The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Forget GoPro, Now We Have GoPorno …

As we all know, technology has had a profound effect on how we live.

Things that were once only available only to the few are now accessible to anyone with a smartphone.

Whole industries have been created – and destroyed – by the power of the internet.

One of these is porn.

While there is more of it available than at any point in history, the revenues associated with it are at all time lows.

This is not just because of sites like Pornhub – which has had a huge impact on the income of studios – but because smartphones have allowed people to film and share porn with ease.

But as with most things, once something has gone mainstream, people look to elevate themselves above the common herd and, as usual, the porn industry has found a way to exploit this trend by launching this …

What you are looking at is a cock cam.

That’s right, a camera attached to a cock ring so you can film your penis doing it’s thing in even greater detail.

Whether people want that level of detail is another thing altogether – quite frankly, I don’t know that many people who watch porn imagining they’re the penis – but for just US$160, you can elevate your home made porn to errrrm, professional standard.

Apparently it has ‘amazing night vision’ capabilities and comes with a stretchy yet tight silicone cock ring, keeping you harder for longer.

No, I can’t believe I’ve just typed that either.

While the porn industry have always embraced technology – albeit to drive revenue – there are times where I wish they followed the majority of other industries, and just put their head in the sand to trends.

That said, given this is a GoPro for penises, I do think they missed a trick not using the Go Pro old positioning line of ‘BE A HERO’ … not just because it captures the massive egotism someone must have to make a homemade porn film that they want to share with others, but it might alleviate their [correct] fear people might start laughing when they see them approaching with a camera balancing on their cock.

I wish this was an April Fools, but it isn’t.

Though anyone who buys one probably qualifies for the title.

One Person’s Kinky Is Another Persons Vanilla …
February 25, 2017, 6:20 am
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Sex, Taboo Categories

Here are some products from the recent SEXPO exhibition.

I tell you, my childhood memory of ‘space hoppers’ has just been ruined. Forever.

But there’s worse … no really, there is.

Are you ready for it?


OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Yes, that really is a G-Spot Squirt Watch.

I don’t know how it works – I don’t want to know how it works – but I must admit I’d love to know how you tell the time with it, not to mention how you wind it up … but assuming you’re as violated as I am, I think it’s best if I just leave it there.

But I bet Rolex are shitting themselves.

Try and have a good weekend.

Dear Adfolk. Please Remember Sex And The City Was A Television Show, Not A Documentary.

As I have written about many times previously, I read masses of magazines.

I always try and find a new title to check out every month – if only so it forces my old brain to look at new things.

Anyway, I was recently flipping through a US women’s magazine, when I came across this ad.

Now I could use this ad as the foundation for a post about how unfair and unkind it is that women are forced into a position where they have to choose between either having a family or building their career.

Or I could talk about the need for society to have an open and honest conversation about the unfair and prejudiced pressures, expectations and limitations they are placing on women.

Or I could talk about how we need to refresh the way ‘safe sex’ is taught in schools.

Or I could write about the issues I have with the way pharmaceutical companies are allowed to sell their products in the US.

Or I could just criticise the lazy and patronising way this ad speaks to the very people it is attempting to communicate with.

I could do any of those because they’re all worthy topics of ranting … but I won’t … because quite frankly, I can’t drag my eyes away from that ad.

You can see the brief can’t you …

“We’re talking to young, urban, white-collar women. They’re at a stage in their life where everything feels new and exciting and they want to experience it all. They don’t see limitations, they just see possibilities and are always looking for the next thing to stimulate their passions.

New Nexplanon ensures women can continue to plan on what’s next in their life by ensuring sex doesn’t give their plans any unexpected detours”.

Yep … some generalistic, contrived, cliched bullshit that – if anything – is patronising rather than reflecting the beliefs and opinions of millions of young women in the US.

And if you think I’m wrong, just look at that ad again.

Told you I was right. No wonder so many creatives hate planners.

So to the people at Nexplanon … 10 points for talking about an issue that needs talking about. But minus 200 points for doing it in the worst way possible.

How Not To Advertise …
August 19, 2015, 6:15 am
Filed under: Brand Suicide, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Sex, Tinder

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Tinder experiment I’ve been doing over the past year.

Anyway, on a recent trip to Hong Kong, I thought I’d see if I could connect to anyone willing to talk to me about their experiences, when I came across possibly the worst Tinder photo I’ve seen. Not in terms of ugliness [and I’ve seen more than a few] but in terms of freak alert!

Look at it.


Seriously, WTF???

Assuming no one goes on Tinder to be left alone, I can only assume this person is either:

1. A mental case.
2. A horror film loving loner.
3. A serial killer looking for willing victims.

I stupidly swiped right.

At first I was kind of relieved that they didn’t ‘match’ with me and then I thought about it … I’ve just been ignored by a psychotic.

Story of my life.

Or at least my school days life.

Let’s Talk Sex …
July 17, 2015, 6:15 am
Filed under: Pornhub, Sex, Wash Your Hands You Dirty Pup

Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting I tell you about my sex life.

And to be honest, I’m probably not that interested in yours.

However Pornhub recently released data about the people using their site and it’s utterly fascinating.

From how Millennial’s suddenly stick with one thing longer than 2 minutes [9 minutes 10 seconds to be precise] to how ‘long nipples’ have lost their popularity.

No, I’m really not making this up.

The thing is – as I’ve said many times before – the best research is always about what people really do rather than what they say they do in the focus group environment and while this doesn’t always tell us ‘why’ they’re doing it, in the case of Pornhub, it’s not too hard to work out.

So turn your phone off, brew a nice cup of coffee, tell everyone you’re going to be in meetings the whole day, then find a quiet room and enjoy getting an insight on what actually is going on behind closed doors. I swear you will never look at your colleagues the same way again. Let alone want to shake their hand.