Filed under: 2025, 2026, A Bit Of Inspiration, Age, Attitude & Aptitude, Colenso, Colleagues, Doctor, Eye, Generosity, Happiness, Health, Hope, Metallica, NHS, Nurses, Process
It’s Monday. In the first few weeks of going back to work after a longish break. And all we are hearing is shit, depressing news from all over the World … so you would imagine today’s post would continue that theme of darkness, and yet it isn’t.
No seriously. It’s bordering on embarrassingly cheery and happy. Admittedly, cheery and happy for me – but given so many people have contributed to the reason for this, I’m hoping it has some positive effect on you too.
So as the title of this post states – a lot can happen in 12 months.
I appreciate you’re saying “no shit”, but as I pointed out, I’m not talking about global events, tech companies or the economy … I’m talking about this from a very, very personal point of view.
Truth be told, when you get to my age, a lot of life has found its natural rhythm so while there will be ups and downs, overall you tend to know how to surf life’s waves.
But the last year for me was pretty extreme.
Don’t get me wrong, the overall view of the year was good – as I wrote about here – but apart from the tragedy of losing many friends and a fucked-up situation with someone I thought was a better human than they proved themselves to be, the biggest challenge I faced was my sight.
I’ve had eye problems since I was 21 but in January 2025, my ‘good’ eye got an infection in Penang, Malaysia that commenced one of the worst medical rollercoasters I’ve had in my life.
And I’ve had a few.
What was initially considered to be a few weeks of discomfort turned into weekly – often daily – hospital visits, endless tests, a range of medical experts being called in, over 50 meds-a-day, a diagnosis so rare it become a medical ‘white paper’ and … worst of all … blindness.
Proper blindness.
The impact of all this on my mental health was pretty severe. To be honest, I hadn’t really realised how much until the festive holiday where my body had the time to finally start to loosen the tension it had been holding – and this was despite visiting a psychologist both after a particularly bad test result and when I was weighing up whether to do the operation as the risks were pretty high.
I say all this because last week I went in for another check-up. My first of the new year … and while the operation had been a success – thanks to my doctor, my surgeons and the intervention of the wonderful PM and his high profile ‘clients’, who organised the specialist who actually invented the operation I was going to have, to come to NZ and consult on my procedure – we didn’t know if it would turnaround my situation.
The good news was after the op, I had some vision – which was a massive news, however I couldn’t see much other than certain blurs of beige.
But over the weeks, with the post-op meds, rest and time – I did sense things were improving, but given one of the issues I had was pressure build up [which you don’t feel] I was pretty apprehensive.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, my check-up revealed the pressure was very good – as in, ‘fully under control’, which meant the main part of the operation had not just worked, but was holding. But then the shockingly good news.
My eyesight was better than my other eye.
That’s right, my operated eye was – under certain conditions – performing better than the eye I’d been relying on for the past 12 months. The irony being that eye was previously shit given my detached retina when I was 21 … but such is the magic of the brain, it has somehow improved to compensate for for my blindness, but now – as the other eye was getting better – it decided not to try so hard.
I cannot tell you what it felt like to hear that.
To be fair, even the specialist and surgeon were shocked at the level and speed of improvement … but they have not just given me the ability to see again, they’ve almost returned my eyesight to pre-illness levels.
No more bumping into people.
No more having my phone screen on max zoom.
No more going to hospital every day and week.
And maybe, no more dressing like a ‘festival chick’ for the Colenso Christmas party.
[Which happened post-op so I literally have zero excuse, haha]
I know, your eyes are now fucked after that image aren’t they. Sorry. At least I can recommend some excellent medical experts. You’re welcome – hahaha.
Anyway, while I’ll need medication for the rest of my life, have regular check-ups and be mindful of lifting heavy items … it really feels like I’ve been given my whole life back.
I know that sounds dramatic. I know there are many others worse off than I ever was or would have been. And I appreciate I was very lucky that I saw a GP quickly … they recognised the severity of the problem straight away … and I had the insurance – and unexpected contacts – who got me the best specialists and surgeons in the country (and worldwide) but there were moments where I felt, with good reason, that the life I had may be taken away from me.
I know I’d have survived.
I know I’d have got through it.
But the problem is at the time, you focus on what’s going to change rather than what you’re going to do … which is why I’m so grateful to everyone who helped, supported and encouraged me over the past 12 months.
From family and friends to nurses and doctors to colleagues and clients to acquaintances and strangers. All of you helped make sure that however dark some moments were, the light was never completely out. Even it is was in my eye. Ha.
So thank you. Thank you so, so much.
And god bless medicine and all you work with it and practice it. At a time where we have global leaders trying to diminish and undermine medical science and medical care, it’s the doctors and nurses we should be listening to, celebrating and compensating – they’re the hero’s, not the entitled egotists who claim to represent the people but only care for themselves.
And if I thought I could see through their bullshit before, I can see it even more clearly now.
Literally and metaphorically.
So with that, happy Monday … but probably not as happy as I will be.
… guide dogs.
… white sticks.
… braille books.
… speech to text.
… permanent passenger seat.
… more looking like a shit pirate
… life of darkness.
At least for now … because while things aren’t completely sorted – there were a lot more ‘complications’ than anyone expected, and we still have to wait some weeks before we can see what the reality of the situation is – in terms of the actual procedure, my operation was a success.
As I said, it is still very early days.
And sure, I will be on medication for the rest of my life.
Plus there were some very, very scary moments along the way.
Including needing two emergency operations after the first op.
A full Grey’s Anatomy, ‘life in the balance’ season-end drama moment.
And yes, I will have to go in for regular check-ups for a fucking age.
Plus they still don’t know what caused it so it could all go to shit any day.
But in terms of dealing with the ‘burning oil rig’ pressure, it fucking worked … and I will be eternally grateful to the doctor, nurses, specialists and surgeons who made that possible.
As I said, right now my vision isn’t great, I can just see shapes and colours and I find typing really hard [you have no idea how big the letters on my screen have to be for me to be able to see, let alone type anything] … but given I had no vision before, it’s brilliant.
I’ll even be allowed to drive again! [Thanks to my other eye, not this one. Yet]
So with that and that fact some of the Metallica gang came to me when they were here last week – the end of the year is looking a fuck-of-a-lot brighter than it has for quite a while. Especially the last 6 weeks or so which were an absolute fucking perfect storm shitshow. Not just for the eye, but for seemingly every bit of karma I was due for the past 55 years – hahaha.
So I really want to say a big thank you to everyone who reached out, checked in and sent love.
Given I have been in isolation – both in terms of calls, emails and social media … it was nice to come back to love.
But most of all, I need to thank my surgeons and medical science … because contrary to what certain government administrations like to suggest, they’re amazing and it’s incredible and I don’t just owe my ability to still see the World around me, to it, I also owe my life.
And yet despite that, it still won’t improve my blog writing skills.
But it will allow me to keep writing my rubbish and I couldn’t be happier.
While I’ve had it much better than most, 2025 has been a pretty challenging year … this is a nice way to head into the end of it. All I need now is to win this years Fuck Off And Pie – which is next week – and it may even end up in credit.
Oh who am I kidding.
See you tomorrow. Literally and metaphorically.
Filed under: Clients, Colenso, Colleagues, Doctor, Emotion, Eye, Family, Health, Metallica, Nurses
So this is going to be the last post for a while.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure when they will start again – hopefully in a couple of weeks, as I have a bunch of shit to write to close the year out with.
However the reality is this is the first time since I started this blog, where there’s no pre-written posts whatsoever.
Zilch. Nada. Nothing.
Now I appreciate this must be the perfect Friday news for you, but for me it’s less positive because its driven by the fact I have my eye operation on the 12th and what happens after that, dictates a lot about how a lot of things in my life then turn out.
I’ve written a bunch about the issues and implications of the eye condition I have had to deal with this year and while I appreciate this post makes it all sound very dramatic, for me it is.
The good news is there’s some hope. Not masses, but some.
The other good news is whatever happens, at least we’ll know where we stand pretty quickly so I can start planning – or hopefully celebrating – within a day or two after the op. Well. I say that, but there’s 4 critical time periods of which one is seven bloody months away thanks to the optic nerve working in slow-mo, or something.
But the reality is I’m pretty nervous about it for a whole host of reasons.
One is because a lot is riding on it …
Two is you don’t get the chance to know when a week could change your life very often, and I do … which just adds to the anxiety I already am feeling.
And finally, the last time I was in a situation like this – that resulted in me writing a post like this – the result was my life turned to shit. At least for a bit.
Now the situation between then and now is very different, but it still has me feeling really unsettled however one thing that has really helped is the support I’ve received from all of my doctors and nurses, family, friends, team, colleagues, clients and – bizarrely – strangers on different platforms of social media.
I say ‘bizarrely’ because my experience of a lot of social media platforms these days is it’s full of horrible, judgemental, egotistical rude pricks … and yet, when I have talked about my situation, I’ve been met with nothing but compassion and kindness and I can tell you, not only did that shock me, it also has made a real difference to me.
That said, it has also revealed some people who haven’t been all I thought they were or would be.
Most have had their heart in the right place, they just lack awareness of when to shut-the-fuck-up, hahaha … but some.
Well, put it this way … it’s the equivalent of discovering someone you went to school with is a raging racist and after the shock, you just realise they’re a pretty ugly human fullstop.
But that’s the minority because – as I said – most have been amazing.
The thing is – and I get this may come as a surprise to some, given I’ve shared all manner of personal stuff on this blog over the past 2 decades – the reality is I never tend to share stuff like this, I tend to keep it to myself … at least until it’s all well and done. However this time was different – probably because the impact of it made it impossible to hide – so I’ve had the very unusual experience of not just feeling most people wanting to help, but liking it too.
Jesus, what does this say about me, hahaha.
On top of all this, I have is the Metallica boys coming to this part of the world for the first time in a very, very long time and I am supposed to be doing some stuff for that.
While no one is expecting me to do it – given the eye situation – I really want to.
My involvement with their tour work has always been basically zero – I’m simply their cat-litter tray for their other projects – however given the last time I saw them was in LA, back in September 2023, and all the times they’ve played where I’ve lived, I’ve found myself overseas … this is a chance for me to be part of something extra special given the time they’ve been away from NZ and the situation with my sight.
That said, they have played a role in my health that I can’t go into but will be eternally grateful for … so whatever happens, I am eternally grateful they are in my life and I will even make sure Lars has his fave tea when he comes round to check on me.
Maybe, Haha.
What this all adds up to is that I am going to be quiet for at least 2 weeks and we’ll see what happens after that.
It could be longer, it all depends on the op … but I am going to isolate myself from the world in that time.
Anyway, I really want to end this miserable bastard of a post on a bit of a positive, so to do that I’m going to leave you 2 things …
First, here’s a picture of me in a suit.
No, that’s not AI, it’s real.
I’m in a suit. A suit I bought. That cost me a bloody fortune.
Given I didn’t even wear a suit for my wedding or my parents funerals, this is a VERY big deal.
But if you thought that was the funniest part, wait a second … it gets better.
Because rather than this being undeniable proof the condition of my eye has made me lose my mind … the reality is I bought the suit for a very special dinner I was supposed to have with a very special person in London back in October. Except – as I wrote here – they only went and bloody moved it to 2026 didn’t they!!!
See, told you it got better. Or for me, worse.
OK, so that’s step one of my ‘mood lightening’ agenda.
Step two is something altogether different …
It’s a clip of one of the most wonderful performances I’ve watched in a very long time.
It features Stephen Wilson Jnr. singing the Ben E King classic, ‘Stand By Me’.
There’s so much to love about it, but performance aside, I have to say I love how the host looks increasingly bewildered as the song unfolds … as if he cannot fathom how this incredible majesty of sound is unfolding right in front of his eyes.
It’s a reminder that while anyone can sing a song, only a few can truly own a song – and they don’t do that through technical ability, but emotion.
Talking of emotion, I just want to say thank you all again. You’re ace and I hope I get to ‘see’ you all soon … literally and metaphorically.
Filed under: Advertising, America, China, Doctor, Emotion, Empathy, Experience, Eye, Health, Travel
So today, I am going to the surgeon for my eye.
As I’ve written a bunch about, it’s not going great – in fact this is the first time in my life I’ve had an issue that [1] has lasted almost an entire year and – despite being diligent about the treatment I am on – [2] has got worse rather than better.
Last Tuesday I was given some medical results that led to – with no hyperbole whatsoever – the 4th worst day of my life.
Given the days that ‘beat it’ include my Dad dying and my Mum, you can tell it not only was bad, but really fucked me up for a bit.
To be quite honest, it the impact it had on my feelings, thoughts and behaviors scared me – which is why I am so grateful to so many people for reaching out and checking in, with a special mention to Peter, who – with the people he represents and works with – not only organized for one of the World’s leading surgeons in my diagnosis to get personally involved in my case, but to also provide me access to a place where they offer very specialized help and support to people in my situation an an island far, far away from distractions, interruptions and noise. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but it’s pretty obvious words won’t do it justice.
On the bright side, it also led me to churn out my Life vs Age ‘thing’ … which was more my way to try and drown out the noises and concerns screaming in my head than any act of magnanimous generosity … and yet it led to 2 publishers, a Grammy winning founder of a production company, BBC Radio 4 and literally hundreds of people getting in touch to share their stories and offer their help.
For one of the worst days of my life, it was nice that some sunshine was still able to find a way through the cracks.
Anyway, the reason why last Tuesday was so bad was because of a result I had relating to the pressure in my eye.
Despite being put on the ‘nuclear option’ of meds, my surgeon broke the news to me that not only had they made no difference whatsoever – which is obviously bad – they didn’t know what was triggering it, which is an extra-level of bad.
In fact his exact words were:
“I’m sorry to tell you this Robert, but your eye pressure is currently out of our control”/
If they are words you don’t want to hear, what happened next was definitely not what anyone would to hear.
Made worse by the fact I was the one that inadvertently opened the door to it.
Because when he said that, I stupidly asked, “Just how out of control is it?”
To which he described this …
Yep, an oil rig on fire with oil not just fueling its anger, but spreading it.
As images for a patient to consider, it’s not just scary it just destroys all your hope and confidence which is why later today I get to discover if the treatment we’ve done to try and counter it has been the equivalent of calling in Red Adair – the US oil rig fire fighting legend – or just throwing more petrol all over it.
For fucks sake, I hope it’s the wrinkly, Yank with a penchant for putting out flames option.
Guess I’ll find out later today … but I don’t mind admitting I’m not just shitting myself, I’m terrified. I feel so bad for the doctor who will be giving me the test because not only will they have a patient who will be as tense-as-fuck, they will feel me trying to read their every movement, expression and reaction in a bid to work out if they’re about to tell me good news or utterly fucked news … despite the fact they’ll literally be passing me the result about 3 seconds after the tests are complete. [Once an only child, always an only child, haha]
Anyway, this is all my way of saying there will be no more posts from me for over a week – you lucky bastards.
Well, I say that, but there’s one that I pre-wrote for tomorrow and one utterly terrible pre-written one for Halloween … but I don’t come back properly until the 3rd November – Mum’s birthday. Though they’re pre-written too – haha. That said, I should point out my absence is not down to whatever the results of my eye will be – I’m actually off on a ridiculous and wonderful trip to Shanghai, Beijing and Nashville – and so I just hope the news I get later today doesn’t take any of the shine off it.
Or should I say take any of my shine from being able to truly enjoy it.
We’ll see. But look after your eyes because I tell you, it’s only when you realise you may not be able to see the world around you that you actually start valuing the World around you. What a fucking sick way to find out … biology is a dark, sick and twisted bastard, haha.
Till the 3rd Nov, bye lovely people …
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AN UPDATE:
Had the test results and sadly, they were not good. Again. But there were some very positive news.
1. I’m officially a ‘medical celebrity’ who will apparently be studied and talked about by surgeons and trainee doctors for years so that’s a great achievement, obviously – haha.
2. The problem that started this whole journey off way back in January is finally fully under control [even though I’ll need meds for it for the rest of my life]
3. Because of this, the operation is still going ahead on Nov 12th, made possible by the intervention of Peter, who I mentioned above – who has ensured one of the world’s leading specialists in my area of diagnosis will come to NZ from the US to assist my surgeons with the approach for my treatment. Which is, let’s be honest, fucking amazing.
Whatever happens, the kindness and generosity of so many is what I’ll remember most from this whole shitshow. Though PM’s generosity is more than anyone else’s, haha.
While today had both shit and not-shit news, I feel way better than I did last week as we have a plan and an even stronger medical team. In fact, when telling a friend how much pressure had lifted from me, I told them I felt “like a new man” before correcting myself by saying, “I feel like the old me” which may be bad news for many but was meant to convey how I could feel my mischief, energy, take-no-prisoners-or-shit attitude rushing through my bones which means all is good and why I send big hugs and thanks to each and every one of you.
Everything you said and did meant the world to me.
More importantly, it made a big difference.
❤️ Rx
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Colenso, Collegues, Context, Doctor, Emotion, Empathy, Experience, Eye, Family, Friendship, Health, Nurses
Yep, that’s me.
Looking more and more like a pirate.
In fact all I need is a hook and a hat and my metamorphosis will be complete.
Sadly, I don’t look like this because I am going to a fancy dress party, I look like this because I’m going blind.
Good news. Only in one eye.
Bad news. The other eye is fucked from years ago.
I’ve written a bunch this year about my ‘new’ eye problem … how it seemingly came from nowhere when I was holidaying in Penang at Christmas.
I’ve also written how it is part of a rare, auto-immune disease that’s been triggered by the trauma my other eye experienced when I was 21.
I know, it makes little sense … but the upshot is my eye is getting worse – not better – which is humbling, frustrating and terrifying.
What makes it more painful is no one knows what triggered the disease in the first place, nor do they know what is causing it to sustainably resist all the treatment despite all the tests I’ve had, and having.
And boy, have I had a lot.
Injections.
Laser.
Drops.
Photographs.
Scans.
Blood-tests.
So many eye tests, I know all the letters without looking at them. Hahaha.
I’ve been seen by optometrists, surgeons, specialists and – because it is such a ‘unique’ problem – a fuckload of medical students.
Hell, the chief surgeon called me a ‘medical celebrity’ … possibly the best backhanded compliment ever articulated.
And while an operation in November will hopefully dramatically slow down the speed of my vision loss – potentially even restoring some of it – they’ve already told me I will be facing a lifetime of treatment and care.
The problem is my eye is a fucking diva.
The disease – if left untreated – will take away all of my vision.
The medicine for that creates massive pressure that can also take away my vision.
And the pressure meds are causing weird cataracts that are already robbing me of my sight.
[And no Andy, it has nothing to do with the size of font I use on this blog … though now, when I write a post, I have to make it so big that it could easily double as a fucking billboard]
So for the Doctors, it’s like a giant game of whack-a-mole, just with eyes …
Or said another way:
My eye is a perfect storm of fucked-up, pain-in-the-ass, one-in-a-million problems.
Aren’t I lucky, hahaha.
Now, before this gets too depressing, I appreciate that compared to many, I am in an incredibly good position.
I’m not just saying that, I mean it.
I have great doctors and nurses looking out for me, which I’m incredibly grateful for. On top of that, I’ve been brilliantly supported by everyone around me – including my team, everyone at Colenso, all our clients and the artists I work for, which is epic, because it’s definitely made life more difficult for them all.
Plus I’m in the best physical – eye aside – shape of my life.
Annnnnd the operation in November offers me some real hope and positivity about the future [for my eye, at least – ha] albeit it’s not a dead cert by any stretch of the imagination.
However I must admit, even with all this good stuff, the worry of seeing [excuse the pun] the potential loss of my independence is not a great feeling.
Without positive and successful intervention, my eye will be able to fuck me up in ways past bosses and colleagues only dreamed of pulling off:
From robbing me of my ability to drive.
To robbing me being able to travel with ease.
To robbing me of my ability to experience different forms of art.
To, albeit much, much further down the road, robbing me of my ability to work.
And then – worst of all – robbing me of my ability to see my brilliant son growing-up.
I know that’s all worse case scenario … I also know I’ll find a way to adapt if/when I get to this situation … but it doesn’t feel great. Though what’s strange is it’s less about the loss of my vision and more about the loss of my relevance.
By that I don’t mean in terms of my career – though that isn’t exactly awesome either, haha – but more in terms of being able to contribute to life:
My life.
My families life.
My friends lives.
My teams lives.
My colleagues lives.
My clients lives.
Societies life.
Maybe for the first time I’ve realized how important all that is to me.
Not because I see myself as some sort of’saviour’ or any bullshit like that, just I find real joy in helping people find theirs.
And while I am sure many people have experienced or discovered this revelation – be it because of age, gender or health situation – it served as an important reminder to me about what ‘value’ really means.
Because while titles, money, success and popularity are all very nice, feeling you’re connected and contributing to life is maybe even more vital.
How fucking ironic I’ve only been able to see this because I may not be able to see anything in the future.
Life certainly knows how to write the darkest of comedies.
And I certainly know how to write the most depressing post on a Monday. Ever.
Of course, the really bad news is that ‘talk to text’ technology means that even if the worst happens sooner rather than later, I can still rant on this blog. Which may sound terrible to you, but is quite lovely to me.
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As an aside, nothing has shown how much of a previous generation I belong to than trying to use ‘talk to text’. I “ummmmm” and “ahhhh” and take about 10 goes to say the simplest command or sentence … whereas Otis – who uses it a lot because of his dysgraphia – is clear and concise first time, every time. Regardless what he is expressing or trying to make a machine do. Proving I am from the generation where type was power, whereas the future – and kids – are all about voice
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But in all seriousness, while this post is depressing as fuck – I’m OK. I just needed to get it out of my system.
Not for sympathy or a cry for help, but just to get it out …
Because as weird as it may sound, now I own ‘it’ rather than ‘it’ owns me, and that’s helped me remember the one thing I know I’m good at which is being a fucking competitive piece of shit, so now I’m sure I can give it a good fight rather than let it have an easy win.
Even more so if the op in November goes well.
And if things do go south … then I’ll have a good excuse for my bad spelling and dress sense. Plus I’ll officially be more pirate than any person at TBWA will ever be. So they’ll either have to hire me into old age to maintain their agency positioning or I’ll get to Lord it over them for the rest of my days.
Win:Win:Win in every way.
Jesus, is this post ending on a high?
I think it is …
What fucking rollercoaster of a rant … but kinda perfect for a Monday.
So with that, have a good day, normal bullshit returns tomorrow. Promise.