Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Comment, Corporate Evil, Crap Campaigns In History, Culture, Egovertising, Marketing, Marketing Fail
So I was reading a business mag [I know, I know] and saw this …
In some ways, I am kind of impressed that a company would be so blatant in its ‘greed is good’ approach.
Let’s be honest, most brands – even super luxury brands – kind of steer away from talking about cash so literally.
Instead, they use words like ‘exclusivity’ or ‘precious’ or ‘craftsmanship’.
I get why …
Not because they think talking about money is vulgar, but because they’re scared if they put a price against their brand, a competitor could say “we are even more expensive than them”.
Yep, that’s the kind-of fucked-up world we live in.
So when I saw this ad, I have to say it grabbed my attention by it’s sheer confidence/arrogance.
It’s an ad for the ambitious. The hungry. The never satisfied.
It’s an ad for those who want to change the World and get reap the rewards of it.
Or that’s what they’d like to convince themselves it is.
In reality, it’s an ad for the sort of guys who don’t give a shit about others.
The types who fuck others over and think that by saying “it’s just business”, it relinquishes them from all blame.
The people who believe money defines who they are and who others are.
The folks who say they want to change the World but really mean want to change their world.
There’s probably millions of these people out there.
They probably now hold ExcelAir in the highest of esteem.
I kind of admire that.
I kind of admire the balls of ExcelAir to ignore the sensitivity of the times and just go for it.
But I’d still rather shit in my hands and clap.
Especially when it’s delivered in an ad that looks like Stevie Wonder art-directed it.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Communication Strategy, Corporate Evil, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Insight, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Parents
I’ve written a lot about my hatred of pushchair companies.
How they try and sell their seat-on-wheels as a fashion item or a bloody 4×4 vehicle.
But now iCandy – one of the worst offenders – have decided to fuck me over by releasing this:
I know my hatred is bordering on irrational but I hate this so much.
I hate the name.
MiChair. MICHAIR.
Apart from it being utter bollocks, why can’t they spell it properly.
Oh I know why, because by making the ‘i’ in MiCHAIR lowercase, they think it makes it sound like it’s some kind of next-gen product when all it is, IS A FUCKING HIGHCHAIR FOR A BABY.
Then I hate the Dad in the photo.
Look at him …
They might think he looks young, relaxed and good looking – the sort that holds down an uber-successful job in the city – but I just think he’s a smug fuck who is sleeping with his secretary. Probably in the marital bed when his wife is out at her sisters.
And don’t get me started on that kitchen.
Oh you just know the client demanded it to look clean and contemporary because that reflects ‘the brands values and aesthetic’ or some other contrived marketing buzzword bullshit.
And the irony is, by doing that, it highlights how much bollocks this all is because anyone with a kid will tell you that regardless how immaculate a place may be when you start to feed your child, the moment you try and put food in their mouth, the entire room will resemble a war zone within 3 seconds flat.
But I can even overlook all that compared to the worst bit … the line.
LIVE EVERY MOMENT. LOVE EVERY STEP.
What the fuck?
Seriously, what the fuck?
Love every moment of what? Feeding your kid?
Are you insane?
Unless that chair can strap a kid in like their Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs, you’ll never live every moment … you’ll be too busy trying to avoid it.
And then there’s that LOVE EVERY STEP.
Maybe they mean it in terms of how the chair adapts to the different life stages of the kid, but even if it does [which I totally made up, by the way] IT’S A CHAIR … IT CAN’T GO ANYWHERE SO WHY ARE YOU USING WORDS LIKE STEPS???
OK … OK … I need to take a deep, deep breath but I hate how these companies try to exploit the love we have for our kids by making us feel that we are not treating them well unless we put them in some pretend designer bollocks.
To be quite honest, that strategy – while sadly effective – is utterly evil because what they’re saying is it’s the stuff you put around your baby that is more important than the way you actually treat them.
Bastards.
I would absolutely love to know how many of the people behind this are parents.
Then I’d love to know how many have called their kids Tarquin or Apple-Baby-Boo.
I don’t know why knowing their kids name would be important, but I’d just like to know.
Because I’m angry. And irrational. And just really, really fed up of how these companies are turning kids into a fucking accessory for certain parents to show off how fucking rich and stylish they are.
Though I admit, if Birkenstock did a high chair, I’d be there with fucking bells on.
ARGHHHHHHHH!
[I’ll be better by tomorrow. Promise. Well, semi-promise]
Filed under: Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Comment, Corporate Evil, Crap Campaigns In History, Egovertising, Embarrassing Moments, Marketing Fail, Wankers
Saw this recently on Linkedin.
Do you think it’s an employee randomly singing the praises of his company.
Or an employee who is doing this as a blatant attempt by his company to look good?
Either way, I want to smash the smarmy, corporate toady in the face.
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Communication Strategy, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History, Marketing, Marketing Fail
It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote about this so I guess it’s time for another post about another massive lie peddled from a kickstarteresque company.
Yes, I know I ranted about them earlier this week, but I can’t help myself.
Have a look at this …
Let’s move past the fact they have the audacity to claim a lens – held on with a bloody bulldog clip – gives you the equivalent standard of a US$4000 camera [unless they mean a US$4000 camera held onto a smart phone with a bulldog clip] and let’s instead focus on the image they are using to sell ‘said’ item.
Look at the screen of the smartphone.
Such incredible quality.
Such incredible clarity.
Such incredible focus.
Wow, maybe they weren’t joking when they said this simple attachment could make an expensive DSLR redundent.
But hang on, something isn’t right.
That super sharp image doesn’t seem to relate to the ‘live’ image going on in the picture.
Sure, they’ve blurred the shit out of it, but I’m pretty all the action is going on in the middle of the court, not by the net.
OK, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, I do only have one good eye.
But there’s something else bothering me. Hmmmmn, what could it be?
Oh I know, it’s that perfect image on the phone.
Look, I have an iPhone and if I so much as zoom a bloody milimeter on it, everything looks like I’m trying to do an impression of a Tony Scott movie, so either the person holding the phone/lens in the photo has the steadiest hand ever created – especially as they are located on the other side of the court – OR THIS IS A PILE OF BULLSHIT.
I know I’m in adland so look at these things a bit more closely than the average punter, but that shouldn’t mean brands don’t care about this sort of thing.
Why would you supposedly go to all this effort to make a great product and then short-change the work that is designed to tell the World about it?
It’s like my issue with people who spend weeks working on a pitch but don’t rehearse it until the last 5 minutes.
All that effort, wasted.
Of course it’s because people still believe that ‘the quality of the product/work/idea’ will shine through.
In a perfect World – maybe – but in the real World, how you present something is often of equal importance to what you are presenting. Sometimes, even more important.
When I was at HHCL, one of their tenants was the quality of advertising had a commercial benefit on the brand.
In short, the better the work, the more people were interested in you.
Now I appreciate that some may challenge that view, but I passionately believe that what you do says more about who you are than what you say … so while the creators of this lens may claim it can single-handedly put Canon and Nikon out of business, the fact their communication is so obviously bullshit makes me think you’re more likely to find this attachment inside a cheap pack of Christmas Crackers than a high-end photographic store.
Which means if you actually end up buying it, then you have no one to blame but yourself.
And this is coming from someone who paid $100 for a remote control ball!!!
Have a great weekend, only 50 odd weeks till Christmas.
Filed under: Brand Suicide, Comment, Communication Strategy, Corporate Evil, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Creativity, Fake Attitude, Marketing, Marketing Fail
Right now, in supermarkets across super-conservative Singapore, is this …
Yep … that’s a real thing.
The product originates from the UK but – unsurprisingly – had it’s advertising banned there on the grounds of indecency.
[Which is why I’m kind of scared what they mean by 100% natural]
The fact it has been able to run this sort of thing in Singapore highlights the authorities there are either ultra-naive or super-broadminded.
Given the Red Dot Nation is not renowned for its liberalness – despite things like this getting through the system – I assume the introduction of a hoverboard in the visual convinced the powers-that-be that this was a genuine ad for a brand celebrating an active lifestyle.
Idiots.
But not quite as idiotic as the immature boys/expat wankers who’ll buy the stuff thinking they’re being witty. On the positive, the moment they’re seen with a can, they’ll be more hated than a Nottingham Forest owner. And trust me, that’s seriously hated.