Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Culture, Daddyhood, Emotion, Empathy, Family, Innocence, Insight, Jill, Love
So recently I saw that the movie, Fame was 38 years old.
While I didn’t see the film, the memory of the TV show is burned into my mind.
I remember seeing trailers for it on TV earlier that week and wanting to watch it … however when it aired, I was out with my friends playing football – it was summer – so when I finally walked into the house [via the back garden, as I’d gone to talk to my Mum and Dad who were enjoying the late evening sun] the show was half way through the episode.
But I was hooked from the beginning.
The idea of a school that taught creativity in a way that wasn’t stuffy was infectious to me.
Previous to that, I didn’t even know those things could exist but the fact there was a TV show about it, meant it must do. Somewhere.
To be honest, at that point in my life – 1982 – I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but it’s now obvious to me that part of the appeal of the show was because I wanted to go down that path, I just didn’t know it before then.
It might sound a bit of a leap, but the show might be one of the reasons I picked up the guitar about a year later and went on to spend a big chunk of my life between the ages of 17-24 making, earning and traveling because of music.
I always wonder if I’d have tried to get into a school of the arts if there had been one available in the UK at that time.
There were acting schools, but nothing like the one in Fame.
Of course, the school on Fame was fictitious, but the schools it was based on represented a very different feel and place of learning that the UK equivalent.
I personally think these schools are incredibly important.
At a time where education seems universally focused on academic subjects, the value of ‘the arts’ seems to have slipped down in importance.
I get why, but I can tell you, if Otis wanted to go to one when he is older – I’d be thrilled.
Sure, you could argue a degree in dance or music or acting is going to be harder to turn into a good income down the line, but apart from the fact you could say that about most degrees in general these days … the role of education is not just to better the individual, but for that individual to help better the country they live in.
It’s for this reason I’m so vehemently opposed to education-for-profit.
Not just because it has resulted in universities lowering their qualification standards to increase admission, but because a highly educated population adds huge commercial value to a country.
Smart people do smart things.
Whether that is creating things or attracting things, a highly educated workforce creates more opportunities for others … be that people, communities, companies or countries … and it’s for this reason I passionately believe governments should keep standards insanely high but the cost of insanely low.
But sadly few look at it that way – preferring to take the money rather than make the investment – resulting in too many people going to university in the hope of getting a great future but finding out they got sold a great lie.
Education is an amazing thing – regardless what you study – but with degrees fast becoming worth less than the paper they’re written on, I hope if Otis does choose to advance his education, he follows the path that leads him to emotional fulfillment.
I don’t care what that is … art, music, accountancy or tech … but for me the key is he does it for his happiness, not purely for his career because in a World where everyone seems to do stuff to get ahead, there’s something amazing in following a path for the sheer joy that you enjoy it and that’s something I would love for him to do.
As my parents taught me, at the end of the day, feeling fulfilled is more important than simply being content.
Wow, this is quite a leap from a 1982 TV show about kids dancing in the streets of NY isn’t it.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Creativity, Culture, Disney, Family, Fatherhood, Jill, My Fatherhood, Otis
Following on from yesterday’s post, I’ve taken today off so I can take Otis for his first visit to Disneyland.
I can tell you right now he is going to absolutely bloody love it … and I have to tell you I’m glad he will because it has cost the equivalent of the GDP of a medium sized European nation and I’d be devastated to have to sell a kidney for something he won’t enjoy.
As much as I can be rather skeptical about Disney, I have to say they know how to capture kids imagination.
I still remember taking Otis to a hospital in Shanghai and – as soon as he clapped eyes on the TV showing Frozen – his pain and tears disappeared to be replaced with a hypnotic state.
So that’s where I’ll be today and then I’ll spend the weekend trying to recover from it as well as hope my beloved Nottingham Forest end the season on a high, which – given the position they were in last season – already feels like they’re playing in football Disneyland.
Now I know finishing mid-table in the Championship may not seem the sort of thing anyone should celebrate, but when you’ve had the turmoil we’ve had over the last 20 years – and especially the last 5 – it’s feels really good to have a team that is occasionally in the news for the way they’re playing football rather the way the terrible ex-CEO was playing with the club and it’s finances.
So in a way to honor Nottingham Forest being slightly less shit than they were last year [when they were super shit] I hereby reproduce my ‘everything for a £1’ shop version of one of my favourite Nike/Wieden ads ever.
Horrific isn’t it?
Especially compared to the original.
Putting aside the fact I’m wearing something ‘Adidas’, it’s a bit like comparing a pair of Hi-Tec trainers to a pair of NIKE’s, but then that’s like comparing the current Forest side to the team that dominated Europe in the early 80’s.
Or – said another way – how it feels to be a Forest fan for the last couple of decades.
So now I’ve ruined your weekend, I’m off … see you Monday.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Confidence, Culture, Dad, Daddyhood, Education, England, Family, Happiness, Innocence, Insight, Jill, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, Otis, Parents, Relevance, Resonance, Standards, Unexpected Relevance
As I’ve written before, I didn’t go to University. I knew pretty early on that I didn’t want to continue my formal education.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t/don’t like to learn, it just means I find it far more powerful when it’s not in an academic environment.
I still remember telling my parents my decision and being slightly scared.
They desperately wanted me to go so I was worried they would see this as a slight on them – which is absolutely not what it was meant to be.
They asked for my reasons and when I told them, they said that they would support my decision as long as I applied in case I changed my mind.
So I did.
And I got accepted.
But I was still sure not going was the right thing for me, so my parents – while obviously disappointed – supported my decision and never brought it up again.
Looking back now, I feel that must have been very hard for them.
At that point, going to university was the fast track to a career and yet – as another act of their love and confidence in me – they pushed me to follow the things that genuinely interested and excited me and hoped it would all work out.
I’d say it did.
But now I’m a dad and while Otis is only 3, the thought of education looms large.
Would I do the same thing as him?
Of course I want to help equip my son in the best way possible for the life he wants to lead and one of those ways is to provide him with a good education. But the fact is I’m vehemently opposed to private education and while general access schools can be very good, the reality is private tends to offer better opportunities simply because of the funding and the facilities … which leads to an interesting conflict.
What’s best for my son versus what’s true to me?
Given Otis is so young right now, the decision will ultimately be mine and his Mum’s, but once he’s older, what do I do if he chooses a path I feel is not in his best interests.
Sure, it worked out for me, but the World was different back then and then I saw the ‘god’ instagram above – a sentiment that was absolutely reinforced by our recent America In The Raw research – and realised that by the time he has to make some choices, he will be far more aware of what he needs to do to increase his odds of success than his Mum or me.
But then I realised something else …
It’s not just about acknowledging their view of their World will be better than yours, it’s also backing your parenting.
When my Mum and Dad supported my decision, they were ultimately supporting how they raised me.
They believed the values and smarts they’d instilled in me were the right ones to enable me to make the right choices … and while I know they would have been there if it all fell down, that sense of confidence and belief probably enabled me to go to places I might otherwise not have done. Places I might not otherwise have felt I deserved to be.
And that’s why backing your team is everything.
Of course you have to instill values and standards into them, but once that’s done, you have to back them including what they think is right – even if you don’t – because if that doesn’t happen, you’re literally stopping their potential rather than liberating it.
Thank you Mum and Dad. Again.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Babies, Birkenstocks, Childhood, Comment, Culture, Dad, Daddyhood, Empathy, Equality, Experience, Family, Innocence, Jill, Love, Mum, Mum & Dad, My Fatherhood, Parents
So for the past 2 days I’ve been writing a lot about equality.
It’s a subject very close to my heart.
To be honest, it always has been but being a Father has raised it’s importance.
In some ways, having Otis grow up in China made things easier as it meant he was exposed to different cultures from day 1 but I didn’t want to take that for granted, so when we knew we were going to move to the US, I spoke to a friend of mine – a Brit, who is black and lives in the US – about the [thankfully small] issues his kids faced being in the US and what he thought parents should teach their kids to stop that happening.
His response was phenomenal.
In essence there were 2 parts.
The first was the obvious one – treat every person from every culture the same way – with respect, appreciation and consideration.
So far so good … but it was the next bit that really made an impact.
Don’t tell Otis different cultures are all the same.
Don’t ‘whitewash’ our differences, acknowledge them … enrich Otis with understanding about different cultures history, struggles and values.
Or said another way … celebrate the differences but treat everyone the same.
Brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.
In a World where so much hate is built simply on ‘being different’, helping break down those walls through knowledge and understanding is even more powerful than just saying ‘don’t see the colour, see the person’.
Of course it’s vital to treat people the same, but understanding the background isn’t just a mark of respect – it’s a way to celebrate strengths and understand behaviours that you may otherwise judge for no other reason than your own in-built prejudices.
So among Otis’ books on animals and dinosaurs and Peppa fucking Pig, he has books that explore the cultures associated with Africa [‘Africa Is Not A Country’ & ‘Sundiata’], Mexico [‘Tequila Worm’] and the Middle East [‘My Fathers Shop’].
Now I appreciate some people may think we are going a bit over-the-top with this.
After all, Otis is only 2 and a half.
But, as I have written before, I’ve learnt not to care what others think.
I’ve learnt people often mistake being a parent with being an ‘expert’ on kids.
I’ve also learnt kids develop so many of their behaviours by being masters of mimicking how their parents behave.
[Jill hopes she can stop him fall victim to ironic t-shirts and Birkenstocks]
At the end of the day, we believe we have a responsibility to him – and society as a whole – to encourage the values and beliefs that can enable him to be a good human being … someone who doesn’t just contribute to society in terms of what he achieves, but in terms of what he helps others achieve.
Of course we know he will face challenges.
Peer pressure. Unexpected circumstances. The allure of mischief.
And while we can’t dictate how he handles those things, we hope we can prepare him to deal with them in a way where he can hold his head high … which is why on top of being loving, supporting parents, we will buy him books on understanding different cultures, give him dolls to play with and encourage him to play with his beloved pink kitchen.
Being a Father is one of the most amazing things that has happened in my life.
I feel embarrassed to admit I had no idea how good it would be … and while being a good parent is basically a matter of trying things with good intent, I want to say a big thank you to Karrelle Dixon … because he may not realise it, but he made a big difference to how my little boy will grow up. Not in terms of respect, but in terms of understanding … and when you think about it, that’s one of the most wonderful gifts you can give anyone.
I hope my parents would think we’re doing good with their grandson.
I think they would.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, America, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment, Culture, Daddyhood, Family, Goodbye America, Jill, Paul, Sentimentality
For all the shit America is going through and – let’s not forget – creating for itself, it’s still a pretty awesome country.
The warmth we have receieved from people has been amazing.
Kindness. Consideration. Welcoming.
To be honest, it’s more than we’ve experienced in any of the other countries we’ve lived in – at least in terms of the speed we got it – and so once I got over my initial skepticism, I really started to embrace it.
Of course there’s some things I’ll never get used to.
Not using a ‘u’ in so many of their words.
Calling it soccer instead of football.
Actually using the word “Y’all”.
High-Fiving.
But in most cases I’ve been able to get past it mainly because I’ve chosen to ignore it.
A big part of my ability to do that has been due to the amazing lifestyle LA has given my family.
I have to say, living near the beach, with almost daily sun and cleanish air is an amazing thing to have.
It’s probably as close to paradise as you can get.
However there is one thing I can’t deal with.
One thing I cannot ignore.
That’s right, it’s Otis developing an American accent.
Worse, a Californian accent.
Saying “Mom” will never be acceptable.
Ending the alphabet with “zee” can never be tolerated.
Which is why at the end of August I’ll be leaving Deutsch and on the 5th September, we will be leaving America to go and start a new life in London.
No, that is not a joke.
OK, blaming it on Otis’ American twang is, but the reality of our impending move is not.
It’s definitely not been an easy decision …
The thought of taking my family away from paradise so soon after we got here is horrible.
The thought of moving Otis away from his beloved Elodie breaks my heart.
The thought of saying goodbye to so many people who I now regard as friends, is horrible.
But, for a whole host of reasons, it’s the right thing to do.
More than that, it’s something we’re looking forward to doing.
OK, I admit, when we were thinking about the idea, there were a few moments where I went through a range of emotions I didn’t know were there.
Or said another way, a whole range of emotions I’d obviously been doing a good job of keeping hidden deep down inside for years and years.
Part of it was a sense of guilt about moving ‘home’ after my parents had passed away.
I kept thinking that if I was going to go back, why didn’t I do it when they were alive?
Of course there were many reasons for it – reasons my parents both knew and encouraged – but underpinning them all was this belief I was never going to move back to the UK.
Except I am.
And while it’s been over 24 years since I last lived there – so it will probably feel like a totally new place – I’m excited about it, even though insane stuff like brexit is [allegedly] just around the corner.
Part of this is that I’ll be living in London for the first time in my life. [As opposed to just commuting there]
Part of this is because I’ll be physically closer to my beloved Paul and Shelly than I’ve been in over 2 decades.
Part of it is because it is another chapter of adventure for my wife, son and cat.
Part of it is because I will be closer to my Mum’s sister – my Aunt – in Italy.
And part of it is for what I’m going to be doing, which I’ll talk about another time.
But all that said, I’m incredibly grateful to Deutsch, my [new/old] colleagues and friends and Los Angeles for giving me an experience that has been an honour to experience and enjoy. I’ll write a proper goodbye to them all soon, but what they need to know is they made a huge impact on me and my family.
Both good and bad, hahahaha.
When Jill, Otis, Rosie and I came here, we never imagined we would leave so soon, as demonstrated by the acquisition of houses and cars and a whole host of electronics that will only ever work on US power supplies [the most epic garage sale will be happening soon], but – as we all know – sometimes life gets in the way of our best laid plans and when that happens, it’s better to embrace it than fight it.
So to everyone who has made our time here so memorable, thank you … we will miss you, even if you won’t miss us.
Or – more specifically – me.
London. I’ll see you soon.
Start making your excuses to avoid me now.