Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Jill, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents
A friend of mine who is gay is writing a book about how straight people would react if their child told them they were gay.
I wrote this:
If my son turns to me and says he’s gay, I would hug him and tell him I loved him and that I hope he finds someone who makes him happy.
If my son told me he had found a man that made him truly happy, I would hug him and tell him I am so excited for him and can’t wait to meet him.
If my son told me he had met the man of his dreams and told me he wanted to get married, I would probably cry tears of joy and say I am proud
I mean every single word of that … and yet, despite it being 2019, the LGBTQ+ community continue to face constant harassment and exclusion.
This scares me to death because as a parent, I would never want my son to suffer for his sexual preferences. And no one should.
While society has come a long way, we haven’t come far enough which is why being an ally to those who are forced to live in the shadows has never been so important.
You don’t have to become their best friend.
You don’t have to spend all your time together.
But letting them know you see them as a peer and believe in their right to live without oppression will help the progress we’ve made, keep moving forward so that one day, if my child – or yours – announces they are gay, you can celebrate them for being true to who they are rather than worrying about how others will treat them for who they are.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Context, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Fatherhood, Holiday, Jill, My Fatherhood, Otis, Relationships, Resonance
Well this is the last post for another week except this time I’m not going away for business, I’m going away with the family for a holiday.
Believe it or not, this is the first family holiday we’ve had in almost 3 years.
Part of that is because we have moved countries twice in the last 3 years … the other part is that when we lived in Manhattan Beach, it felt like we were on holiday whenever we were together.
So this weekend we all go – including Rosie the cat – to a farm for a week.
If I’m honest, I never ever dreamed of going to stay at a farm for a holiday.
Only staying in a tent would be worse.
But whether it’s because I’ve been on a plane so much over the past 6 months or whether it’s because I’m a Dad to a kid who absolutely loves animals … I’m genuinely looking forward to it.
Evolving opinions are a wonderful thing.
While we might think our points of view on life remain fairly static, I love that they can grow or shift.
One of the reasons I’ve kept this blog up for so long is that it’s a reference point for how I have looked at the World over time. Looking back at some old posts reveal how much my opinion on certain subjects has changed.
I love that.
It means an old dog can be taught some new tricks.
Maybe this is because having lived in so many different countries, I’ve always had to be open to how things work … but whatever the reason, I’m happy I’m going to be spending a week feeding cows even if a version of me from the past would rather be a Derby County supporter.
See you in a week.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Comment, Creativity, Dad, Daddyhood, Emotion, Jill, Love, Mum & Dad, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents
So today is my last post for over a week as I am off to the US [again].
And while that news might make you happy, today makes me happy for totally different reasons.
You see later today, my wonderful little boy, Otis, takes part in a theatre production.
For the last few months, he has been going to a drama class with other kids his age … and to say he loves it, is an understatement.
He comes home singing songs.
His vocabulary has noticeably evolved.
He’s using his imagination in new ways.
He is even projecting his voice to new levels.
Though on this last point, there are some disadvantages given Jill sent me this text as they were sat on the bus on their way to pre-school last week …
OK … OK … you can wipe the smiles off your faces now thank you.
I know it’s just a kids show.
I know it will be a bit ramshackle.
I know there may be tears and laughter.
But that’s what makes it brilliant.
Not from a ‘I get to laugh at a bunch of kids’ sense, but from a ‘look at those kids discovering the impact they can have on others’.
But of course, from a personal perspective, seeing my son express his creativity while being part of something bigger is going to be a massive thrill.
Quite frankly, I don’t care how he performs as long as he enjoys himself.
He wanted to do this – there was absolutely no push or pressure from us – and so all we care about is him having fun and seeing his parents support him.
That said, I hope it’s not like the first ever performance I did.
Christmas 1976.
The school nativity play at Heymann Primary School.
I was a rabbit. OK, not a pivotal role, but one that gave valuable context to the other ‘actors’.
However just before I was due to go on, Mrs Staples – or it could have been Mrs Berry – asked me to swap jumpers [Mine was a white one with red stripes in boxes, where hers was pure white] for some reason with Rebecca Baldwin.
After that last minute change, I went out on to the stage to a packed assembly hall full of parents sitting on very small seats trying to jostle their way to the front so they could snap off a few pics with their cameras.
Now imagine my pain – as I looked though my rabbit mask – seeing my parents proudly looking at Rebecca, thinking it was me.
They did this through the whole play and I can still see the look of shock on their faces when we took off their masks and they saw their little boy had become a little girl.
To be honest, if that happened with Otis, I’d probably find it funny … but overall, I am incredibly excited to see him perform today. Seeing him happy and free is one of the most beautiful things in my life. It’s why the schooling thing is quite hard because British schools are pretty strict and we want one with a much greater creative syllabus.
But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it …
Most important for me today is to see my little boy have the time of his life, which – as I’m sure most parents will agree – is the thing we wish for them most in the World.
What a great way to head off out on a business trip.
Thank you Otis.
See you in 10 days.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Culture, Daddyhood, Diversity, Education, Emotion, Empathy, England, Family, Fatherhood, Happiness, Innocence, Insight, Jill, My Fatherhood, Otis, Parents, Prejudice, Resonance, Standards
I have written a lot about how we are bringing up Otis.
What we want for him, what we want him to value.
I have also written about the education we want for him.
A none-religious, state school that celebrates creativity as much as the more traditional academic pursuits.
Sadly I know there are many people out there who think we are mad for the choices we make, but as I have also written, my advice to them is to look after their own kids upbringing and leave ours to us.
That said, following these ideals is not easy.
Apart from the simple issue of access, the reality is most schools and kids companies focus on structure, stereotypes and grades because that is what most parents – and Governments – seem to value most of all, so for us to go outside of that takes effort and commitment.
None of this means we don’t want Otis to have a quality education – of course we do – it’s just that when it comes to what we think ‘education’ means, we see it going beyond the importance of reading, writing and maths.
We want his school to help him develop a love of learning.
Give him the ability to practice critical thinking.
An openness and comfort to express himself openly and creatively.
But there’s something more – something we feel very strongly about – which in part is one of the reasons we’re against religious and private schools.
You see we want him to learn that stereotypes limit, control and create prejudice.
That just because you’re a different gender or come from a different heritage or have a different sexual preference doesn’t mean you can’t aspire to – or achieve the same level as – anyone else.
And while it’s a small thing in the big scheme of things, it is the reason why I love that Otis’ school had a black Santa visit them last Christmas.
Of course Otis didn’t care, comment or even probably notice … but for the other little kids who come from different backgrounds, they saw a face that could give them comfort, confidence and courage about who they are, where they come from and what they can achieve and who wouldn’t want a school that teaches kids – all kids – that.
Education is so much more than just grades and while this is not all of the schools responsibility, it is part of their responsibility.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Audio Visual, Before Fame, Childhood, Content, Context, Creativity, Culture, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Freddie, Happiness, Jill, Love, My Fatherhood, Otis, Paul
Happy 2019!
I hope you had a fantastic time with loved ones.
I also hope 2019 is a very special year for you all, for all the right reasons.
While I’ve been back at work for 3 days already – which were spent in bloody Miami – I have to say I had a wonderful time, even if I didn’t get as many gadgets as I hoped I would.
That said, I’m not making any plans for the year ahead.
I’ve seen too many best intentions get ruined before the end of the first week of a new year to fall into that trap.
But it’s fair to say I do have some hopes for 2019.
Some are professional, but most are mainly personal.
More than that, they’re personal because it involves people I love rather than for myself.
I know … I know … who the hell am I?
The reality is I’m doing OK.
That doesn’t mean I don’t still have a huge drive to go further, but right now, my hopes are for others for the year ahead.
Of course the main people I’m focused on is Jill and Otis.
In September Otis will start ‘proper school’ and we just hope he gets into one that follows the values his Mum and I believe in. We never realized finding a school for him would be so hard … but when you don’t want to go private, don’t want religious associations and don’t want the focus to be so academic his creativity is impacted, I guess it was never going to be easy.
So we have our fingers crossed and will deal with whatever happens.
Which is why I am also focused on Jill.
As much as Otis has impacted my life in so many wonderful ways, it’s Jill who will experience the biggest change once he goes to school.
It’s Jill who has stayed with him throughout his formative years.
It’s Jill who has spent the days with him every week, playing and educating and just generally looking after him.
Their bond is a beautiful thing to witness and I know she feels being a mother has been the most fulfilling thing she has done in her life.
So now what does she do when she leads him to the next stage of his life?
Of course there will still be loads they do together, but I want to give her the backing to find something that fulfills her, whatever that may be.
I know it won’t be the same as helping raise our bundle of energetic joy 24/7, but I am excited to see what she will do.
She is extremely talented, creative and compassionate – and while I know she doesn’t want to start her amazing cake company again – we have discussed some things that she is excited by and I’ll be backing her all the way for whatever she chooses.
I say this because I recently saw the photo at the top of this post.
It’s a photo of Queen drummer, Roger Taylor, looking at the Freddie Mercury statue he has at the bottom of his garden.
The statue that was on top of the London theatre when their musical, We Will Rock You, was performing.
I have to say, I found the photo very poignant.
Apart from the fact it’s wonderful he wanted to keep the statue of his old friend – I can’t imagine what it must be like to see it every day.
Does he look at it and think about all the amazing things they did together?
Does he look at it and mourn the loss of someone he loved like a brother?
Does he look at it and feel the sadness of memories he will never experience again?
Growing old has many benefits – including not giving a damn what others think of you – but it can also act as a bitter pill when the things around you … the things you brought into this world … start taking on a life of their own.
At these points you can either sit back and focus on the change or lean in and explore the possibilities.
For the past 30 years of my professional life, I’ve been fortunate to always embrace leaning in to the possibilities – possibilities that has seen me live around the World and meet an endless stream of wonderful, creative individuals.
While I have no intention of stopping that approach to living, I do want to make sure that in 2019, Jill gets the drivers seat because apart from her generosity in letting me do so much of the steering, the reality is she was the one who helped us navigate to where we currently are so I know by handing over the driving to her, she will go to somewhere wonderful and fulfilling and no one I know deserves it more.
She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.
So happy 2019 to all … I’m excited to see where we all end up in the next 12 months, even if my blog posts will continue to bring the excitement of possibility down to a slow, painful crawl.