Filed under: 2025, A Bit Of Inspiration, Airports, America, China, Creativity, England, Experience, Great Ads In History, Legend, New Zealand, Planning, Respect, Royalty
So this is my last post for just over a week.
I know, I know … I just did that a few weeks ago.
But while any trip overseas is a privilege, this is almost indescribable in its beautiful madness.
Or it would have been, until plans got slightly changed.
ARGHHHHHHHHH.
I must admit, I was devastated when I first got told because as I hinted on my 1st Oct post … it was going to be one of the most insane, wonderful, special, magical and utterly, utterly bonkers trips and experiences of my entire life.
ENTIRE. LIFE.
And I was happy so say that, even if it turned it into a total fucking disaster.
But alas, things got changed and delayed so while I am going away, it’s to a different place for a much shorter time and to meet a rep of the individual – rather than the actual individual, which will now happen in late October and then a big event thingymajig in early 2026. So while that’s a bit disappointing for me, it’s still great news for you because while I’ll now be back in NZ for some of next week, there will only be a few posts over next week.
You’re welcome.
So with that, I wish you all a good weekend … and to say goodbye, I can’t think of a nicer way to do that than leave you with the great Dolly Parton singing a song that perfectly sums up my week ahead.
Have fun. Take care.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Airports, Apathy, Attitude & Aptitude, British, Business, Cars, Corporate Evil, Crap Products In History, London, Luxury
Recently, while walking through Heathrow Airport, I saw this:
Put aside the fact these airport shuttles seem to be for either the elderly, the late or the self-important … why the fuck do they need to have one that looks like the bastard lovechild of Liberace and Elton John’s cars from the 1970’s?
Is it a special edition thing?
Is it an business class, collab thing?
Is it a alarming lack of taste thing?
Or is it a tourist thing?
I could kinda understand if it was for tourists as I can imagine it would be very appealing for Americans of a certain age.
But even then, it’s still pants – exemplified by the fact it has a number plate that represents the name of the company who made/drives it.
And that’s before I point out the British Car Industry – that this thing is probably trying to leverage – is, at best, on its knees or, at worst, owned by everyone other than the Brits.
For fucks sake, is there no end to what we will make ‘status’?
What next … lifts?
I’d rather have a lifetime flying Ryan Air than one trip in that pile of gold shite.
Hell – to paraphrase a very old joke – I’d rather be seen coming out the back of a sheep than the back of that, which not only captures just how ridiculous I find an ‘upper class’ milk float at an international airport but also how too many companies confuse charging a ‘premium price’ with being a ‘premium product’.
Or as my friend, George, calls it, ‘corporate status delusion’.
I’m turning 55 this year.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
How the hell did that happen?
The good news is that while I may look it, I don’t act it.
I’m not saying that, I was told it.
By managers of Rock Stars who said, ‘I was immune from maturity’.
And while they probably meant it as an insult, I took it as a compliment. I’m sad like that.
But the reality is, regardless how stupid or annoying I can be – or as young as I sometimes really think I am – I’m still closer to getting a bus pass than I am getting inside a tour bus which may explain why I often look at people and can’t believe how young they are.
Pilots.
Doctors.
Footballers.
Police Officers.
Hell, not that long ago I got on a plane that I swear was being flown by a child.
Seriously, they looked like they weren’t even old enough to fold a paper plane, let alone fly a massive real one.
Which is why recently – while reading about Nottingham Forest in the Evening Post – I saw an ad that has made me question whether it is more evidence I’m an old bastard or actually just another example of marketing bullshit.
It was this.
No, I don’t mean the funeral insurance – which was depressing enough – but the ad next to it.
The one that features an attractive woman who apparently is a ‘single senior’.
Now maybe my eye’s deceive me. Or maybe the woman in this ad is the recipient of South Korea’s finest plastic surgery. But how the fuck is she classified as a senior???
OK, it’s marketing and their track record of shaming women knows no bounds … but come on, when the hell did ‘senior’ become anyone over 30?
Sure, for a 15 year old, 30 is ancient-as-fuck.
And yes, the health industry labels anyone becoming a parent over 35 as ‘geriatric’.
Then there’s Chanel, who classify anything over 40 years of age as ‘vintage’.
But all those examples come from people and industries known for being fucking lunatics.
Whereas I – on the other hand – am not one.
Not really.
Which is why I can categorically state the woman in that photo is absolutely-not a ‘senior’.
Or I hope she isn’t.
Because if that was the case, not only would it mean I’m pre-historic, it would make me think the real reason Otis lives at home is not because he’s a 10 year old little boy, but because he’s actually an adult taking care of his decrepit old man in the last days of life.
Jesus, as Monday’s go, this one has gone especially dark.
So thank you Nottingham Evening Post. Asshole.
Filed under: Airports, Brand, Brand Suicide, Comment, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Names, Singapore
I was in Singapore recently, when I passed this shop …
Now I’ve written a lot about naming protocols and systems in the past – and while some have proven to be very smart, far more have been unmitigated bollocks.
And while I appreciate Kaboom doesn’t seem too bad a name, I should point out this was at Singapore Airport and so in terms of associations … giving your shop a name that references the sound a bomb makes – just as you are about to board your plane – probably is not the best choice you could have made.
Hell, even their logo looks like how cartoons show an explosion.
What next, 7-Eleven change their name to 9-Eleven?
OK, I’m taking the piss … but for all the naming protocols and processes I’ve been taken through over the years, not one has talked about ‘location geography’ which reinforces what I have often felt is wrong with many of the processes out there.
They give you everything you don’t need, but not enough of what you do.
Happy Monday.
Filed under: Advertising, Airports, Attitude & Aptitude, Chocolate, Corporate Evil, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Environment, Honesty, Marketing Fail, Reputation, Respect
A lot of companies think ad agencies lack business credibility.
We’re self-indulgent, selfish, and should serve … not challenge.
To be fair, there are some agencies that prove that but – and it’s a big but – you can point the finger of failings the other way around.
Nestle have recently proved that size doesn’t equate to smarts.
Having seen the impact of Tony’s Chocolonely – both in terms of sales, share and corporate responsibility – they have come to the party by creating their own product.
A sustainably sourced, eco-conconious chocolate.
Now normally I would say this is a brilliant thing, because the more brands who embrace ethical production, the better things will become for everyone.
Except given Nestle’s history, you know the reason they’ve chosen to do this is far more about exploitation and profit than doing the right thing.
And nothing shows that they don’t really get it than their distribution model.
Because while I appreciate chocolate sales at airports are big – because they’re either a last minute present or a quick personal treat – the last place … literally the last place a sustainably sourced, eco-conconious chocolate should be sold … is a fucking airport.
Seriously, what the hell were they thinking?
Of course the reality is the only thing they were thinking about is cash.
I swear to god, if they thought they could make an extra $2 a year, they’d sell it at Fossil Fuel Power Stations. And probably still not see the irony in their actions.
Which is why for all the shit companies throw at agencies about their business naiviety, we can throw it right back about their blinkeredness towards human understanding.