic Designer who screwed with their cover and say ‘well done’ … because I now realise what they did was not act like a judgmental parent, but simply show Girls Life how their cover should look if they are serious about what they claim they represent.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Confidence, Culture, Daddyhood, Empathy, Goodbye America, Goodbye China, Jill, London, Love, My Fatherhood, Otis
A few weeks ago, Otis – my son – graduated from preschool.
I’ve got to be honest, I don’t quite get the preschool graduation thing.
Yes it’s a sort-of school, but it’s basically long playtime where you get to piss about with your mates – which is a bit like working in adland, but with less alcohol. Hopefully.
Anyway, whatever it is, Otis graduated which means the next stage is him embarking on his journey of real education.
I can’t believe it.
It seems only 5 minutes ago he was born.
But there he was … graduating for the first time in his life.
I don’t mind telling you I look at my little boy with such pride and love.
He has gone through a lot …
Living in 3 radically different countries – exemplified by the above photo shows him born in Shanghai, starting preschool in LA and finishing it all in London – saying goodbye to people of huge significance in his life, having to start things over again and again, watching his Dad crumble after seeing his beloved mum die, going through an operation … and yet through it all, he has approached life with a sense of optimism, mischief, happiness and curiosity that would put many older people to shame.
Part of this is because he’s just a loving and compassionate kid. Part of this is because he has family who bloody adore him. But part of this is the insane kindness and generosity that people around the world have shown him simply because they have watched him grow through my billions of social media pics.
The reality is Otis has brought more to my life than I could ever have imagined.
Not just in terms of love and happiness … but also in terms of lessons for life.
He has made everything unquestionably richer for both his amazing Mum and me and so as I tried not to cry as I watched him get his significant – but utterly pointless – certificate, I felt insanely proud of him.
Not for what he has achieved, but for who he is.
Congratulations Otis, you’re an epic little boy.
Filed under: America, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Culture, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Jill, LaLaLand, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents
I recently was in LA for work.
Being a sentimental sod, I couldn’t help find the time to go visit some of the places that became so important to me – and us – when we lived there.
Hell, I even went to the house of the man who bought my car just so I could see it again.
But of all the places I’ve revisited in LA, visiting Otis’ preschool is the one that made me the most emotional.
This is a place he loved.
Where he met his beloved Elodie.
Where his Mum connected to people who will be life long friends.
Where they were both made to feel they mattered from the second they arrived.
Leaving LA was hard. Not for professional reasons, but for personal.
Yes I was sad to leave people I’d met who had grown to become very important to me, but hardest was taking my wife and son away from a place they had thrived in.
Even though we were only there for approx 18 months, we wanted Otis to always know there was a time this was his home … that leaving didn’t mean he’d disappeared. So we wanted to do a few things for the school of which one of them was ask if we could donate a park bench in Otis’ name, so generations of future kids could play on it and – in some way – get to know the little boy who loved that place so much over 2017/18.
By pure chance, when I was driving past the school – it was a Saturday – I saw they had an event on, so being a cheeky sod, I went in hoping they’d let me see the bench we made.
They welcomed me with absolute open arms and as they let me see the seat we left for Otis, I realized – for the first time – that I’d also left a bit of myself here as well.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Context, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Fatherhood, Holiday, Jill, My Fatherhood, Otis, Relationships, Resonance
Well this is the last post for another week except this time I’m not going away for business, I’m going away with the family for a holiday.
Believe it or not, this is the first family holiday we’ve had in almost 3 years.
Part of that is because we have moved countries twice in the last 3 years … the other part is that when we lived in Manhattan Beach, it felt like we were on holiday whenever we were together.
So this weekend we all go – including Rosie the cat – to a farm for a week.
If I’m honest, I never ever dreamed of going to stay at a farm for a holiday.
Only staying in a tent would be worse.
But whether it’s because I’ve been on a plane so much over the past 6 months or whether it’s because I’m a Dad to a kid who absolutely loves animals … I’m genuinely looking forward to it.
Evolving opinions are a wonderful thing.
While we might think our points of view on life remain fairly static, I love that they can grow or shift.
One of the reasons I’ve kept this blog up for so long is that it’s a reference point for how I have looked at the World over time. Looking back at some old posts reveal how much my opinion on certain subjects has changed.
I love that.
It means an old dog can be taught some new tricks.
Maybe this is because having lived in so many different countries, I’ve always had to be open to how things work … but whatever the reason, I’m happy I’m going to be spending a week feeding cows even if a version of me from the past would rather be a Derby County supporter.
See you in a week.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Comment, Culture, Dad, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Home, Jill, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Fatherhood, Nottingham, Otis, Paul, Resonance
So the time has come to close the door on the house I grew up in for one final time.
I’ve written the reasons for why this is happening in the past – as I have the reasons why the house was, and always will be, be so important to me – but it is the beginning of a new chapter for my family and my Mum and Dad would be so happy.
Anyway, we went to visit her one final time.
While the garden remained pretty much as my parents left it – thanks to us having a gardener visit every fortnight for the past 4 years [and we’ve taken a couple of things from there to plant in our new home so we will forever be connected] – going into the actual house was a very different feeling.
Part of it was because there was nothing in it.
No furniture.
No people.
No noise.
And so the overall effect was the house felt smaller … more fragile … and yet, as I walked through each room, there were so many emotions going through me.
As I watched my son run through the place holding his toys, I could see me – probably at his age – doing the same.
I saw where my Raleigh Grifter was waiting for me in 1989, on Christmas day.
I could see where my Dad – and then Mum – would sit in the lounge, on their rocking chair.
I could hear my Dad shouting ‘it’s ready’ from the kitchen our Saturday Beefburger was ready for scoffing down.
I could see my old clock radio when I was in the ‘small bedroom’ and my big stereo when I got ‘upgraded’ to the bigger room.
I could see the bed Mum and Dad slept in … where I would sit by them and chat throughout my time in the house.
Mum and Dad’s bedroom was especially poignant to me.
Regardless what happens in the future, it will always be ‘their room’ as they used for the entire time they were alive [and I was around].
Below is a photo of their empty bedroom that I took.
I’ve superimposed another photo of Otis that I took on the day after Mum died.
He’d just flown with his Mum overnight from Shanghai and he’s lying on the side Mum used to sleep on, looking at a painting of a mother and her child that hung above her bed.
He never got to meet her in person – he was supposed to a couple of weeks later when she recovered from her operation.
Alas it didn’t work out that way which is why this photo is so precious to me and why I feel, in a weird way, they did get to be together – hugging each other tight – if only for a second.
Another thing that got me, was when I went to the garage.
When we were having the house refurbished because we wanted to help a family live in a good area, we wrote a message on the wall about how much that house meant to us.
Well, when we checked at the weekend, we saw the tenants had left their own note and I have to say – it got to me because while my life is moving on, it was built in those 4 walls and I hope it does the same for anyone and everyone who lives there.
Thank you Mum.
Thank you Dad.
Thank you house … you will always be treasured.