Filed under: Comment, Dad, Death, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Love, Loyalty, Mum, Mum & Dad
I know, I know … I said I was away for a week – and I am – but I couldn’t let today pass without me acknowledging it, because today is the 10th anniversary of my Mum passing.
I’ve written a lot about this over the bast decade.
From what happened … to how it messed with me … right thought to how it changed how I do things and look at things.
And while all those things are still there … a decade later the feelings are far less connected to darkness and far more about the light.
I have to say, I am so relieved.
Mum was a wonderful human.
Full of compassion and curiosity.
Driven by a real sense of respect and justice for all.
For a very gentle, quiet woman, she was a force that you felt through her actions, her choices, her emotions and – when necessary – her words.
But most of all, I think of Mum as an incredibly dignified person and nothing reflects this more than how she prepared for what she feared most.
You see Mum was going into hospital for a heart valve operation.
It was a pretty common procedure, but at 83, she was aware things could happen.
She’d already delayed the operation by a few months to ensure I could be with Jill when Otis was born – another example of her selflessness – but even though things had initially gone well, sadly the condition of her heart was far worse than expected and within an hour of coming out of theatre, it ruptured and Mum died.
I’m so, so grateful I was with her and that she knew that.
She’d told me a few months before that her greatest fear was that she may die alone – like her sister-in-law had tragically experienced.
And while I would give anything to have her back, knowing I was there – as I was with Dad – has definitely helped me deal with the loss.
But it’s what happened after she passed that reaffirmed one of her greatest traits.
Her dignity.
Something she valued very much. Even in death.
You see, when she had died, we were going through some draws back at her house. In there, I found a book she’d been compiling featuring all the account numbers associated with her, all the contact information of her friends, and a compilation of stories and articles that she wanted me to see or know if the worst happened.
To do that both blows me away and breaks my heart …
Blows me away for the incredible generosity of wanting to ensure in my darkest hour, I am not being further impacted by the complication of trying to find or access information.
Breaks my heart because not only did it represent her acknowledging the potential of her death, but that she did it alone.
I don’t know how she felt doing this, I just hope that any emotional struggle she felt was softened by knowing she was doing something that was important to her. Important because I – as her only son – was her world.
She never left me in doubt of that. Ever. Even when we had little disagreements over the years …
Because the undeniable fact was she loved me and I loved her.
And I still do.
I’m so grateful and honoured she was my Mum.
Which is why, as much as today is a connected to something deeply sad in my life – she’d be very happy to know, the feelings I have today are far more associated with love than tragedy.
For all she did.
For all she was.
For all she continues to be in my life.
I love and miss you so much Mum.
Give Dad a big kiss from me.
Rx
Filed under: Collegues, Comment, Context, Culture, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Friendship, Honesty, Love, Loyalty, Parents, Perspective, Reputation, Resonance, Respect
Maybe it was because I was in a sentimental mood.
Maybe it was because some feelings were triggered.
But one day, I found myself feeling very emotional.
There were two things that did it …
One was the mother and son rendition of Creep that I wrote about recently the other is what I am writing about today.
In essence, it’s a love story … albeit a tragic one.
A story about friendship rather than romance or family.
And while there are many twists and turns spanning over the 12 years of the story, you never doubt that the driving force behind it is to honour an increasingly complex relationship.
I appreciate it is almost an hour long. I appreciate its a Thursday. But I do hope you watch it.
Because while the film is defined as ‘a crime documentary’, it is so much more than that.
It certainly isn’t as the hyped-up, click-bait, thumbnail suggests.
It’s not bombastic or dramatic.
In many ways, the whole thing feels in slow motion.
I don’t mean that in terms of it how long it takes for the story to be told, but in how gentle and caring the people involved reveal themselves.
In many ways, it’s an important reminder that love, family, friendships and life are made up of beauty, fragility and – more often than we may want to accept or acknowledge – mystery.
And while we may not intend it.
And sometimes, may not even realise it.
The choices, actions and behaviours we make can leave the people we care about with questions they may never get to resolve.
Questions that can turn into scars that will never heal.
Or, like in this story, scars that can finally start to recover.
What is beautiful about this documentary is that it radiates humanity.
Everyone in it comes out of it with your respect and compassion.
You want these people in your life. You want more people like this in all of our lives.
And this is a reminder they’re there.
They’re all around us.
We just have to see them. Before it’s too late.
I hope it touches you as much as it touched me.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Craft, Creativity, Culture, Emotion, Family, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Childhood, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents
As you know, I love music.
I play it.
I make it.
I listen to it.
I used to make my living from it.
I work with people who play to millions while they do it.
Music is, in many ways, a version of oxygen to me.
However, while I like all manner of music … from heavy metal to opera … there are some bands I don’t really connect to. One of those is Radiohead.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate their talent and there are music/songs they’ve written that I feel are genuinely masterful. But do I think they are worth the reputation that so many people hold them to?
Hmmmmmn, probably not … which I appreciate is entirely subjective rather than anything approaching a considered point-of-view.
And yet, I recently saw someone perform one of their songs – the admittedly iconic, ‘Creep’ – that has had such an impact on me, that I literally burst into tears at a specific point of the song, every time I listen to it.
And I’ve listened to it a lot.
I should point out that while I have always liked that track, it’s less to do with the song and more to do with who performs it and how they perform it.
It’s this [with my tears starting at exactly 2 minutes 8 seconds ]
Oh my god, I’ve just listened to it again as I am writing this and the tears are streaming down my face.
Now I should point out I have form at crying to music.
My Mum used to tell me that when I was very young – like 6 months old – I would cry at classic music that she’d put on the record player. Not because I didn’t like it, but because I was overwhelmed by the emotion of it.
And here I am, aged 54, still doing it.
There are many reasons for it.
First it’s just fucking beautiful. Proper, proper beautiful.
It’s both so simple and yet so layered …
But it’s also how two totally different musical styles bend and blend into some sort of harmonious rapture.
Where different orchestrations seem to be going on their own paths and yet, at some point, come together.
Not mechanically, but with almost a slow motion to them … making the impact of it even more majestic.
But, if I am being honest, as amazing as that is, what really hits me is this is Son and Mum.
It makes me emotional just thinking about it.
Not just because it makes me miss my Mum so much, but because both of them have come together to create something special for each other. And I do think it started that way.
The son believing his Mother’s voice was incredible. The mum wanting to support her son’s musical talent.
A genuine interest in what each other is interested in.
No judgement.
No criticism.
Just interest and openness while being able to stay utterly true to who they each are.
And by doing this, they’ve taken their separate world’s and created something together. Something special. Something that elevates their relationship because it has opened the door to new ways to share and express their love that maybe they previously never imagined.
But it’s even more than that.
Because running all the way through those 3 minutes, 25 seconds is a celebration of love.
Not just because they’re bonded by blood, but because you feel the deep sense of pride, respect and adoration of who each other is and what each other does.
It’s similar to when Pink Floyd guitarist, Dave Gilmour, turned up unannounced to a pub in Brighton to support – and sing – with his daughter Romany and yet it is also very different.
Because where Dave and Romany sang a song that was a relatively faithful rendition of the original [not to mention something you imagine they’d done together in private for years – which is said with love, not judgement] the version of ‘Creep’ is something else.
A mash-up of totally different musical styles.
A creation of something not heard before.
Something that not only takes the song to a completely new place, but demands all who listen to it open their eyes and ears to a musical style that they may of never heard before or most probably never considered would be something they’d like.
But how can you not like this.
How can you not be moved by it.
Because while the song is about low self esteem, loneliness, and the struggle to accept yourself, it inspires, radiates and ignites pure love.
The sort of love surely everyone hopes they will one day get to experience, create, share or remember.
And that is what my tears are for. And that is why I’m so grateful for them.
Remember to tell the people who matter to you, what they mean to you.
Have a good weekend.
It’s Valentine’s Day today.
A day – as I’ve often written about – that has more to do with fear than love.
But today it’s different. Today it truly lives up to the hype and clichés, because I get reunited with someone I truly love …
Nick fucking Finney.
Now I appreciate many of you won’t know who that is. Hell, most of you won’t even care who it is. But to me, he’s very special.
We’ve not seen each other for a long time … not since I lived in LA … but our story goes much further back than that, to Wieden+Kennedy Shanghai.
Now you may think this is going to be a post about the work we did together – and I understand why you’d think that, because we did make a bunch of good stuff with each other. Or you may think it revolves around the life we had in China – which I’d also understand because it was an amazing adventure. But the reality is it’s neither of those things – not really. You see my relationship with Nick was/is quite different to any relationship I have ever had or currently have with any creative … and it’s that unique bond – and the experiences that came from it – that has not only given him a special place in my heart, but explains why I’m so happy to be spending my Valentine’s Day with him.
“So, what is this unique bond and relationship?” I hear you cry?
Well, while I could write loads about it, I think these 2 posts from 2015 explain it best.
Number 1: also known as ‘The Pasta Poodle Pitch’.
Number 2: also known as ‘Fuck Me, It’s Kenny G’.
Have you clicked on them?
Both of them?
Hell, you don’t even have to read the bloody things as the pictures tell most of the story.
Anyway, while I acknowledge these links may suggest my bond with Nick is based on bullying or even exploitation [even though if there’s any victim of exploitation, it’s me given he convinced me to pay for all the ridiculousness] I prefer to believe – and have been advised by my lawyer to say – that our connection is based on immaturity.
Nothing proves my case more than the email he sent me explaining why he is coming to NZ:
So while I may be a Valentine’s Day curmudgeon, getting to spend today with:
An old mate …
Who you share a history of stupidity with …
Who is here to attend a Lord of the Rings themed wedding …
Where they will be dressed up as a wizard in their role as groomsman …
… means I’ve never believed in its power to radiate love like I do right now.
They say love works in mysterious ways.
They also say love is blind.
Well today, I’m going to prove to the world, both those statements are right.
Happy V-Day to all of you, whoever … or whatever … you do. Or don’t.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Death, Deutsch, Donn, Family, Fashion, Friendship, Love, Otis
So I’m back and it was, as expected, amazing.
Obviously I have a deep love of Asia, but I have a special place in my heart for Vietnam.
Anyone who knows anything about history will understand the creativity of the place, be that its food, its art, its industry or its ability to find ways to beat every enemy who has tried to invade in the last 1000 years.
So it’s little surprise that Spikes Asia chose to hold their judging for the creative and strategy awards there … which meant I got to see some phenomenal work, some great friends and some awesome tourist stuff.
Oh, and my eye generally held up [but unfortunately not totally, hence trips back to the hospital and meds for a bit longer] but all in all it was a really fucking great week.
But I know there’s nothing worse than hearing someone talk about how great things were for them when you were stuck in the office dealing with shit so to try and win back some errrrrm, favour, let me tell you a little story.
One day – hopefully a long time in the future – my son, Otis, will go to a lawyer to hear the reading of his old mans ‘last will and testament’.
Hopefully, when he hears there’s not much left, he will find this post featuring the latest photograph someone has sent me linked to something I did to/for them a few years back [and let’s be honest, there are a TON of them] thinks, “my Dad was a mischievous sod”, rather than – as I fear – “my Dad went broke buying stupid shit to embarrass/take-the-piss out of people he loved”.
Mind you, given I love every fibre of that kid, its safe to say he will have a lot of stuff to remember me by.
Even if it might be [read: probably is] stuff he’d rather forget.
Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers.
Thank you for giving me a smile Donn … given I bought you that jumper back in 2018, it would suggest 2 things.
1. It may offer me the best ROI of anything I’ve ever bought in my life.
2. You should stay well away from Harper’s softball buddies Dad and his weird internet browsing habits.
Always looking out for you Donn. You special bloody human.