The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I should be happy because not only did Forest get to the semi-finals of the Europa Cup, they will be in the Premiership next year … their 5th consecutive year in the top flight, which is their longest period since the Premiership began, way back in 1992.

Add to this the impending World Cup and I should be basking in football delight.

But I’m not. If anything, I’m suffering from PTSD.

Yes, I appreciate to use a term like that could be deemed disrespectful to those who have truly suffered – but it genuinely is how I feel thanks to the mental and emotional impact Forest’s season has had on me and the disgusting way FIFA are approaching the World Cup in the US.

Now you can say this is ridiculous. And on one hand I’d agree with you. But while nothing surprises me in the behavior of FIFA – and the US government – Forest has been a deep part of my life for pretty much all my life and while it may appear to have been a positive season, it’s been anything but.

Put simply, this season has been a shitshow.

The sacking of a beloved manager.
Followed by the appointment of 2 disastrous choices.
Resulting in us needing to hire a 4th manager for the season. FOUR!!!
Which led to the constant mocking of the team, owner and management by media and opposition fans.
A season of almost unprecedented underperformance.
Endless unnecessary, self-destructive decisions that caused pain on and off the field.
The constant, realistic pressure and threat of relegation.
The tragedy of seeing players suffer injury and – in Elliott Anderson’s case – personal loss.

In fact, if it wasn’t for basically the last 6 weeks of the season, it could have been one of the worst seasons in the clubs entire history.

What made it even more worse is that after 3 seasons of fighting for our lives to stay in the Premiership, we had an unbelievably successful season last year – resulting in us getting into Europe for the first time in 43 years.

FORTY THREE!!!

This filled the fandom with excitement and dreams … the belief this was the start of a new era for the club, one filled with the sort of nights and memories that previous generations never got to experience but heard about from fans who were there for Forest’s magical run from the late 70’s to the late 80’s.

But instead, we faced a torrent of turmoil and the impact – mentally – has been huge on me. And no doubt countless others.

Is that ridiculous?

Of course it is … especially for me, given I have such a charmed life by all accounts.

However, the old Liverpool manager – Bill Shankley – once perfectly captured the impact a team can have on a fan when he said: “Football isn’t a matter of life and death. It’s more important than that”.

Now I’m not saying Forest are more important than my family, but it is far to say they feel like an extension of my family.

Over half a century they have helped define who I am and where I’m from.

They’ve forged memories and moments that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
They’ve created friendships and connections that are truly significant to me.
They’ve made me feel proud of the city I was born in and the team I support.
They’ve shaped my identity, values and beliefs about how the World game should be played.

Huge and important things and in return, I’ve given them time, commitment, money and belief.

I’ve stuck with them through the darkest of times.
I’ve celebrated them in the moments of glory.
I’ve travelled ridiculous distances to show my support.
I’ve got up in the middle of the night and early in the day to see them.
I’ve endured rain, sleet and snow to watch them get thrashed by lesser opposition
I’ve backed them, defended them and protected them when faced with unfairness or ridicule.
I’ve never wavered, even when they’ve tested my patience to the extreme.

It’s why I don’t ‘support’ Nottingham Forest, I am a member of them.

Admittedly not on the pitch, but definitely in terms of my thoughts, choices and considerations … which is why seeing them do so badly for so much of this past season, was like watching a loved one go through major illness. Where you’re there for them, but you wish you weren’t.

Not because you don’t care, but because you do.

Too much.

So there every moment of pain and discomfort destroys you with a similar ferocity.

Yes, I appreciate most of the players don’t come from Nottingham.
Yes, I appreciate all the players earn more than I could ever imagine.
Yes, I appreciate most of the team would move without hesitation in certain circumstances.

But while they play for my club, they are my family.

It’s why when they were going through their constant run of losses, it started to harm me.

Changed my mood.
Impacted how I behaved.
Affected how I was feeling

It’s also why, when they found their spirit – even if they lost the game – I experienced feelings of hope that were completely disproportionate to the reality of the situation.

Because when you support a team, the reality is it gets conflated with who you think you are.

Or hope to be.

Your hopes, dreams, ambitions and possibilities.

So, when they fail, you feel you’re failed too.

In terms of who you are, who you can become and who you give your time, love and support and time.

It’s a level of attachment that – if it was with a human – would be deemed as highly problematic.

Which helps explains why – despite the club taking a massive step backwards over the previous season – Forest fans are incredibly happy we will be in the top tier for another year.

Not simply because we love Forest, but because it means our ‘fan delusion’ can continue for another season too. Where all the hopes, dreams ambitions and possibilities we have for the club’s future represent the hopes, dreams, ambitions and possibilities we have for our own future too.

Because sometimes, it’s less about achieving our goals as much as it is knowing they haven’t been erased.