The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

While there are some great examples, there are – sadly – far more terrible ones.

While many happen in Asia – where Hollywood stars sell their credibility for millions of dollars in the knowledge that no one in their ‘home markets’ will ever see them, there are a few who make the sort of bad choices that makes Halle Berry’s post-Oscar film career look good.

Yes, I’m talking about that Gerard Butler bollocks for Hugo Boss.

But – and it’s a huge but – as terrible as that is, I’ve seen something worse.

No, I honestly have.

It’s so bad that it liberally covers the celebrities, the brand, the agency and the creatives who wrote it, in a big pile of shit.

And they deserve it.

Every last shit stain smelling nugget of it.

What’s surprising is it involves Mr Smooth … George Clooney.

Sure, he’s made some bad ads in his time, but this demonstrates an astounding lack of judgement.

Mind you, given the ad in question is for the brand that he has happily let undermine his reputation for years – Nespresso – it can be argued he is getting everything he deserves.

But there’s another celebrity in it. Jack Black.

While he was obviously hired to add some ‘pizzazz’ to a script suffering from terminal cancer … this once fresh, quirky, infectious ball of energy ends up looking like a man who’d appear in a bukkake video if it helped him make this months rent.

I know he’s not had the sort of success he enjoyed in the early days of his career, but surely things aren’t that bad?

Seems they are.

Why else would he – and Mr Clooney – agree to appear in an ad that is so crap, so nonsensical, so utterly lacking in charm, humour or interest that it makes Sarah Palin’s recent endorsement of Donald Trump look Oscar worthy.

No really.

And don’t get me started on the creatives behind it. Or the client.

If anything shows how some people think society is full of stupid fucks, it’s this.

Personally those responsible should be rounded up and charged with creating a weapon of mass insulting.

Christ, why haven’t the shareholders of Nescafe rioted?

Why are they OK that a company they have invested their hard money in, blindly chucked millions of dollars away on creating filth like this shit?

And the mad thing is Nespresso is a good product.

Sure, no one really needs it … but then no one needs an iWatch and that hasn’t stopped people going out in their droves to put it on their wrists.

For a company to go to such lengths to make a quality product – a product to change a category – and then market it in such a patronising and humiliating way must be devastating for those involved in its creation.

As much as you may think you know how much I hate this ad, I assure you that you don’t.

It literally makes my blood boil.

It’s horrific in every single possible way … right down to the clients obvious desire to make ‘What Else’ a cultural colloquialism, despite the fact it means nothing, could be for anyone and is utterly, utterly shit.

It represents the worst of this industry and the worst of clients standards and expectations.

Meaningless.

Unimaginative.

Contrived.

Simplistic.

One-dimensional.

Lazy.

Passive.

Beige.

Patronising.

Forgettable.

Ignorant.

Amateur.

I honestly hope every person associated with this shit has diarrhoea for a lifetime.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, I present you with this giant cup of turd …