The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

You tell them your problem.

They diagnose your issue and prescribe meds.

“No …”, you say, “… that’s not right, you need to give me this”.

The doctor listens patiently then explains why their diagnosis and prescription is right for you.

You – with no medical knowledge or expertise – disagrees, and threaten the doctor with a malpractice suit saying, “I know my body so I know what’s it needs”.

The doctor says their diagnosis is based on what you have told them and what their examination of your body has informed them.

You tell them they have to give you what you want, then – despite keeping the doctor busy with your issue – you refuse to pay the full fee because you say you did all the work and other doctors are offering their services for less fee.

After lots of intimidation from you, they agree to the lower fee and you walk out with your new prescription.

Except a week later you become more ill because the meds you were prescribed – that you demanded – were wrong.

So you go around telling everyone the doctor who treated you was terrible and everyone should take their business elsewhere.

Bullshit isn’t it.

And yet, everyday … many companies do exactly this.

Going to the doctor and prescribing their own medicine.

Using procurement to bully their way to get what they want without realizing what they need.

Don’t get me wrong, ad agencies have a lot of issues … there’s a lot they can do better at … but knowing how to use creativity to connect and engage humans is not one of them.

Which reminds me of the time I did a project for the Red Hot Chili Peppers and they – well, specifically Anthony Kiedis – tried to do the same thing to me.

Just over 5 years ago,. I was asked to do some work for them by their team.

I did the work and presented it and he hated it.

In fact, hate is not a big enough word to describe how much he loathed it.

And me.

Was it bad?

Nope … it was simply a truth that his ego refused to accept and one I stand by to this day.

Anyway,, I was told I could present a response to his ‘comments’ so a few days later, I simply presented this:

Yep … that’s all I presented back.

One slide.
.
To be honest, my memory of what I had written was slightly different so when I saw this on my Facebook memories – it was quite nice to see the original work again,

That said, I do remember showing it my wife prior to presenting to see what she thought … and she said, “Hmmmmn, are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

Now normally, I listen to what she says as she’s much smarter than me, but this time I was adamant I was going to present it as is because of how personal, arrogant and just plain fucking rude he had been to me.

And the result of that?

Bonkers basically. He threw some big insults at me then hung up the call.

The next day I was fired.

And while you can say that is not commercially astute, I still wear it as a badge of honour … because while the other guys in the band couldn’t have been nicer, Kiedis was – and remains – a dick. [Which he futher demonstrated to a Guardian journalist who also questioned him on some home truths he didn’t want to akcknowledge – hahaha]

I was signed to work with Muse a week later. I don’t think this was a coincidence.

So while I am not advocating being an asshole to clients. I would also encourage clients who think they know everything about industries they’ve never worked in, to not be an asshole to those who have studied, worked and achieved the very things they are being engaged for in the first place. It’s why it’s worth remembering, even the best in the world have producers, coaches and mentors … because while the spotlight tends to shine on individuals, it’s the people in the shadows who make it better than they imagined.

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As an aside, the reason I am using that photo at the top of this post is very deliberate.

A few months ago a person I’m very close to suddenly suggested I shared ‘resemblances’ to the old TV character, House. I laughed but found myself casually mentioning it to a few other people who know me well who – much to my surprise – all enthusiastically agreed.

“Sarcastic” and “a bit of a prick” were a couple of the things uttered quite a lot.

And then, in a twist of fate that would suit any Hollywood story, I found myself in the US working with the original writer/runner of the show – the brilliant David Shore. At the end of our time together, I sheepishly told him what certain friends and colleagues had said and asked if he saw any shared traits from our time together.

He paused as if to gather his thoughts and then said what you read below.

[The redaction relates to the person we’re both working for who brought us together]

For what it’s worth, I think he’s being overly generous … but his last sentence nailed me … which means I’m less TV character and more greenhouse. ‘Transparent’. Damnit, ha.