The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

This is my last post until the 26th June.

That’s over 2 weeks of peace and quiet!!!

You lucky people. [Though who knows if anyone reads this now comments have stopped]

The bad news is this post is going to be loooooooong. Proper long.

And possibly ‘jealousy inducing’ … or at least insult igniting, given the blagging I’ll be acknowledging.

But there are valid reasons behind it all. Honest.

First up is that I have a bunch of birthday’s to acknowledge …

First of all is mine, because on Monday, I turn 53.

FIFTY FUCKING THREE!

This means I am closer to 70 than 30 …

Normally that would be depressing as fuck, but I was recently given the best present ever when Metallica’s management said I was, “immune from maturity”.

Of course, I appreciate under normal circumstances this would be a big diss, however at my age – and when they represent genuine Rockstars – this may be the best compliment ever.

Let’s be honest, it’s going to have to be because there’s not many more reasons to be happy.

But 3 days later, it’s my darling Jill’s birthday.

Whereas I get more immature with age, she gets more wonderful.

I wish that was simply my attempt at being a romantic husband … but she really is.

I would love to detail how, but as I’ve mentioned before – she hates the attention on her, especially on this blog – so just know it makes me very happy to see because she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and is more than I deserve.

Happy birthday my darling Jill, I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day.

Now you may think I have suddenly become a soppy-sod – and I am OK with that – but you may feel a bit differently when I tell you that on the night of Jill’s birthday, where most people would be having a celebratory dinner – I will be waving goodbye to her, getting on a plane and flying to England because the next day it’s …

Paul’s birthday.

That’s right, for the first time since 2020, I’ll be spending Paul’s birthday with him and seeing him and Shelly for the first time in over a year.

I’m so, so happy I can do that. I’m also so excited to see them.

The older I get, the more I want to be closer to them – even though I appreciate how ironic it is to say that when I have chosen to live just about as far away from them as I possibly can.

Who knows what will happen in the future to change that [actually, I do, I just don’t know when] but I’m thrilled I’m going to get to spend Paul’s special day with him and hang out with him and Shelly for a few days.

That I get to be with 2 of my most special and treasured people on their birthday .. means that however hard 2023 is, it is going to be a great year for me.

Thank god for horrific timezone difference between NZ and UK.

Which all leads to the final journey of my blog silence …

And that is me leaving Nottingham to fly to Cannes to present on stage with 2 more special and treasured people – Paula Bloodworth and Martin Weigel.

Like Paul, the last time I saw them in person was a year ago, so to not just see them … but present with them … is an utter thrill.

I say that, but at the time of writing this post, we have only written 4 slides so unless we pull our finger out, it may be a case of being happy to see them but a total nightmare to present with them – hahaha.

And finally, as much as Cannes can drive me nuts, it gives me an opportunity to see a bunch of old friends from my past which will be bloody wonderful – especially as George and Lee will be there and so it can feel like I’ve let comments back on this blog, haha.

So there you have it.

That’s why I’m not writing any posts for a couple of weeks.

And while some of you will claim its a massive holiday, it’s actually me reconnecting to life.

That’s honestly how it feels.

I appreciate that sounds overly dramatic … after all, it’s not like I don’t talk to them all pretty much every week.

And obviously, in the case of Jill, I get to see here every single day.

I also appreciate the privilege of being able to fly over there to see the rest of them – not to mention I am the one who put myself in the position of being away from them.

But this is more than just being in their physical company – which will be special in itself – it’s about the undivided time.

No zoom time limits … or snatched moments before the next interruption … actual time.

Time to go on endless tangents.
Time to go down multiple rabbitholes.
Time to enjoy the pregnant pauses.
Time to talk shit … rather than maximise the time allocated. Or allowed.
Time to be cocooned away from the other stuff that likes to interrupt and dictate.

And while many may think they get this every day, I’m not so sure.

Yes, being physically close to people you care about does – in theory – make this easier to do.

But proximity doesn’t automatically equate to intimacy.

You have to want it. Demand it. Not be satisfied with a different version of it.

And most of the time that’s not the case …

We don’t even realise it’s happening because we get so caught up in the whirlwind of life.

Dealing with the pressures, demands, expectation and – for some – the self-importance of our own lives.

And that’s why there is something to be said about living away from those that matter.

I know … that sounds the opposite of what I’ve just written … but hang in there.

You see I used to think the benefit of living around the world was that you could discover and explore possibilities you never knew even existed … let alone were actually possible.

And it’s true.

I’m not exaggerating when I say everything I have in my life – outside of Paul and Shelley – is because I chose to explore the world rather than stay in Nottingham,.

Every. Single. Thing.

That doesn’t mean people who stay where they are from can’t also discover new possibilities, but it’s definitely going to be harder which is why I will be forever grateful for the opportunity – and my naivety – to go and explore what life was made of, despite not having the faintest idea of what I was doing.

It’s why I always tell people who have been offered the chance to live overseas that they shouldn’t let the things they’ll miss, hold them back … instead, they should think about all the things they may discover.

And I still stand by that.

But of course, missing the people you love is a big thing.

A huge thing.

I definitely missed my parents every single day and I went through a lot of emotional challenges on that journey.

But I was also extremely lucky my parents wanted me to explore.

Of course they missed me.
Of course they would have loved me to be closer.
But they wanted me to forge my own life, not be restrained by theirs, which is an act of love that still takes my breath away.

Even more so when they could have – and maybe should have – asked me to stay, given my Dad’s health situation that happened 6 weeks before I was due to leave for Australia.

I offered.
I meant it.
But they said no … and I swear it’s because they knew if I didn’t go then, I may never go at all.

That’s just so typical of my parents … always wanting the best for me while also understanding the reality of me.

And while part of this was them having faith in the values they’d taught me – for example, chase a life of fulfillment, not contentment – I think another part is they realised something I’ve only just started to discover.

Distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes your relationships more present.

Greater focus, awareness and understanding on what makes you work together. The confidence to dismiss the differences that stand in the way of your connection. The willingness to be vulnerable – not just to enable greater intimacy – but to acknowledge their desire to want to help you, even if you feel they shouldn’t need to. And an openness to the uncomfortable in the knowledge, you’re not being judged … you’re reaching out.

I appreciate this all sounds like a post-rationalisation for being away from the ones I love and care about.

And maybe a bit is.

But as I’ve said before, creating space so the people who matter get the best of me rather than what is left of me is important.

It’s not easy.
It comes with challenges and sacrifices.
But while proximity keeps you near, maybe – just maybe – distance helps close the gap.