At a time where kids toys are supposed to promote positive values – at least compared to the guns and fireworks of my era – I was kind of happy when I saw this in a local shop …
I particularly like how they’ve tried to make stabbing someone in the stomach with a knife sound like a jolly wheeze.
To be fair, in Nottingham, it is … but in Asia, where conflict is something people try to avoid at all costs, it seemed rather extreme.
Then I realised the copy was in English and that’s when I worked out the goal was to attract Western kids and make them think violence was cool … to encourage them to look like a bunch of untrustworthy barbarians – especially compared to the grace and intelligence of Asian kids – and that’s when I took my [metaphorical] hat off to them for their brilliance in ensuring Asia’s economic domination continues with the next generation. Bravo.
It’s Monday.
You’re sitting in your beige cubicle hating your life.
Your boss loathes you …
Your company never recognises you …
Your colleagues never invite you to lunch …
Life is, as they say, utterly shit … so why not feel better and ring some random person in Sweden and have a chat.
No, I’m serious.
I did and while I didn’t get to talk to someone from Abba or even someone with a very Swedish name [mine was called Peter, which disappointed me greatly] I did get to talk to a very lovely elderly man who told me he can’t travel anymore which is why he signed up for this.
And then he told me I’d made his day.
Which made mine.
Which means it will most certainly make yours.
I know it all sounds like some sort of weird IKEA Flatpack Friends type thing, but it’s nice.
Especially on a Monday morning.
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Corporate Evil, Culture, Cunning, Devious Strategy, Food For Thought, Insight, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Perspective
So over the last few months, there was a lot of commentary about a new, multi-million pound, British research boat that asked the public for help in choosing its name.
Actually that’s not what the commentary was about, it was the fact that one of the names was the utterly brilliant, Boaty McBoatface.
And guess what … it won!!!
Yes.
However, despite polling four times as many votes as its nearest competitor, the owners of the boat – the British Government – ended up sinking the name, using this as their justification …
“The new royal research ship will be sailing into the world’s iciest waters to address global challenges that affect the lives of hundreds of millions of people, that’s why we want a name that lasts longer than a social media news cycle.”
To be fair, they have a point – especially as the vessel is actually a ship, rather than a boat and Shippy McShipface just doesn’t have the same ring to it – however I still think they’ve made a bad decision.
It is not, as you may think, because the Government have basically just pissed on democracy.
Which they have.
Neither is it that they’ve just failed to embrace the unique wit of the British public.
Which they also have.
It’s because Boaty McBoatface could have potentially helped solve the environmental issues she was built to investigate.
[For the record, boats are always female apparently]
My thinking is that with a name like that, she would have caught the attention of children – and adults – all over the World.
In fact, I could argue she already did.
And if they’d kept that name and harnessed all that attention, children would have wanted to follow Boaty’s journey … they would have taken an active interest in the issues she uncovered and discovered … they would have wanted to help Boaty out and they could have done that by doing the sort of things that slow – or even reverse – environmental decline.
Boaty McBoatface might have actually led to the sort of change in behaviour and attitudes that Earth Hour can only dream about.
I’m serious.
Then there’s the fact that with a name like that, Boaty McBoatface could be made into children’s toys or cartoons to raise even more awareness – not to mention funds – in the fight against environmental damage.
I get it might be a bit weird for the scientists who work aboard her, but I could argue that they would be far happier knowing the ship they’re on is not just getting important data, but actively contributing to awareness and change.
But no. It’s going to be something else.
I’m sure it will be respectful and dignified – they say ‘HMS David Attenborough’ is a leading candidate – and I get it, it definitely makes sense … but it won’t have the same impact or potential reach that Boaty McBoatface would have.
Like the ice bucket challenge showed us, if you have tried for years to change something to no avail, sometimes the most radical decisions are the most sensible.
It appears I am in the rare position to be able to offer the British Government some advice … advice I offer to anyone who challenges my response to one of their questions … and that advice is this.
If you don’t like the answer, don’t ask the question.
The good news is that while the Government may have stopped Boaty McBoatface from officially hitting the high seas, you can be pretty sure that’s how she will be known.
After all, the Ferrari Daytona never really existed – it was the 365 GTB/4 – but when it came 1st, 2nd and 3rd in a race, the media labeled the car the Daytona and the name entered the consciousness of the public and has remained there ever since.
So here’s to Boaty McBoatface and the British public – or at least the ones behind this – I salute your wonderful madness.
I’ve written tons on how much I adore being Otis’ Dad.
It’s utterly, utterly brilliant in every possible way.
But in the back of my mind, I still remember reading an article in Loaded Magazine [RIP] where the writer talked about how every kid reaches a point in their life where their Dad – and sadly, it’s always the Dad – goes from being a superhero who can solve, achieve and do anything they can imagine to being a lazy fuck who can’t even program the video recorder.
While my opinion of my Dad was never that extreme [though he did occasionally need help programming the VCR], I did go through a phase where I thought he was the un-coolest and most annoying man on the planet, for no other reason than every kid – as the writer in Loaded pointed out – goes through this phase.
Which means Otis will.
And when he does, I will have to remember – like my Dad did – that it’s just a phase and it’s nothing personal and he’ll love me again once the phase is over, even though it will take all my willpower not to feel utterly devastated each day until he’s through it.
Because I love him that much.
That bloody much.
Kids. They really fuck you up.
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A Little Update
After that post of misery – which is made worse by the fact it’s a Monday – I have some good news. For you, at least.
There will be no more posts until Friday.
Yep … not one.
And the reason for that is because for the next 3 days I’ll be in a locked room in Singapore judging the final round of effectiveness awards.
Given [1] the ‘shortlist’ was longer than the initial round of judging and [2] some entries encapsulate what I ranted about here … my pain is going to be your gain. But on the bright side, at least I get to ensure anything that is “blatant award fodder” is humiliated rather than rewarded. Though that’s nothing compared to what I’d like to do to them, not to mention the people who either pushed this shit or signed off on it.
Until Friday. Cue: Evil Laugh.
Filed under: Brand Suicide, Comment, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History, Innovation, Marketing Fail, Technology
Can you tell I’m a bit pissed from that blog post heading?
Can you?
I’m pissed because an agency have launched an ‘intelligent peg’ to help people know the best time to do their washing … based on a bunch of weather indicators.
And then, they’ve gone one step further, by saying this is so families can free up more time for the “moments that matter”.
You don’t believe me do you … well watch this.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Have they – and their client – gone completely and utterly insane?
This is not a problem that needs solving … or at least not via a fucking peg.
And remember, I am an idiot that paid money for robot pets, balls and a bloody wi-fi suitcase!
Just think of the time, effort and money that went into making this piece of madness when weather apps and simply USING YOUR EYES TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW have served people well for years and years.
And then there’s the fact I could argue it doesn’t actually save people any time at all.
Not really.
So it doesn’t even do what it was supposedly ‘invented’ for.
This is just another tragic and desperate attempt by an agency – and client, a client who has actually done really good work in the past – to look interesting.
Well guess what, they don’t. They look desperate.
Oh I’m sure they can make it sound great in their agency credentials …
“And we developed a peg that empowered people to maximise their day through weather aggregation technology”
… but anyone with half a brain will just snort in derision, that is if it ever sees the light of day because I have a sneaky suspicion this is more for award shows than anything the mass market will ever encounter.
And that’s a good thing because it’s a pile of embarrassing rubbish.
However what devastates me is that adland will probably bestow countless awards on it to delude itself that we can help business and do technology in creative ways when really all it will do is show how utterly far away we are from actually understanding how to change our perception and value to commerce and culture.
Seriously, I thought the stuff this agency did for tampons in China was bad but this beats it and I didn’t think that was possible.
Oh hang on it is.
They – and let’s call them out now – JWT, also created a tattoo they say is designed to help Westerners travelling in Japan find out if they have a Soba noodle allergy.
Yes, because that is a massive thing isn’t it.
So massive, that in a bid to show THIS WASN’T A MASSIVE PILE OF SCAM, they gave out 200 of these tattoo’s to one restaurant.
Two hundred tattoos.
For one restaurant.
Apparently Japan receives over EIGHT MILLION tourists a year so JWT can feel really proud that those 200 tattoos … available in 1 restaurant … for an allergy that few people have and that those who have it, probably know about it … will make a huge difference.
You think I’m joking don’t you?
No … here you go.
And given we’re coming up to the Cannes entry deadline, I’m scared this sort of shit is just the beginning of what we’ll be seeing peddled by certain agency networks all over the place.
Thank God not everyone follows this view.
Thank God there’s some agencies and clients who will be recognised for what they really did.
And so they should, because anything is easy when you don’t have anyone – or anything – to answer to … which makes the fact these scam ideas are so utterly rubbish, even worse.
But let’s end this by returning to Peggy Peg.
Given it has been done with such an obvious nod to creative awards, let’s give them what they want. I know … but that’s the kind of guy I am.
To everyone behind Peggy, a huge congratulations. It gives me great, great pleasure to award you the gold shit stick medal for over-engigneered, pointless, PR stunt rubbish, because – and you might not like to hear this – while Peggy might be the first intelligent peg, anyone who uses it is the most stupid and anyone who developed it, is the most desperate.