Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Brand Suicide, Corporate Evil, Culture, Cunning, Devious Strategy, Food For Thought, Insight, Marketing, Marketing Fail, Perspective
So over the last few months, there was a lot of commentary about a new, multi-million pound, British research boat that asked the public for help in choosing its name.
Actually that’s not what the commentary was about, it was the fact that one of the names was the utterly brilliant, Boaty McBoatface.
And guess what … it won!!!
Yes.
However, despite polling four times as many votes as its nearest competitor, the owners of the boat – the British Government – ended up sinking the name, using this as their justification …
“The new royal research ship will be sailing into the world’s iciest waters to address global challenges that affect the lives of hundreds of millions of people, that’s why we want a name that lasts longer than a social media news cycle.”
To be fair, they have a point – especially as the vessel is actually a ship, rather than a boat and Shippy McShipface just doesn’t have the same ring to it – however I still think they’ve made a bad decision.
It is not, as you may think, because the Government have basically just pissed on democracy.
Which they have.
Neither is it that they’ve just failed to embrace the unique wit of the British public.
Which they also have.
It’s because Boaty McBoatface could have potentially helped solve the environmental issues she was built to investigate.
[For the record, boats are always female apparently]
My thinking is that with a name like that, she would have caught the attention of children – and adults – all over the World.
In fact, I could argue she already did.
And if they’d kept that name and harnessed all that attention, children would have wanted to follow Boaty’s journey … they would have taken an active interest in the issues she uncovered and discovered … they would have wanted to help Boaty out and they could have done that by doing the sort of things that slow – or even reverse – environmental decline.
Boaty McBoatface might have actually led to the sort of change in behaviour and attitudes that Earth Hour can only dream about.
I’m serious.
Then there’s the fact that with a name like that, Boaty McBoatface could be made into children’s toys or cartoons to raise even more awareness – not to mention funds – in the fight against environmental damage.
I get it might be a bit weird for the scientists who work aboard her, but I could argue that they would be far happier knowing the ship they’re on is not just getting important data, but actively contributing to awareness and change.
But no. It’s going to be something else.
I’m sure it will be respectful and dignified – they say ‘HMS David Attenborough’ is a leading candidate – and I get it, it definitely makes sense … but it won’t have the same impact or potential reach that Boaty McBoatface would have.
Like the ice bucket challenge showed us, if you have tried for years to change something to no avail, sometimes the most radical decisions are the most sensible.
It appears I am in the rare position to be able to offer the British Government some advice … advice I offer to anyone who challenges my response to one of their questions … and that advice is this.
If you don’t like the answer, don’t ask the question.
The good news is that while the Government may have stopped Boaty McBoatface from officially hitting the high seas, you can be pretty sure that’s how she will be known.
After all, the Ferrari Daytona never really existed – it was the 365 GTB/4 – but when it came 1st, 2nd and 3rd in a race, the media labeled the car the Daytona and the name entered the consciousness of the public and has remained there ever since.
So here’s to Boaty McBoatface and the British public – or at least the ones behind this – I salute your wonderful madness.
Filed under: Attitude & Aptitude, Corporate Evil, Culture, Empathy, Family, My Fatherhood, Parents
After the revelations of yesterday, I thought I’d add one final nail in the coffin of optimism by showing you an answer Desmond Tutu gave in an interview from 2007.
I have to be honest, these 2 questions have had a profound affect on me.
The first is because I absolutely relate to the feeling of joy about having a son.
Full disclosure. When Otis was born, I wasn’t at my happiest.
To be absolutely honest, it took me 5 weeks to truly emotionally connect with him. Before that, I was spending all my time trying to get my head around the situation.
But now … oh my goodness.
That boy is everything to me.
The love I have for him is impossible to describe.
A few weeks ago he gave me his first unprompted kiss.
While it was more sound effect than tenderness, it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced.
And seeing him try to copy things I’ve done just melts my heart.
Yes, I know the last thing he should do is copy me if he wants a fulfilling life, but when you see a 16 month old kid try to match his steps to yours, I defy anyone to not be moved.
Which leads to Desmond Tutu’s second answer.
An answer that is devastating in it’s description.
Not just because he talks about the risk of us destroying each other, but he underlines the severity of the danger by adding …
“… and the whole of creation”.
He said this in 2007.
When I think of 2007, the World seems a softer, safer, happier place but now I am worried.
We have religious extremists actively trying to create armageddon.
We have political leaders focused more on the rich, than the masses.
We have incredible inequality in society, where millions literally have no hope.
We have an social attitude focused on ‘me’ not ‘we’.
We have Donald Trump running for President on a platform of hate and fear.
I have a son.
A beautiful, wonderful son.
I don’t want his future to be bleak.
I don’t want his hopes to be dashed.
I don’t want his innocence to be destroyed.
And I fear for all of those things, especially as I know they will all happen in some way … I have to just hope they won’t happen as badly as they could.
Sure, some of these feelings are because I have a son, so I look at the future differently now. Actually, to be more precise, the way I look at the future now is acknowledging there will be a time I won’t be there to protect him.
I hope that time is a long, long time away, but it will happen and all I can do is prepare him to deal with the trials, tribulations and joys of life with grace, positivity and compassion.
Maybe these are the same sort of worries my parents had when I was young.
Maybe these are the same sort of decisions my parents made about raising me.
Maybe these are the things every parent thinks about … just the names of the protagonists change.
But what worries me about that is it implies I should shut up because it will all sort itself out eventually … and while that might happen, my worry is ‘who will be doing the sorting’ and ‘do I trust their approach in doing it’?
There’s so much I don’t know but what I am sure of is that parenthood is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced, but it doesn’t half fuck with your brain.
Filed under: Brand Suicide, Corporate Evil, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History, Cunning, Fake Attitude, Marketing Fail, Sport
Next week there will be a post about scam advertising.
For those who don’t know what it means, it basically refers to bullshit certain agencies put out in a bid to look creative despite the fact it only runs once [often in some regional market where the cost – and audience – is minute] and the ‘idea’ is done for a client with no money and no chance of ever being able to bring it to market at scale.
But that’s next week, because today I’m going to talk about business scam.
The bullshit certain opportunists do in a bid to ride a commercial opportunity despite bringing nothing new to the table.
And I mean nothing new.
Because they basically steal from those who have done it well before them.
Have a look at this …
You might think that logo looks familiar – and it does – except it isn’t for Under Armour, oh no, it’s for China’s newest sports brand, Uncle Martian.
I kid you fucking not.
But it gets worse than just ‘borrowing’ from UA, they borrow from everyone – NIKE, New Balance, NYC and even Captain bloody America – which you can check out for yourself by clicking here to see images from their launch event.
I hoped China had got past this sort of behaviour.
It seemed like it.
Sure, many were still being ‘inspired’ by other, more successful brands … but whereas once they stopped at duplication, now we were seeing many develop their own innovations, things that moved them from copycats to creators to, arguably, pioneers.
But Uncle Martian have just shown the bad old ways still exist.
The ones who look for shortcuts.
The ones who don’t care about authenticity or quality or individuality.
The ones who do it just because they think they can get away with it.
But what makes it even worse is that this sort of behaviour doesn’t just affect Uncle Martian, but all of China.
What the people behind this copycat brand have done, is give everyone and anyone who mistrusts China, even more ammunition … from Donald Trump to, sadly, a shitload of people from China.
I know the Government have a policy of wanting to keep revenue in the country rather than see it flow out to international brands, but letting this sort of thing happen is hurting them far more than they may imagine.
But worse, it adds another obstacle for young Chinese entrepreneurs to try and overcome, because they will either be prejudiced against by venture capitalists, or told they should be copying rather than creating to drive the quickest return on investment possible.
I know I am not from here, but the launch of Uncle Martian has utterly disappointed me, because frankly China deserves better than this and is way, way, way better than this.
The picture above was spotted in Shanghai a few weeks ago.
The fact it is trying to convey a sense of luxury despite wonky lettering, sums up what is wrong with the whole ‘prestige’ category … despite the fact it is doing better and better every year.
When I was a kid, anything described as luxurious basically meant ‘rare’ and only for the ‘super wealthy’.
It could be anything from precious gems to 5 star hotels to even a colour television.
But for that rarity, you could expect to be in the company of perfection.
No flaws.
No mass production.
No new edition in 12 months.
Nowadays it’s all so different.
Luxury food.
Luxury toilet paper.
Luxury holidays.
The ‘luxury’ word has been hijacked by marketers and ad agencies to elevate the importance of their product – a product, that most of the time is only luxurious because of one thing.
Price.
But that price isn’t down to the craftsmanship behind the product or even the rarity [though I appreciate in some cases, it still is] it’s the price we are asked to pay to not feel like we’ve not been left behind.
At school we were told we would do well.
If you passed your exams and worked hard, you could make something of your life.
But sadly, while those traits are still super important, they’re no guarantee to success and now we have millions upon millions of people who were sold the dream of hope who are looking around asking themselves why the hell they haven’t succeeded … at least based on the expectations they were led to believe they could look forward too.
They studied hard.
They passed their exams.
They are committed to doing the best they can do.
But nothing. Nothing at all.
And this is what marketers have jumped on.
They’re selling these people the chance to feel successful … the chance to be given the momentary illusion they’re doing well, despite the fact the purchase of some of these items can lead to a lifetime of debt and even more despondency.
It’s like anti-prozac.
And what’s worse, modern luxury isn’t that luxurious at all.
There’s flaws.
There’s mass production.
There’s new versions superseding old versions every 12 months.
And we all buy into it. All of us.
I was having this discussion with a friend of mine recently – he’s a very senior, super successful marketer for a very desired luxury brand. I told him that the fact I was part of this trade made me ill and the only way I got my father to not be disgusted with my choice of career was because he could see I was committed to trying to do things the right way, not the dirtiest.
My friend looked at me and said,
“But Robert, what do you think people would feel if they weren’t given the chance to see they were achieving things in life?”
And some say marketers aren’t smart …
So recently I judged a massive amount of effectiveness papers.
A massive amount.
And while there were some excellent submissions – and, sadly, a fair amount of terrible ones – the thing that struck me overall was that it appears Indian marketing is stuck in a ‘do good’ inflation race with itself.
As I’ve always been someone who has advocated the potential for brands to make a difference to their community, you’d think I’d be very happy about this, however when so much of it comes across as contrived, forced, exploitive – or worse – desperately trying to ‘one-up’ the competition without any real thought to what the audience needs – just what they want them to have – you end up feeling disillusioned by the end of it.
Not only that, but I have to question how effective these sorts of campaigns can be when it seems every brand in every category is basically doing the same thing.
As I said, left me feeling disillusioned and I appreciate that’s amazing given it came from reading countless papers about doing good, but I guess that’s another thing advertising is brilliant at doing.