Filed under: Brand Suicide, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!
Look at this ad for Dior.
WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING!
Yes … I get held in a certain way a lipstick can look like a cigarette.
Yes … I get cigarette’s are addictive so it ties in with the name of the product.
But I’ll say it again, WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING?
Maybe long ago smoking was regarded as glamourous. But now, it is pretty much universally seen as being ugly and certainly not good for your health or your looks.
And let’s be honest, being associated with a product that can kill you is hardly the smartest move for any brand.
Which all means that the person who approved this should be fired and the people who pulled it together should be shot.
Seriously, when marketing is this fucking stupid, is it any surprise business leaders thinks our discipline is a crock of shit?
Filed under: Brand Suicide, China, Chinese Culture, Comment, Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Embarrassing Moments
So recently I saw this poster …
Yes, I know this poster is appearing in China – a land that has an almost indecent fascination with Panda’s – but come on, what the fuck were they thinking?
In all honesty, when I first saw it, I thought it was about domestic violence.
And what the hell is with that ‘custom blending is now completed’ rubbish.
Blending?
BLENDING?
It’s about as subtle as a 14 year old kid with an erection while wearing lycra shorts.
Now I know I have all the fashion sense of a pig.
I know I’m about as current as a bowl of trifle.
But the people behind it need to know something.
It doesn’t matter care how artsy you’ve tried to make this poster look … if you go out with this make up on, you will get you laughed at, not fawned over – even in a country that thinks walking backwards and dressing like this is perfectly normal.
Look, I know you work in an industry that seems to revel in the ridiculous, but please stop with the pretentious bullshit … you’re not fooling anyone and you’re just embarrassing yourselves, not to mention the idiots who are so desperate for attention, they think this is cool.
God, I feel so much better now. Thank you.
Filed under: Corporate Evil, Crap Campaigns In History, Embarrassing Moments, Marketing Fail
I’ve written a lot in the past about celebrity endorsement.
While there are some great examples, there are – sadly – far more terrible ones.
While many happen in Asia – where Hollywood stars sell their credibility for millions of dollars in the knowledge that no one in their ‘home markets’ will ever see them, there are a few who make the sort of bad choices that makes Halle Berry’s post-Oscar film career look good.
Yes, I’m talking about that Gerard Butler bollocks for Hugo Boss.
But – and it’s a huge but – as terrible as that is, I’ve seen something worse.
No, I honestly have.
It’s so bad that it liberally covers the celebrities, the brand, the agency and the creatives who wrote it, in a big pile of shit.
And they deserve it.
Every last shit stain smelling nugget of it.
What’s surprising is it involves Mr Smooth … George Clooney.
Sure, he’s made some bad ads in his time, but this demonstrates an astounding lack of judgement.
Mind you, given the ad in question is for the brand that he has happily let undermine his reputation for years – Nespresso – it can be argued he is getting everything he deserves.
But there’s another celebrity in it. Jack Black.
While he was obviously hired to add some ‘pizzazz’ to a script suffering from terminal cancer … this once fresh, quirky, infectious ball of energy ends up looking like a man who’d appear in a bukkake video if it helped him make this months rent.
I know he’s not had the sort of success he enjoyed in the early days of his career, but surely things aren’t that bad?
Seems they are.
Why else would he – and Mr Clooney – agree to appear in an ad that is so crap, so nonsensical, so utterly lacking in charm, humour or interest that it makes Sarah Palin’s recent endorsement of Donald Trump look Oscar worthy.
No really.
And don’t get me started on the creatives behind it. Or the client.
If anything shows how some people think society is full of stupid fucks, it’s this.
Personally those responsible should be rounded up and charged with creating a weapon of mass insulting.
Christ, why haven’t the shareholders of Nescafe rioted?
Why are they OK that a company they have invested their hard money in, blindly chucked millions of dollars away on creating filth like this shit?
And the mad thing is Nespresso is a good product.
Sure, no one really needs it … but then no one needs an iWatch and that hasn’t stopped people going out in their droves to put it on their wrists.
For a company to go to such lengths to make a quality product – a product to change a category – and then market it in such a patronising and humiliating way must be devastating for those involved in its creation.
As much as you may think you know how much I hate this ad, I assure you that you don’t.
It literally makes my blood boil.
It’s horrific in every single possible way … right down to the clients obvious desire to make ‘What Else’ a cultural colloquialism, despite the fact it means nothing, could be for anyone and is utterly, utterly shit.
It represents the worst of this industry and the worst of clients standards and expectations.
Meaningless.
Unimaginative.
Contrived.
Simplistic.
One-dimensional.
Lazy.
Passive.
Beige.
Patronising.
Forgettable.
Ignorant.
Amateur.
I honestly hope every person associated with this shit has diarrhoea for a lifetime.
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, I present you with this giant cup of turd …
Filed under: Cars, Crap Campaigns In History, Insight, Planning, Unplanned
Late last year I wrote a post about the horrendous advertising Toyota are doing for their Camry in the US.
I talked about how it was attempting to be deep and meaningful, only to be undermined by a crap execution, especially when it’s for a model of car that is renowned for its sensibleness. I don’t mean that in a negative sense … but from the perspective that it’s a solid, reliable automobile and trying to ‘sex it up’ ends up alienating rather than inspiring.
Well, as you can see from the pic above, Toyota don’t give a shit about what I say [and who can blame them] because it appears they’re persevering with this car crash of communication.
What is it with Toyota ads and balloons?
Is it because they are both full of hot air?
And why have the owners seemingly happy to be walking towards a balloon that looks like it’s fallen from the sky?
Probably for the same reason they’ve walked off and – judging by the lit instrument panel – left their keys in their car with the engine running.
Who are these people?
I’ll tell you who they are, they’re bloody idiots.
Bloody idiots with a sexual fetish for hot air ballooning.
And what is it with that headline?
“It’s The Stops That Inspire Us To Go”.
What?
WHAT???
Apart from it being some z-grade Yoda bollocks, the fact is you can see the cars GPS is on so the happy-go-lucky couple featured in the ad aren’t some spontaneous couple, going wherever life takes them, they’re a couple of balloon groupies who planned … PLANNED … their trip.
In fact I’d go one step further.
They’re a couple of balloon groupies who chose to drive to a remote part of nowheresville to pollute the clean air with their bloody car fumes.
I wanted to say this is a perfect example of why focus groups are dangerous, but the thing is, I don’t think even a research model designed to ensure communication is bland and meaningless could have approved this.
But then, if not them, who … because the alternative is even more scary.
What’s going on Toyota?
When you say ‘Let’s Go Places’, do you mean ‘go to the bottom of the advertising barrel’?
Seriously, you’re better than this.
Your agency is better than this.
And humanity certainly is better than this.
Sort it out, because this cannot be working for you.
Toyota Corolla: For balloon fetish, air polluting fools who leave their keys in the car. With the engine running.
So a few months ago, I flew Swiss Air for the first time.
To be fair, it was pretty good … but the thing that got me was the poster in Zurich airport before I took off. This poster …
Look, I get Switzerland is full of beautiful scenery.
I get Switzerland is famous for very expensive, highly engineered, watches.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO SEE A PHOTO OF A PLANE THAT LOOKS LIKE IT IS SECONDS FROM CRASH LANDING INTO A DESOLATE MOUNTAIN RANGE.
No bloody wonder their logo looks similar to the bloody Red Cross [yes, I know the real reason, so ssssssh] because based on this poster … they’re saying their pilots fly like fucking lunatics and you may crash and need saving.
From a mountain.
In the snow.
I totally understand most airline ads feature generic photos of a plane in the sky, and showing a plane inches from hitting a mountain peak in the middle of absolutely nowhere definitely differentiates them from the masses, however – and it’s a relatively important ‘however’ – I don’t think it does much for them in terms of audience appeal.
Then it doesn’t do much for promoting the ‘precision’ of their very expensive watches either.
Mind you, given Zurich is so horrendously boring, maybe a plane crash would add some much needed excitement to the country. Maybe.