Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Birthday, Dad, Daddyhood, Happiness, Innocence, Jill, Love, My Fatherhood, Otis
Today my wonderful little boy, Otis, turns 4.
Four. How is that possible?
It literally seems yesterday I donned a mask of the Queen [her Royal highness, not Freddie and the boys] and asked the doctor who delivered him, to photograph us.
Sadly that is not a joke and here is the proof …
And yet, despite that inauspicious start to life, he has approached all that has come his way with a wonderful sense of energy, optimism, happiness and curiosity … from seeing his Dad fall apart when his besotted grandmother died when he was just 3 months old to moving to 3 radically different countries in his first 3 years of life.
I love him in ways I can’t describe.
I often find myself flicking through thousands of photos of him while I’m sat on the tube.
Watching him literally grow in-front of my eyes … and I don’t mind admitting there have been occasions where I’ve had tears in my eyes.
Not out of sadness, but just out of how much I love his face.
No wonder no one wants to sit next to me.
He has been one of the greatest things in my life from the moment he was born.
While Jill was pregnant I was focused on trying to plan for the unknown …
How much would it cost?
How would it affect our life?
How will we cope with all he will need?
And then the moment he was officially out in the World, none of that mattered …
It was all about him. And us. And how our lives had suddenly become immeasurably richer and more loving.
I’m embarrassed to admit how naive I was as to how good being a father would be.
I always liked the idea of being a Dad, but never really understood the impact it would have on me. I assumed the relationship would be built more around ‘responsibility’ … and while there is a big part of that, it’s way, way more two-way than I assumed.
I learn from Otis.
I experience life with Otis.
I re-evaluate what is important because of Otis.
He is literally the best part of me.
Of course a big part of that is because his wonderful Mum has had an extraordinary influence on how he is turning out … but he is still the best part of me.
I wish my parents could have met him. I know for a fact they would adore him.
Not just because he’d be their first grandchild, but because of how he is approaching life …
Curious. Happy. Cheeky. Compassionate. Eager to learn, play, experiment and laugh.
I love him with all I’ve got.
Every single part of me absolutely adores him in ways I can’t properly describe.
When he climbs into our bed and pushes his way into the middle of us at some ungodly hour of the night, I often turn around, see his beautiful face resting peacefully and feel the happiest I have ever felt.
Family.
My family.
All together … including the cat.
I know this won’t last forever … there will be a day when he doesn’t climb between us, and while I will finally get a good nights sleep, I have to admit I’ll miss it.
These are very special times, but I know I’ll only truly appreciate just how special when they’re not happening anymore.
Because the irony of being a parent is your job is to help them live without you.
Where they don’t rely on you.
Where they develop their own interests and social circle.
Where you become the person they visit occasionally rather than see every single day.
Where their relationship with you fades in importance as they create their own families and life.
That’s part of the twisted wonderfulness of being a parent and one I don’t mind admitting that I’m dreading and excited to see.
But even when that happens, I know that whenever I see him or hear from him or even think of him, it will mess with the beat of my heart, because he is – and always will be – everything to me.
So to my dearest Otis … happy birthday.
You bring so much joy to me and your Mum.
You’re perfect to us.
Never forget that.
Love you.
Rx
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Childhood, Creativity, Culture, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, England, Family, Goodbye America, Happiness, Home, Imagination, Innocence, Jill, Love, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents
Yes I know today is the day where all the ghosts and ghouls are supposed to come out and play, but I thought I’d inject a bit of love and positivity into the World.
I know … who the hell am I?
Unsurprisingly, this new side of me is connected to my past life in LA.
While we are absolutely loving being in England and London, there are things about LA we miss.
One of them is Otis’ amazing preschool.
As I have written before, it’s an amazing, creative, inclusive place of learning and we were so happy he was there.
But leaving was always going to be hard – especially given we were leaving the country – so we asked the school if we could buy a piece of furniture for them on behalf of Otis.
Not just because it’s a school where the lessons are conducted outdoors but because we wanted Otis to know that while he was in America for a short time, his presence mattered to the community and the community mattered to Otis.
I’m so grateful they said yes which is why, while we’re thousands of miles away in the cold of England, there is a bench in sunny Manhattan Beach that allows Otis to always be in a place he loved while also letting his friends – and future students – always enjoy being in the environment they find themselves in.
The point of this post also relates to the people I’ve been lucky enough to call colleagues around the World, but that’s a post for another day [and does not relate to leaving stickers and badges around the place] so with that, I just want to say a huge thank you to Manhattan Beach Nursery School, the kids and parents who go there and LA as a whole.
Take that Halloween.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Culture, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Innocence, Insight, Jill, Love
So recently I saw that the movie, Fame was 38 years old.
While I didn’t see the film, the memory of the TV show is burned into my mind.
I remember seeing trailers for it on TV earlier that week and wanting to watch it … however when it aired, I was out with my friends playing football – it was summer – so when I finally walked into the house [via the back garden, as I’d gone to talk to my Mum and Dad who were enjoying the late evening sun] the show was half way through the episode.
But I was hooked from the beginning.
The idea of a school that taught creativity in a way that wasn’t stuffy was infectious to me.
Previous to that, I didn’t even know those things could exist but the fact there was a TV show about it, meant it must do. Somewhere.
To be honest, at that point in my life – 1982 – I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but it’s now obvious to me that part of the appeal of the show was because I wanted to go down that path, I just didn’t know it before then.
It might sound a bit of a leap, but the show might be one of the reasons I picked up the guitar about a year later and went on to spend a big chunk of my life between the ages of 17-24 making, earning and traveling because of music.
I always wonder if I’d have tried to get into a school of the arts if there had been one available in the UK at that time.
There were acting schools, but nothing like the one in Fame.
Of course, the school on Fame was fictitious, but the schools it was based on represented a very different feel and place of learning that the UK equivalent.
I personally think these schools are incredibly important.
At a time where education seems universally focused on academic subjects, the value of ‘the arts’ seems to have slipped down in importance.
I get why, but I can tell you, if Otis wanted to go to one when he is older – I’d be thrilled.
Sure, you could argue a degree in dance or music or acting is going to be harder to turn into a good income down the line, but apart from the fact you could say that about most degrees in general these days … the role of education is not just to better the individual, but for that individual to help better the country they live in.
It’s for this reason I’m so vehemently opposed to education-for-profit.
Not just because it has resulted in universities lowering their qualification standards to increase admission, but because a highly educated population adds huge commercial value to a country.
Smart people do smart things.
Whether that is creating things or attracting things, a highly educated workforce creates more opportunities for others … be that people, communities, companies or countries … and it’s for this reason I passionately believe governments should keep standards insanely high but the cost of insanely low.
But sadly few look at it that way – preferring to take the money rather than make the investment – resulting in too many people going to university in the hope of getting a great future but finding out they got sold a great lie.
Education is an amazing thing – regardless what you study – but with degrees fast becoming worth less than the paper they’re written on, I hope if Otis does choose to advance his education, he follows the path that leads him to emotional fulfillment.
I don’t care what that is … art, music, accountancy or tech … but for me the key is he does it for his happiness, not purely for his career because in a World where everyone seems to do stuff to get ahead, there’s something amazing in following a path for the sheer joy that you enjoy it and that’s something I would love for him to do.
As my parents taught me, at the end of the day, feeling fulfilled is more important than simply being content.
Wow, this is quite a leap from a 1982 TV show about kids dancing in the streets of NY isn’t it.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Chaos, Confidence, Creativity, Culture, Daddyhood, Education, Emotion, Empathy, Equality, Innocence, Jill, Love, Management, Mum & Dad, Otis, Parents
So Otis goes to this amazing hippy kindergarten school near where we live.
It’s a co-parenting school which means that the parents have to help with the schooling of the kids, not just with the funding.
It follows a very specific philosophy defined by the founder and it’s a place where kids learn through expressing their creativity.
They even have a ‘mud room’ for the kids to cause mayhem when it rains.
Put simply, we love it.
A few weeks ago, we went there on the weekend to help decorate it during spring break when I came across these 2 signs in the school …
I love them.
It sums up everything we adore about the school.
It captures exactly why Otis feels it’s a safe and happy place for him to explore.
It also addresses something I have been looking into for a while, which is the lack of outlet American men have to express their feelings.
Everything is built on acting tough.
Crying is for wimps.
Hell, even the bars are full of sports TV’s basting out scores, which means people don’t have the quiet to talk to one another – something I had growing up in England that actually encouraged the sharing of feelings and emotions. Albeit often wrapped up in banter.
The macho pride that seems to underpin so much of American male society feels like it’s still the 1950’s … which is why I love that this school doesn’t tell kids to ‘stop crying’, but asks what is wrong and then sympathises with their predicament which remarkably, helps them stop crying far more quickly and in a more positive way than any shouting would ever do.
Now imagine if companies operated by the same ideals.
Listening.
Valuing.
Caring.
Developing.
Oh I know those words appear in a million mission statements, but we all know they’re often used more as an illusion than an action.
In the bid to build office ‘culture’, so many organizations forget it’s not just about what you say – or even what you do – it’s the practiced beliefs that defines what everyone values, which is why companies could learn even more from this school than my dear Otis.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Confidence, Culture, Dad, Daddyhood, Education, England, Family, Happiness, Innocence, Insight, Jill, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, Otis, Parents, Relevance, Resonance, Standards, Unexpected Relevance
As I’ve written before, I didn’t go to University. I knew pretty early on that I didn’t want to continue my formal education.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t/don’t like to learn, it just means I find it far more powerful when it’s not in an academic environment.
I still remember telling my parents my decision and being slightly scared.
They desperately wanted me to go so I was worried they would see this as a slight on them – which is absolutely not what it was meant to be.
They asked for my reasons and when I told them, they said that they would support my decision as long as I applied in case I changed my mind.
So I did.
And I got accepted.
But I was still sure not going was the right thing for me, so my parents – while obviously disappointed – supported my decision and never brought it up again.
Looking back now, I feel that must have been very hard for them.
At that point, going to university was the fast track to a career and yet – as another act of their love and confidence in me – they pushed me to follow the things that genuinely interested and excited me and hoped it would all work out.
I’d say it did.
But now I’m a dad and while Otis is only 3, the thought of education looms large.
Would I do the same thing as him?
Of course I want to help equip my son in the best way possible for the life he wants to lead and one of those ways is to provide him with a good education. But the fact is I’m vehemently opposed to private education and while general access schools can be very good, the reality is private tends to offer better opportunities simply because of the funding and the facilities … which leads to an interesting conflict.
What’s best for my son versus what’s true to me?
Given Otis is so young right now, the decision will ultimately be mine and his Mum’s, but once he’s older, what do I do if he chooses a path I feel is not in his best interests.
Sure, it worked out for me, but the World was different back then and then I saw the ‘god’ instagram above – a sentiment that was absolutely reinforced by our recent America In The Raw research – and realised that by the time he has to make some choices, he will be far more aware of what he needs to do to increase his odds of success than his Mum or me.
But then I realised something else …
It’s not just about acknowledging their view of their World will be better than yours, it’s also backing your parenting.
When my Mum and Dad supported my decision, they were ultimately supporting how they raised me.
They believed the values and smarts they’d instilled in me were the right ones to enable me to make the right choices … and while I know they would have been there if it all fell down, that sense of confidence and belief probably enabled me to go to places I might otherwise not have done. Places I might not otherwise have felt I deserved to be.
And that’s why backing your team is everything.
Of course you have to instill values and standards into them, but once that’s done, you have to back them including what they think is right – even if you don’t – because if that doesn’t happen, you’re literally stopping their potential rather than liberating it.
Thank you Mum and Dad. Again.